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m0nty

Cow Corner out slogging from the first ball of the fourth over. He doesn't like Melbourne.

Tony Tea

Had a diary clash.

Nick

The West Indians are playing down Test cricket to maximise their T20 income. Might have to schedule a WI Legends team in this summer.

Tony Tea

Big shout-out to Curtley's hairdo.

Big Ramifications

Just wondering, does anyone know of any heavy hitting sports journo taking the Aussie selectors to TASK over their puzzling omission of Shaun Marsh? Surely there must be one or two all fired up with something to say?

In the lead up to this Test the only options being floated were "Burns out?" or "Marsh out?" to make way for Khawaja. I didn't hear or read one journalist asking "why should Khawaja waltz back into the team?" Fuck off, we're full.

Khawaja was in form, he did have that going for him. But he had only played 2 Tests since spending over 2 years IN THE WILDERNESS. Way way too early to be considered an essential part of the team. Marsh was in form, too, and he was the incumbent Test player.

Why wasn't "not recalling Khawaja" a much discussed 3rd option? Sure it kinda sucks he got an injury at the worst possible time and it was such a shame being so soon after his triumphant Test recall. But shit happens, why not go back to top of the queue instead of disrupting a side that did fine without him? Was pity a small factor at play here? I really hope not.

Big Ramifications

I'm not sure if there is any particular reason for it, but this season I've noticed a refreshing change from the TEEM at Channel 9 in that they're not ACB ass-kissers any more. For example, they tipped an absolute bucket on the powers-that-be over the pitches so far this summer. It was an on again-off again rant that just about lasted an entire day of cricket commentary. And just then Warnie and Slats had a lengthy discussion saying the selectors got it wrong and Burns should have been the one to go. I won't bore you with the details but they both gave clear, sensible reasons as to why. A couple of times Warnie said he was "certain" Burns would be dropped.... and both times Slats piped up and said he "agreed."

It came as a mild shock actually. Ponting had been gobbing off constantly between Tests saying Marsh should make way, and his opinion was getting a lot of press. I might have missed it, but I can't recall him giving any solid reasons, he just seemed to be shooting from the hip.

Anyway, at the conclusion of their conversation Warnie and Slats basically said this: "Fine. The selectors have chosen to invoke the FIFO rule [no not that FIFO, the "first in, first out" FIFO]. So please, in the future, BE CONSISTENT and continue to invoke FIFO whenever the need should arise. Don't be wishy washy with your selection policies."

The Australian selectors just got TOLD.

Nick

SMarsh has the pins in his Usman voodoo doll...sadly Healy's 'medical' thoughts are unaffected.

Tony Tea

If Shaun Marsh had the runs on the board before last Test, instead of stuttering along, he would have been in the side.

m0nty

So we have the situation where Punter, Hollywood and Sybil have a public tomato pelting session at Afghanistan and Ol' Irongloves, with no doubt some very old scores being settled along the way, and that's what passes for robust debate in these parts.

Elite-level cricket in this country (and most other countries, to be fair), has way too much of that sort of thing: policy coming down to arguments between boofheaded and/or pigheaded ex-stars who don't really understand the finer points of coaching and team management. They used to be good at playing, but that doesn't mean they are necessarily good at anything else related to the sport.

Tony Tea

That just about sums it up, Monty.

Big Ramifications

Jeez m0nty, tell us what you really think.

I've got no idea what's going on in Ponting's thick noggin, but Warne and Slater's "debate" this morning was very level headed. They weren't scathing and were hardly throwing tomatoes. They simply thought the selectors had got it wrong, and their reasoning was sensible.

That's not to say there still might be some petty score-settling going on, but I can't spot it. Slater comes across as a happy chappie who gets excited about his cricket. It doesn't seem like the TEEM have to share the commentary box with his fat head ego, like a Chappell or a Greig.

Warne has a great cricket brain and also has that rare ability to get inside heads – always love his insights. However, going back to what you said m0nty, he comes across as someone who might like to settle old scores, but I'm not noticing anything obvious. He's also a bit of a lickspittle for the ICC. I can't believe he sided with India in the recent DRS debacle. His argument was less than compelling.... a sell-out, no less. I'll always be slightly wary of his opinions because of that, especially if the Subcontinent is involved.

Speaking of the Australian selectors, there was the shock naming of Coulter-Nile in the squad for the 1st West Indies Test. He hadn't donned the creams once up to that stage, yet he leap-frogs 3 or 4 other guys, with Rodney Marsh citing a "gut feeling."

Ignoring merit and current form and plucking a name out of their asses instead? That's some miiighty fine team management there, m0nty. It's really gonna create harmony and not put noses out of joint or make young hopefuls feel jaded.

