The new football season is finally ... thankfully ... about bloody time upon us.
I know, I know this is very stupid reaction. Spectator sports are vicarious pursuits unfit for serious consideration by logical men. There's a very good chance I've wasted more than half my life reading, watching, talking and thinking about a childish pastime played by oafs and which has virtually no direct impact on my existence. But what are you gonna do? I love it; I'm addicted.
In the spirit of this critical reflection, then, let's step it up a gear. Let's inject that little bit of class that only refined and well bread Melbourne supporters can provide. Rather than celebrate the new season with yet another tedious post about umpires, coaches, injuries, tactics, Tiff's tits or why the other teams are rancid stinking scum (they are, you know), let's just ask this; what is Melbourne? Or rather, WHO is Melbourne?
Well, let's do both. Situated on the Yarra River and originally briefly called Batmania and Bearbrass, Melbourne is now one of the biggest cities in the world (area-wise). That's the what. Melbourne was named after Viscount Lord Melbourne. Born William Lamb of Brocket Hall*, Melbourne was Prime Minister of England in the times when women lusted after Hugh Grant. That's the who.
And that's all you get. Apart from this: the Dean of St Pauls (ironically named, Sydney Smith) on our man Lamby.
"If the truth must be told, our Viscount is something of an impostor. Everything about him seems to betoken careless desolation; anyone would suppose from his manner that he was playing at chuck-farthing with human happiness; that he would giggle away the great charter, and decide by the method of teetotum whether my lords the bishops should or should not retain their seats in the House Of Lords. I am sorry to hurt any man's feelings, and to brush away the magnificent fabric of levity and gaiety that he has reared; but I accuse our minister of honsety and diligence; I deny that he is careless of rash. He is nothing more than a man of good understanding and good principle, disguised in the eternal and somewhat wearisome affectation of a political roué."
Go 'Mons!
* The present Lord Brocket recently got nicked for fraud. Pulled a stroke and had his collar felt, in fact. He buried his Ferraris in the back yard at Brocket Hall; which is now a golf course.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 09:45
The new football season is finally ... thankfully ... about bloody time upon us.
Footy season has already started, sizzlechest.
It's called the Wizard Cup.
And anyone who tries to tell me otherwise will metaphorically have to step outside.
Posted by: Big Ramifications | 24 February 2005 at 12:41
Yes, I know that, Biggy-Boy. My post was reflecting on last weekend's shananananagans.
PS: I've just been outside. It's hot out there.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 12:50
Er, sorry. I read "about bloody time upon us" to mean "just about to be upon us", "soon to be upon us" etc.
So I thought I'd do a troll post just in case you were one of those nay saying clowns who thinks the pre season competition should be scrapped.
So who wants to step outside?
Posted by: Big Ramifications | 24 February 2005 at 13:15
Agreed. I have no probs with the Ansett-Gillette-Escort-Wizard Cup.
Speaking about stepping outside, I've a good post for later.
Well, sort of.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 13:19
"Well bread Melbourne supporter" is a tautology - the silly sods can't even spel.
Posted by: os | 24 February 2005 at 13:20
I was wondering how long it would be before some eagle-eyed reader spotted my unbelievable sly and suttle error.
Os. Tick. VG.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 13:22
Why, thank you, thank you ... but I feel I can't accept the plaudits ... I should have said it was an "oxymoron"?
I abase myself.
Posted by: os | 24 February 2005 at 13:44
You're welcome; DO mention it.
And I forgive your slip; it was an abasic error.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 13:49
Go the Dees!!
Posted by: Dave | 24 February 2005 at 14:00
Carlton this week. Scum. They looked OK beating the Essington Rezzies.
You going, Dave?
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 14:09
Unfortunately, I won't be able to make that one. However, I have got my membership and a red and blue hat my Aunty knitted that looks like a deformed tea cosy, so I will be getting to plenty of games this year :-p
Posted by: Dave | 24 February 2005 at 14:52
Saints!!
Melba is: the city I chose after travelling around this nation to move to from Darwin. It is the polar opposite of Darwin, and so attracts lots of unhappy Darwinians. It is the gothic underbelly of the sunny beach-baked country. It is the bohemian refuge of the country. It is also the most pretentiously European, and most riven with social classes based on birth, not competence. It is probably the most parochial and inward looking city. After Adelaide. It still has the best bars in the nation, and my Sydney and Adelaide friends comment to this effect when they visit. It is the most livable city in the world- provided you aren't into beaches. The music scene is amazing, still. The people who least understand its unique qualities are melbournians. It's best bit is Northcote, especially Ruckers Hill, otherwise known as the Northcote Knob. That is all...
