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Whaddaya know! Berwick was one of the bad guy's ships - I definitely won't live there!

Oh. It's a Melbourne suburb.

By the looks of that map, Nelson's ship was one of the first in. What a fucking psycho.

That was the thing. "After me, boys! Let's have at 'em."

No word of a lie, I actually didn't know the first thing about Nelson before today.* This is actually quite pleasing in a way - fifty years ago, it would have been repeatedly rammed down my throat by the time I left primary school, like any good little subject of the Empire.

* Except for the whole business about kissing Hardy, of course.

Ah yes, kissing Hardy. Or was it "Kismet, Hardy"
I prefer the radio play version:
Nelson: Kiss me, Hardy.
Hardy: Kiss yer wot, sir?

It's a brilliant era for reading about. Check out C.S.Forrester, Patrick O'Brian, Alexander Kent, Richard Woodman, Dudley Pope and Frederick Marryat. Marryat was, in fact, a sailor back then.

For me the best stories are the Hornblower ones by Forrester, and the best literature are the Aubrey/Maturin ones by O'Brian. (They are the Master and Commander books).

Well, what are you waiting for? The shops are still open in Perth.

I didn't know Milligan served as a signaller on an RN escort frigate.

Was Nelson the first British football hooligan? With his 'F$£"ing come on ,lets have it you f!£"$ng deigo, wop bast$£ds' attitude, and then his attitude to his own troops 'stand, fu$$ing stand britain, anyone fu!&ing runs I'll have their fu"£$ng guts for garters, you sl"£gs'
He did actually say those words but it has been lost in translation over the years.
Its sounds just like the English fans at the World Cups in Spain,Italy and France and looking into my crystal ball Germany aswell( thats next year but I will put money on English fans rioting)
Nice to see you Aussies showing a bit of respect to your ancestors
(Puts saftey helmet on in anticipation of barrage of insults due to last comment)

My ancestors are Dutch, so technically shouldn't you be paying respect to me?

Bloody good point!!!!!! Does the fact I pay homage to Van Nistelrooy most weeks count as paying respect to the dutch in a round about way, Cryuff and Van Bastan are also in my top ten footballers of all time.
I have German heritage so,technically should you not be paying respect to me.
I can feel a game of 'my dads bigger than your dad' coming on

In all honesty Tony, top blog, one of the best and funniest I have read in my seasoned 4 months of being an active blogger.
Shame it tskes an Aussie blogger to recognise this fine achievement, and some of our British blog sites failed to do so. Keep up the good work mate

Slatts: Milligan was in the army, wasn't he? I googled Join me. Where am I Milligan and it didn't show anything.

Vaughny & Carna: Double Dutch. Ho. Ho.

Carna: Got all those books yet? There are only about 100 of them -- chop chop. Or rather - shop shop. Ooooooo, I'm working well this morning. (I hate the term "working well", by the way. Bloody Yanks.)

Vaughny: "top blog, one of the best and funniest I have read" - I'd love to take the credit, but you must read the fine print down the bottom. I keep it intentionally microscopic hoping readers won't notice when Nabakov writes a post and not me.

My ancestors were English cops and soldiers. They spent many rewarding years arresting bread thieves and tormenting the Irish. Good times.

Nabakov, sorry for the misunderstanding, twatting toothache and I cant sleep 5.30am on a sat morning

Tony- Nice to hear of anyone tormenting the 'Oirish' even of it were a long time ago,hopefully grandad Taylor made them suffer a great deal
'Come to Dublin, its a great night' and they then proceed to pull your pants down and spank your arse charging 6 euros for a pint
As for bread theives,well scurge of society they are

Excellent post Tony, but I didn't think the fleet were off to invade England, it was about prosecuting a new campaign in Austria wasn't it ?

Nelson demanded that he lead from the front, other captains had sent signals requesting that they lead the line, knowing full well that Nelson would be a target for every sniper in sight, but he refused them all.

I don't know which Dublin bar Vaughny went to, was it a gay S&M one ?

My ancestors were Irish thieves and rebels. They spent many rewarding years stealing from the poms and causing general insurrection and mayhem. The good times continue here in Oz.

I'm sitting here drinking to you Vaughny and imagining the downtrou and bottom spank. It's all good stuff.

When do we get to celebrate Bannokburn (for my other half) Tone?

Bad news for the little lady, Pat. Bannockburn Day was replaced by Culloden Day.

Geez...what next, a march through Sydney ,an orange flag and banging your drum celebrating the Boyne?!

Where's a few thousand zulus when ya need em?

By the way Vaughny, since you're lucky enough to be coming to Oz, you should know that Pub Rules in Sydney are that if you lose a game of pool without sinking a ball you have to drop your daks and run around the table once aka a Downtrou - no spanking but. You've been warned.

