There is the impossible - winning arguments on the internet, for instance. And then there is the very impossible - like turning to an exact page first time. Do you experience this problem? You need to read page 70 but - "100, 80, 74, 72 ... 60? What that fuck! Stupid book!" Your mood invariably turns sour as the book skips from the page before to about ten pages after. It's a disturbing set of affairs. A packet of antique Limits to anyone who can come up with a workable solution.
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Either commit your entire library to memory. Or just wait for Google to do it for you.
Posted by: gav | 18 January 2006 at 14:49
I think your frustration stems from high expectations (magically expecting your selected page to appear almost at random), and poor motor skills from your less abstemious times....
Digital books are the way to go.
Posted by: nick | 18 January 2006 at 14:59
And then there is the very impossible - like turning to an exact page first time.
A similar set of circumstances can arise when you are posting updates.
Apparently.
Posted by: Dirk Thruster | 18 January 2006 at 15:29
My bad. I should pay more attention to the post titles.
Posted by: Dirk Thruster | 18 January 2006 at 15:31
um... a bookmark?
Posted by: donnyC | 18 January 2006 at 17:03
The solution is to read a book which does not have a linear narrative. If modernism is your thing, try Joyce. Or T. S. Eliot. That way, no matter which page you turn to, it's still meaningless guff.
Otherwise, you could find a collection of short stories or essays. Even if you land on the page in the middle of one of these things, the beginning and the end won't be too far away. I actually find this is an excellent way to read some books, and can recommend beginning on Frank Moorhouse's 'The Inspector General of Misconception'.
So, are my bikkies in the mail?
Posted by: TimT | 18 January 2006 at 18:20
The trick to getting a book to magically fall open to the page you want is to not think about it.
It's a bit like the watched pot that never boils...
Trust me this does work and it's always a fantastic surprise when it does.
Posted by: karlos | 18 January 2006 at 21:04
I work on a two method basis. First one, primitive, crude but effective. Dogears. Second way, concentrate on the page. Will it to open. Yell at the page. Then revert to method one.
Posted by: CB | 18 January 2006 at 21:41
"Skill"
no, no limits for me, thanks. i'm a no-limits kinda guy.
Posted by: Saltation | 19 January 2006 at 00:03
I tell the page that always falls open in the right place.
Yellow Pages > Escorts > Every Hotel Room In Australia.
Posted by: Russell Allen | 19 January 2006 at 00:39
Russell has a point. If you want to revisit that page, it's for a reason. So chances you've been to that same page many times before for that reason. So it should fall open at that page. If it doesn't, then clearly you never lingered lomg enough over it in the first place. So why revisit it then?
Oh-kay, getting a bit metaphysical here. Back to basics. If it's a good page that you think you may feel like rereading, then tear it out and keep it about your person. Of course it may read a bit funny out of context, so then perhaps it's best to tear out the pages on either side as well and keep them about you too. Of course they then may read a bit funny out of context...
Y'know, now I think about it, turning down the page in question might work just as well.
Posted by: Nabakov | 19 January 2006 at 01:38
um... a bookmark?
Posted by: donnyC | 19 January 2006 at 14:40
The Limits are still up for grabs, but consolation prizes abound:
Gav: Kevin Trudeau's Mega Memory Kit.
Nick: Boolean Algebra, The Musical.
Dirk: A year's supply of Roundup glyphosate-based herbicide (with lemon zest) courtesy of Monsanto and the boys in the front bar of the Charters Towers Hotel.
TimT: A crate of chardonnay with complimentary rice crackers.
Karlos: A jackal.
CB: A pair of dobermans.
Salty: A subscription to Extreme Knitting Monthly.
Russ: Penthouse Blacklabel the hardcover version, of course. And a coke mirror.
Nabs: The x-rated version of the ONJ filmclip Let's Get Metaphysical. The one with the naked ids.
Donny: A bookmark (You knew it was coming, didn't you?) signed by the cast of Caddyshack II.
Posted by: Tony.T | 19 January 2006 at 15:23
Could you wrap my prize please? Last thing I want is a pissed off postie bearing angry dish lickers.
Posted by: CB | 19 January 2006 at 21:40
I'll feed them first, if you don't mind. You'll be pleased to know they like endangered species best. Like Blue Heelers actors, and Australian tennis.
Posted by: Tony.T | 19 January 2006 at 21:50