Based on that the selectors deserve to have a few tomatoes lobbed their way. Keep on their case, boys.

Tony Tea

Warnie is famous for supporting his mates and ignoring his non mates (enemies is probably taking it too far). Not sure if he's mates with Marsh, but it's pretty obvious Marsh would have already been a lock selection had he taken any of his previous chances. The selectors also have the NZ tour front and centre of their minds and would see the younger batsmen as better prospects.

Not that I am convinced by Burns. Some of his batting yesterday was get out-worthy against the current Windies, let alone against a better attack.

Coulter Nile was one of those options the selectors are always plucking from their gut feelings. Not sure he was ever going to play. I would like to see Jackson Bird go to NZ.

m0nty

Big Ram, I don't doubt that Hollywood is a smart cookie, and that Irongloves is rusty, but swapping one's opinions for the other isn't going to solve the underlying problem: a lack of professionalism in management all up and down the line, starting with Stakeholders. Shane's guts are as fat as Rod's guts, metaphorically - or they would become so if given the absolute power of selectorship.

Word to your mother.

m0nty

Apropos: Why Warnie is forgiven no matter what he does.

Tony Tea

You beat me to it, Mont.

Tony Tea

Not that there is anything in Jake's article that cricket fans don't already know.

Big Ramifications
Warnie is famous for supporting his mates and ignoring his non mates (enemies is probably taking it too far). Not sure if he's mates with Marsh....

You and m0nty have just reminded me of Shane's 4 part MANIFESTO. Jesus, how could I have forgotten about it?! Certainly wasn't "loving his insights" back then. At the time I thought it was the work of a man coming slightly unhinged. After this comments thread I think there might have been some favouritism involved as well.

Shane wanted Ian Chappell appointed as Consultant Sounding Board!! And to "be around the playing group when needed." Bloody hell, imagine that morose MOOD HOOVER constantly hanging around the dressing room, offering his sounding-board expertise.

ps: Tony, Shaun Marsh was in Warnie's dream teams for all 3 forms of the game.

pps: I'll rephrase my previous endorsement to: "I always love Warnie's insights IN THE COMMENTARY BOX REGARDING THE CURRENT STATE OF PLAY AND STRATEGIC OPTIONS."

m0nty

Quietly, Timmay is now quite a good bowler.

Professor Rosseforp

How would the West Indies go against any Sheffield Shield side? Or for that matter, and first grade side in Australia?

Professor Rosseforp

previous comment "and" should read "any"

Professor Rosseforp

Tony, at the beginning of the series you asked what the commentators would talk about with a return to "day-day Tests" -- I hadn't realised that this actually referred to 2 day tests rather than the opposite of day-night tests.
I look forward to the possibility of night-night tests.

I am and will always be Non Trampis

pathetic test and side.

Why is Roach selected. He bowls at 130 ks yet thinks he is still bowling at 150k!

given the woeful arrangement of the kiwis and now this does the ACB want to destroy test cricket!

I am and will always be Non Trampis

any comment on the stupid idea that a players can use drugs to enhance their performance in cricket,

an idea so stupid I cannot =believe anyone takes it seriously!

Tony Tea

Beta blockers?

The Sword of Summer

Speaking of cricketers using drugs to enhance their performance, I can't believe the AGB didn't cover this Dean Jones classic column of cockshite.

After the "poor old misery me" opening we get to:

Once Simpson agreed, the whole team went hysterical. "You will get us killed," they yelled at me. I personally couldn't give a shit about them as they were going to Adelaide.

...

Mark Taylor was furious. Tubby yelled out, "What are you doing? I have two kids. What are you thinking?" I really couldn't care less about Tubby at the time as he was going to Adelaide as well.

...


Test debutant Justin Langer was hit all over his body by Ambrose. But he had my Test spot so I didn't have a lot of sympathy for him.

...

There is no justice in this world as Waugh got away with it, but I didn't.

Is this the same Dean Jones who said recently, Selecting players is not all about how many runs a batsman makes or wickets a bowler takes. It is also about what they offer to the team.?

No wonder he suckholes the BCCI as it seems everyone else hates him, and he hates them in return.

I'd say "Bravo, Deano, for the honesty" but am in agreement with that astute gentleman "carrying four schooners [who] yelled out, "You bloody idiot, Jones!"

The Sword of Summer

Just wondering, does anyone know of any heavy hitting sports journo taking the Aussie selectors to TASK over their puzzling omission of Shaun Marsh?

I'd like to know if there are any journos of the stripe of Diogenes of Sinope who would take to task the selectors for EVER considering Smarsh in the first place.

