MAUL THAT JAZZ

You know something, I've never heard Kenny G; not that I'm aware of, anyway. So it's unlikely I'll ever get this upset.

"When Kenny G decided that it was appropriate for him to defile the music of the man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that has ever lived by spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, fucked up playing all over one of the great Louis's** tracks (even one of his lesser ones), he did something that I would not have imagined possible."

-- Pat Metheny

Richard Thompson agrees.

Jazz just doesn't do it for me, though, maan.

Don't get me wrong, I know many of the main players are fine musicians so I'm always up for convincing. By way of experimentation I even own a few jazz records. Very occasionally I'll put one on; Duke or Dozy or Satchel or Train (jazz dudes always have cool nicknames), but five minutes in I'm reaching for something else. Something vaguely listenable.

Jazz people are boring and go on about it like my dentist goes on about St Kilda Football Club. "What about the Saints this year, Tone?" He'll ask. "Mflgtglfffnnn," I reply through a mouthful of implements.

Coincidentally it's about the same reply I give jazz cats when they start droning on about Chet Worst Fuckin' Musician Ever Baker.

The scene's a wank, of course. What with the sitting around in clubs, the nodding heads, the French cigarettes, the clicking fingers, the "Wow, man".

It's just not my thang.

Comments

[Tony.T]

** What's the go with the apostrophe?

[John R]

Nowt wrong with it, Tony. I reckon if you pronounce "Louis" as "Looey" (like most people do), then the apostrophe should be "Louis'" (with no added s). However if you pronounce it properly, as "Lewis", like the man himself did, then it'd be "Louis's" (with added s). Clear now? Nah, is it fuck, and who cares anyway? Kenny G is a grub; Pat Metheny is the single greatest guitarist (jazz or anything else) in the universe; and Louis Armstrong should've stuck to blowing his cornet and left singing to Bing Crosby.

[Some Beatnik With a Stripey Shirt, A Beret and a packet of Sobranies]

How now, brown beauraucrat? You need to get with it, daddy-o, like all us hep cats- how else are you going to score some of that Australia Council bread for your bongo installation, man? Like you mainstream button-down types are squaresville, dig?

[Tony.T]

John?!?!? Just where have you been??? Shut down comments. No email for asking. No posting. Dis. App. Eared. What gives?

Far out, Some Beatnik, baby.

[SB]

The first jazz I really enjoyed was Charlie Parker - the Dial recordings - interesting, complex and breathtakingly beautiful.

Also, Tony I burned you a dvd full of songs. Email details.

[Tony.T]

SB, see that there email address down on the left? That's right, that one there.

Well, send me an email, brother, and I'll respond with the details.

[hungbunny]

Pat Metheny's music is a triumph of technique over feeling. He is the aural equivalent of those pastel jackets with the sleeves rolled up that Crockett and Tubbs used to wear.

[John R]

"Pat Metheny's music is a triumph of technique over feeling." Ouch! My daughter in law would agree with you, hungbunny. She calls it "lift music"! Can't agree though. "Last Train Home" is just sooo fine that I can forgive the man almost anything.

Hey Tony, what's with the hatred of Chet Baker? Not as fine as Miles Davis, 'tis true, but his version of "My Funny Valentine" shall be played at my funeral. That'll make the buggers cry.

[Habib]

Spike Jones and the City Slickers are classy.

[sympops]

Welllll...the point of jazz is that is spontaneous improvisation. A "recording" of jazz is almost a contradiction in terms.
Try a live jazz show in a club someplace.
(A little brew doesn't hurt either.)

[vague]

I have converted a few people in my day, Tony, but if you're already listening to 'Trane and not feeling it, I dunno. There might be no hope for you. Sniff.

Noww Kenny G, on the other hand, should be dragged behind a bus. I am sure we can all agree on that.

[Kenny G]

Hey, maaan, just because you're to square to like my avant garde style dosn't mean you should cruelly abuse me in such a manner. Stop it or I'll get my horn out! I mean it! I am slobbering all over the reed right now!

[Tony.T]

I'm with Hung. Metheny does nothing for me. Who cares how well he can play guitar. Next we'll be oooohing and ahhhing over a well made toaster.

John, all that fey, whimsical tootling; that's what I hate. And that fillum. What a load of nonsense.

Habiby baby, I was going to mention Jones as one of the few I like.

Sympop, improv shmimprov. Brew-wise, you might want to check out the name of this blog.

That's the ticket, Vague. Spite. If jazz makes you want to drag people behind busses, at least it's got that going for it. Good show.

[DJ]

Jazz never worked for me either. That Hungbunny is smart for a pom.

[Tony.T]

He could well be. He invented a sausage with his tummy, you know.

[Lynn S]

I don't get jazz and it bugs me a little that I don't because I like a fairly wide variety of music. Well, maybe not all that wide a variety of music but more than just one kind. Anyway, Kenny G sounds okay to me. I wouldn't call him a musical genius but his stuff is pleasant enough. I sort of understand why jazz fans hate him though. It's because he's associated with jazz by people who don't know anything about jazz. It's sort of like opera fans hating Charlotte Church because people who don't know anything about opera think what CC does is singing opera. Or like hard core rock and roll fans hating pop music because casual listeners think pop and R&R is pretty much the same thing.

[Tony.T]

There's probably a jealousy aspect, too Lynn. But like I say, I've never heard him. If I had, I'd probably rank him with all the other mediocre middle of the road nonsense that's out there.

But the fact it's out there doesn't annoy me anywhere near as much as being told by some publicity shill that it's brilliant. Whoever it might be.

In short, though, there's too much good music around for me to waste my time on the merely ordinary.

[Lynn S]

I guess "merely ordinary" pretty much describes Kenny G. Not bad enough to deserve all the hate but not good enough to be passionate about.