Posted by: Martin Pike | 24 February 2005 at 15:34
Tick, VG, Dave. Go Dees!
Northcote?!? I go through Northcote on the way to work, Pikey. That is, through.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 16:13
We don't like your sort, there'd be trouble at the corrall if you stopped for long. Suggest you refuel at the Caltex, top of Westgarth.
Posted by: Martin Pike | 24 February 2005 at 16:39
Pit stop's usually at the BP in St Georges up near the tram depot, Pikey. Rest of the run through Merri Parade, High, etc is strictly cannonball run. With just the occasional stop to heckle the lefties at the bus stop.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 17:01
Yes, great, super, terrific, footy season is almost with us and I can't, ahem, wait.
"If you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic."
Posted by: Darlene | 24 February 2005 at 20:45
Actually, I could tell. I'm sharp like that.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 20:48
Actually, i have a feeling deep inside my bones that this year will be our year after nearly making a mark last year. Or if not this year, then definitely next year. Does the Wizard thingamejig count as real footie ? You bet yer life it does- it's essential, a warm up before the main climax.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 25 February 2005 at 04:41
The Eagles look very good indeed. Fuck 'em!
Posted by: Tony.T | 25 February 2005 at 11:18
Well, personally speaking, i most definitely WOULD NOT fuck any of 'em. It's a matter of a blokes personal choice.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 26 February 2005 at 02:26
You'd be one of the few people in WA who DOESN'T want to fuck an Eagle.
Posted by: Tony.T | 26 February 2005 at 12:24
Limbering up nicely in the Wizard, accounting for the 'pies in a thrashing. Both teams without key men, difficult to predict anything yet.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 01 March 2005 at 05:42
The Eagles doing well. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, that makes me happy.
Posted by: Tony.T | 01 March 2005 at 07:30
Woof woof!
Posted by: Barbara Woodhouse | 02 March 2005 at 15:18
Way back, Babs. Way back. Get in behind!
Posted by: Tony.T | 02 March 2005 at 18:37
We should be everybodies SECOND fav team . I second that motion.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 03 March 2005 at 02:27
Balls to that idea, Brett. You ought to be playing in the WAFL.
Posted by: Tony.T | 03 March 2005 at 11:54
Coasters a go go !! The 'Roos were exterminated and our midfield looking strong this term- even with key blokes missing and the exceptional Gardiner to the fore. This term i reckon with our depth of squad and a bit more strength could see us compete. But i'm always a bit of a pessimist when it comes to the Eagles.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 05 March 2005 at 05:03
I must admit they looked bloody good, Brett. Which is, of course, bloody bad.
Posted by: Tony.T | 05 March 2005 at 13:43
I tell you a sporting team that is NOT looking so hot- the Zim crick team descending into shambles. I reckon i play tougher local cricket than the state of that mob at the moment. Bangla & Zim- surely a case for REDUCING the number of Test playing nations Tony?
Whitewash in the 'dayers a prelude to a cleansweep in the Tests- bring 'em on !!
Posted by: Brett Pee | 05 March 2005 at 21:01
The tests will be tighter than the ODIs, well, they'd wanna be. But just where are all the NZ bowlers?
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 March 2005 at 15:01
Where are they ? Frankly my dear i don't give a damn.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 06 March 2005 at 21:36
Or should that be Franklin my dear ?
Posted by: Brett Pee | 06 March 2005 at 22:22
Apparently they are missing Nine players. Bond, Styris, Oram and What-A-Fucking-Astle, I can count. After that, though, I struggle.
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 March 2005 at 22:25
The bloody Kiwis have a new weopon- Marshall ? Who he ? And where are the supporters ? There is not much else to do in N.Z., the least they could do is turn out in numbers to watch the greatest side in test crick. The time is ripe for a resurgent Lee to make a return and shake 'em up. He is practically champing at the bit to hit the Tests.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 11 March 2005 at 05:00
Stupid idea to bowl. Stupid Ponting. Stupid butter-fingered fielders.
With NZ to bowl last we could easily lose this test.
