"The sightscreen must be correctly placed," yarped Tony Grieg on the perils of facing Murali. "You must be able to watch his hand closely. He does mysterious things with his hand and fingers."
Well, that's fine for the batsmen, but what about us mug viewers? Would Nine give us a close look at his bowling?
Being a cynical sort, I had my doubts, but they were in a corner. It would be wickedly inconsistent if they didn't show it given they'd already shown excellent high-res footage of Flintoff, Warne and MacGill.
So you could have knocked me down with a feather when they DID show a close-up of Murali's bowling.
Sort of.
You see, by "bowling" I really mean "hand". Whereas Nine showed full-view, side-on, wide-screen, Todd-AO, Vist-A-Vision high resolution footage of the other three bowlers' complete actions, with Murali, they instead shot from behind and tightly cropped the footage to show just his hand.
Duplicitous swine. Murali's presence on the field is not just a blight on test cricket, it's a disaster for the television coverage. We want to see the vision the Nine people are obviously hiding, but they aren't willing to show it, so they offer up a pathetic deception. What kind of chumps do they take us for? Do they think we don't notice? You can't tell me all of the Nine team are happy being complicit in this scurrilous snow-job. Hmmm. Then again, you probably can.
NB: Thanks, of course, to Pat for pointing out the uncanny resemblance between Murali and the Warner Weasel.
"I say, the boys a natural, straight as a dye, born I said born to bowl...baseball that is."
Posted by: pat | 16 October 2005 at 18:14
Haaaa. Excellent work, Pat. And bastard Nine thinks we're so dumb we think the Mexican border pays rent.
Posted by: Tony.T | 16 October 2005 at 18:24
Definatly more pitcher than bowler, having seen Murali on numerous occasions he is a chucker, there is no doubt!
Boys,after seeing earlier blogs regarding Englands 'hooligan cricket fans' what about your lot in Sydney. Throwing bottles as Freddie was fielding, if I was him I would just chuck them back murali style, or maybe keep them and get 10p back from the local shop
Posted by: Vaughny | 16 October 2005 at 18:55
At least they were empty plastic bottles, Fred could have chucked them back as hard as he liked and no one would have been hurt.
Your lot fill glass bottles with piss, make the edges jagged, and heat them up with cigarette lighters before biffing them at player's heads. Then, for good measure, chuck darts.
PS: We don't have the money back thing in Sydney. It's only in Adelaide you get 5 cents back.
Posted by: Tony.T | 16 October 2005 at 19:04
Didn't see it Vaughny - I dozed off after watching the MotoGP, it's all a bit ho-hum after the Ashes. Your boys have been the pick of the World 11 bowlers - well at least the non-chuckers.
With the tri-nations League upon us hopefully we'll get to bash a few poms to make up for the cricket (though it hasn't been the best of starts after last night's loss to the kiwis).
Posted by: pat | 16 October 2005 at 20:08
Even Harmy has bowled well. I though he was a bit of a flake, but he bowled a good spell today. Flinty has been excellent. He's a gun.
And, as usual, The Chucker larcenous.
Posted by: Tony.T | 16 October 2005 at 20:24
Dumb question from a girl, but you are not allowed to chuck in cricket are you?
Is this chap getting away with something untoward?
Posted by: Darlene | 16 October 2005 at 20:25
No, you are not allowed to chuck, Darlene. The Chucker has indeed been getting away with something ontoward.
Sadly though, because the ICC were scared of lawyers and shit, they changed the fucking rules so the The Chucker could keep playing.
And because Channel Nine are an Official Broadcaster (I loathe that concept) they are unwilling to offend the ICC and/or Cricket Australia by highlighting The Chucker's cheating. No doubt for fear of jeopardising their relationship. Contracts, and all that, don't you know.
It's wicked!
Posted by: Tony.T | 16 October 2005 at 20:30
Oh, and Pat, what happened to the Aussies just before and after half-time last night? With those four or five dropped balls and fumbles, I've never seen a team blow as many chances in as short a time. They must have squandered five tries in ten minutes. You just knew the Kiwis were going to win after that. So it was no surprise when Kennedy fucked that play-the-ball with three minutes left.
Posted by: Tony.T | 16 October 2005 at 20:32
I blame it all on Bennett and the selectors not picking on form. Too bad Benji Marshall wasn't available for the Kiwis, it would have been worse for us but good to watch.
