Two very fine quotes about kegs ...
"Having testicles is like being chained to the village idiot; sad, but there it is."
-- Harry Hutton.
And ...
"Balls to Monty?"
-- Guess
Both are brilliant, but I can't decide which is better. Not even sure the second qualifies; what with the question mark, and all. And the first contains a 'like', which would seem to boost it's claims. Can't think why, mind you.
Come to think of it; just what DOES constitute a quote? If anything.
Patton?
Posted by: Dave | 31 January 2005 at 19:41
Both are brilliant, but I can't decide which is better.
I could say the same thing about my testicles.
Posted by: hungbunny | 31 January 2005 at 21:06
Dave: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Hung: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Very excellent work, chaps.
Posted by: Tony.T | 31 January 2005 at 21:17
This is a quote.
"Tony.T is a tool!
-- Winston Churchill
Posted by: DJ | 31 January 2005 at 21:55
At least he mentioned me. He wouldn't deign to stub his cigar in your palm. It's hard to put the sound of sizzling flesh into words.
Posted by: Tony.T | 31 January 2005 at 22:02
Ahh. I love that Withnail quote (largely because I'm still a student).
"Balls to Monty? But I've just spent an hour flattering the bugger."
Posted by: e staines | 31 January 2005 at 23:21
Clive James had a good definition of what an aphorism (basically a quote in a good suit) is though:
"Snap frozen slivers of wisdom."
But Jean "Vive le bugs and fuck the Pope" Rostand said:
"There are things which don't deserve to be said briefly"
...thereby fucking his own aphorism up bigtime.
Personally I'd single out Thurber for "But if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?", Winnie for this sly shot at one of his foreign contemporaries "...he was partly educated in England" and JG Ballard for "Learn the rules, and you can get away with anything."
And of course "Testicles. Can't sit down fast and cross yer legs with 'em. But we'd all die out without 'em."
Posted by: Nabakov | 31 January 2005 at 23:28
Oh yeah, and speaking of 'Withnail and I", which testicle owner and operator here hasn't uttered that immortal quote from the flick..."Schoolgirls!"
Posted by: Nabakov | 31 January 2005 at 23:32
Don't you mean:
Withnail: "Scrubbers! Scrubbers!"
Schoolgirls: "Up yours Grandad!"
Withnail: "Little tarts, they love it!"
Posted by: e staines | 01 February 2005 at 00:17
Damn yer right stainman. I've gotta stop mixing my drinks.
Posted by: Nabakov | 01 February 2005 at 00:57
Withnail: Liar! You've got antifreeze!
I: Don't be a fool Withnail, you should never mix your drinks.
Posted by: e staines | 01 February 2005 at 01:46
i liked the first quote. it describes each day for the my past week very concisely.
Posted by: rat | 01 February 2005 at 18:21
Withnail's one of the modern classics, Ed. A few years ago, on a Saturday night, me and a mate were down the pub and started talking to some bloke called Nick. It ended up he was top shelf and we went back to my mate's place to drink beer, listen to records and watch Withnail. He got home to his wife at about half-six in the morning and told her "I met two funny blokes and watched films." You can only imagine her response. We met her a few months later and she was adamant Nick had made it (and us) up and he'd been out sleazing onto floozies.
Withnail's got so many great lines. It's like Bob Dylan. If people tell me they dislike it, I refuse to talk to them.
I is Marwood, by the way. Check out Vivian Mackerall, he's the real Withnail.
Marwood: "If the Crow and Cunt ever had life it was dead now. It was like walking into a lung. A sulphur-stained, nicotine-yellow and fly-blown lung. It's landlord was a retired alcoholic with military pretentions and a complexion like the inside of a teapot."
Whenever I'm in a dive I think that line. And also that I must have gone on holidays by mistake.
Great film. Great script. Great looking. Great soundtrack. Great funny.
Nab: You read too many books! All that reference material to hand eventually begins to leak out your ears. At least you didn't quote Marx. Groucho, that is. Everyone does that.
Which is the first one, Rat? The one about the village idiot balls? I think you need to consult a therapist.