Posted by: Tony.T | 11 March 2005 at 11:42
We will NOT lose this test, take it from me. Pigeon has hit his stride and our middle/late order will come up with the goods.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 12 March 2005 at 05:31
Go Gilly! Go the Kat!
Never. The. Less.
I don't like the fact we'll have to bat last. Unless we roll them for a low score in this, their second innings, we will be in trouble.
Posted by: Tony.T | 12 March 2005 at 15:31
exilerating stuff from Gilly- inspiring stuff. The usual in fact. The new Lee would roll 'em over. Joking aside, we did need something that little bit EXTRA 1st knock to get amongst them- am surprised by the flightless ones, did expect them to fold inside four days. Bastards.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 13 March 2005 at 00:16
Anyhow, stuff all of that. Carlton. Bastards. Shit. Bring on the real stuff now !!
Posted by: Brett Pee | 13 March 2005 at 01:13
Wonder where we'd be without Gilly. He could be, probably IS the best Aussie cricketer in my lifetime.
Fvck Carlton! Fvck West Coast!
Posted by: Tony.T | 13 March 2005 at 13:03
The result of the test was NEVER in doubt really was it ? Bloody confident of a clean sweep- Shaney showing up the drab Vettori as the most colourful and effective spinner in the series. Go Warnie Go !!!!!
Posted by: Brett Pee | 13 March 2005 at 21:25
And the Kiwis have a comedian in their midst, at least a genuine clown in the shape of MacMillan , suckered into yet another silly dismissal- shades of that dimwit Yarpie a few years back ?
Posted by: Brett Pee | 13 March 2005 at 22:04
MacMillan = Clown.
Ever since Gilly suckered him over here, he's been dog-food.
Posted by: Tony.T | 13 March 2005 at 22:06
And infinitely more knowledgeable commentators than myself had noted that the Kiwis simply did not look like ever winning that test. No belief . No Enterprise. Injuries ? Pah ! This present all conqeuring Aussie side has no equal and would have defeated ANY current Kiwi team , home or away or indeed on the bloody moon.
I'm desperately seeking a challenge and i am sure the Poms will not provide one this winter. Mebbe in 4 years time as only the sands of time will surely erode this present team. I wait with anticipation.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 13 March 2005 at 22:19
I don't think the Aussies were that good; more, the Kiwis were sh1thouse.
I'm concerned about the Aussie's tendency to upper-order collapses. We'll get trouble from the Poms who have a better bowling attack than EnZed and will be able to put on more pressure and thus won't let us recover so easily from 5/200 and the like.
Their batting has more steel, too.
Posted by: Tony.T | 13 March 2005 at 22:24
What, as in David Steel ? Is he still playing ? Must be greyer than ever these days. Not that i remember him- seen him on video boring us bloody rigid.
On to the winter- Poms lack quality spinner and seem to rely on only a couple of bowlers, while Vaughn remains vulnerable, but Strauss/Petersen could worry us- it's basically the unknown factor, will our blokes have time to work 'em out ? ie Strauss vulnerable just outside off-stick ? Petersen leaden footed ? I'm sure we are already on their case.
i still say 3 or 4 tests to one in our favour.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 13 March 2005 at 22:31
I like the way the Aussies set defensive fields to the Kiwis. Basically blocking up the batsmen's scoring areas. I hope they do the same to the Poms.
I guarantee Buchanan has already analysed Strauss and co to see where they gets all their runs. Pietersen excepted, of course, because they probably haven't seen a lot of him yet; same as with Marshall.
Expect our boys to bowl to a plan to dry up their scoring areas.
Posted by: Tony.T | 13 March 2005 at 22:37
Gilchrist AGAIN !! God, where was this bloke in his late teens/early twenties ? Destroying attacks with impudence- now here is a guy to destroy fragile Pom Bowling.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 22 March 2005 at 04:40
2nd best Aussie cricketer. EV-AH!
Posted by: Tony.T | 22 March 2005 at 10:37
well, i predicted a whitewash and only the bloody rain has prevented it. The Kiwis are eating out of our hands again. MacMillan? Another erudite swipe to add to his collection of sucker dismissals- what a clown.
And do not be embarrassed to mention Alan Border's name when you talk of 'Straya's number one cricko !!
Posted by: Brett Pee | 22 March 2005 at 21:23
Well, you got the "wash" part right, Brett.
Posted by: Tony.T | 23 March 2005 at 09:38