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Look! Theft. Here's the whole article.

Beatlemania hits Jacksonville

AS the Philadelphia Eagles flew in last weekend for the biggest event on the American sporting calendar, coach Andy Reid was asked whether he was repulsed by this city hosting a Super Bowl?

He had to think about it.

Last year it was Houston, which offered stunning views of petrochemical plants and is blessed with the dual charms of Los Angeles traffic and Calcutta's climate.

This year it's Jacksonville, certainly not an offensive place, but a sleepy, nondescript, sprawled city which is about as suitable a venue for a major sporting event as, say, Port Lincoln in South Australia.

Next year, the National Football League hits the trifecta of places where no one in their right mind would want to spend a week during winter: Detroit. Actually, Detroit's repulsion isn't limited to any single season.

But back to the delights of Super Bowl week in Jacksonville, which is only geographically in Florida, bearing no resemblance to, say, Miami.

There needs to be an inquiry held into how Miami lost out in the bidding for this game. Of course, it has nothing to do with money and the new stadium the good folk of Jacksonville funded - with tax hikes - for the local team, the Jaguars.

"Yes, I know," the lovely lady at the Miami booth at the media centre said as she listened to the litany of complaints being made about Jacksonville.

"We commiserate and hope to see you in two years."

It has long been suggested - certainly in the pages of this newspaper at about this time of year - that Super Bowls need to rotate between Miami and New Orleans. Super Bowls are supposed to be about flesh and excess in the glow of a warm winter sun.

Miami has fabulous weather, an abundance of drinks with little umbrellas in them, great golf courses, the best Cuban food this side of the communist divide as well as the notorious South Beach at night. New Orleans has the French Quarter, fantastic restaurants, great music and no shortage of young women who after a few potent Hurricane cocktails show an astonishing willingness to reveal their breasts in exchange for otherwise worthless plastic necklaces.

"New Orleans, as a city, is not that much bigger than we are," says Peter Rummell, co-chairman of the Jacksonville host committee.

Just as Melbourne, as a city, is not that much smaller than New York. But where would you rather spend a week? Wollongong's got a beach, but that doesn't make it Hawaii.

Jacksonville, which has had to berth five cruise ships in the river in order to accommodate the 100,000 people who have come to this great American ritual, has countered the critics by boasting that it has more golf courses than any other city in the US.

Except that it has rained all week, and even the strippers - who, by the way, are not allowed to actually strip, the law requiring them to wear bikinis which include full coverage of buttocks - are wearing fleece jumpers, earmuffs and mittens.

Jacksonville has taken a beating in the American media, though it must be said the ever-present volunteers, with their friendliness and fixed smiles, reflect a community that is determined to make this event the success it can't be.

"The local spirit of volunteerism will melt the most cynical soul," wrote the Boston Globe's curmudgeonly columnist Dan Shaughnessy, "But it's still a yahoo town with no apparent borders.

"Bringing the biggest event on the US sporting calendar to Jacksonville was akin to giving the Olympics to Havana or the World Fair to Tikrit."

Prior to this, the most famous thing to come out of Jacksonville was the 1970s rock band, Lynard Skynard. Yet, significantly, their famous anthem was Sweet Home, Alabama.

"As a kid, (Jacksonville) was a little podunk town that people passed through going to Orlando and Miami," said the band's singer, Johnny Van Zant.

"It was kind of in the same category as Two Egg, if you've ever heard of that."

Two Egg turns out not to be a redneck breakfast snack but in fact a rural hamlet in the north of Florida.

Jacksonville began to grow in the early '90s - the beach area's about an hour away, such as Ponte Vedra, where the US PGA Tour as well as the ATP are headquartered, are lovely - and aspired to greater things.

"It's been about 10 years that people here have begun to have pride," local historian James Crooks said. "We had an inferiority complex because of race relations (this was never a bastion of civil rights), the odours (there were paper mills in the downtown district).

"It used to be known as the capital of south Georgia when south Georgia was considered the armpit of the country. Now, people who move here like it."

But even locals have balked at the security measures which have turned the downtown area, as one wag noted, into Baghdad's Green Zone.

Three thousand law enforcement personnel seem to be concerned that Jacksonville's Super Bowl could be a terrorist threat, though perhaps the measures were put in place by the NFL to keep Janet Jackson and her flopping breast away.

Jackson made headlines at last year's Super Bowl when a supposed wardrobe malfunction during the half-time show led to the exposure of her right breast.