Bennett's time has come and gone. He's been loyal too long with many of his Broncos and he's doing the same now with the Kangaroos.
Replacing Tahu with Waterhouse was just dumb, arrogant and dumb.
Posted by: pat | 16 October 2005 at 20:59
It's a pity they dropped those balls, though, because while they were chucking it around like millionaires it was pretty flash stuff. Pity they ballsed it up.
If Lockyer had grabbed that pass just before half-time, then I reckon the game was over there and then.
Posted by: Tony.T | 16 October 2005 at 21:31
Did you also notice during the highlights package at the end of the session how they started showing a full-length Brett Lee superslomo from side on, then suddenly did a jump cut just before his delivery action began? Still, at least Brett Lee doesn't do sudden backwards jumps away from the stumps into the path of oncoming batsmen trying to make their ground. The question remains though - where does Murali go from here? How does he outdo himself next to claim his cheating hat trick? Perhaps he could trip over the Aussie fast bowlers with his bat when he's wielding the willow at the non-striker's end as they're coming into their delivery stride, then demand that the umpire call it a no-ball. But that's probably too tame by subcontinental standards to be considered genuine cheating.
Posted by: Clem Snide | 16 October 2005 at 23:06
This ROTW 'team' has world class players, but it just emphasise' the most important element of any 'team'. No matter if you have 11 world class players, if they are not a well drilled unit then they will suffer, come on this series on paper should be a lot closer, but you guys are a team, ROTW are not.
Tony- Why not get Murali to chuck the plastic bottles back into the crowd. Also I am not sure if you are aware of some rumours circulating these great sures about KP. Well apparantley he is in the same agency as Caprice. Who shows up on KP's arm for the awards? Caprice. Now I may be a bit wide of the mark here but the rumour suggests this was a publicity stunt and also done to cover up a secret KP keeps 'in the closet' and put the media off the scent. It basically claims that KP like a bit of 'uphill gardening'. His poo-pipe is not a one way street. I am sure you get the jist.
Posted by: Vaughny | 17 October 2005 at 02:39
great sures??????????
should have read 'great shores' jesus Hungbunny would rip me apart if he spotted that
Posted by: Vaughny | 17 October 2005 at 02:41
Clem, are you suggesting our sub-continent cousins cheat? Surely not.
Murali, has there been a more contraversal figure in the gentlemans game. He chucks end of story, as for his next step I believe that to complete his cheating hat-trick will involve crickets governing body changing the rule but they only come into play when Murali is batting.
Rule 1. Murali cannot be caught out
Rule 2. Murali cannot be bowled
Rule 3. Murali cannot be stumped
Rule 4. He can contribute to a run out but his teammate will be given out.
Rule 5. Murali cannot be stumped
Rule 6. He may be given LBW but it is the Umpires discretion as to weather he walks.
Posted by: Vaughny | 17 October 2005 at 02:49
KP
wears diamond earrings
'avant garde' hairstyle
not welcome in South Africa
eulogised in England
Hmm. Vaughny might be on to something.
Posted by: Nick | 17 October 2005 at 15:36
I heard the ICC want to allow up to a 90 degree bend in the arm as before an action is deemed illegal.
Posted by: Russell Allen | 17 October 2005 at 20:56
I heard they were going to introduce an interim law whereby players, officials, broadcasters and spectators must close their eyes when Murali bowls.
The law will be rescinded when he retires.
Posted by: Tony.T | 17 October 2005 at 21:31
Nick-Hope your not suggesting all english bat for the other side. Had it confirmed today of a very good source, KP does like to 'chew the pillow'
Posted by: Vaughny | 18 October 2005 at 02:38
Its been passed, all spectators,commentators and fellow players will be issued with blindfolds every time murali is bowling, they will be commonly known as Murali-folds.
TV viewers will get special murali-specs with their TV Times which actually make his arm look straight and not the perfect right anlgle that it is, for those who refuse to where them his arm will be digitally doctored to appear straight. And Murali's arm is definatley not the only thing thats bent in the ROTW changing rooms as mentioned in above blog
Posted by: Vaughny | 18 October 2005 at 05:27
Interesting lookalike, but for all Fresh Prince of Bel Air fans out there, I think this one is better... check it yo.
http://www.sixandout.net/cricketing-lookalikes-part-2/
Posted by: Matt Thornton (Six and Out) | 28 December 2006 at 01:38