After Grog Blog

Ego Yobbo???

Could this be possible? I? A yobbo? Maybe I'm an upmarket Yobbo, or Yoh-boh as we say here in inner city Melbourne. Well LAA-DEEE-DA Mr Gunner Graham!!

No matter my present location, it's a distinct possibility. Especially if you believe "you are what you are by association". If you do, then I'm a yobbo. This is because the only other blogger I know from country Western Australia is a Yobbo. Who says? He says. And who am I to doubt him? Oddly enough he doesn't sound particularly yobbish, in fact he sounds rather sharp, but if he says he is, he must be. Therefore if you adhere to the aforementioned maxim, so must I.

What the hell's this dickhead talking about? OTHER? Melbourne's about as close to Western Australia as Shane Bourne is to funny.

Well, it may come as an enormous shock to many, but that cultured and sophisticated urban dilettante, conceived in Calcutta and born in Melbourne, Tony the Teacher, actually grew up in country Western Australia.

My life is as closely linked to good ole W.A. as Alan Anderson is to the Letters Page of the Australian.

Yep, I learnt all my important life-lessons in faraway Western Australia. Things like knowing which neddies not to back at the Roebourne Cup by asking the trainer with the syringe. Or enjoying the luxuries offered up by our only radio station, 6WF ABC and Regionals to revel in Dennis Cometti's commentary as he oozed out gems such as, "In goes Michalczyk. In goes Boucher. Oooooooh. Out goes Michalczyk.". And most importantly I learnt to drink beer by forcing down gallons of Emu Export Lager. If you can drink that you're ready for anything!

Anyway, enough about me. I meant this to be a pointer to the Yobbo. There, I made up for my self indulgence, I linked him twice. Go and read his stuff. With any luck he'll continue to get stuck into Carmen, errr, ummm, Lawrence, yes that's it, Lawrence and matters of national import such as the weekly results of the Upper Great Southern Football League.

Pissed Off!

Yep! That's what I am!

I wanted to make the post below somewhat longer but Blogger wouldn't let me. It's right on the limit. I had to restart my computer twice! Fuckers!

Fortunately I'd written the thing in Word and copied it into the Blogger edit area. However, as soon as I plonked in the first link and tried to post it Blogger shat itself. If I'd lost another post I would have chucked my coffee cup through the window. I also had to take out some text so I'm not completely happy with the finished product. Kind of like a director versus a producer in moviemaking.

So for the sake of completion here are the links that I would have included if buggering, bum-faced, bastard Blogger had let me.

Conrad is of course The Gweilo Diarist, a long term correspondent. David is new to me and considers himself something of an Elitist. Born 1961. How 'bout that? So was I.
Evil Thoughts goes by the strange name Bussorah. Whatever that means? Probably something significant that has completely eluded me. Anyhoo, they're the fine folks I would have put in there if I was allowed.

If anyone knows how to do bigger posts PLEASE tell me how. It fully fucks me off when I get on a roll and know I'm gonna have to trim a post because Blogger's a turd!

A Serious Debate at the

A Serious Debate at the AGB Picayune? I’d better go broadsheet?

Thanks to this Thought Provoking post over at Wicked Thoughts the AGB has stopped writing about cricket, crooked Florida lawyers and porn puns and embraced a Serious Topic. This here post is a response to the comments in the previous one that relate to Wicked.T’s assertion that Lincoln was precipitous in engaging the south.

Conrad, I’ve no doubt slavery was a significant factor in the Civil War. I mentioned that below. Also, I've no doubt southern legislatures debated the issue at length and that slavery was a salient theme running through their deliberations.

However, because this post relates to Wicked.T's comments about Lincoln I'm addressing the situation in Washington, not Jackson, Columbia, Raleigh, Atlanta et al.

On the other hand the south had, as you mentioned, been talking over strategies to counter any slavery rhetoric emanating out of a potential Lincoln Whitehouse. This became apparent almost immediately when southern states started seceding on 20 Dec 1860. Therefore less that one month later when Lincoln was sworn in he was faced not with the indirect problem of slavery, but with the very direct problem of a shrinking Union. As David noted, Lincoln himself put it thus….

”Preserve the Union by freeing all the slaves, he would do it; that if he could preserve it by freeing none of the slaves, then he wouldn't free any; and that if he could preserve the Union by freeing some slaves and not others, then he would do that.”

