WE GOT FIVE YEARS, MY BRAIN HURTS A LOT

Channel Seven are finalising their commentary team for the next five years. Judging by the names chucked around today it will be pretty much as you'd expect - same shit, different bucket.

Cometti in mix

CHANNEL 7 will decide within the next two weeks whether it will try to poach Dennis Cometti from Channel 9. Perth-based Cometti, widely regarded as football's top match-day caller, is out of contract with Nine in December.

While some rival network's callers will be considered, Seven boss Ian Johnson said yesterday the station would reward loyal staff such as Tim Watson.

Johnson said planning meetings over the next two weeks would identify its football personnel for the next five seasons.

There's no point bitching about Bruce, we're just gonna have to grin and bear him. Grim and bear him, more like. I've decided I like Tim Watson on the radio, but I can't remember what he's like on the telly. He's got a goofy smirk, doesn't he, but he should be OK. Seven would be bonkers not to go after Cometti. Gary Lyon isn't too bad, bit of a suck, but he'll probably stay at Nine. Hopefully Brian Taylor will get a go. Hopefully Clunt Grabarse won't. Wayne Carey, I can handle. Dermot, I can't. Wayne Shwash, as Kevin Bartlett calls him, is good value. Craig Hutchison is an OK host, but he's a terrible commentator. Fuck me if I didn't see Basil Zempilas with David Schwarz on Sunday morning. Basil's a dick, and Schwarz a loud-mouthed oaf. Dwayne Russell can take his "paint" and fuck off. No idea what Chris Mainwaring is like - is he still doing the Kino, or Lotto, or whatever? Sandy Roberts? A pompous dickhead. Seven have Paul Salmon tucked away somewhere - he's just fucking awful. Dipper, anyone? Matthew White's a hipster fuckwit. Jo Whatserface, Gary Sweet's ex, as a boundary rider?

So you see, some good, most bad, roughly the same. In general, an appalling lack of depth.

But let's not beat about the undergrowth. Seven will have to hang their hat on Friday night. Every footy-fan in the land is waiting to see if they fuck things up. Hopefully they won't. They could start by axing Nine's stings. You know, the trailer-trash rock that takes us to and from the ads. Mind you, if on that very first telecast next year Bruce blurts out something like "Footy's back home!" there'll be trouble.

By the way, anyone think Nine won't have the footy in 2012? You fools.

PS: Check out Noreen's amusing blue take on TV footy. She's right, too, which I suppose makes me "thick, ill-educated and innumerate". Unlike the pundits, though, at least I know I am. (I thought they called it footer over there. They did in those stupid comics I read as a kid - "Wotcha, Nulty, footer t'morrah, yeah?")

Comments

[girtbysea]

I hope they pinch Tiffany Cherry. As a matter of fact I would like to pinch Tiffany Cherry.

[Tony.T]

If they get her to do some bona fide footy work - good. But if they get her to do the boundary riding, they shouldn't bother. That role's a waste of time which I'd do away with on the spot.

[donny. C]

The most piss-annoying trend over the recent years has been the introduction sequences to the game.
Over-produced, over-acted piles of shite.

'A true warrior does not fall...' begins the wanker narrator, to the tune of Gladiator or Terminator or some sweeping overture.

IT'S A GAME OF FOOTBALL FOR FUCK'S SAKE

[Tony.T]

Don't forget Channel Ten's amusing array of graphics and stats - loose ball hards, get loose balls, hard ball wides, no balls.

And Robert Walls.

Quarters: "Great goal! Rob?"

Walls: "It was."

[carneagles]

Remember Steven Hooper? East Freo ruckman, No.1 draft pick for Geelong, sank without trace in the AFL? Nah, me neither. But he's still revered here in WA for the day when he flattened that squid Basil (who was rucking for West Perth) and punctured his lung.

I agree about the boundary rider position. All they do is guilelessly repeat the lies told to them by club doctors, anyway.

[Tony.T]

Basil was a player?!? Strikes me as a right squib. Sure it wasn't Ella Hooper.

[ThirdCat]

Francis Leach.

[ThirdCat]

By which I mean, that would be good if Francis Leach was on my tele. Not that I think it's going to happen (is he still on Fox? We don't get Fox. And we haven't got a DVD either).

[Tony.T]

He was on the arvo shift on Sport SEN, but he went over to one of the music stations. It's that one with Dave O'Neill and Kate Langbroek. Or the other one - Vega? I used to like Franky, but in the end he got a bit much. He's got one of those professional laughs they're so fond of at ABC radio.

