IGNORANCE WAS BLISS

Used to be I hadn't seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Now I have. All of you people who said I'd like it were wrong - what a steaming pile it was!

If you haven't seen the movie, count yourself lucky. But on the off chance you're down the video shop, contemplating a big mistake, here it is in a nutshell:

Jim Carrey and Kate Winslett hook up; she dumps him; their brains are washed in a colander; their memories are erased; repeat.

Mind you, if that's your thing, fill yer boots. But better you put it down quick sticks and go grab The Life Aquatic instead.

Over at Rotten Tomatoes there are 206 reviews of Eternal Dumbshine, a bare 14 of which are negative. Apparently teenagers are now reviewing movies, the impressionable cretins. What's the bet many look back in 10, 20 years and groan "What the fuck was I on, maaaan?"

Comments

[gav]

18yo bro and his girlie consider it their favourite movie and nagged me for months to watch it with them. Finally did and wasn't at all impressed. Only positive for me was it's the only movie where I consider Ms Winslett shaggable.

[Tony.T]

Shaggable? More like shakeable.

18 year olds with girlies are doubtless the target audience.

[girtbysea]

on an unrelated topic, should I or should I not buy a talking boonie ?

[Tony.T]

Well, don't they come gratis with a slab of VB? Apparently they're so fucked they're funny.

[boynton]

I haven't seen half of it. So I'm halfway lucky I guess.

[Tony.T]

I'd prefer Hancock's Half Hour. Or It Ain't Half Hot Mum.

[pat]

Yes Tony, thankyou, thankyou so much. I thought I was the only one in the world who hated that movie. By the end I was a shaking, quivering mess wanting to kill Winslett and Carrey or at least their characters. If only I could erase my memory of it - you have brought it all back.

As for The Life Aquatic - brilliant.

[Tony.T]

A">http://www.eternalsunshine.com/reviews/ladailynews.html">A review:

That the premise of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" seems somewhat grounded in reality - not to mention humanity - makes it something of a departure for screenwriter Charlie Kaufman, the meta-master behind such films as "Being John Malkovich" and "Adaptation." Not everyone will agree, but I'd say "Sunshine" is Kaufman's best work to date, an amazingly complex and yet strikingly affecting look at love, life and memory that gives us one of the great movie love stories ever told.

Meta-master? As it happens, I hate "Being John Malkovich", too.

[Major Anya]

Thanks for that, Tony. I have heard similar things about the movie. Often movies critics say are great often turn out to be rubbish. I have Hancock's greatest on DVD. I am a huge fan of The Bedsitter.

I did see an excellent DVD on the weekend called Elephant. It's by Gus Van Sant and it's an extraordinary film.

[Tony.T]

Critics AND young people, Anya. I am comfortable in my impending codgerhood.

Love to Ringo, by the way.

[pat]

I always (for some reason) get the title confused with The Unbearable Lightness of Being, being, being! another shizehaus flick. Beware of movies with "being" in the title or if any of the characters drive a VW bug. I think someone drives a bug in ,i>Donnie Darko as well.

[Tony.T]

How about Being There? That's a fillum I liked when I was 21, but I haven't seen it since. Or The Importance of Being Earnest - the Redgrave version, of course. And because we only recommend the true classics here - Are You Being Served? The Movie.

[pat]

Being There *could* be the exception that proves the rule. As for Oscar, extreme pretentiousness needs to be exterminated with extreme prejudice. I always advise the street kids to beware of people quoting Wilde. If they approach - flee.

[Tony.T]

"Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said .... etc."

Yes, of course it bloody well was, you goose!

You just know the person saying it got the quote off TV, or a list of great quotes. Bloody unlikely they got it from the book/play.

[Pedro the Ignorant]

O/T also, but I scored a Boony from the pub and the bloody thing has sat there in front of the TV for two weeks and all it has ever said is "The lucky word is 'cheers'". Once.

Since then, silence.

I think Boony has been on the piss.

[Tony.T]

Sounds piss weak!

Heaps of punters keep ringing up the radio stations to tell about what a dud it is. The things either say just one thing, or never shut up.

They've also been known to scare the kiddies.

[pat]

Lefty dinner guest:"Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said - Fox hunting is the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible!"