I am and will always be Non Trampis

Darryl hit a decent 50 for a tailender

Tony Tea

Swordy, I covered that Deano nonsense in the Deano post about away teams losing.

Tony Tea

One thing's for sure: no follow on enforcement.

Sword turned into Ploughshare

Sorry, missed your Christmas Day update. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year one and all, by the way.

Tony Tea

Merry festive us.

Sword turned into Ploughshare

Joe Burns, ton notwithstanding, doesn't fill me with faith.

Sword turned into Ploughshare

Nice Seinfeld flourish there, Tones.

Tony Tea

No, I mentioned the other day: "Not that I am convinced by Burns. Some of his batting yesterday was get out-worthy against the current Windies, let alone against a better attack."

Sword turned into Ploughshare

I concur.

Sword turned into Ploughshare

That's Calypso? More like unco.

Carrot

Wow, we're going to have a fourth day - whoda thunk it.

The Mongrel

Gather around fellas, for we have an important matter to discuss.

The obvious nickname for Kraigg Brathwaite is Daryl (note the single 'r' Trampis).

But there are two Brathwaites in the team. What to do?

Today I convened a meeting of the Kennel to discuss this (AGB Cricket, bringing families together at Christmas).

The Bitch, a Braithwaite tragic, said Daryl has a twin brother named Glenn.

The Pup, a soccer tragic, said Toulouse has a gun player named Martin Braithwaite.

So - Daryl and Glenn. Or Daryl and Martin.

We now return to normal programming.

The Mongrel

On a similar topic, whenever the commentators mention Dwayne Bravo, I think of Snake from the Simpsons saying "Bra-vo!"

As Snake's full name is Albert Knickerbocker Aloysius Snake, that should give us something to work with.

Carrot

Dwayne Bravo already has a nickname, given to him by JRod when he was still actually playing international cricket - Dwayne "Smackdown" Bravo.

philsgone

heres hoping Smivvy gets another ton, just to upset Ian Chappel who says every deecision has to revolve around the team first. Bugger that lets do some individual work for a change. Make sure Cook doesnt top the test run scorers for 2015. Also who is the top of the list - test + ODI + 2020 for 2015?

Tony Tea

Whenever I hear "Bravo" I think of Westerns, particularly spaghetti flavoured ones.

Cook's out in the second innings so he can't go past Smith.

I am and will always be Non Trampis

Easy peezy.the big man is sherbet and the other is Daryl. Admonishment accepted. howzat?

philsgone

a bit too much summer love there I think. Caught in the slipstream perhaps? Still there was a lovely silvery moon over the day/night test.

Tony Tea

Root is still batting. He's 60* and needs 103 to overhaul Smith.

Tony Tea

If Haddin hadn't dropped Root in the first Ashes Test and lost us the Ashes, Root would probably be too far back to challenge Smith. I say "probably" because Steyn is injured and Root is good enough to go big.

Tony Tea

Root is out. Smith is No.1.

philsgone

Warner and Smith, Cook and Root, opener and teams best batsman in both cases.

Not Elliot Rodger

Just to lighten up the mood.

RIP Lemmy and Rowdy Roddy

Congratulations, Tones: Peter FitzSimons joined your club.

You get it through your thick noggin, at last: while it is a better night with grog, it is a better life without.

(Ha, not having a go at ya. If I had to choose I'd prefer Lemmy over FitzFucKnuckle any day of the weak.)

Tony Tea

Fitzy still writes like a smug, smartarse, fake self-deprecating tool.

Motorhead have always been crap. Singing Ace of Spades on The Young Ones can never change that fact.

RIP Lemmy and Rowdy Roddy

Amazing! I posted that video at a forum earlier tonight! Here it is (For the record: A few great songs, the rest utter)

Still, Lemmy will go down as playing the opening song for Triple H, music with ensuing royalties for Tony Hawke video games and not to mention GTA. FitzFuck? A big fat nothing. Like Adam and the Ants, but worse: A big fat nothing.

RIP Lemmy and Rowdy Roddy

Damn, doubled up my slam dunk song link quote.

philsgone

My only memory is the same, Ace of Spades on The Young Ones. Never inspired me to buy a CD or ever go and see them live. I did however form a life long appreciation for Alexi Sayle as a result of TYO.

Tony Tea

I forgot to add why I thought Fitz was a fake self-deprecater: boomka. People who use slang and get it wrong get right up my goat.

The Ordeal of Civility

Yeah, I thought that was a clanger too but second guessed myself that maybe there was another variant of fatty boomba out there.

I should never second guess myself when it comes to anything Peter FettKopf writes.

On that point, it's funny how people change their ways to lose the fat from their guts but they don't have the introspection to lose the fat from their heads.

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