Over the last couple seasons I've been critical of Foxtel because of their decision to rob Australian viewers of the brilliant Martin Tyler / Andy Grey English Premier League pre-game show.
Well, six words for youse all; Neil Evans, Robbie Slater, Andy Harper.
Excuse me for slip-sliding into hyperbole overdrive, but those three guys provide THE BEST sports analysis show on Australian TV.
Last night Foxtel's gab-fest before Middlesbrough stomped Villa was as good as any Aussie football talk-show I've seen. That's football of all versions. Strayan Rules, Ruggerby Union and Fuck-Me-Fire-Up-Bitch League.
Neil Evans = Rock solid anchor.
Robbie Slater = Likable goof.
Andy Harper = Star.
All three know their stuff and were comfortably all over the Preemy-Airah-Leegar, Seery-ahh-Ay, Boondess-leegar, Eee-Pee-Ell and our very own National Phoodboll Leeg of Les Murray Association Soccer Johnny Warren.
Simply superb.
Two and a bit more words -- Leapin' Larry L.
My favourite Australian sports writer.
Last week, during the Punic Wars-length break before Arsenal and Chelsea finally got around to playing the Premier League blockbuster for this section of the year, the Fox studio yak team must've jarred a few work week-weary eyes open, as they put in a corker.
The subject was the state of Australian soccer - Australia's future in Oceania, the A-League, Australia's World Cup qualification path, youth development - not executed as a staid, stuffy, linear-developed studio panel discussion, but more as a well-informed, high-level bar-room argument rampaging all over the subject matter, cross-referencing and doubling back where necessary.
Regulars Neil Evans (host/moderator role) and Robbie Slater ("It's all positive") were joined by Sydney FC assistant coach Ian Crook (in the devil's advocate/rational objector/Andy Harper-type role). First stop was the old chestnut about direct World Cup finals qualification for Oceania - i.e., Australia - which everyone involved was obviously in favour of, although with varying levels of conviction that it would ever happen.
First sign that this wasn't all going to be an invitation to bedtime was when Crook completely did his nut about CONCACAF (the North/Central American/Caribbean group) having three full direct-qualification places to the World Cup finals.
This hasn't been discussed all that much in these parts anyway, and you would have thought for sure Crook wasn't going to "mention the war", proverbially speaking, and come out with the telling political home truth about that situation. And then he did.
Crook stated baldly that this was all about ensuring the US has every possible opportunity to qualify for the final World Cup groupings, due to financial considerations. No one fell over themselves to contradict him either.
It's perhaps an obvious point, but hearing someone actually come out and finally say it probably prompted more than one home viewer to stand on his armchair flicking a Bic in solidarity.
An inspired Robbie Slater then added an entirely new expression to international soccer's political vernacular as he sagely summarised the Australian qualification dilemma thusly: "We've always been given the dud root."
"The run-around from FIFA," he added circumspectly, a little too late.
From there, it was on to the new A-League, and once again Crook came home with the groceries. "The public has been kicked in the teeth enough through the game over the last 10, 15, 20 years. I just think that we haven't got two to three years to get it right. I think it needs to be got right and got right very, very soon because the public will just turn and go, 'Oh, it's just the same as what it was before'."
The focus on public perception was timely and uncommonly sensible, leading to immoderate yahooing in certain loungerooms. You hope the folks actually running the show are on the same page.
Fox Sports' soccer bods had it nailed, though. It was a riveting rabbit-on from beginning to Arsenal-Chelsea. I loved it, Margaret and David loved it, and I give it five thumbs right up your new A-League.
Yep. Makes the Cricket show look lame. I need a job, too. BJ should, err. find something else to do, and make way for the better man.
Posted by: Scott Wickstein | 19 December 2004 at 18:09
To a non soccer bloke as my good self Robbie Slater comes across as a Goof anyway, but likeable- no. Just who is programming him and does he really know what he's talking about ? Soccer will never be huge over here- most of our blokes are off in Europe someplace.
