Just saw an odd thing up in Box Hill. A very fat man, 40 some years old, driving a lime green, late eighties Mazda 323. Looked like he was wearing the car. Oblivious to the fact he may need the jaws of life to get out the door, he shovelled McDonald's fries into his pie-hole. That was with his left hand. With his right, he tapped the wheel in time to his sonic-boom stereo. If that's not grotesque enough for you - he seemed unwilling to let a mere mouthful of fries prevent him from belting out a more-than-usually gruesome version of The Eagles' Peaceful Queasy Feeling. Hardly the latest thing in supercharged doof doof. Wish I had a camera and a strong stomach.
Update! Limits are diet biscuits - doubtless everyone knows that.
Some particularly piss poor bogans just refuse to die.
Posted by: peemil | 17 January 2006 at 20:31
T,
You see all sorts of things in Box Hill.
Regards
Anthony from Chippendale...formerly of Box Hill.
Posted by: Anthony from Chippendale | 17 January 2006 at 21:14
P: As he drove off I started humming Heartache Tonight.
A: Ever owned a late 80s 323?
Posted by: Tony.T | 17 January 2006 at 21:38
Anthony's already said it, but yeah, that's Box Hill for you.
Posted by: Tim | 18 January 2006 at 09:27
Possibly the fries were washed down with a Diet Coke?
"Yeah, I'll have two Double Quarter Pounders, a super size fries, an Oreo Mcflurry, and a large diet coke please"
Posted by: gav | 18 January 2006 at 09:54
That was one thing I loved about being a pizza slut, back in the day. Overweight single people ordering a two-pizza-plus-garlic bread meal with a bottle of diet pepsi. Concerned about your weight? Don't order the fucking pizza!
Some people just aren't real bright.
Agree totally regarding Box Hill. Only ever been there whilst in transit, but some rather disturbing examples of humanity (neanderthality?) present.
Posted by: jair | 18 January 2006 at 10:42
Why did you have to ruin the pun, TT. It was going to hit me in about 2 weeks time when I was in aisle 6, Coles.
Posted by: Russell Allen | 18 January 2006 at 12:27
Russ: While Limits were very popular way back when, it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't seen them in ages. Do they even still make them? So an explanation seemed in order.
And to be fair to Tubby, he may not actually be from Box Hill, he may only be passing through. From Ringwood to Richmond, say. We have plenty of fat freaks here in Tigerland.
Posted by: Tony.T | 18 January 2006 at 12:54
Limits diet biscuits used to be the Receptionists Friend. Keep them in the drawer for those frequent days when a lunchbreak is out of the question. They have not been on the shelves for some time. Possibly had some carcinogenic ingredient, or were taken over by WaitWatchers and shut down so more people would gain weight.
re Box Hill: I was there once at 4am on NYE (foolishly dropping a friend home from the city) and regained consciousness with the Burwood Highway asphalt piercing my head, after a speeding drunk wrote off both cars after hitting mine. Watch out when at the corner of Elgar Road.
Posted by: Brownie | 18 January 2006 at 13:30
As it happens, Brownie, this bloke was at the lights at the Elgar Road / Maroondah Highway intersection. In faaaaact, he looked very much like the kind of guy who would have driven drunk on NYE at four in the morning. There is a very good chance it was the same bloke.
Posted by: Tony.T | 18 January 2006 at 14:26
Aren't all late 80s 323s lime green?
In Alice Springs in the late 80s/ early 90s all the morbidly obese creatures drove Suzuki Mighty Boys. I don't know if they ever took them off or if they wore them permanently.
Posted by: Dirk Thruster | 18 January 2006 at 15:36
Gav,
That's like people who have bourbon & diet coke!
Posted by: Anthony from Chippendale | 18 January 2006 at 21:16
"bourbon & diet coke"
Really, people actually drink that? Sounds like clove cigarettes for the liver.
Posted by: Nabakov | 19 January 2006 at 01:44
Gav,
That's like people who have bourbon & diet coke!
I have witnessed that myself, and more recently bourbon & Coke Zero. Personally I would take sugar any day over 'spartame and acesulfame potassium'. Who knows what'll happen when you mix that shit with alcamahol and pretzels.
Posted by: gav | 19 January 2006 at 10:50
T,
Maybe you could order the "Box Hill" version for your mate in the 323 - http://www.homeshirt.com.au/homeshirt_au/index.aspx
Not sure if they come in 11XL but you could always ask.
Posted by: Anthony from Chippendale | 19 January 2006 at 11:47
Do they still put the "excessive consumption may have a laxative effect" warning on aspartame products? And did anyone ever experience said effect?
Posted by: carneagles | 19 January 2006 at 11:56
Yo, Anfernee! 'Sup, bro?
Posted by: Tony.T | 19 January 2006 at 15:58
Anything with diet coke MUST by association, be disgusting.
I didn't know what aspartame was - now I do. I'm reminded of that old Sesame Street tune about poison that ended "Baaaaaaaaddddd stuff!"
Posted by: Tony.T | 19 January 2006 at 16:03
Okay, here's the inner city equivalent. I am on my bike. Bored. Looking through windscreens at an intersection. Friday. Hot.
There's a woman in a very large bimmer, young, heaps of makeup, with a mobile phone.
She was weeping. I just KNEW what was going on.
So here's a cultural no-no. Do not break up with your partner on a mobile phone when you are driving.
Posted by: david Tiley | 22 January 2006 at 20:03
If you took a photo, David, I'd post it, to rub things in.
Who owned the car, I wonder?
Posted by: Tony.T | 22 January 2006 at 20:15
Sorry, I forgot - Heartache Tonight?
Posted by: Tony.T | 22 January 2006 at 20:41
I think you should be more respectful to people with weight problems. It may not be there fault, it may even be genetic, like being black or gay or a mormon.
Besides, with all the food they eat they help keep the economy well feed.
Posted by: Dave | 23 January 2006 at 13:15
Ok, I promise not to laugh at genetic porkers. Not loudly, anyway.
I reserve the right to laugh at ANY Mormon.
Posted by: Tony.T | 23 January 2006 at 16:03