[Tony.T]

Not denying he doesn't know his sport, though. He's full bottle on soccer, footy, cricket and lots of other stuff. Nor is he a jock, so that's a bonus.

[Adsy]

"...and then one of the retired player-pundits (who clearly thinks that in his day, he was far better than any of these overpaid people who will actually be playing today on the pitch, instead of sitting in a glass room above it, going on and on), will pipe up and give it a bit about how they should actually play the game,and where everyone should stand, and how the players should pass the ball to each other and get it to the opposite end to put it into the goal"

Sam Newman anyone?

[carneagles]

Brad Hardie

[Tony.T]

It's a pity so many football "personalities" have to resort to "entertainment". Footy when well covered doesn't need shtick, just sensible attention with a dab of natural humour. The phrase "dubious comedy stylings" was probably coined to describe the fatheads who call sports.

Noreen hits on my major gripe with sport. That is, it's not so much sport that gets me riled, but the shysters, fatheads, blowhards, dipshits, know-nothings, wannabes, bigheads, braggarts, issue-mongers, vested interests and outright cunts who cover it. Draw your own conclusions as to where Hardie and Newman fit that bill.

[Gareth]

Far be it for me to defend Basil, but he's actually a nice bloke!

[Pedro the Ignorant]

Basil played for West Perth, aka the Garlic Munchers, therefore by definition he is a mong.
Once a mong, always a mong.
It's a caste thing.

Barra will elaborate on request.

[os]

But Pedro, Dennis Commetti also was a Garlic Muncher ... a "falling leaves" style full forward, then later the coach.
Ahh to hell with it; you're right, once a mong, always a mong.

[Tony.T]

I prefer West Perth fans to East Perth fans. Those Royals supporters border on the retarded.

[Gareth]

And completely feral. They are the WAFL's answer to Collingwood at Victoria Park.

[Tony.T]

I was at a Munchers vs. Royals game in 1985 at Perth Oval when the Munchers fans got right into the Royals ferals, they were bloody funny, too - the EP fans were not. But the old Daily News wrote it up like the Muncher fans were a bunch of out of control hooligans, whereas it was the EP fans who were just plain embarrassing.

[Vindicate]

C'mon how can ya go past the commentator wot never played the game, I speak of James Brayshaw naturally - an ordinary caller with all of about 6 phrases in his repertoire to explain what is goin on, but fuck me if he can't put some shit on BT and Lyon, that South Australian laddie has a fuckin funny way with words I tells ye, damn good value.

Oh, and the footy show gets better and better each week as well.

[Big Ramifications]

Dwayne Russell can take his "paint" and fuck off.

That's funny.

Er. Couple of observations to run by youse all:

** The Dermie / Cometti mutual ass-kissing society. Anyone? Anyone?

Sheesh. Get a room, you two.

** You reckon a lot of the commentators don't have much time for Dr Peter Larkins? The number of times they cross to him on the boundary and he's not ready... I dunno... seems like too much of a pattern. It's almost like they're watching for him to be distracted when they ask for his opinion.

** I think "Quarters" has twigged that Robert Walls is completely full of shit, and is starting to play games with him. One exchange recently went something like:

Quarters: And how about that game 3 seasons ago where he got, what? Seven goals wasn't it, Robert?

Robert: [authoritatively] Yes.

Quarters: Actually, it was eight.

Ha ha. Love your work Quarters, if that was intended!

[os]

Memo to all retards, the name is spelled "Cometti".

And bloody memo to Vinnie - JT isn't a Croweater, he's a Sandgroper (father Ian "Sticks" one of the best 3 or 4 Shield players never to get the baggy green, who can forget 10-44 in one innings against the mighty Vics?).

Stop trying to steal our shit.

Subiaco supporters are the most knowledgable and pleasant.

[Vindicate]

JT? Who's he - JB and BTs love child?

[os]

ahh bugga, I'm going doolally ... I meant JB = James Brayshaw.
I've been off the grog for 2 days and it's affecting me pretty badly.
I'm going to try to hang out for 3 days then I will have (sort of) equalled TT's feat.

[Tony.T]

Biggy Baby, I had a good listen to Dermie and Den on Friday night and while they certainly slurped each other, they disagreed on just about everything that happened on the field.

Mind you, it's not hard to disagree with Dermot.

"You can excuse Mark Williams. He would never have lined up on the mark in the backline."

[Big Ramifications]

Bugger. I thought I was onto something.