FACE IN THE HOLE

Driving to work I heard a wickedly funny song on JJJ. This song was better than many on the national yoof broadcaster; most cause me to wince in pain. John Butler, for instance, who was on next. And Missy Higgins who was on before. Both almost made me career into oncoming traffic.

Of course, once the stinking hipsters among you recognise the song you will probably bellow "Where have you been, dickhead? That song's been around, like, for-EVAH, duude!" But I'm not so hip, it's the first time I'd heard it and when I did, it made me laugh out loud; Lotion by Greenskeepers.

I'm looking down the hole, you're looking up at me
You're cold and tired, that is easy to see
There are the ropes, the bucket on the line
Your membrane will be soft and smooth,
and your heart will be mine

It rubs the lotion on it's skin
Or else it gets the hose again
It rubs the lotion on it's skin
Or else it gets the hose again
Yes, Precious, it gets the hose again

Doooooooooo Oooo Oooo
Doooooooooo Oooo Oooo

The look inside your eye is driving me from control
Evoking visions of my favourite casserole
And if I eat your heart, I'll also bite your soul
And when I've done with that,
I'll use your skull as a bowl

It rubs the lotion on it's skin
Or else it gets the hose again
It rubs the lotion on it's skin
Or else it gets the hose again
It gets the hose

It puts the lotion in the basket
It puts the lotion in the basket
It puts the lotion in the basket
Yes it does
Put the lotion in the basket
Put the lotion in the basket
Put the lotion in the basket
Put the lotion in the basket
Yes it does

Doooooooooo Oooo Oooo
Doooooooooo Oooo Oooo

The night is very cold, I'm feeling kind of weak
I think I'll make myself a cap from your right buttocks cheek
And then I will go walking with my little dog
And then I'll bury you underneath a log

It rubs the lotion on it's skin
Or else it gets the hose again
It rubs the lotion on it's skin
Or else it gets the hose again
Yes it does, Precious

It puts the lotion in the basket
Bitch, put the lotion in the basket
Ooooh put the lotion in the fucking basket
Bitch, put the lotion in the basket

Now I'm going to take it lower like this

Doooooooooo Oooo Oooo
Doooooooooo Oooo Oooo

If you don't know what it's about, that's your problem. I have no time for ignorant halfwits.

Comments

[Big Ramifications]

It is Ciara Glennon's dad's fave song at the moment.

[James Russell]

Personally I prefer the real musical version of Silence of the Lambs.

[Adventuregirl]

Now now, be nice Tony.

How behind are these guys though that wave went years ago.

[Tony.T]

Ciara Glennon? Musicals? Waves?

What can I say? I'm out of touch.

[Big Ramifications]

Ciara Glennon? Musicals? Waves?

http://www.crimezzz.net/serialkiller_news/20040925_claremont.htm

http://www.abc.net.au/austory/content/2003/s1042100.htm

[Ken Parish]

For funny (if gross and politically incorrect) rap lyrics, I still reckon you can't go past MC Paul Barman's Cock Mobster.

[Nabakov]

Youse guys are sick. You need to chill out with some wholesome family entertainment for a change.

[Tony.T]

Gotcha, Big. Psycho Killee ... qu'est que c'est?

"I'm a braniac with a veiny sac resting on the brow of Erica Eleniak"

An excellent line, Ken; and doubtless the dirty ditty's on high rotation at 105.7 Darwin.

Speaking of monsters. I give you Nabakov

Sister, dear sister,
Your goals are a bit too high.
Men, my dear are monsters.
but please don't ask me why.
there is no nice man, no good man. It's true.

[Big Ramifications]

Paul Barman's Cock Mobster reminds me a lot of 50 Cent's underground classic.

But instead of f*cking famous people, he's rapping about robbing famous people (with the aid of a gun or knife, naturally).

[Tony.T]

Classy stuff, Biggy Big.

