AGB Cricket

IT'S THE SHANE, BOSS

Tattoo ^[1] :

Nobody calls Shane Warne's tattoo bluff

HE has never been one to shy away from a grand entrance and it was no different yesterday when Shane Warne waltzed into Crown Casino in Melbourne sporting what appeared to be a brand new arm-length tattoo.

Warne went on to explain he was wearing the sleeve to take the mickey out of current Aussie cricket star Michael Clarke, who last month hit the headlines with a huge new tattoo.

Footnotes

[1] In 2009, Dr Sharon Gould, PhD released findings that tattoos are a sign of insanity.

NOT KIDDING, CHUCKING

Milking minnows is not half the crime chucking is.

You've got to be kidding, Murali

SHANE Warne would have groaned in despair after learning Sri Lanka's Muthiah Muralidaran snared a 10-wicket haul against Bangladesh.

Murali's match figures of 10-190 in the first Test at Dhaka remarkably were his 22nd 10-wicket haul in Tests, taking his 124-match return to 766 wickets at an average of 21.92.

But how Warne would have enjoyed playing as much against minnows Bangladesh and Zimbabwe as Test cricket's leading wicket-taker.

Warne played two Tests against Bangladesh and only one against Zimbabwe for a return of 17 wickets.

In contrast, Murali has played 27 Tests against the two nations, picking up 173 wickets.

The Sri Lankan off-spinner's Test tally is now 58 more than the 708 Warne had at the end of his career.

But take Bangladesh and Zimbabwe out of the equation, and Warne has 691 wickets, 98 ahead of Muralidaran on 593.

DON'T COME BACK, SHAAAAAANE

Malcolm Conn is a big fan of Shane Warne the cricketer, but not, it seems, of Shane Warne the bloke:

Aussies better off without Warnie

THE Ricky Ponting-Brett Lee spat may have looked bad but this is the most unified Australian team in more than a decade because Shane Warne is not playing.

Warne is probably second only to Bradman as the greatest Australian cricketer of all time and he is being sorely missed on the field, but this rebuilding team can do without his dark mutterings and long knives.

Malcolm goes on to accuse him of being a monumental white-ant.

Any history? Well, back in 1998, Conn discovered the connections between Mark Waugh and John the Bookie, which subsequently revealed Warne's involvement, and their hushed-up fine by CricAussie. He then ran hard throughout the next few years, never missing a chance to bring up the affair.

John (bookmaker)

In December 1998, prior to the Third Test between Australia and England at the Adelaide Oval, the journalist Malcolm Conn from The Australian was uncovering the story of "John", a report for which he was to win a Walkley Award for journalism. On December 8, three days before the start of the Test, Conn informed the CEO of the ACB, Malcolm Speed that he was going to reveal the details of a cover-up concerning the secret fines imposed on Waugh for his involvement with John. Conn was not aware that Warne was also involved. The ACB responded to this by pre-empting Conn and releasing a statement that two unnamed players had been fined in 1994–95 for having financial dealings with bookmakers. Later in the evening, Test cricketer turned sports broadcaster David Hookes named Waugh and Warne on Melbourne radio station 3AW. The next day, Conn's story was released.

Coincidentally, Rat Malik, who stood accused of offering bribes to Warne & Waugh and was later found guilty of match fixing, was today let off by a Pakistan court:

Pakistan court overturns life ban against Salim Malik

Pakistan court has overturned a life ban against Salim Malik, the former Test captain, that was imposed for alleged involvement in match fixing.

Malik was banned following a lengthy inquiry in 2001 after Shane Warne, Mark Waugh and Tim May accused him of offering them bribes to underperform on Australia's tour of Pakistan in 1994.

Judge Malik Mohammad Altaf today overturned the ban after hearing Malik's appeal at Lahore's Civil Court.

"I am relieved," Malik said. "I have served cricket for 19 years and today I feel vindicated. Now I can live a peaceful life and can do coaching which I badly wanted."

All too serious? A joke then:

Australia is killing the game

Malcolm Conn
November 12, 2007

THE joy of Australia's utter domination after such a dramatic loss of star personnel can only magnify concerns about the state of world cricket.

...

Greg Chappell said alarm bells should have started ringing around the globe when Australia won a third successive World Cup and, for the second time, went through undefeated. "There is a huge void in the game," Chappell told The Australian last week.

...

