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Tony Tea

At least Perth Tests are optimal for eastern states TVs.

Hangover Black

Anyone read the Caitlyn McGregor article in the Oz today? Had some amusing lines, including Perth spectators becoming "inexplicably inebriated through the consumption of watermelons."

Tony Tea

"Can I help you, mate?"

"Yeah, one slab of watermelons, please."

philsgone

when the WACA is left to rot as they move away to the new ground, whenever that is, we will forfeit our capacity to win test series on a permanent basis in our own country. We need more WACA's not less

2BarRiff

Quite excellent little intro to Crooky's commentary today.

Tony Tea

Flagrant roadism from CA and the valued broadcast partner.

Tony Tea

Dunno about the poetry, etc, but this from Crooky grabbed my attention: "In the wild wild west of Australia, arguably the most isolated city in the world, the most storied cricket ground of all is close to hosting its last Test." The WACA is Dan Brown compared with the books of the MCG, SCG, Lords, etc.

Big Ramifications

What were they drinking when they came up with the DRS rules?

Russ

philisgone, Australia's record at the WACA is arguably the worst for any ground. Adjusted for opposition, I suspect Hobart is, but they've played some shit cricket in Perth over the years (3 losses, 1 draw and 5 wins in the last 9 tests).

Carrot

Disappointing to see the Kiwis bowl so poorly on this tour so far. Was hoping they'd bring the sort of form they showed in England to this series.

Carrot

Have I ever mentioned on here how much I despise the Channel Nine commentary? Obsequious, sycophantic bullshit artists, the lot of them. "Get 'im up here, I wanna boof him" used to be funny, but it's not far from the truth, these days. Just embarrassing.

Big Ramifications

Ravey Davey's average was 46.78 at the beginning of this series, now it's 50.48. A 3.7 run increase in your average after 80 innings is a mighty fine feat, I'm here to tell ya.

[I'm cheating a bit using the current "not out" century. If he gets out for 122 or more then his average will remain over 50.00]

Carrot

I'm not a fan of Khawaja's Gower-esque swishing outside off stump - part mannersim, part technique. It's got him some runs here, but it's also produced (perhaps arguably) two edges to the keeper in this innings so far, and I can't see it working for him anywhere other than Australia. More evidence to support Russ' remark at the end of the Ashes - if you keep producing roads, you can't be surprised if players fail in different conditions.

Big Ramifications

I was thinking the same thing, Carrot. When it comes to cover drives I can't tell the difference between a good shot and a bad shot.

If Khawaja had recently got dismissed 2 or 3 times playing the exact same shot then the commentators would be analysing them frame-by-frame, saying how he needs to move his front foot more, needs to get his head over it more.

But if it goes for 4? "Magnificent stroke!" "David Gower!" "So relaxed."

Tony Tea

Khawaja look dodgy against bouncers.

Carrot

The SOKO 2015/16 edition is definitely on. This is not Test cricket. We can't possibly justify our performance with the bat in England and the subcontinent in recent times when we serve up conditions like this at home time and time again. It was great during the Waugh era, but Tests that run at 4 runs plus an over are terrible for both Australian cricket and cricket in general.

Carrot

I'm being a real scrooge here today, but Warner's leap and carry-on when he passes a milestone is really annoying. Bring back Steve Waugh - acknowledge the crowd, the dressing-room, shake your partner's hand, get on with it. Just another day at the office.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Gee, it's a real good thing this game wasn't played at Blacktown otherwise it would be have to be abandoned at Lunch tomorrow.

Let's see:

1st Test at the Gabba: Lunch Day Two. Oz 3/482 off 116 overs.

2nd Test at the WACA: Stumps day one. Oz 2/416 off 90 overs. Run Rate = 4.62. Projection for Lunch Day 2: 30 overs at 3.00 (being conservative) = 90, Lunch score = 506 off 120 overs.

Tour Match: Cricket Australia XI v New Zealanders at Sydney: Lunch day 2. Oz 1/503 off 121 overs.

Spot the odd one out. No? They all look on a par? Yes...yes...yes they do, come to think of it.

Did Tom Parker prepare the Gabba and WACA pitches? Of course not otherwise the game would have to be abandoned due to the slippery conditions and the Kiwis awarded the Test on default. It looks to my eyes that the Blacktown pitch offered the Kiwis a very good opportunity to experience Oz Test conditions; an offer which was spitefully snubbed, much to their own detriment.

And on that note, I was most disappointed to hear Tom Latham's answer to the Grandstand question: "What will you have to do tomorrow to turn things around?"

Reply: "We'll just have to come out and be bitter."

That's not very sporting.

m0nty

We were very lucky to win the toss both times.

