T. BREAK

Time for contemplation.

One of the stupid aspects of modern cricket, apart from batsmen touching each other's gloves, is the need to cram back-to-back Tests into the schedule.

Not for the players, mind, they're getting paid a small fortune to strut their stuff and the likes of Sir Shameless Cricket OA, KPMG, MCG with Gum Leaves wants to play everyday anyway, but for the fan. Do cricket's nabobs realise how much emotional energy your rusted-on cricket fan puts into watching the caper? No sooner had the Gabba Test finished than the SACA test was off and, well, if not running, then jogging along. Sure, the First Test was a flogging and four fifths of the Second Test considered a dud by many, but by 7:00 Croweater time most of us tragics would have been well and truly thrashed out. Now at least there's a ten day break until the WACA Test, so we've a chance to take a breather.

One thing is apparent from the SACA Test. If one Test can change course so dramatically, so too can a series. The overwhelming majority of public opinion is that England are shot ducks. Admittedly, last night it looked as if Laurie Levy was ready to dump their sorry carcass on the steps of Parliament House. But Australia need to either win one more Test, or draw two. Easier said than done. Yes, yes, yes, we are in the cover-driver's seat, but as Strauss's unlucky dismissal proved, you only need the tinniest piece of bad luck and everything can go boss-eyed. Any of you stepped on a ball lately?

Lid. On. It.

Other than that, there's not too much to say that hasn't already been well said in the recent brilliant comments threads. I mean, apart from Carrot. "Am I the only Australian who's disappointed here?" Like, duuude! You're an Aussie in Engerland. Remember last year? Remember the gloatage? The smugosity? The Gongs? The Red Bus Parade?

EXTRAS

Cooley Dooley: Yesterday Lee and McGrath were tailing the ball beautifully. Is Troy Cooley some kind of magic talisman?

Boiled Lolly to Chocolate: Les Burdett.

Bucknor & Koertzen: Can't agree with Clem. We've had some shocking umpiring over recent years, but apart from a couple of glaring examples, Morgan and Rudy have so far done a bang up job. Rub of the green, right Boycs?

WACA: I'm not about to speculate on the team for Perth. What is more important is to work out a nickname for Stuart Clark and a better nickname for Michael Clarke - Pup is stupid. Nicknames are also required for any potential Test player. Hungry Jaques is a given, Haddos for Brad Haddin is traditional and Larry Tait works for Shaun Tait. For me, anyway. Not forgetting Mitchell Johnston and Shane Watson. Watto just doesn't work for me.

Tabermory: Guess which paper? It wasn't The Times.

Comments

[Snr Nubi]

Hmmmm, where to start!! I can't really add much to the comments posted in the last 24 hours, agree that the nicknames need work however. Need to get to work on Clark & Clarke, Watson too as the selectors really want him.

Shane Watson surely isn't 'The Doctor' and Clarke, well the best I can do is 'Pools', as in Clark Pools which is perhaps a starter for Stu Clark.

[Tony.T]

Seeing both Clark(e)s are test cricketers, they're bound to be ... errr ... "active" off the field. One of them, the younger one most likely, should be called Rubber, as in Clark Rubber. It's the age of safe sexual practice, afterall.

[Living in Canberra]

I believe Stuart Clark goes by the nickname "Sarfraz" apparently because his runup resembles that of the Pakistani. Hussey needs to ditch "Mr Cricket" ..."Shameless" is much better.

[Tony.T]

Then I hope Stuey doesn't carry bottle-tops in his pockets.

[chrisl]

So there we were moving second-hand bricks and we found some Olympic bricks. I asked the work experience kid(VCE next year) how old the bricks were...... he thought... and thought some more....51!!!
We were listening to the cricket so yes it is on-topic.

[rachy]

I know absolutely SFA about cricket apart from the fact that Shane Warne is a tosser, but if I sent that picture to some English friends would that totally rile them?

[13thMan]

Rachy, they'd have seen it already - it's from The Sun (do I win the prize, Tone?).
And Warnie's a spinner, not a tosser - that's Murali, Akhtar, H. Singh, that young jaapie kid, the list goes on. Of course, with no Hair to point them out, no-one will be a chucker anymore.

[The Green Man]

Re nicknames...

Well Nubi I was also thinking medically re Shane Watson's nick - although I would have plumped for plain "Doctor" as opposed to "The Doctor" which has Tardis connotations all over it.

Although one could move a little Edward do Bono-ey and go for "Elementary" as his nick as well...

As for Michael Clarke... "Hammer" (as in MC) is certainly a bit lame but I am doing this on zero aclohol.