History says that Australia has never played more entertaining Test cricket. It would be even more fun if it came with more regular competition. The game needs it.

COME BACK, SHAAAAAANE

It sounds good... at the moment:

Shane Warne considers comeback to take on England

JUST 16 months after retiring from Test cricket, Shane Warne last night dramatically opened the door for a comeback.

Australia's greatest leg-spinner said that if circumstances were right, he would consider returning against arch-enemy England in next year's Ashes series.

"If Australia really needed me and there was no one else around, and Ricky thought I could do the job, you would weigh up the options," said Warne, who will turn 40 during the Ashes series.

The pros:

Warne's still the best spinner, if not bowler, in the caper.

Straya are on the decline and are one Brett Lee injury away from having an ordinary attack. Warne gives our attack a very different complexion.

Engerland are trending upwards and will (also injury notwithstanding) have a very handy attack: Sidey is a good bowler; Broad will improve into next year (good to see him tune up that slapper McCullum); Monty looked good last night and will be a handful on English pitches; and Flintoff is being touted as ready for next year.

The Poms sound like they fancy themselves. Gower, Athers, Bumble, Hussain and Botham are obsessing about Straya now, twelve months out. Imagine how painful would they be next year if England won back the Ashes.

The cons:

Comebacks rarely work out.

DON'T MENTION THE WAUGH

Well, not in the Top 10 of Herr Shane Warne's Top 50, anyway.

50 - 41
50. Jamie Siddons
49. Darren Berry
48. Brian McMillan
47. Chris Cairns
46. Dilip Vengsarkar
45. Waqar Younis
44. Alec Stewart
43. Mike Atherton
42. Ravi Shastri
41. Justin Langer

40 - 31
40. Kapil Dev
39. Stuart MacGill
38. Sanath Jayasuriya
37. Steve Harmison
36. Andy Flower
35. Michael Vaughan
34. Bruce Reid
33. Allan Donald
32. Robin Smith
31. Tim May

30 - 21
30. Kevin Pietersen
29. Shoaib Akhtar
28. Saeed Anwar
27. Jacques Kallis
26. Steve Waugh
25. Darren Lehmann
24. Brett Lee
23. Stephen Fleming
22. Martin Crowe
21. David Boon

20 - 11
20. Adam Gilchrist
19. Aravinda de Silva
18. Merv Hughes
17. Matthew Hayden
16. Andrew Flintoff
15. Graham Gooch
14. Rahul Dravid
13. Anil Kumble
12. Mark Waugh
11. Courtney Walsh

10 - 1
10. Ian Healy
9. Mark Taylor
8. Ricky Ponting
7. Muttiah Muralitharan
6. Wasim Akram
5. Glenn McGrath
4. Allan Border
3. Curtly Ambrose
2. Brian Lara
1. Sachin Tendulkar

Tim Lane is right about Shane Warne and Steve Waugh.

Warne skews Waugh rating

It will state clearly that Warne regarded a contemporary Australian great as being flawed. Alas, such skewed comparisons between Waugh and players of clearly inferior records expose the man making them as being less than completely objective.

Objectionable, more like. And by THE Waugh you know which Waugh. There would barely be a cricket fan in this wide brown land who rates The Other Waugh and his stylish 40s above Steve Waugh and his repeated heroics, despite what they might think of Tugger's reputed selfishness. Like Tim says, Warne's been hanging around with Ian Chappell too long.

Still, while Warne is a bit of a fat head, he revealed a previously hidden diplomatic touch in explaining Murali's selection at No.7:

No matter what anybody thinks about his action, he is wonderful to bat against for the experience of facing a ball that turns so much. He has helped to turn Sri Lanka into a formidable side at home. It is also worth remembering the work he did in the aftermath of the tsunami when he gave so much hope to people in despair. And we all love that smile.

A slick side-step followed by shmaltz; a career in politics awaits.

In batting order, my Top 11:

11. Curtley Ambrose
10. Dennis Lillee
9. Malcolm Marshall
8. Shane Warne
7. Richard Hadlee
6. Adam Gilchrist
5. Brian Lara
4. Viv Richards
3. Ricky Ponting
2. Sachin Tendulkar
1. Allan Border

With apologies to Greg Chappell, Steve Waugh, Martin Crowe and [grits teeth] Ian Botham. The side might be one batsman short, but no one is going to score any runs against that attack.