The television network, CBS, was fined $US550,000 for the infraction, yet no one seemed to think there was anything wrong about the onslaught of advertisements promoting rival erectile dysfunction drugs which turned last year's event into the ED Bowl.

As well as the anti-terrorism squad, the NFL has brought in Paul McCartney to perform at half-time this year and ensure controversy is kept out.

The league took some flak when it opted for the very family friendly Sir Paul, some noting that he's hardly a relevant artist and hasn't had a hit in years. Of course in Jacksonville, they'll probably be wondering where the rest of The Beatles are.

Its American football. Who gives a fuck? Football with helmets, shoulderpads and more interruptions then Parliamentary Question Time.

And people laugh at me for liking soccer.

Too bloody right. American Football is not REAL football. It's a bloody Wusses game-all that protection and boring time outs and rampant commercialism. At least we will not see it's likes over here. Frankly, i'd suggest that 0.03% of our population will even look at the result, let alone try and catch it.Compared to that- i LOVE SOCCER !!
Will Paul McCarteney reveal his left tit- or merely behave like one ? Is he interested in Yank Football? Probably not.

Balls! To the both of you!

Still haven't heard who won. Or who was even contesting the final. We beat the Pakis at least. Or rather destroyed them. Poor old Inzamam, can't buy a run against us for a rupee or a dollar.

Gawd, bitch bitch moan moan. I'm only thankful they didn't have it in Orlando, as that's where I live. Bad enough it was two hours away.

Oh, I'm from Miami and I can tell you why they didn't have it in Miami this year, and probably won't ever again: 1) my ex-hometown has the worst traffic and the least available amount of parking in the Southeast US. (Most of the traffic consists of people driven psycho by trying to find a parking space within fifteen miles of the club they want to go to -- which they won't be able to get into without mortgaging their condo, and besides, they won't be dressed right and Raul, the bouncer, won't like them -- or people driven psycho trying to find addresses like 8787 NW 87th Avenue.) And 2) we already had the Superbowl, back in the 90s. I can't remember the exact year, I don't really follow these things.

Heh, I ;ived in Jacksonville for four years in the early 90'2. Not a bad place if you lived in a decent area.

Unfortunately I lived in a two bedroom mobile home with four other guys, three of their girlfriends, and at least one of their drunk friends who snored while sleeping - soda can thin walls do not make for lifelong friendships.

But Robert's right in that northern Fl is not where you go if fleshpots are your thing. I hail from the SW US and while not rabid hedonist, we at least allow our strippers to strip. And you can get a real drink in the bar.

Also, in Jacksonville you can't actually go to a video store and rent an x-rated tape. Or at least not one that hasn't been cut to pieces.

Uhm, or so I've heard.

Andrea: Just bear with me while I cross Miami off my list of holiday destinations. There, done.

I lived in Orlando in 1988. Altamonte Springs. Flippin' awful place full of fast food joints, condos and I can't remember what else. I never once went to a certain amusement park, either. Got rat-arsed at the Daytona 500, though. That was fun; the parts I can remember, anyway.

Aga: "two bedroom mobile home with four other guys, three of their girlfriends, and at least one of their drunk friends who snored while sleeping".

If nothing else, at least you can say they make movies out your old lifestyle. The "cut movies" too.

I noticed in Noo Orleee-ans, the strippers don't strip either. You'd think they'd nude up there, but no.

When I say "I noticed", of course, I mean "I heard".

We all know that you little soccer lovers hate football, the real football, because you are not large enough to play the real mens game. as far as protection, it seems to me that I remember you wear those shin guard things so that you would be protected if someone has a hissy fit and kicks you in your little knee. We all know that the only reason that we have soccer in America is to let the little guys have something to do as a sport, particularly if they are not talented in gymnastics. All attempts at professional soccer have failed because noone wants to watch it. So, go order a pint and drown your tears!!!!!

Hey !!! I'm large enough to take part in these Yank soccer games. But i draw the line at wearing a suit of armour....would slow me down and i'm not express pace now!

Soccer? Pah! We call it football, here! In Australia, that is.

Anyhoo, whine, whine, whine. American Football's good, Australian Football's good, Soccer Football's good, Gaelic Football's good. But they're different. Arguing their merits is just an old and stupid argument.

On the other hand, Afghan Dead Ememy's Head Kicking Football has it's nay-sayers. I'd still watch it, though.

Gives a whole new angle on the coaches half time talk "Heads will roll if we don't improve in 2nd half." All eyes on the ball.

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