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That takes balls.

Not enough cabanossi on his pizza?

They should rename the restaurant Mangina.

From Pole to Polless.

Maybe he just wanted to leave a tip but was feeling overly generous?

Here's a tip: don't cut your dick off unless you really mean it!

"Doc, what do you mean it doesn't grow back? What are you trying to tell me?"

New French cover band - Zizzi Chop

And they reckon Australian immigration tests are draconian!

The Pole now being fully assimilated into English culture he can now sing with pride:

"For he might have been a Roosian,
A French, or Turk, or Proosian,
Or perhaps Itali-an!
All.
Or perhaps Itali-an!

But in spite of all temptations
To belong to other nations,
He remains an Englishman!
He remains an Englishman!
All.
For in spite of all temptations
To belong to other nations,
He remains an Englishman!
He remains an Englishman!

When South Africa win tonight, I will feel this man's pain.

Time to start the numbing nick. I've just started a bottle of Wolf Blass Cab Merlot as an apéritif. Sadly I've run out of beer but the vodkas on ice and there's plenty of Beam and Coke to last the night.

I've just dimmed the lights lit 12 candles, said a pray to St Jude 'hope of the hopeless', and have got the kids to draw scenes of Australia's greatest cricket victories and have suggested a diorama of the '99 Donald/Klusener head implosion.

This is either gonna be a great night or a massive headache in the morning. The game is on free-to-air isn't it?

Hey Tone. Rise and shine man. Wakey wakey hands off snakey. The game's afoot. This is the big one. How about a pre-match analysis.

What a dick.

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