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For a giggle, read Tony Shaw in The Age today and try to find a line of consistency in his code of acceptable behaviour on a footy field.

Daughters: off limits! But wives, girlfriends and mothers - go to town! (Even though I grudgingly concede they deserve respect (Just not from me)).

Drugs: slag away! But once they cross the (blurry) line into addiction... Not a word!

"Racial and religious vilification is off limits due to AFL policy." (And for no other reason!)

Oh, and the crowning testament to Shaw's infallible logic:

"Headland, facing a six-game suspension, walks free on charges relating to something that was adjudged not to have happened. Weird, but I'm happy with that."

Tony Shaw, you are a cock.

Here's the link to Tony's rant.

I read about the first two paragraphs of that before chucking the paper away, wondering why anyone considers Tony Shaw an authority on anything. The man's a boob and the only reason 3AW and the Age can have him on their payrole is because he was a Collingwood identity (amazing he's not at the Hun) and provokes debate arguments.

Most things he says border on the idiotic, followed by a ridiculous yeah-no-style disclaimer.

Here's a sledge: I didn't know he could write.

And at least he's not as stupid as Shaw-wee.

Oh, I thought it was perfectly fine to sledge so long as you claimed to be deeply hurt afterwards...

That's Part D, Subclause iii of the Players Code of Spin.

It's back to the future all over again in the cricket tonight. Australia 348 and now the bowlers are getting carted.

Top shelf Mozzing by me yet again as NZ collapse to be all out for 133.

I wouldn't say sexuality is totally off the agenda. I'm sure it's still alright to be homophobic to the max - but in a Tony Shaw-esque twist only to people who aren't publically gay.

My money on the next sledging scandal is Houli from Essendon copping it for being muslim.

My favorite "sledge".

The "anglo" australian cricketer spinning his wheels out of the carpark while shouting "youse are just a bunch of spics and wogs" after his team were trounced by said bunch!

Best sledge I've heard was on a soccer pitch. Opposition had a big fat guy playing central defence - didn't stop whining all game. Towards the end we were winning 4-0.

"Don't worry lads" yelled fatso to his mates "we'll beat them easily back on our home ground".

"How's that then?" asked our centre forward "Does your home ground make you four stone lighter?"

I confess I never really progressed beyond a simple exposition of the extra-marital proclivities of the batsman's mother. Seemed to do the trick at the time. Good thing I never wound up playing footy for the Fremantle Dockers.

At last a productive use for this blog instead of terrible puns, mean spirited sports commentary and thick-tongued reviews of films no one else will ever see.

Yes, it's time for AGB to host the "choose the national sledge" competition. We need a way of putting down and tripping up our sporting rivals that's as universially recognised as as true blue Aussie as our national anthem and flag...OK, bad analogy.

But Australia is globally appreciated as a nation of rich invective, profound profanity and inventive insult. And if youse flash as as a rat with a gold tooth commentators here can't come up with the national sledge, then I dispair of this great and well girted nation's future.

It's your call here Tony but I suggest a matter of such nation-building import deserves its own post. And perhaps a few guidelines eg:
- the National Sledge should not be pommycentric. There's plenty of other countries out there we also need to have a go at;
- it should be short and sharp and so capable of being delivered by a mass audience in coherent unision;
- it should contain more consonants than "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi";
- it should be bloody funny;
- even when pissed; and
- it should fit on a bumper sticker or coat or arms.

Think of it as a impromptu verbal Haka delivered from within the Great Southern Stand at utterly inappropriate moments.

Discalimer: I was drunk when I wrotre this. I hope yer drunk whille reading it.

Fred Schepisi's sadly neglected sporting comedy "Mr Baseball" has some great moments of baseball sledging and on the field mind games.

"You got any naked pictures of your wife?"
"Would you like some?"

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