Russ

Further evidence from Dan Brettig's article today of the problem: Top averages in Australia with more than 20 games
Don Bradman 33 4322 98.23 18
David Warner 23 2370 64.05 11
Michael Clarke 53 4654 62.05 17
Michael Hussey 45 3794 61.19 14
Matthew Hayden 56 5210 57.89 21
Doug Walters 37 3065 57.83 10
Ricky Ponting 92 7578 56.98 23
Bill Lawry 30 2818 56.36 8
Greg Chappell 55 4515 54.40 16
Michael Slater 33 2842 52.63 9

3 of the top 4 playing in the last few years, another 2 in the top 7 from the decade before that. Smith (14 games) would currently be in third. Warner, Clarke, Hussey, Hayden and Slater have almost 20 run differences between home and away averages - the sort of talking point normally reserved for Sri Lankans.

The pitches are appalling roads. They probably have been for 20 years, but it was easy to miss when Warne and McGrath were slaughtering all-comers and the matches ended on day 5.

Ignatius J. Reilly

4/512 after 122 overs.

Tony Tea

Smith's on thin ice.

Carrot

Re: the Marsh decision, the boot doesn't have to be grounded behind the line, there just has to be evidence that something was behind it at some point, whether in the air or not. Right decision for mine, and it doesn't help that the line seems to be a a good couple of inches wide! What arseholery is that, anyway? Have we not already established how lop-sided these conditions are in favour of the batsman?

Tony Tea

I though a part of the foot had to, at some stage, touch the ground behind the line.

Tony Tea

Nope. Off the ground is allowed:

(b) the bowler’s front foot must land with some part of the foot, whether grounded or raised... (ii) behind the popping crease.

Ignatius J. Reilly

What a shame that Their Don has to come in just when the pitch is falling to pieces.

Smuth in commentary loves to rave about the Kiwi Union team so here's a union to cricket comparison:

Oz has declared all 3 innings so far. 2 x 500 plus 1st innings.

First test scoreline, where only 8 Oz wickets fell, would be an equivalent union scoreline of 145-3.

The 3 points is for a penalty goal that Kane Williamson kicked.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Srinivas Murthy: "KW is turning out to be the best and the most pure test batsmen of the current generation. Hope NZ gets to play more cricket in the coming years!"

Yes, nothing better for Test match cricket than seeing the Kiwis get flogged over 5 days.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Lippy you deadset champion!

Carrot

Hope Their Don bats until Christmas. It's no less than we deserve after the conditions we've served up for this series. Adelaide will only be worse, surely.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Bring on Steve O'Keefe!

Big Ramifications

I take big pack marks.

Ignatius J. Reilly

What! Does that mean?

On that note: What did Our PM mean when he said: "Freedom was assaulted today"?

Tony Tea

He actually said "Peanuts were a-salted."

Ignatius J. Reilly

I thought he was saying that Freedom was ass-aulted, which I took as offensively homophobic.

Ignatius J. Reilly

(Not to mention an Americanised bastardisation of our language. Liberté, égalité, fraternité!)

Ignatius J. Reilly

Tom Parker has reconsidered: Time to get a drop-in pitch to placate CA and m0nt.

Ignatius J. Reilly

The pitch we were supposed to get.

What we got instead.

I blame Victoria Cricket and their abandonment of the game at the SCG.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Get a fucken' wicket would yers, CA!

Ignatius J. Reilly

This one's for the next ten overs.

Ignatius J. Reilly

For NZ on the back of the wicket of their Don: He's gone

Big Ramifications

I'm calling bullshit on Starc's second 100 mph effort [160kph]. His next ball [150kph] looked faster.

ps: Marsh's dad would have caught it.

Ignatius J. Reilly

3/366 has ominous numbering.

Ignatius J. Reilly

WACA is Dire

Ignatius J. Reilly

I was wrong. Allah's mercy is long indeed, like a Habib, or a Kebab after a late night coming home from a night club, or a lamb slaughtered at Eid al-Fitr.

Makes me want to sing and break these clouds of tyranny; la ilaha ilallah muhammadun rasulullah, alaihi salatullah wa alihi wal ahibba

Ignatius J. Reilly

Note the similarity with Genesis and Kebab music. Right here by my side, Allah's pride.

Read the lyrics. Genesis have infiltrated us.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Where Phil Collins treads; deserts follow.

Ignatius J. Reilly

My ode to Ross Taylor must have got spammed. Top knock, Ross. Get 200. May Allah have mercy on our souls, proceed.

Tony Tea

These Aussies, they never drop those. Except when they do. Fvck we grass some sitters.

Ignatius J. Reilly

After all the bullshit about flat-pitches and Victorian moaning about CA this Kiwi team bereft of any talent and much praised way beyond measure, all on account of the media's predilicatioon for hatred of blood and soil, and its determined Judeo-American stance to rough-ride any decency into the ground all for its Cultural-Marxist vanguard, we can only but stand and applaud the mighty Ross Taylor who is beyond all of this, just a man, against 11, and goes in unbeaten facing nothing but the best we have to give; which is the best.

Ross Taylor: I salute you.

Big Ramifications

Interesting discussion going on regarding the DRS referral the umpires wanting to have a look upstairs for Warner's catch appeal.

