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I once dismissed Greg Dyer for a duck in a social game, and I would certainly have splattered your stumps at Lilac Hill given the opportunity.

Dream on, pie-chucker!

I once lobbed a cricket ball from the pitch into a car-park rubbish bin.

I was at the game, it was fucking hot and mostly boring except for Luke Ronchi. Oh, and I got to meet Dennis (chucker) Lillee.

As for my own cricketing exploits, read it and weep Tony.

You claim the three points, Ferombah?

Yob, fair stats for a slow-medium trundler. I suspect your action may soon come under scrutiny.

Don't worry, Bruce Elliot is back from hoildays soon.

Sounds like you're trying to goad me into having a bowl at you in the nets when I'm next in Melbourne, Tony.

I'll pull out my old Gray-Nic terry-armoured Greg Chappell four scooper and blast you out of the nets.

Or possibly, I'll say I'mm too old, have a crook back and lost my pads.

"Lawson bowled like a retired cricko who has been out of the game for a long time" Jeez, you don't say- that bloke hasn't played cricket for 20 years.

My claim to cricketing fame was having a bloke called Siddons, a heavy state runscorer apparently in the 80's, stumped off me in a joke game. You may know who the bloke is Tony, but i do not. How many did he make you may ask ? Only 113.

Jamie Siddoms?

Or Siddons, as the case may be.

Siddom and Gimorrah.

Siddons was more than just "a heavy state runscorer apparently in the 80's", he was a gun batsman for a long time for both Victoria and South Aussie. He never played a test match because when he was selected to play against the Paks he got Glandular or something. Super slipper, too.

And a good footballer.

Yeah...that's the guy i got out. Was he a slightly better version of Greg Ritchie ? Or was he another Stuart Law- a bloke who should have played test cricket but never got a decent shout ? A mystery indeed. You mean he was never selected when he recovered from Glandular something ?

I ran a batsman out once with a direct hit at the bowler's end from deep fine leg. He dared to attempt a run on the throw.

No-one takes a run on my arm. NO-ONE!!!

No he got glandular in Pakistan just as he was set to be selected in the test side. He missed his chance and never got another one. Along came Tubby Taylor, Mark Waugh, etc. Siddons was a bloody good batsman. A really smasher and way better than Fat-Cat.

I can top that, Ferombah. I also once ran a batsman out with a direct hit from deep fine-leg. They were going for a third and I chased it back, picked it up, turned, flung and hit the striker's stumps. I was the wicket-keeper.

God-dame, you are ROOOTHLESS!

I yam.

I also had a hangover.

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