Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed: for in the image of God made he man.
-- Genesis 9:6
Mormon Utah was proclaimed the 45th state in 1896.
Naturally, The Beehive State, in their zeal to embrace the many benefits offered by membership of The Union, quickly requested federal approval of the death penalty. It's a question of fitting-in, you understand; when in Rome, don't be a Christian.
This presented a dilemma, though. Being sticklers for detail religion-wise, Utah needed a method of execution commensurate with the crime. To avenge bloody murder, blood must be shed. Electrocution was therefore not an option, and anyway, it had recently been challenged in the Supreme Court as "unduly cruel and painful." Actually, I can see that. Hanging was out, too; no exsanguination (What a top word!) there either, just the odd pissy/poohy accident.
Utah were left with two options, decapitation and firing-squad. Keen on a statement of biblical essence, they of course applied for decapitation. Sadly, the devout burghers of Salt Lake City were disappointed; Washington knocked back their polite, but gory, request.
Poor Utah had to settle for the firing squad.
I believe the guillotine should be introduced into Australia. Not for execution, mind you; I'm not THAT barbaric. No, I would only ever use it for excessively vile crimes. Paper theft, for instance. Some low swine keeps pinching the paper from my front porch. Off with his hands, I say. That ought to teach him a lesson.
With any luck I'll spot him in the local newsagency; now buying his papers. "Just PICKING up the papers, are we?" I'll taunt. "Need a _ _ _ _ ?"
If you don't want papers pinched off the porch, you should get up before 1.45 PM.
Out this way I see lots of papers uncollected, unread and unstolen. But mine seems to disappear too. A person could get paranoid.
Posted by: Tony.T | 02 February 2005 at 15:21
Now I'm scared. And VERY paranoid!
Posted by: Real Tony.T | 02 February 2005 at 15:29
This is sad. The man is a genius and he is reduced to talking to himself in public.
The first sign of madness.
Probably due to all the testicle talk yesterday.
Posted by: SB | 02 February 2005 at 17:55
I'm all for reintroducing the guillotine. And the public stocks for that matter.
But not for capital crimes, oh no.
But for spammers, oh yes.
Posted by: Nabakov | 03 February 2005 at 02:01
Ha. I fully support your plan. Paper theft is an excessively vile crime. I am always tempted to save old papers and put them out as bait--then the bastard winds up with stolen news from October. That'll teach 'em.
Posted by: vague | 03 February 2005 at 09:07
Net insanity, or doppleganger? Tony Ts readers try to decide!
Worth it's own post I think!
Posted by: Martin Pike | 03 February 2005 at 09:55
T'is true. All that spam and paper theft has driven me up the wall.
"Well, it's better than walking. BOOM! BOOM!"
Posted by: Tony.T | 03 February 2005 at 14:22
In America i'm surprised they do not elect to die by FRYING squad, given the size of a lot of them. The most unhealthiest country in the world surely ? Devout Bhurgers ? That a triple ponder with relish ?
Posted by: Brett Pee | 04 February 2005 at 04:39
That's an excellent comment, Brett. Puns galore. I like.
Even a pun that may well be be a mistake. A triple punder, in fact.
Posted by: Tony.T | 04 February 2005 at 17:33
Ah, yes, indeed.My Misteak.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 05 February 2005 at 02:17
Beehive State = great Randy Newman song.
Posted by: Amanda | 08 February 2005 at 08:36
Randy Newman = Great.
Posted by: Tony.T | 09 February 2005 at 09:37