No doubt middle class white boys all over the world now are getting dreadies, buying baggy pants and saying "yo" a lot.

[Big Ramifications]

"Don't want no nigga puttin' four thru that Bentley coupe door"

[Tony.T]

"Four in the door."

Sounds like an advertizing slogan.

FITD could become the new DOHC.

[Big Ramifications]

Never considered that. FITD = kewl!

FITD to become the new speed striping. Or fuzzy dice. FITD would make the driver look like a dead set HARD NUT.

[PB]

You Mexicans are backward; I had the video linked two months ago; it's a hoot. As to rap lyrics, they're mere dillitantes compared to Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band- try Boogie 'Til You Puke and Heartbreak of Psoriasis for starters.

[Tony.T]

Dead set HARD NUT. Ha Ha. Dunno about that, Big. More like dead set nob head.

Sorry, Bicks, I probably read it at P&C, but must have forgot. Afterall, you ARE a Queenslander.

Classy stuff here ...

Put a quarter in the juke
And boogie 'til you puke
Pop that Locker Room
Let's really zoom
Shootin' and a-tootin'
All night long
The party lasts
'Til your brain cells gone

Get on down and boogie tonight
Don't know nothin' but
You know it's alright
Whaaa, whaaa- somebody help me
Whaaa, got to boogie
Really got to boogie

I start with port
Drink two or three quarts
I drank Pernod
Then boogie some more
Speeding two weeks
On Wyamine
Don't mix too good
With ice box wine

Get on down and do it right
Really got to boogie
Got to boogie tonight
Whaaa, got to boogie, whaaa, got to boogie
Whaaa, got to boogie, whaaa, whaaa, whaaa
Somebody got to boogie
Everybody gots to boogie

Put a quarter in the juke
Boogie 'til you puke
Form a big boss line
It's puking time
Cleaning woman
Found me on the floor
Can't wait 'til tomorrow
To boogie some more

You may have seen it on your TV
In your private home
You may have even seen it on the scoreboard In the Astrodome
Gets you in the elbows
Back of the neck
Who knows where the heartbreak's
Going next
Heartbreak of psoriasis
Heartbreak of psoriasis
With that flaky, flaky skin

When I come to your town
Looks like snow outside
So much flaky skin in my Cadillac
Can't even see to drive
Elbows started shrinking
Just about flaked away
Even with the Tegrin I'm taking
Looks like the heartbreales here to stay
Heartbreak of psoriasis
Heartbreak of psoriasis
With that flaky, flaky skin

I used to be from D.C.
But they don't want no more of me
People said my head
Was the worst dust bowl they had ever seen
I'm gonna join Hare Krishna
Become a Buddhist monk
Sell flowers in the airports
With all the other pimply punks
Heartbreak of psoriasis
Heartbreak of psoriasis
Got that flaky, flaky skin
Got that flaky, flaky skin
So much flaky skin in my Cadillac, can't even see to drive
Beep, beep flaky skin

[Big Ramifications]

Click on this ore dye.

[Tony.T]

Very excellent work, Biggy Big. You're a brick.

[Big Ramifications]

And you're drowning slowly?

[Tony.T]

Huh? Whazzat? Whozzits?

[Big Ramifications]

Huh? Whazzat? Whozzits?

Can't you see?
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/ben-folds-five/brick.html

[Tony.T]

Not familiar with their work, Biggy. And I won't take them seriously until there are five of them.

[emubitter]

i want to know who this person is
got an ice pick and i wanna use it on this pathetic piece of shit

[emubitter]

i want to know who this person is
got an ice pick and i wanna use it on this pathetic piece of shit

[emubitter]

upset@thekeyboard

[emubitter]

upset@thekeyboard

[emubitter]

big ramifications u fuk
wanna pull ur eyeballs out of there sockets

[Tony T.]

Friend of yours, Biggy?

[kate]

Big Ramifications ive never met anyone who can dribble so much shit.