And , no, i don't know what I am talking about either.
Posted by: Brett Pee | 19 December 2004 at 21:57
Yeah, I think Robbie might have a bit of a clue.
Of course it wont ever be big here. I'm sure that it shouldn't either. But I still like to watch the big European games too.
Posted by: Scott Wickstein | 20 December 2004 at 01:27
I vomit everytime they start fellating the A League as if it's the first time there's ever been a National Soccer League. And I'm still waiting for somebody to ask Slater what happened to his last "open and inclusive" football team - the Northern Spirit. 15000 crowds on debut, nothing by the end.
Evans, however, is a good host. Issues about them handing out blowjobs to their new darling league aside. He's clearly no John Casey though.
Posted by: Adam 1.0 | 20 December 2004 at 09:52
One John Casey is enough.
Posted by: Scott Wickstein | 20 December 2004 at 11:12
Andy Harper's the real star, it probably wouldn't work without him. He take's Evan's cues with precision, has a common sense approach to both match tactics and game politics, and works of Robbie's gaffs both humourously and succinctly without ever coming across as a point-scorer or blowhard. A classy performer.
Posted by: Tony.T | 20 December 2004 at 11:42
That bar-room reference just about nails it, I reckon. I always thought 'The Young Ones' worked so well because it cruelly, excessively - but eloquently - represented each of the four major major sub-species of male student. To my mind, Evans Slater and Harper each represent a sub-species of pub footy talker, allowing not only for breadth and depth, but also for that unpredictable, intelligent-but-undisciplined, word-association style of discourse that so suits the experience and synapses of the sort of person likely to be watching a football show at two o'clock on a Sunday morning. It's like being at the pub without having to drive home afterwards, and if that ain't THE model for sports presentation, I don't know what is. Big thumbs-up all 'round, for mine.
Posted by: Rob | 20 December 2004 at 12:14
The sort of person likely to be watching a football show at two o'clock on a Sunday morning
That's me, Rob.
Your spot on with the rest. I prefer my sport delivered in a conversational, good natured and informative way. The Yanks and Poms have mastered it, but the majority of our boys serve up irritatingly manufactured schtick.
I don't want to turn this into a massive whinge but I'll leave you with my No.1 pet hate -- The 3AW footy team sucking up "The Great Rex Hunt". FUCKIN' NAUSEATING!
Posted by: Tony.T | 20 December 2004 at 14:54
I second that. It's impossible to listen to a game on that station with him calling without wanting to piff the radio through a window.
Posted by: Adam 1.0 | 20 December 2004 at 15:57
A Harper, new CEO of Sydney A League club. My other half caught up with him recently at her high school reunion, she made a point of saying hello on my behalf, as I mentioned that he was a media star of late night rich man TV. Might have to drop him an email with your blog TT....c u Melb side soon.
Posted by: Snr Nubi | 20 December 2004 at 16:03
He's a gun.
PS: Late night rich man TV?
PPS: Au revoir, as they say in the south of Burt.
Posted by: Tony.T | 20 December 2004 at 21:06
Free to air, poor man, Pay TV rich man........
Posted by: Snr Nubi | 21 December 2004 at 15:40
Homme riche. Pauvre homme. Comme ci comme ça.
Escargot.
Posted by: Tony.T | 22 December 2004 at 13:04
Who can match Robbie "looks down at paper" Slater?
Posted by: Jason | 29 January 2005 at 20:26
Looks down at paper. Like it.
Bring back Andy Pascalidis(sp?). Better known to his friends as Stavros The Taxi Driver.
Posted by: Tony.T | 29 January 2005 at 21:04
football is big in this country you clowns
it has over 1.2 million registerd players have you seen sydney over the past 10 yrs the rugby pitches are now soccer fields, aust vs uraguy sold out in 25 mins, the world game on sbs is more complete and more informative and cover serie a, la liga and champions league
Posted by: sam | 19 October 2005 at 16:06