Posted by: Tony.T | 01 February 2005 at 20:35
This is all too cultured for me.
Balls to your partner
Arse against the wall...
Posted by: SB | 02 February 2005 at 10:07
yeah Tony, i've been told that before :-)
Posted by: rat | 02 February 2005 at 11:16
A pleasure, Rat. I'm always here to offer advice. "Free to those that can afford it."
I'm pretty sure SB needs help, too. In his case, from Dr Kinsey.
Posted by: Tony.T | 02 February 2005 at 14:18
Ah, Tony. You are preaching to the converted. I have been a true Withnail aficianado for a good while. I also love the almighty Bob. We could be long lost brothers or something.
I believe the pub is called "The Crow and Crag" - although I infinitely prefer your suggestion.
"Balls! I'll swallow it and run a mile."
Posted by: e staines | 03 February 2005 at 07:49
International parallel lines and all that, Ed. I know the pub's called the Crow & Crag, but in fact, I copied that paragraph out of the script. There it says C&C as I typed it.
They must of had a change of heart prior to release.
Dontcha just love the way Withnail says BALLS?
"Jesus Christ, this huge, thatched head with its earlobes and cannonball is now considered sane. Jeff Wode is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about. [Waves the paper at Marwood] Look at him. Look at Jeff Wode. His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own.
Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the fucker!"
Posted by: Tony.T | 03 February 2005 at 14:30
Dylan Thomas on WH Auden
"If that's what his face looks like, imagine his scrotum!"
Posted by: Nabakov | 03 February 2005 at 15:32
Jesus! I see what he means. Prune.
Apparently Thomas's first draft of My Hero Bares His Nerves was about Auden. It finished thus ...
"He pulls the chain, the cistern moves.
Damn! He should have stood.
Wet balls is what that proves"
Posted by: Tony.T | 03 February 2005 at 15:55
In "Sir Henry at Rawlison End" , the ancient butler is introduced as "Old Scrotum" 'cos he's a wrinkled retainer.
Posted by: Nabakov | 03 February 2005 at 21:36
Ha Ha. Brilliant. And you know what, Nab? I can't top that so I'll cheat. I'll just insert a barrel of text from one of my favourite Bonzos sketches. Shirts.
Viv's doing a vox-pop in a street in Willesden Green. Waiting for local types to pass by.
Hello. Well, that was the sound of Roger's Wah-Wah rabbits. You heard them eating endives there. That's very cheap at this time of the year. But now, here in Willesden Green, yes, brrr, it is a bit chilly, but, no matter, because here comes a gentleman, and we're going to talk to him about shirts.
Excuse me, sir, would you mind talking to us about shirts?
Hey, what?
About shirts.
Shirts?
Yes.
I've got plenty at home.
Heh ... good grief ... And here comes a lady with an enchanting ... little ... kangaroo. ... and I'm going to ask her something about shirts. No I'm not ... because she's giving me a rather a vulgar sign. Uh ... would you ... 'scuse me ... would you mind ... we're talking about shirts.
Eh?
About shirts.
Shirts?
Yes. The problem of shirts. The kind of ... y'know ... are they necessary?
Shirts.
[Foreign accent:] Where it is?
Yes ... where it is. Where is shirts?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Umm ... oh dear ... Ahh ... There's a gentleman marching down here with a really determined stride. He looks a little cautious. He's ... hopping. 'Scuse me, sir, would you mind talking to me for a moment at all?
Well, whatd'ya mean, guv'nor, what d'y'wanta know?
Well, we're talking about shirts. About, are they still necessary, d'you think, I mean, do you think they should stop making shirts?
Oh no. Not at all. A man's not dr ... not dressed unless he's got a nice shirt on guv'nor, is he?
Not really. What about the length of the shirt, 'cos the old ones used to be rather long ...
Well, I'm all for the short shirt. The old type's old fashioned make.
Gotta be a bit modern these days, guv'nor, ain't yer?
Yes. OK. Well, you're certainly with it, aren't you?
Well, they are. You gotta be with it.
Cor, that's the stuff.
Yes.
Right. OK, well, thank you very much.
