NOLEDGE NATION

Kevin Donnelly, Straya's favourite/unfavourite educationalist depending on which political party you barrack for, was in yesterday's Australian banging on again about our dumb youngsters. Now, it's true many of my students "are unable to read, write and think" - you should see some of the illiterate scribbling I have to negotiate - but with the assistance of a red pen you take that in your stride. Some are actually quite intelligent. No, what puzzles me is that even the clever ones know next to rock-all about STUFF. To them, I'm a proper genius because I know a mile is longer than a kilometre, or that Augustus was the first Roman emperor, or that the Miami Dolphins play in the NFL, or that Sweden is a type of vegetable. It's astounding what little they know in the way of facts, places, history, dates, THINGS. Yes, the argument's always been whether or not you need to know knowledge, but when one student said to me this morning "Tone, it would be good if England won a test" I knew how Sysyphus felt.

Comments

[13thMan]

Being a particularly pure kind of bloke, I've never had syphillus. How does it feel Tone? Some of mine are bloody bright, too - but as far as general knowledge goes, it's hearbreaking how little they know, isn't it? The bonus is, you can look like a God for so little effort. Of course, the ultimate approbation seems to be "You could win Temptation, why don't you go on that?". I find the biggest temptation is that of avoiding making shit up, because I know that they'll believe me.

[Tony.T]

That's uncannily similar to me, TM, although they also throw in Miwyonaire, too. My reply is always the same: "But I'd just win."

But. I've found the newspaper trivia section a huge bonus for class management. As soon as they lose focus and look set to start fucking about, I just say "Where's the trivia?" Someone grabs it out, we do it as a class, and then they're back to bidness.

[The Editor]

You idiot, Tony. Sweden's not a vegetable. Everyone knows that, when combined with Sour, it is a type of sauce popular in Chinese cuisine.

[Tony.T]

What, you mean like Sesh One? But hang on a tick - that's not cuisine, that's cooking.

[13thMan]

Yeah - I like to inform them that if I went on, and won as would be a certainty, I'd then be forced to retire. Then where would they be?
Oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensues...

[Tony.T]

Quick! Who won the 1986 Upper Great Southern Football League goalkicking?

[Drano]

A student once asked me, "Where are you getting this from?", meaning the arcane knowledge I found concealed on the front page of a newspaper.

[Tony.T]

That could be the nub of the problem, D. I'm not sure any of these lads has ever read anything that wasn't called FHM, Alpha or Zoo.

[os]

I would go Ross Ditchburn

[nick]

I am sure your students know a lot about stuff that is relevant to them - i.e. the members of the crusty demons, latest boy bands, jessica simpsons dogs name etc...

I am equally sure that this is irrelevant to employment prospects.

General knowledge will have a different meaning to different generations...but after 12 years of state funded schooling, the pupils should be literate and numerate.

[Tony.T]

Os: Nope. As it happens, the following year I played against Ross Ditchburn at Fremantle Oval in Westfarmers Countryweek. We (Great Northern) won, before going on to win the championships, beating South West in the GF.

Nick: Very true. There is A LOT of Crusty Demons, Pearl Jam, Bimbo Of The Week stuff they know. Some are literate, others almost numerate.

[13thMan]

Last year, I had a Y9 boy submit an English essay written entirely in 'tag'. He wasn't impressed when I demanded a re-written translation (although, apparently the Kiwis are going to allow SMS to used in finals this year). He literally could not write any other way, and in the end had to type it out on a PC. far too many of my students are similarly - albeit not so badly - afflicted. If I ask for a paragraph on anything, the immediate response is the crashing of chairs as they all stand to head for a computer lab. This is followed by dire threats and imprecations when I point out that I want them to write it by hand. Many of them can barely hold a pen anymore. Of course, under the prevailing philosophy, I am clearly failing them, and should offer them the option of performing the required paragraph via interpretive dance.

[os]

Bugga. Not a bad guess but. I've just gone to the brains trust (Repacholi in Kondinin, Eastern Districts) but he's out shifting field bins. I give up.

Hey, it wasn't Sam Ward was it? Or his bro? Hmmm, hmmm, might to be too long ago for them ... what about Sam's old man?

[Tony.T]

TH: To paraphrase Mel Brooks, that sounds like "Authentic Teen Jibberish". I also often wonder if any of them were ever taught to properly present anything. Some of them seriously ask whether or not they can submit scribbled notes as homework. At least the private school kids put their name on their work.

Os: Nope. It was a blogger. Sam Ward's brother (John) played in this year's premiership for Kukerin-Dumbleyung in the Upper Great Southern. Bit of a gun, apparently. As is K-D and the now disbanded Lower Great Southern. They are massively successful for such a thinly populated area. Must be something in the water.

[Yorkshire Soul]

I thought Lindsey Tanner was your favourite education spokesman at the moment, didn't he call Shane Warne "an embarassing example of Australian anti-intellectualism" or something similar ?

It is a shame though when our sports stars, who are so highly thought of in other aspects, are dumb are as dumb as sheep. In this I would include 99% of all footballers, but I had thought cricketers were on the whole somewhat brighter, it's a shame to read that a man like Warne would boast of never having read a book.

[Yorkshire Soul]

As regards text speek, one of my waiting staff sent me a text which contained the word "cunt".

When I had some harsh words for her she explained that this was actually a cut down version of the word "couldn't".

[os]

Ahhh, how ignerint of me, is it the mighty Teach hisself?

http://aftergrogblog.blogs.com/agb/2004/01/surge_to_merge.html

[chrisl]

Tony: Those questions look suspiciously like the quiz from the Herald-Sun.(The most thought provoking thing in the whole paper)

[Francis Xavier Holden]

So Tone - you keep teaching because it's the only place you can find idiots who think you are clever - and you get paid for it.

hang on - you ARE clever then.

[Yobbo]

Ross Ditchburn didn't play in the UGSFL (narrogin league) until 1989 or 1990, before then Kukerin were in the GSFL (katanning) league.

Best game figures: 20 goals, 0 points vs Narrogin Towns.

KDFC 40 goals to Towns 9. Isn't that who you played for Tone?

[Scott Wickstein]

I liked it when the English had an Anglican bishop in the middle order. You don't see too many Anglican bishops playing cricket these days.

[Tony.T]

Mike: It's that old question inn'it? Is it possible to be both an intellectual/academic and a professional sportsman?

Os: It was indeed me.

Chris: they were indeed yesterday's Hun trivia which we did in class. Except for the Swedish one, of course, that was a little over their heads.

FX: Pretty much right all round.

Yob: Yeah, I know. I played for Towns in 1986 and we won the flag in what was then the Upper Great Southern Football League. (Wickepin, West Arthur, Towns, Railways, Wagin, Williams, Pingelly, Lake Grace, Boddington). K-D left the Central Great Southern Football League (Is it still called that?) in about 1990, by which point I was long gone. Thankfully.