Finally pulled my finger out (my credit card, too) and signed up for Foxtel Digital. On reflection, it's not before time. The clincher was Discovery Health.
- Taming Toddlers.
- Breast Cancer and Intimacy.
- A Makeover Story: Birthday Buddies.
- Cosmetic Surgery with Lynn Muffett.
Should I ever get tired of the Health Channel, which, I admit is a possibility, I'll switch over to the Crime Channel.
- Rescue 911.
- Cops.
- Investigative Reports.
- Arrest & Trial.
Do you think there's a connection? I mean, it's quite possible the people who watch self-help shows make up a large percentage of people who get arrested on TV.
there does seem to be some connection with the two groups but they need to be matched like this:
1 = 2
2 = 3
3 = 4
4 = 1
1. Taming Toddlers./ Cops
2. Breast Cancer and Intimacy/Investigative Reports.
3. A Makeover Story: Birthday Buddies/Arrest & Trial
4. Cosmetic Surgery with Lynn Muffett/Rescue 911.
Plus - the people who watch any shows on Foxtel are under voluntary house arrest.
Posted by: boynton | 11 February 2005 at 12:21
Are you thinking of getting a little plastic surgery Tony? Best you start with the webbed toes and then maybe next you can have your Siamese twin removed (same birthday and all!)?
It'll be easier for them to arrest you after that.
Posted by: AdventureGirl | 11 February 2005 at 15:32
There's this one show on Discovery Health you HAVE to watch, Tone. I can't remember what its called, but its essentially a seppo version of Changing Rooms, but with graphic footage of women giving birth in it.
The premise is that mum goes off into hospital to squeeze out her sprog. The makeover people do up the baby's nursery to surprise mum when she returns. The producers follow the progress of the renovation and the childbirth for an hor. You get to watch childbirth - complete with upclose shots of placenta and umbilical cords - AND get natty ideas for decorating the nursery in the one sitting! What a bargain!
The Hack has banned this show in our house, by the way.
Posted by: Caz | 11 February 2005 at 15:32
I was being a little more general, Boynty. You know, connecting reality/self-help watching types with the sort of low rent, brainless peasants who seem to feature on Cops and the like. I can only watch the latter for about two minutes before I start thinking "This is all kinds of stupid craziness". Really, though, both styles are unwatchable nonsense.
Funny you should mention that, Addy. I was thinking of getting my fingerprints removed. Then I will embark on a life of petty crime. Don't tell the cops, though.
Caz, that's just sickeningly grim. All I can say is that I fully endorse the Hack embargo.
Although on second thoughts, there could be a certain Warhol aspect. A psycho midwife draping placentas and assorted medical waste (swabs, cotton buds, band-aids etc) over the bedside lights and fixtures, you know, for the decorative affects, would lend the show a Texas Chainsaw Massacre aura. That might work. Well, it would among the people being arrested on TV.
Check out Warhol's Bad for a reference point.
Posted by: Tony.T | 11 February 2005 at 17:12
Cops have no effect whatsoever on toddlers. Rescue 911 appeals (rings bells?), however.
Posted by: wen | 11 February 2005 at 22:38
Hey Tony, make sure you check out the nude news. My old man, who is normally quite prudish, told me in hushed tones that some of them are "shaved"! Cooor, thats well ard!
Posted by: pat | 11 February 2005 at 23:45
Foxtel digital is an endearing little medium, eager to please and use up all my useful (less) spare time. The cosmetic show draws a picture of what i WOULD look like with several thousand spare dollars. Oh well, on with my unchiselled looks for the moment.
Oh, almost forgot, best channel to avoid Tony is 'Bloomberg Television' which is seemingly a 24 hour business & financial slant on just about ANYTHING. (weather as well probably). This insufferably boring old Pap is probably only wathched by bored politicians. If there are any of those.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 12 February 2005 at 04:51
That's because they eren't allowed to beat them, Wen. A government with a stiffer backbone would sonn fix that up.
I've already got Naked News, Pat. I don't watch it much. I catch it every now and again and wonder what's the whole point, then switch to something better. Later on I'll switch back for a quick squizz, though.
Just tidied that one up, Brett. I think I've seen a sum total of 43 seconds of Bloomberg. Monstrously boring.
Posted by: Tony.T | 12 February 2005 at 12:02
Get the Platinum package for best value for dollars. Allegedly. What with Foxtel currently showing gems like 'Die Hard 2' i'm almost yearning for the FOOTY to start.
Crap channels ? Get a load of the CHRISTIAN channel for Gawd's sake- Christ, who watches this stuff ? Anyone know ? Care ? Even channel surfers avoid this bilge.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 12 February 2005 at 21:45
Randy Mantooth was the star of Rescue 911-esque show, Emergency!.
Posted by: Big Ramifications | 14 February 2005 at 17:08
Who's Randy Mantooth? Should I know him?
Posted by: Tony.T | 14 February 2005 at 22:06
No. Just had a cool name that I wanted to share.
Posted by: Big Ramifications | 14 February 2005 at 22:59
Pretty cool, actually. Very American in a trailer-trash way.
The comedy relief should be called Lazarus Porkytoes.
Posted by: Tony.T | 15 February 2005 at 07:18