Host:"ha ha ha ha ha ho ho ho ahh oh well said, chortle" ::motions to valet hiding behind the curtains to release the hounds::

[Tony.T]

That's when you call their bluff - "No. No it wasn't. It was Mencken." And watch to see if they know where you're coming from.

[pat]

LOL. I'm gunna try that one.

[Tony.T]

Of course, if they DO know who said it, you can always go "Haaa, you hesitated!" and throw the antipasto at them. Especially the artichoke hearts "drizzled" with olive oil. Frightful stuff.

[pat]

This talk of Wilde reminds me of a Flying Circus sketch. Rather amusing.

[anne]

Well, I loved it. But then I'm notoriously immature.

[Mél Mauresmo]

Ca va, Anne? Melbourne it is tres chaud, but I said 'ello to TonyT, like you ask.

[Tony.T]

Still resolutely off topic:

NEWK DISGRUNTLED

"It's actually what I consider legalised cheating because one of the great senses that you have on a tennis court is your ability to hear the ball come off your opponent's strings."

-- Australian seven-time Grand Slam winner John Newcombe wades into the great Maria Sharapova grunting debate.

Care to comment, Mél?

[anne]

Merci, Mél. Tu as beaucoup de chance de l'avoir vu.

Didn't Monica Seles used to shriek everytime she hit the ball?

[Russell Allen]

Can I wade into the 'Maria Sharpova wearing clothes is putting everyone off their tennis' debate. The sooner she disrobes, the better the game will be as a whole

[Nabakov]

Well I thought "Eternal Sunshine" was a very good short film. Just a shame it was an half hour story packed into an hour and half.

And re the Newk comment. I've never heard anyone else say that listening to the twang was so important. And I've known quite a few people who knew what they were talking when it came to tennis. It really is such minor point, especially now with these instantly tuneable, technology passed on from aliens, wifi rackets. I reckon he's just looking for an angle to get him some attention and so a commenting job now that his brand name gear and tennis ranches have faded and the alimoney payments and yacht mooring fees are starting to bite.

Disclaimer: I played an exhibition doubles match against Newk and another guy once and I thought he was a right prick. Mind you, he probably thought I was a right brat as well. Not too shabby a service though, could really move well for a big, lanky and ageing guy but a pretty crappy backhand under pressure. He really hated and couldn't handle moonballs on that side.

Actually now I think about it, "Eternal Sunshine" should have been a great 15 minute movie. Unlike the "The Life Aquatic" which makes you feel like you're watching a home movie with much more going on off screen.

[boudica, baby]

The Seu Jorge soundtrack on that was bizarre

xxB

[boynton]

one of the great movie love stories ever told...
Well, yes, if Kate Winslett's character had fallen through the ice on day one it might have rivalled Love Story.

[Brownie]

Jim Carrey has not been funny since he worked for the Wayans Bros 'In Living Color'.

Jimmy Connors was the first grunting server and he got roasted for it. I found the grunting far less irritating than Mike Williamson's idiotic and verbose commentary which actually put me off TV tennis for life.

[PB]

"The Life Aquatic" was the most turgid, pointless, self-indulgent and utterly spastic waste of celluloid I've seen in many a day- not just a waste, but a total destruction of over two hours of my life. I intend to get even by shortening Bill Murray's by an equal period.

[PB]

"The Royal Tennenbaums" was bollocks as well- how do these fairy fucks get funding?
It's not as if there's a branch of the Australia Council in LA (or maybe there is).

[Tony.T]

You're right about The Royal Tennenbaums, what a misfire that was. But you're wrong about The Life Aquatic, you swine.

[via collins]

halleluhah!

ESOSM drove me bonkers from go to whoa - and yet it seemed so "right on" to list it as best of film of whatever year it ruined.

how many posts would you need on this thread for Rotten Tomatoes to take notice, and credit Aftergrog as a reviewer? Redress the balance now, you crazy American critics!!!

[Steve]

For some time, I have been meaning to compile a list of movies everyone else seemed to love that I just didn't get - at all. Not the ones in which I can grudgingly see the appeal to some people, just not me. (Eg, I could see how the black humour of Pulp Fiction would be "cool" for some, just not me). I am more interested in the ones where I have no idea at all why they attained critical or box success. (Actually, undeserved box office success annoys me more, as I like to think the population at large can be smarter than critics.)

Anyway, here's some on the list for starters:

Chariots of Fire: a truely pointless story, in which slow motion running on a beach to some dramatic music meant box office bonanza.