Larry Tait seems a trifle bewitching and although it certainly fits, if people start talking about "Hungry" I will wonder if KB has come out of retirement and donned the whites. Dad's Army indeedy!!

Tait "Gallery" anyone??

And "Rubber " for Stu Clark seems a good 'un, although again we could go further and use "Eraserhead".

No I haven't been smoking anything either TT

:-P

[The Green Man]

13th Man... I don't think I read it in here somewhere (well I hope anyway!!) but apparently Chucker Meckiff and Col Egar - the ump who outed him for chucking - are drinking buddies now...

And Egar reckons that Meckiff's action would now be legal with the 15 degree nonsense.

Ahh well...

[Scott Wickstein]

Aye I'm with you on the whole 'lid' concept. I know it was an astounding win, but they celebrated a bit too hard for my liking last night.

If there's anything to celebrate, it will be worth celebrating on January 6.

When I take power and declare the Dictatorship Republic of Australia, I'm going to run cricket myself, and the schedules are going to run like this.

1st Test, Brisbane, 1st week in December.
2nd Test, Melbourn, Boxing Day
3rd Test, Sydney, 2nd January
4th Test, Adelaide, Australia Day Long weekend
5th Test, Perth, 2nd week in February.

That gives plenty of time for both sides to rest and recover, and for any meaningless ODI games to be played, while serious fans can rest and recover.

[woody]

Nickname for M Clarke:

"Jammy Paris Hilton lookalike bastard who enjoys batting below Punter and Hussey, against a weak attack on a total road"

Tone, I'll leave it to you to shorten it if you feel the need.
Tait, as stated by the green man, would have to be "Gallery" if it wasn't for the fact that Ponting would be clueless about the connection.

Re: back to back tests

These are a disgrace and offensive to true cricket fans. Test matches are to be enjoyed and then slowly savoured. Additionally, from a fitness perspective - and I'm speaking as someone who's seen the odd episode of ER - they kill bowlers, especially on your hard drought-ridden soil.

Re: Red bus parade.

Your on a sticky wicket here, Tone. If memory serves Alan "Mr Charisma" Border and his triumphant 1989 team were given a ticker tape parade after a massive, what, 7 years without the ashes??

Finally, English fans let out a collective "What the fuck!!!" when the ECB let Cooley go. Absolute folly. Anyone who can have McGrath nearly reversing it at 30mph with his 89 year old limbs is a genuis.

[Yobbo]

You can't have cricket in Perth in February. Everyone will die.

[13thMan]

The Green Man: yeah, I saw that somewhere on the net. I think it was an article about some programme on Aunty, some time this week - to be really imprecise. Didn't see it, so can't be sure. I love the way the ICC just changed the rules to retrospectively clear Murali. The fact that, anatomically and physiologically, he can't straighten his arm is meaningless. Does that mean if I shatter my elbow and it's set outside the parameters, I can embark upon a bowling career secure in the knowledge that I have a free pass? He was a cheat then, and he's still a fucking cheat now. And Ranatunga's a fat little cheating fuck. So there.
And 'Gallery' is a gem. How about 'over-rated pretty-boy' for Clarke?

[Carrot]

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to see the result reversed or anything, and I can certainly relate to Mr Z's remarks from earlier about each win a wrong righted and all that; I certainly felt that way about the West Indies for awhile before they became the shambles that they are. I don't care if we belt the South Africans and the Kiwis within three days every time we play them either.

But the sense of pathos at the end of the Oval Test was just something to behold, and the camaraderie between the two sides was quite remarkable. I've never felt that there was much gloatage anyway; everyone at work saw that I was gutted by the end of it and were quite tactful. Even the guys at my cricket club were good about it; what everyone said was that it was such a great series, NOT that it was great that England won. I got MUCH more gloatage after the Rugby World Cup.

What I'm saying is that it's a bit of a shame that we're probably going to win 4-zip or 4-1 now, just like the "good old days", because we're no chance of seeing the above again.

And I have to say (maybe it's just because I live here and quite like the place), that I'm not without my sympathy for the English support, not to mention the English side. Yes, they batted and bowled appallingly on the last day, and yes, they didn't deserve anything better. But WHAT a gutting result. There's losing, but then there's... that! Those pictures of Freddie looking just BROKEN tell the story for me. This is much, much more telling result than Edgbaston.

BTW, I think the umpiring was actually very good. Strauss, Harmison and Anderson got bad decisions, but the amount of very good decisions that went their way towards the end was phenomenal. It seemed like we were appealing every second ball! I thought Morgan Freeman umpired particularly well when Warne was bowling too.