It wasn’t until two years after the war had started that Lincoln officially put slavery on the table as an issue by presenting the Emancipation Proclamation. This was intended to codify it as an issue worth fighting for.

At this time he also had to give reasons for extending the tour of duty for northern troops because prior to Gettysburg and Vicksburg the Union had experienced serious reverses at Fredericksburg and Chancellorsville.

Never the less, it would seem we all concur, and Conrad succinctly puts it….

”The South seceded to preserve slavery. Lincoln resorted to force to prevent secession.”

My initial post, however, was a counterpoint to Wicked.T’s proposal that Lincoln, in stark contrast to the other countries he mentioned, rushed recklessly into a conflict to stop slavery, thus causing 600,000 unwarranted deaths.

I think we’d probably agree that this is not the case.

Thanks to John Ray for

Thanks to John Ray for pointing us to this article at Evil Thoughts.

Evil.T certainly makes some fair points about Honest Abe but I don't buy this one....

If a civil war was necessary to free the slaves, can someone explain to me how the British abolished slavery 30 years BEFORE Lincoln did and managed to do so without killing ANYONE? And Chile freed its black slaves in 1823; Mexico abolished slavery in 1829, and Peru in 1854 -- all long before Lincoln's emancipation declaration of 1863. Can the Southerners have been such evil boneheads that they would not have followed suit in time without the need for a war?

True enough. All those countries did away with slavery earlier and the southerners mightn't have been "evil boneheads" but they did constitute a far greater power block than any of the pro-slavery groups in the examples mentioned. I do concede slavery was a waning issue by the time of the 1860 election but it was still a significant one. However, when the Civil War started less than four months after the 1861 inauguration many southerners fought, not for slavery, but for their land/states. After all it was the southern states that seceded from the Union. This under the steerage of belligerent southern governors such as Joseph Brown of Georgia and first Henry Clark then Zeb Vance of North Carolina. Slavery was only raised officially, as Wicked.T points out, as a raison de guerre some two years later. Apropos to that, most of those southern boys who cheerfully volunteered to get slaughtered at Shiloh, Gettysburg, Vicksburg and their like didn't own any slaves.

Never the less a thought provoking blog and one that I'll certainly return to.

With any luck concepts such as this will further addle the brains of those lefties who've always gritted their teeth at the mention of Lincoln being a f**kin' Republican.

Evil Tex said Nasty Things

Evil Tex said Nasty Things about our foremost cricket fan...

"What a pissant he was. Could still see the dribble out the side of his mouth! I think he likes those boys a little too much!"

So I stole his self-portrait out of the family album....

The only way is up!

TIFF SHIT

From Crash Craddock comes this, Replays Confirm Errors, in which the last paragraph states:

A better decision by Tiffin was Ricky Ponting's LBW to a ball that hit him on the line of off-stump. It was a tight call, but Tiffin appeared to get it right....for once.

Wrong! It would have been right in a test match where every close call was given the nod, but not in a match where close calls had been routinely ignored. The fact that the only other LBW's given were completely wrong just proves that the umps had no idea.

From Jon Pierik comes the article Matt The Bash which reports:

Matthew Hayden faced a fine last night after smashing a glass panel on the dressingroom door as world champions Australia looked set to lose their first home game in four years.

The question must be asked. Why the hell is there a big glass pane in the dressing room door? What about Nasser Hussain and his comprehensive destruction of a pair of crutches in Perth?

From the same article, but missing online, comes news that Adam Gilchrist was fined for dissent. When compared with Nasser Hussain this is a bizarre decision. According to Hussain he was never out. Every time he was given out he gesticulated, frowned, glowered and stared at the umpires. This is even more ridiculous when one considers that by my count he�d been the beneficiary of eight, yes EIGHT, incorrect umpiring decisions during the series.

On the next page is a small item headed, Caddick: Aussies No Show:

Cocky England paceman Andy Caddick says Australia has no chance of winning the Fifth Test. "I expect to win this game."

Cocky? Why? He sounds like Dean "Dead Rubber" Jones.

Also from Jon Pierik comes the item Proteas Seize No.1 Ranking after Sarth Efrica became the top ranked cricket nation:

"We are the champions" bellowed out around the Newlands Ground as Shaun Pollock and his team celebrated. "It's a reward for a lot of hard work," said Pollock.

