The Hun is a shocking cheerleader. Just look at their front page the Wednesday after Lleyton Hewitt struggled to beat Czech nobody Robin Vik in the first round of the Aussie Open.
Can't remember precisely what the little writing says, but it's something along the lines of what's inside: "LLEYTON Hewitt has conjured one of the greatest comebacks of his career to keep his Australian Open dreams alive." Shrill rubbish, of course.
The Tuesday night post-match article was a more measured affair. "Hewitt scrapes through in five sets," read the headline, before going on "AUSTRALIA'S top player Lleyton Hewitt has narrowly avoided a shock first round exit at the Australian Open with a comeback five-set win." That's more like it.
The heavies at the Hun must have thought that a little too dour and decided to spice it up. By the following day they'd swung into action with the bullshit above. There was a back page spread, too.
I don't have a problem with Hewitt, he doesn't excite me either way. So he plays some superb tennis. So he's a bit of a turd. So what! What DOES annoy me is the way the Hun barracks. That they act as Hewitt's fan club newsletter is to be expected, I suppose, from a paper that's become little more than a tedious celebrity rag. If there's one good thing to come out of Hewitt losing, it's that we've been spared a frenzy over Lleyton, Becs and baby.
There's another benefit, too. Leapster in the Sunday Age:
YOU can probably be deported for saying this by now, but the green and yellow clad urger squadron with the pre-packaged chants at the tennis constitutes a viable alternative to conventional pharmaceutical sleep remedies. Whatever waters your petunias, I guess, but when the budgie-garbed mouth militia are on screen, it’s awfully hard not to think about that scene from The Life of Brian, where an unruly mob, chanting as one and as if hypnotised, professes, "Yes. We. Are. All. Individuals." If I had to cite one reason I don’t go to the tennis any more, I already did.
Who knows. Maybe the Hun, like me, realise this could be Hewitt's last chance to win an Aussie Open. Here's MY big prediction, for what it's worth: Hewitt will NEVER win another grand slam tournament. The game has gone past him.
The little pissant is crying himself to sleep as we speak on a bed of cold, hard cash. Oh why is life so unkind?
Sporting hero, my hairy ass! Over-hyped, over-egoed jackass. Marginally more interesting than that other notable tennis fuckwit, the Poo.
/rant
Posted by: CB | 22 January 2006 at 22:04
Do blokes play tennis?
Oh.
Posted by: Dirk Thruster | 23 January 2006 at 05:25
He just doesn't have the talent of the boys in the top five right now. Look at Federer - boring as hell, but a genius. And Roddick - manages to play well (although not this year) even when lumbered with a nickname like "A-Rod".
Posted by: Tim | 23 January 2006 at 09:38
I loved how the media did such a dramatic pivot after his breakthrough US Open win. During the tournament after that incident with the linesman, I can recall one paper (I think it was the Australian) getting stuck into him bigtime with a feature-page article on what an arsehole he is. A week later, he's the toast of Australia. Fuck off he is.
I can't wait until he does one of those Energizer battery ads. Hopefully it'll be the kiss of death for his career that it was for both Chang and Rafter.
Posted by: carneagles | 23 January 2006 at 10:30
Is there tennis on?
Posted by: Scott Wickstein | 23 January 2006 at 12:20
What a stain, complaining about the court speed. Same courts for all players. He game is pus nowadays!! Twas great to see the Argie bloke beat him...hahaha
Posted by: Smoc | 23 January 2006 at 13:40
Hewitt's both a good tennis player and a goose. But I agree the court was too slow. Let's go the whole hog and fill Laver Arena with clay.
Posted by: Tony.T | 23 January 2006 at 14:01
What about retro tennis? Play on grass at Kooyong. Get Marlboro to sponsor the tournament and get Peter Landy and Garry "Wilko" Wilkinson back in the commentary box.
Posted by: Anthony from Chippendale | 23 January 2006 at 19:19
Here's a thought. Why don't we get a ball machine and serve balls at little Lleyto that have been set on fire at 300km/h?
I'd say one every second should do it.
Posted by: CB | 23 January 2006 at 19:30
Wouldn't Heath Ledger be good casting for "C'mon! The Lleyton Hewitt Story"? Or vice versa.
Even before I finished typing that sentence I could already hear some foul minds at work here.
Posted by: Nabakov | 23 January 2006 at 22:27
Anthony: Shudder. I hope Peter Landy and Garry "Wilko" Wilkinson won't get a sniff of the footy.
CB: Not just for Lleyton, do it for everyone.
Nabs: Especially the vice part.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 January 2006 at 16:54