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We've had to listen to a couple of NZ sports programs at work. Aside from the continuous meaningless commentary, they have a huge chip on their shoulder about Australia. It's probably their favourite subject - 'Why we are not like the Australians.'

This argument - considering the way Aussies have a chip on their shoulder for the British, the Americans, and just about everyone else - is, of course, absolute bollocks.

That'd be chup, Tum.

Aaaannd that's just about used up my quota of Kiwi pronounciation "jokes".

We've had to listen to a couple of NZ sports programs at work

See what happens when you have no union. Cruel and Unusual punishment.

More's the point - WHY?

Occupational hazard - have to type up various radio transcripts for clients.

It makes a nice change from those Jon Faine transcripts, let me tell you.

I've got you for a Lindy Burns type of guy, Tim.

*Cough* *Splutter*

Yeah, that's about her. Cutting edge isn't her long suit. Favourite dinner smells, fevourite beach shoes, favourite holiday destinations with populations less than 1000.

Or am I thinking of Dick Stubbs?

Now there's a name made for radio. God, they're all awful - mostly I have to put up with Neil Mitchell, who is bad, and Faine, who is worse. Lindy barely gets a look in, and Stubbsy almost never.

Lindy Burns is so bad with her wholesome, hockey sticks private school sports captain outlook that it almost makes me wish that inner suburban snob Virginia Trioli was back.

In the UK, Sky force us to endure the inane rantings of Beefy, Willis and Holding - bland, bland, bland. Only one remotely interesting is Atherton. 10 years of being McGrath's bunny and no mental scars - outstanding!

The radio is much better - Agnew, Vic Marks and others - although when they are doing the ashes from Oz some guy called John Howard seems to barge his way in every now and again.What was his batting average??

Time to bowl up a few Colemanballs I think.
http://www.compsoc.man.ac.uk/~heth/funnies/coleman.html

Welcome to the robbers squad. Whooomp

Hey, you got an library fine Frankie. Middle of next week's good for paying it if you're in town around then.

Scrotes, toe rags, and familiar faces sometimes need a whooomp personal introduction to Inspector Y. Pages.

Woody, Beefy, Willis and Holding are stunning bores. I swear Bob makes me go to sleep on the spot. It's fortunate he's on the telly and not the radio. Listening to him while driving would be deadly. Mikey is an utter waste of space. Has he EVER said anything enlightening? When he cracks that Hair is a goose we should at least be thankful he has ONE opinion, even if it's a wrong one. Beefy is both a bore and a wicked barracker. We have our bores here, sure, but no commentator is as flagrant a cheer leader for Australia and Beef is for England. My secret pleasure is Nasser Hussain. What can I say? I like him. Sorry.

PS: Bill Lawry is Nine's go-to guy for hype and ... well, for the sake of the argument, let's call it excitement. Bill only barracks for Victoria.

I was chatting to a retired dee just the other day about how the constabulary will cope now that they're phasing out the hard-copy phonebooks and making us all use the website. His response was that they never really did that with phonebooks anyway.


Apparently the vehicle registration books were far more effective.

>What is it that makes the Kiwis feel the need to sound so hip?

they think it means "hep"

Now we really have fulfilled the KPIs.

(Kiwi Pronounciation Indicators)

Smuthy = ubsuloot tosser

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