To paraphrase pundits and noted Aussie baiters Tony Greig, Peter Roebuck and Jonathon Agnew - "The rankings are stupid!" Even Nasser Hussain sarcastically added; "If we got flogged here, we're gonna get murdered by South Africa" before adding Michael Vaughan is a "Seexxy batsman".

SCANDALOUS!

That was the word used by LVPD Chief, Hyram Gamble, when Tony Teacher, reporting for the hard hitting After Grog Blog Picayune, asked him to comment on the inflammatory revelations of notorious Florida drug lawyer Steve.H.

In a prepared statement, H had previously stated that the TV show CSI was a ”completely unrealistic depiction of law enforcement by use of forensic science” and that section chief William Petersen was in fact, an actor.

H was then forced to defray allegations of a conflict of interest after it was revealed that he would be the resident legal adviser for the Bruckheimer spin-off, CSI Gators. The new Sunshine State based forenso-cop show starring potential sunburn victim David Caruso.

When asked for his opinion of Mr H’s potential conflicts Caruso said, ”Why the hell did I ever leave NYPD Blue?”

TORCHARD

Umpires Tiffin & Orchard don't have a clue. Jesus! I guess it was always on the cards though. After four days of screwing the Aussies with some appalling refusals (Vaughan excepted), it was never in doubt that they'd start firing out the Aussies with every rank appeal.

John Howard's at the Cricket!

Hey Lefties! I hope you're squirming! Worked out your whinges yet?

"Howard won't speculate on Steve Waugh's leadership but he WILL risk offending our neighbours by speculating on pre-emptive strikes against terrorists"

Naughty PM. In speculating on a declaration time did he risk offending the English Cricket Board?

Calling Tim Dunlop!

Hey Tim! Remember that Glowing Reference Phillip Adams gave John Howard in November and our subsequent debate regarding Same?

Well, it seems that today Phil's decided to Set The Record Straight. It's a none too flattering assessment....

Let the record show that I'll go to my grave (an event that Howard and his supporters anxiously await) saying that he's not the best but far and away the worst prime minister in living memory. In fact, since Federation.

Of course while Phil and his cronies keep writing that the Aussie public is....

....an Australia that seems mean-spirited, fearful and, yes, myopic.

....he keeps the Coalition in power. Keep up the good work Phil.

KRACKIN' UP

Just heard this pearler from Kerry O'Keefe. He was talking about a couple of pigeons....

"They're typical Australian pigeons. He's down at the RSL knocking back schooners and she's at her sister's place."

Well, that's it for today. I'm off to the airport. Flying back to Melbourne this arvo. Tex & Caz; at about 5:15pm look up. I'll be waving from seat 42J.

Glossary

RSL - Returned Services League. (A place where old people drink beer)
Schooner - Big beer.
Pigeon - Flying rat
Sister's place - Home of female relative.

INCOMING!

It didn't take long. Mark down this time: Sunday, December 29, 2002 7:54 PM.

WHAT THE?!? It's last year in Perth! They're probably still wearing flairs. Must be those Dodgy Apaches. Anyway, that was the time I received an e-mail from far too clever for his own clogs, Gareth Parker. He was out of the blocks quicker than Ben Johnson after a Stanozolol daquiri.

The reason? The other day over at Chez Parker I said of Steve Waugh....

Sadly, his time is nigh. Maybe the West Indies is an option but the hard call will be made before too long. He's not been batting well and his work on Boxing Day and yesterday was a half-slog and it's a terrific pitch. How easy did Love make it look?
Nope. Time to go.

Of course, in much the same way as Tim "The Batsman's Batting Beautifully" Lane has become the greatest wicket taker in test cricket history, I've been goosed by a Steve Waugh century after suffering a chronic attack of Speakingtoosoon. And not just any century. His hundred was made with Waugh under serious pressure to keep his spot, the Aussies struggling and with a four off the last ball of the day. Talk about egg on the face. Parker didn't miss the golden opportunity to lob that egg. I wish it was a golden egg:

"Tone, tell us again how Waugh, S. is on his last legs? Still think it's time to go?"