Tony- Richmond would go up in flames very nicely. Instead of lighting up a foul smellin' Ceegar, why not alight one of those Greek restaurants in celebration of Nelson ?

Actually Yorkshire Soul, it's fairly hard to invest Austria by sea.

What went down was that the French had a cunning plan to lure the British fleet into thinking the West Indies was about to be attacked, so that while the Brits were over there defending the source of the sugar that went into the Empire's tea and coffee, Admiral Villeneuve could hook up with the Spaniards and take over the English Channel to escort Boney's invasion barges. But everyone's signals got crossed and a very pissed off British fleet returned from a wild goose chase to the Carribean to catch the combined Franco-Spanish fleet still frantically trying to get its act together in Cadiz. From then on in it was "C'mon I'll have ya, Froggie!", "You talkin' to me, Rosbif?"

"Nelson demanded that he lead from the front..."

Nelson didn't have to demand anything. He was already Almighty God to the RN by then.

Any real factual errors in the post are all Tony's fault.

Yorkshire Soul- I have never been in a gay club, so would not know how much a pint costs, is it more expensive to drink in a gay club, you seem to be in the know, if it is could that not be classed as homophbic. As for the S&M I can assure drinks are no more expensive in those bars.
Pat- Pub rules in pool a the same over here, no spanking again. One last thing, Rourkes Drift was a great display of British spirit, as for went on before,well that was a display of British arrogance

I'll have a look for some O'Brian when I'm out today.

My stepfather was an RN surgeon during ww2 and from his stories of that time the, Extract from RN Fitness Report - "I object to the fact that this Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and the other members of the Wardroom to carry him from bar to bar." sounds spot on. The senior medical officers were all seasoned alcoholics who drank and gambled until they collapsed each night. The most senior medical officer in the fleet lost his footing one drunken night and fell through an open hatch killing himself. This was reguarded as a great boon for his patients.

My old man wrote a fitness report for a rather dim-witted second lieutenant along these lines:-
"This man is destined to spend his life pushing doors marked pull".
The same idiot had an exam question of "write an assesment of the 6 pound field gun".
His effort- "A tried, true and trusty weapon".

Vaughny, I think he was referring to your "'Come to Dublin, its a great night' and they then proceed to pull your pants down and spank your arse"

Bluebottle and PB, it sounds to me very much like it would be great fun to be a "tried, true and trusty" ship's surgeon.

NB: Any errors in this comment are strictly Nabakov's fault.

My old man was ex-RN too (signals) and regaled us with many yarns about the Andrew in the fifties - when he reckoned it could outdrink and outsmuggle any other seagoing organisation. Here's some more fitness reports about that fine body of men.

Also I owe you an apology Yorkshire Soul. Brushing up on my naval history, I realised the the Carribean games of hide and seek happened earlier in 1805 and that by October, yes Boney was marshalling the Combined Fleet to head for the Baltic to support his push against Austria. Have a gulpers from my tot of rum.

I think you were largely on target, Nabs.

Villeneuve scooted over to the West Indies to pull Nelson away from Europe and then dash back to relieve the blockade at Brest and clear The Channel for Boney's quick skip over to Blighty.

On the way to Brest, though, Villeneuve was spooked at Cape Finisterre and scampered into Ferrol. He popped out of Ferrol long enough to be spooked again and ducked into Cadiz.

By this time Boney's invasion army was jack of waiting and went to Germany to assist in other engagements.

An officer was sent to relieve Villeneuve of command but instead of accepting his fate he instead left Cadiz and not long after he was thumped at Trafalgar.


Cool Harry. Me old dad sent me the National Archives http://www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/nelson/default.htm link too earlier this month - and boy is not the NA a great website generally? Entering my various family names for Trafalagar got 15 hits, three definites and at least one possible case of barratry.

Over my head until Tony corrected me, very witty Yorkshire Soul, for the record it was a term for getting ripped off

Over my head until Tony corrected me, very witty Yorkshire Soul, for the record it was a term for getting ripped off

However I do think we can all conclude from this University of the Internet seminar on early 19th century naval history that Villeneuve was not a particularly admirable Admiral.

Cheers Tony, Must have been asleep while I was reading Yorkshire Souls Post as it is now quite obvious what he was referring to.
Mr Soul, I did not mean litrelly having my arse spanked by a oirish man I actually meant being ripped off you scamp.

Jesus my connection is playing up sorry for the multiple posts and repeating myself,

That Trafalgar people thing is gold. For the record:

Tony.T - 91

Harry - 5

Vaughny - 1

Nabakov - 0

Kudos where it's due, though. There is a long series of navy books featuring Vaughny's namesake. Harry's olds were brawling alongside Pitt Junior. And Nabakov's connections were running despatches for Barclay de Tolly.

Still: I rock!

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