Singing in the Rain: routinely cited as many people's favourite musical, I find this incredibly slight and charmless. (As opposed to the very silly charm of the best Fred Astaire/ Ginger Rogers stuff.)

Fargo: nothing offensive - just incredibly ordinary but incredibly lauded critically and a box office success.

Forrest Gump: I can watch it without running our of the house, but really what was was its point? Dumb guys who are loyal and kind are winners - except that they can end up alone and dead anyway? Always look on the bright side of life - which is also much easier to do if you are not the brightest spark on the block? I just didn't get it!

I am sure there are more that I can't recall now...

[pat]

Well said Steve. Pulp Fiction left me feeling like I was meant to be thoroughly entertained but actually feeling like cutting off all cinema goers ears who laughed at that scene to the soundtrack of Steelers Wheel: "that's funny is it, is it, IS IT?!" ::maniacally waving an entrance ticket::

The rest you cite: shithouse to the max!. Being a big Coen brothers fan I fail to see how Fargo got all that acclaim. It was extreme nihilism. Again, laughing at someone going through a grinder, wtf!

So many overrated movies, so little time.

[Tony.T]

I'm with you blokes.

Pulp Fiction was ok, but not great. Reservoir Dogs was confronting the first time I saw it, but at a subsequent sitting I didn't like it at all. As a spaghetti western freaker, I like the Kill Bill movies best of Tarantino's stuff.

Chariots of Fire is tedious dreck. Talking running fillums, I prefer The Jericho Mile.

I enjoyed Forrest Gump, but wouldn't rate it up with anything great.

Fargo would have to be one of the Coen's lesser films. I prefer Blood Simple, The Big Liebowski, Oh Brother and especially Miller's Crossing. MC is in my top 20.

I also loved Singing in the Rain AND the Astaire Rogers movies. But that's probably because I love Edward Everett Horton.

I'll give you another noxious and over-rated piece of shit - The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[pat]

Just realised it was Reservoir Dogs where the bloke got his ear cut off. The scene in Pulp Fiction when the young fella gets his head accidently blown off was equally vicious and nihilistic - and not funny.

I reckon your selection of Coen brothers stuff is pretty spot on but I'd have to add The Lady Killers. Great performances all round - especially, and controversially, Tom Hanks.

Rocky Horror - never seen it, never will.

[Tony.T]

Yeah, I assumed that's what you meant. No great fan of either. And I'm might sick of people going on about "dead nigger storage", the gimp, miniature violins, etc. Strikes me people are more interested in the bits and pieces rather than the films as a whole. Were there some good bits? Yes. Were they good films? Ok, I suppose, with lots of reservations.

I've not seen the new Ladykillers.

[Clem Snide]

Hear hear Tony, The Rocky Horror Picture Show was among the steamiest piles of crap ever foisted on an audience, even with the audience enhancements. I blame it on the presence of Australian luvvies in important decision-making roles.

And yes, Tarantino isn't hugely better. However his foreign imitators are much more talented than him - check out the Japanese "Shark Skin Man and Peach Hip Girl", the Danish "Pusher" and the Israeli "Clean Sweep".

But surely can there be any competition to "The Blair Witch Project" for the title of Most Overrated & Overhyped Film Of All Time? How they managed to spend $22,000 on it is a complete mystery to me. They must have spent it all on the catering, because it sure doesn't show in the film.

[Tony.T]

You know, I've never seen Blair Witch. But nor do I feel I'm missing something. I'll certainly check out those three films you mentioned, though.

[canadian_sadie]

You mean you actually attended a Jim Carrey film expecting it to be GOOD? Were you smoking crack at the time?

[A Summer Bin Liner]

Tarantino is vastly overrated. His films are like fucking comic books. All macho BS and no real storytelling skill.
Ooh let's fuck up the continuity - how er.... clever.
ESOTSM was kinda dull but I liked the chase through the memory.
Carrey shits me.
Winslet shits me.
Elijah Woods shits me. He looks better with hobbit feet.

"Blair Witch" is not worth the price of the DVD hire

Brazil - now there's a fillum. Fucked up, funny and full of angst. or...

12 Monkeys - Brad Pitt playing anything but some cute fag wannabe. Willis is terrific.

Flying High - 10 viewings. Still piss myself.