Well, of course it is Gareth. His century was never in doubt after I shit-canned him. He oughta thank me. In fact I should be credited with the century in Wisden. Bradman 29, Waugh 28, Taylor 1.

However, I still maintain Waugh has reached the end. Like I said, maybe the W.Indies, but that'll do it. It was a great moment today. A wonderful moment! Great theatre! But what was he up against?

1) Caddick? You're kidding! Is he ever going to perform when it matters? Don't get too carried away big-ears! It's a dead rubber.

2) Harmison? Not yet big guy!

3) Hoggard? Snort! He's only playing because England lost Craig White to injury. That's the same Craig White who was called up after Simon Jones got hurt. The same Simon Jones who got a gig because Darren Gough was unfit. Then there's Flintoff. Get the picture.

4) Dawson? Has he ever turned one? What the hell was he doing bowling the last over? Nasser Hussain CANNOT captain!

And don't forget Gareth, Mark "I Moved My Feet Once Last Year" Butcher got a ton too. Nope! Let's not fool ourselves. It's still time for Waugh to go! Lucky for him though he can go out on a magnificent high.

RAT IN THE RANK

Calling Robert Doyle! You there Robert? You know young Whatsisface? Well, there's Something you need to know.

BLOG ALERT!

Here's a top blog from a couple of opinionated Hell Bitches. Caz is an old-school lefty whose hobbies are swearing a lot and going out on strike. Sam is a right winger and is therefore the smart one. In her spare time she collects statues of Alexander Downer and stalks Bono. Together they channel Bill O'Rielly.

Recently they're not too happy with the Summernats....

....the start of January means its time for the Annual Festival for Vaguely Criminal But Somewhat Retarded Slack-Jawed Toothless Inbred Redneck Trailer-Trash Motoring Enthusiasts

You ladies ought to hook up with W.D Tex and go trolling for bogans. Just bait a fishing line with a pack of Peter Jacksons and drag it behind a red Sandman. You'll be up to the simpleton bag-limit in no time.

PS: Ignore their taste in music. The Whitlams?!?!? Sheeesh!

Manne Goes Mad!

If you heard someone utter that at work, in the local pub, or at the footy (except at a Collingwood game) in fact, pretty much anywhere except in the fact-free halls of Oz-Academia or the vinegar stained pages of the Fairfaxis of Evil, you'd probably think, "So what! Men go mad all the time". On seeing it in print you'd note the spelling, but you'd still think, "So what! The man's been mad for years" .

Happily, what many people have long maintained is gaining some serious traction in the press. Robert Manne is insane. That's the conclusion that must be drawn from Greg Sheridan's Excellent Article in today's Australian. After dissecting the ludicrous bleatings of the Sydney Morning Herald in regard to the present situation concerning Iraq....

....the Herald editorial ignores facts and logic

Nothing new there. The Herald editorial staff know you shouldn't let facts and logic get in the way of a colourful opinion....

....the idea that this is a discretionary adventure undertaken by the US solely for the purposes of securing oil is almost comic in its caricatured misunderstanding of the US.

That's exactly what the Faifaxis of evil is! A caricarure of an outfit. Mind you, Sheridan does work for the opposition. Never the less, he shouldn't expect an invite back to Lateline for a while. Then he starts in on Manne....

....his writing increasingly suffers from two debilitating problems.

True! One, he's mad and two, he's mad! Even Sheridan has to admit it....

The reluctant conclusion is that Manne's increasingly emotional hostility to the Howard Government has overcome the analytical and rational powers of his mind...

In other words, MAD! One snag short of a barby! One sandwich short of a picnic! One bat short of a belfrey!

One gets the impression that Sheridan thinks Manne's frantic rantings (Frantings?) are continually undermining the position of those that argue a similar position and that he wishes Manne would shut up. So Bobby consider this; with every self-righteous bleat you further strengthen the cause of those you oppose! Do you want to keep the Coalition in power forever? If not, shut up!

West Australian students GARETH and

West Australian students GARETH and ALDEN have been experiencing technical difficulties.

In an official statement Attorney General Daryl Williams said of Parker's attempts to modify his blog....

Mr Williams said Parker's actions had resulted in a "very expensive exercise" in ascertaining first that it was a "missing Perl module" and then identifying "dodgy Apaches".

Clinch, on the other hand, is facing the less serious problem of "difficulties using a telephone".