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But no matter how precise your pre-tipping stop-squeezing moves are, when you twist the little lid closed some sauce always squirts out.

Re BBQ sauce: any sane person uses HP anyway.

Yes, but that's when you pull off a piece of hand-towel and give the nozzle a wipe.

I think Heinz should invest millions of R&D dollars into producing a lid that doesn't cause post-squirt. They should then pass this cost onto consumers.

They are passing on the cost pre-post-squirt. It's good business, you know.

You're supposed to lick the end of the bottle. That's how you keep it clean.


It's the ferals behind pie shop counters that insist on putting my sauce INTO the fucking pie that gets right up my goat. Individual sauce packets are the invention of the gods.

Who puts BBQ sauce on anything but marinading steak?

They also the squirt sauce onto the sausage rolls and pies and then PUT THEM INTO THE BAG! Thus delivering a smeary mess with half the sauce stuck to the inside of the bag. The swine!

Individual packets? Big tick!

Right on! then there's the double dunk of the dip chip, the blowingout of the cake-candles, straws from public dispensers with the fingerprints of others, and NEVER purchase nuts or unwrapped confectionery from bulk ladle type containers, or packaged food from weird foreign countries - have I mentioned the chicken carcase impacted into the crate of dates from Turkey? That experience causes me to now spend hours searching for dried Australian-grown apricots - why aren't there any? The re-packagers are onto us though, now they label turkish-origin dried fruits 'mediterranean' so their geography is appalling too. Oh I could go on and on. Think I need a pie.

With sauce?

Hey Brownie,

Australian dried apricots, damn nice ones too, can be got in Mildura from the ADFA shop, which when I first saw it I thought why does the australan defence force academy have a health food shop in Mildura, but it turned out to stand for Australian Dried Fruits Association.

I will get you some next time I go there if you like (March).

A mate and I pulled up outside a pizza shop late one night, hopped off our bikes and - there it was right in front of us : A pizza. Still in it's box with steam coming out the side. And the wheel print from a car right across it's middle. We didn't question why it was there, we just accepted this manna from heaven and sat in the gutter and gorged on the pizza. Here endeth the story. Amen.

The sauce bottle? Russell Allen is right. Lick it clean.

Road fill.

You bottle lickers are sick, Stick.

I feel your pain (madness?), Tony. That photo is not a nice way to start my day.

How do you know it's sauce? The previous user may have inserted the nozzle in his bottom, as I've been recommending condiment enemas as a treatment for cancer.

Speaking of madness, Anne - PB just compounded the problem. Jesus! Imagine getting a Tobasco enema. Feeeeeeeeeeeel the burn.

He really has a real talent for taking it that one step too far. The sad thing I just contemplated what the soothing feel of a plastic heinz bottle squirted in your blurter would feel like....not good I would imagine...remind to scrub my brain with Dettol, will you?

Hot ass-pie, anyone?

Tony- i thought you were off the sauce ??

Comestible. I love that word. Do you know you are the first person since Dickens to use it?

I think you have OCD, Tony. I'd hate to hear your opinion on toothpaste that's had the top left off and hardened.

Other than the first couple of comments, and of course in your post, no-one else has mentioned that brown sauce is not bbq sauce. BBQ sauce on a pie is totally filthy. Like dirtbox filthy. HP is the sauce of kings.

Tish and tosh, Russell. Mayonnaise is the sauce of kings, especially when combined with banana in a sandwich.

Do they have these in Oz yet? - could be the solution to all your problems......




I don't know how to do that fancy hyperlink thingy....

Come come now, surely you can all see that Worcester Sauce is simply miles ahead. All other sauces are passable, with the exception of mayonnaise.

I've only ever had it once. It was my fourteenth birthday, and we were on holiday in Nice, so we went to Monte Carlo for the day. Of course, we couldn't afford any of the food in a restaurant, so I had to buy this baguette from a dodgy bloke in a stripy shirt. I took two bites and hurled into the harbour. I can still taste the bloody stuff on the roof of my mouth from time to time.

All this reminds me of an ex workmate who, on returning from dumping a load in the toilets, would loudly exclaim "ooh that one stung like hell, my ring must look like the crusty top of an old bottle of tomato sauce". A charming image to share just before lunchtime.

CB wrote: "Who puts BBQ sauce on anything but marinading steak?"

I put it on everything. Every tried BBQ sauce lasagne?

Ah, such a pet peeve of mine, Tone! I make a mental note to never invite a person back if they leave my nozzle dripping like that. That sounded dirty, heh. As for sticking your sauce nozzle right in your food, that's revolting. Salmonella, folks. Christ.

Admittedly, BBQ sauce does make every Domino's Pizza tolerable

Comestible? TS is no comestiBLE, it be a vegetaBLE, the 5th vegetable according to G W Bush Mob assessing school lunch nutrient. and before anyone mentions ketchup, the difference is the improved ratio of tomayto per h20.

A funny thing is a ketchup bottle
First none comes out, then alottle
-Ogden Nash

Yes that does sound good James

" ...and the stay-clean cap with control valve gives you total control over where your ketchup goes."
Now that kinda talk gets me hot.

Shit a big brick, people! Your combined imagery is, quite frankly, appalling. It will be a cold and spiceless day in hell before I can ever bring myself to look, let alone touch, another sauce bottle. Crusty sphincters, barby marinade, barby wog wheels, barby lasagne, ass-pie, banana and mayo, rancid euro-mayo, toothpaste with the -- AHHH! -- top off, stingin' rings, dripping nozzles, Nabs getting a sauce-on. Is it possible to be more off the sauce than I was before? I am now off the sauce AND off the sauce.

Hmmmmm. Mayo and banana, hey? The idea has a strangely seductive quality.

I think it's high time you got back ON the sauce mate. Take your mind off the other dirty sauce.

Try it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Tell that to fast-food addicts.

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