[13thMan]

Regarding the umpiring: we experienced similar last year. Piss-poor, defensive cricket always invites poor umpiring decisions. When you attack, you pretty much make your own luck - when you defend like the Poms did on Tuesday, you set yourself up time and again - and eventually, you'll suffer for it.
Sorry Carrot: but there's no point just winning. I come from a martial arts background, and I always told my students what I was taught: don't stop until your opponent is finished. Don't allow them time to regroup psychologically or physically. Grind them into the ground. It's the same with Ashes cricket: always maintain the pressure (as we still have to do now). A close win does more for the Poms than us, allowing them (after a few days) to think 'almost - next time we'll do better' - crushing losses impede their mental state for next time.
And last year I felt sick to my stomach watching the Poms celebrate as if they'd won a war. Buses and MBEs all round. Fuck 'em: it should take more than one close fought series win to earn that, so let's make them pay for it now.

[Clem Snide]

Official nicknames have long been standardised by the Royal Navy, so absolutely no imagination is required there. Thus Clark and Clarke are presumably nicknamed Nobby and Nobbye, although Smithers and Blingo would be more descriptive.

Note that it doesn't take great umpiring skill to turn down endless vexatious lbw appeals for balls pitching a foot outside leg, or hitting the batsman above the knee roll, or missing the bat without making a woody noise. Although the umpiring is better than last year, the howlers keep happening at crucial match-turning moments, and there's often a string of them in the one innings. What's more, they consistently favour Australia. I wouldn't mind if English bowlers were blatant chuckers, but they're not, they're merely crap, and they don't deserve any additional handicaps beyond those they create for themselves.

[Carrot]

Hey, I don't remember saying that it wasn't a good policy to win and win well. I don't want to take anything away from the Australian side, it was a magnificent result, and the result of some very, very good cricket. I just wanted to see some better cricket from England to at least go somewhere towards matching it, and was disappointed when it didn't eventuate, from a purely objective standpoint.

And I still don't buy the umpiring argument. Strauss got a bad one. Harmison and Anderson don't really matter. Not from the point of view that because they're tailenders they don't count, but from the point of view that the game was virtually over when they came in. There was enough going on that they could have been out several times each before they went, and let's not forget that we got there with three overs to spare; that's why they weren't crucial decisions at match-turning times to use Clem's argument.

[Carrot]

Hey, I don't remember saying that it wasn't a good policy to win and win well. I don't want to take anything away from the Australian side, it was a magnificent result, and the result of some very, very good cricket. I just wanted to see some better cricket from England to at least go somewhere towards matching it, and was disappointed when it didn't eventuate, from a purely objective standpoint.

And I still don't buy the umpiring argument. Strauss got a bad one. Harmison and Anderson don't really matter. Not from the point of view that because they're tailenders they don't count, but from the point of view that the game was virtually over when they came in. There was enough going on that they could have been out several times each before they went, and let's not forget that we got there with three overs to spare; that's why they weren't crucial decisions at match-turning times to use Clem's argument.

[Yobbo]

Clarke isn't overrated. Ponting was considered the best teenage batsman since Bradman, and Clarke was considered the best since Ponting.

He's a lot more talented than his test career so far suggests. Underperforming, sure. Overrated, not likely.

[Yobbo]

And Australia got a ridiculous number of bad umpiring decisions in the last ashes series. Martyn in particular got about 3.

[13thMan]

Having a vague connection with Clarke, I can tell you that he's not averse to rating himself. He has enormous potential, but let's see some more of it first - early signs are good, but let's not get carried away. I also understand that he hasn't had too many chances to show us lately, so I hope he fully avails himself of these.

[Tony.T]

Re: Red bus parade.

Your on a sticky wicket here, Tone. If memory serves Alan "Mr Charisma" Border and his triumphant 1989 team were given a ticker tape parade after a massive, what, 7 years without the ashes??

A parade, Woody? Yes. Ticker-tape? No, I don't remember any. We like to keep the lid on these things. Nor were there any red busses. Just open-top cars.

And it was four years. (1985 -1989) At around 7 years without the Ashes we start contemplating banning the game.

You've been over there too long, Carrot, you're getting soft. You've gotta start heckling your colleagues. Your country demands nothing less.

"the howlers keep happening at crucial match-turning moments"

I'd slightly modify that, Clem. The howlers ARE the crucial match-turning moments. But so far there have been less than there have been before. Still, it's only two Tests, there's plenty of time yet for the umps to get things back on track.