Right-ho, bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Well, I think we're gonna have to leave it there, and I'm gonna take you right away, straight over to the Earls Court Olympia to watch the Shirt Event. I'll repeat that, the Shirt Event. I'll repeat that, the Shirt Event. I'll repeat that, the Shirt Event.
Posted by: Tony.T | 03 February 2005 at 21:53
The script thing has puzzled me Tony.
I haven't yet checked my copy of the script, but I reckon they changed it for authenticity, due to the fact the 'crow and cunt' doesn't sound like a 'real' pub. It obviously wasn't for the bad language: Withnail uses the c-word when "the killer" is revealed to be Monty. Who is a terrible cunt.
Posted by: e staines | 04 February 2005 at 21:28
The Monty line; one of the great lines in film, Ed.
I think you're probably right about the name of the pub. The one in the book might have been the working title, and then after running with it in rehearsal, they decided it din't work. Personally I think they made the right decision.
Posted by: Tony.T | 04 February 2005 at 22:42
I don't know which pub in Withnail I'd most like to have had a pint in.
Possibly the one with the Irish wanker.
PONCE!
Posted by: e staines | 05 February 2005 at 00:29
Is it The Mother Black Cap? Or something like that.
"If you hit me, it'll be murder. I have a heart condition."
Posted by: Tony.T | 05 February 2005 at 13:29
Yes. The Mother Black Cap. I think it still exists in Camden, but its called Fudruckers or something.
"MACFUCK!"
Posted by: e staines | 05 February 2005 at 21:17
MAC FOOK! Sounds better to us colonials who haven't had our lug-holes saturated with assorted British & Irish accents.
That guy who played the Irishman was in the Sharp TV series. Had some promise, that show. Even though the book series went totally fucked-up. And the scene where Sharp saves Wellington is just embarrassing in it's cheapness.
"How many more maniacs out there? Nurturing their turnips. Living in greenhouses with paranoid cats terrified by the sonnets of the Bard?"
Posted by: Tony.T | 05 February 2005 at 23:52
Yes. There are bits of the script I'm glad they left out. Especially the bit about measuring how much shit the population of London produces, and how long it would take said people to 'shit round the world'.
Posted by: e staines | 06 February 2005 at 01:03
Indeed. Apart from anything else, it wold have been superfluous. They brilliantly conveyed THAT particular message with the scene in the Wanker's Cafe at the start.
The cafe is a hovel. Greace and fumes and ketchup bottles and blackened foreskins. Some horrible faces in here. Marwwod watches an old woman eating - her fried egg sandwich ruptures. Loathing and fascination. Loathing wins and he turns away. Comes face to face with 'Why I did it Mother of Eleven Tells All'. There is no escape ...
"Thirteen million people and I have to cope with this? And vicars and All Bran and rape?"
Superb.
There's no doubt London's a shit-house. No need, at all, to over-do it.
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 February 2005 at 13:32
London is an over-priced shit hole Tony. Get this right !! And distincly over-crowded. I stayed just ouside in Dorking, with rolling Hills and GREEN spaces. London is a huge, sprawling, cosmopolitan dump. They are welcome to it.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 06 February 2005 at 22:02
London would be the best place in the world. If you had loads of luscious lolly.
Posted by: Tony.T | 07 February 2005 at 21:39
the mother black cap in withnail and i has always (even when filming took place) been called babuschkas wine bar. it has now been completely (and very nicely) revamped and is actually called the mother black cap, in honour of the great film. if you find yourself in notting hill check it out by all means.
Posted by: vaughn | 22 April 2005 at 03:44
Good stuff, Vaughn. That's one of those questions keeps popping up and no one ever seems to know the answer. Now I do. Cheers.
Posted by: Tony.T | 22 April 2005 at 12:02
I'll repeat that, the shirt event. I'll repeat that, the shirt event. I'll repeat that, the shirt event....
Posted by: tim | 14 June 2008 at 15:57
I'll repeat that, the shirt event. I'll repeat that, the shirt event. I'll repeat that, the shirt event....
Posted by: tim | 14 June 2008 at 16:01