"Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish."
-- Euripides Pants: Greek Fool Expert, circa 407 B.C.
The students here are very stupid. This is how stupid; hoon stupid.
Today I rocked up to work at about 10:30. Don't get lippy; it's when I start on Thursdays. Anyhoo, because there was a fair bit of traffic around I had to park down the road and leg it back to my office. Just as I approached it, one of the students drove up in his hypercharged ADHD Tomcat Road-Muncher V8. Wog-box doof-doof blaring, he stopped in a no parking zone, jumped out, locked the car and waltzed into the building. "You'll get a ticket if you park there," I advised in a friendly, yet couldn't give a shit manner. "Naaa, didn't get one yesterday," he blithely replied and walked on. Just shrugged, I did.
Note to readers: White. Guy. With. Dreadlocks.
Not ten minutes later I looked out the window and don'tcha know it; the parking officer was slapping a ticket on Dreadies' windscreen. "Serves him right," I chortled with genuine heartfelt schadenfreude. "Hope he rips off the wiper." Just then Dreadlocks came steaming out of the building and started arguing with the parking officer. This had been going on for some time when, wouldn't you know it, the cops suddenly appeared. Who said there's never one around when you need one? Knowing Dreadies, I'm tipping he said something stupid like "Why aren't you out arresting REAL criminals?" He's that kind of fuck-wit. The upshot was the cops took control of the situation and soon after Dreadies jumped in his Tar-Hoover, tore off down the road and disappeared into the distance.
About half an hour later he was back; slowly cruising along the road looking for another park. His mummy had probably given him a good thumping. Not good enough, as it happens. Dreadies, boom-box still thumpa-thumpa, parked in another no parking spot. This one about twenty feet further down the road. Probably thought he was being cute, but the poor dumb shlub just didn't get it. Didn't realise he was being hopelessly, mindlessly, boneheadedly stupid.
And you guessed it. Not long after the cops were back. This time, though, they played the waiting game; leaning on their car until Dick-Head reappeared. No sooner than you can say "two donuts and a black coffee with four sugars", out came Dread-Head: arms a-flutter, dreadlocks bouncing, all little-man attitude. The cops, cool as you like and looking like a Texas border patrol (I bet they've watched a few movies), smirked to each other and the big one slowly and deliberately planted a ticket on the shlub's windscreen. THEN, just for good measure, they gave him a canary; a road-worthy sticker*.
That will teach him to ignore me; his wise and mature role-model.
Good times.
* In Victoria you must be a certain age to drive Oversized Road-Terrors, especially when you can't see abouve the steering wheel. Should you get caught breaking this law your car get's put off the road. Not sure how long.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 15:48
Given the attitude to surly white people in Brackistan these days, I'm surprised he wasn't hauled off to some soccer ground and beheaded. You need to be tinted and in a Skyline to show that sort of chutzpah.
Posted by: Habib | 24 February 2005 at 16:02
White and in a Commodore, Habib. The soccer ground option is not without it's attractions, either.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 16:15
I'll bet he smelled of patchouli too. That in itself is a heinous offence.
Posted by: hungbunny | 24 February 2005 at 18:38
You've got the better of me there, Hung. I don't know the significance of patchouli oil. Or even, really, what it is.
I sort of sounds grim, though.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 19:39
Parking in a no parking zone. Oh dear. What a criminal. Are you so dessicated that you would deny young men the privilege of being young and stupid. Have you just forgotten or where you without a fault when you were that age.
Posted by: SB | 24 February 2005 at 19:42
It's my job to un-stupid them.
The one time I got a ticket for parking in a no parking zone I never complained about it.
And I never parked in a no parking zone half an hour after getting a ticket for parking in a no parking zone at the same place.
Nor did I do it straight after someone of authority told me I shouldn't.
He deserves a bollocking for parking there THE FIRST time. Let alone TWO TIMES.
Raw idiocy is inexcusable.
Posted by: Tony.T | 24 February 2005 at 19:48
A wonderful snippet of everyday schtoopidity.
Especially liked the "hypercharged ADHD Tomcat Road-Muncher V8."
Posted by: C.L. | 24 February 2005 at 20:50
CL, everyday schtoopidity is an everyday affair for me.
Posted by: Tony.T | 25 February 2005 at 11:04
I once got booked twice on the same 150k journey, so I sympathise with the guy, and no I don't need you to tell me I'm stupid.
Posted by: SB | 25 February 2005 at 11:05
Ok, SB, consider yourself not told.
Posted by: Tony.T | 25 February 2005 at 11:06
Patchouli oil is often worn by the crusty brigade, with which this youth sounds likely to be associated, to disguise the fact that they haven't bathed in years. See also: "dogs on string", "Trustafarian".
Posted by: hungbunny | 25 February 2005 at 11:07
Sounds disgusting, Hung. And in fact, in line with your theme, this guy is a "crustafarian".
I don't even want to look up "dogs on string"
Posted by: Tony.T | 25 February 2005 at 11:09
A white kid with dreadies? Just for that heinous crime he should be incinerated, de-loused and deported. Where to ? Anywhere far far away. Goa ?
Posted by: Brett Pee | 25 February 2005 at 11:10
Indeed, Brett. That's why I highlighted it.
It just looks so, so, so stupid. Like the little dip-shit has tatty ropes hanging out of his head.
Posted by: Tony.T | 25 February 2005 at 11:12
hehehe thats frikking gold Tony
Posted by: rat | 25 February 2005 at 11:13
Yes, "gold", rat. And the kids are a rich vein, indeed.
Posted by: Tony.T | 25 February 2005 at 11:15
that's wierd. i'm sure i didn't post that twice....
Posted by: rat | 25 February 2005 at 11:18
You didn't.
Ha Ha. Mysterious, no?
Posted by: Tony.T | 25 February 2005 at 11:20
Whaddup, honky? Yo mammy been hoing her white ass in da hood, muthfucka? Sheeeeeeeeiiiiiittt! Me and da homies from da island be georging yo ass, white boy.
Posted by: DreadlockedWhiteGuy | 26 February 2005 at 17:21
Yoe.
Posted by: Tony.T | 27 February 2005 at 13:02
the fact that you watched this and then wrote about it doesn't say much for yourself might i suggest killing yourself,no one would care.
Posted by: diknurmomsbooty | 26 February 2006 at 16:33
Nice to hear from you, Dik. How ARE things down there in Lagrange, Georgia? Peachy?
Posted by: Tony.T | 27 February 2006 at 18:38