Smuthy is ropeable. He's saying that it should have cost Australia a referral and the umpires should NOT have referred it upstairs on their own volition. Otherwise why didn't the umpies do the same thing regarding McCullum's "disgraceful" decision in the previous Test?
Heal's countered that the umpies regularly do that for CATCHING decisions, but not LBWs.

Which made no sense AT ALL coz McCullum was given out caught. There was deathly silence in the comm box for a few seconds after Heal's stupid reply. Larfs!

DRS is all kinds of farked up. On top of Smuthy's gripe, we have: "If the umpire gets it wrong by 50% of the width of the ball or less then that makes it right".

Ignatius J. Reilly

I would like to start a petition that Peter Fitzsimons be offered up as the first of our national tributes to ISIS in the form of Jizya.

The guy is a jizzologist of great repute, after all.

Let Peter Fitzsimons be our Andromeda to feed the Waleed Ali of his lefty desires.

Ignatius J. Reilly

For Ross Taylor's imminent double ton.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Ross Taylor's double ton is much undone by the fact that this pitch is made for flat-track bullies, is it not?

Nah. Quite to the contrary.

Top double knock, Ross.

My Sharona used to have one of the best lead guitar solos ever written and played in White man's history. For some reason it was cut and even to this day you cannot find the full length on normal White man's Youtube. For you, nevertheless, Ross.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Freedom

Ignatius J. Reilly

Imagine being slaughtered by the hundreds only for your brethren to pretend ritual bonding with a minute's silence at a sport's game, as all your elected officials mouth platitudes about "freedom", "democracy", "equality".

Ignatius J. Reilly

We are witnessing the greatest double ton on Oztralian soil

Tony Tea

I still reckon Ross Taylor is a bit of a spud.

Ignatius J. Reilly

This one's goin' out to Paris, France: Love is a Stranger

It seems like a religion.

philsgone

Now that Mitch 1 has 311 wickets, will he endure Adelaide to pick up 10 more against the Windies or pull the pin at the end of the game. Starc is no.1 paceman now, mitch is pretty much no. 3. I hope he stays on for an SCG farewell to test cricket

2BarRiff

I for one am glad that NZ didn't declare overnight which has spared AUS the shame of being bowled out before tea and losing late on the 4th day.

Tony Tea

Watch Australia crumble when we eventually bat.

2BarRiff

It will be a very Australian collapse.

Maybe that's the title of Gideon Haigh's next book.

Ignatius J. Reilly

The collapse begins.

2BarRiff

Effectively 2 for -57 with Khawaja injured. Enough time for our goose to be cooked by stumps.

Ignatius J. Reilly

What's going on with these Kookaburra balls? How many times have they been replaced in this series?

Ignatius J. Reilly

Warner gone blazing away. 3 down and still behind.

m0nty

Well, we know where we're goin'
But we don't know where we've been
And we know what we're knowin'
But we can't say what we've seen

And we're not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

Carrot

We're on track for six hundreds in this match, eleven from the series so far, and New Zealand are yet to bat in the fourth innings. Madness. Could there be an argument that these conditions in some way hurt players' records rather than enhances them? As in "well, he gots a truckload of runs against New Zealand/Australia, but really, you didn't have to work very hard for your runs in that series".

m0nty

We say that about Indian roads all the time. This is all Tony Abbott's fault, he was obsessed with roads.

m0nty

Time for a scorecheck:

Carrot

Yes - have we become the new India? We used to think that the reputations and records that some of these guys had were ridiculous, particularly when they failed so routinely away from home. There was the utterly stupid level of media-driven hero-worship, too - which contributed in no small part to the clusterfuck that Monkeygate was ("no Indian player would ever be racist!"). Listening to what you'd swear is some sort of patriotic editorial agenda from Nein where every Australian player is amazing, incredible, such a strong character and good bloke to boot, there's a fair amount of that around in Australia as well. From my maybe limited persepective in Germany, it looks like now more than ever that Australian cricket has become a self-congratulatory, back-slapping boys' club.

I blame Mark Nicholas.

Big Ramifications

It's the 5th time in history that 2 players have made 250 runs in the same Test, according to Gushing Gideon. Hmm, I thought it might have been a tad rarer occurrence.

// but like Carrot noted above – still plenty of batting to come
// is 3× 200 run innings on the cards?
// wonder if anyone's running a book on that?
// slashies!!

Big Ramifications

Sorry, not Gushing Gideon, I mean the other gusher. Jibber Jabbering Gerard.

[Gerard Whateley, that is. A bit harsh, but it was the only alliteration I could come up with.]

Ignatius J. Reilly

I'm thoroughly sick of the pack of SJW wankers that infest our media.

Two stories: 'Horrendous sportsmanship': Australia shamed

"After the innings - he's made 290 - not one person from the Australian camp went and shook his hand," Nannes said.

"In the spirit of the way this game has been played ... I can't help but be disappointed that no one actually went out to him and shook his hand. It's not that hard is it?

"You don't have a guy bat for a day and half out and there and just not even acknowledge it. That's horrendous sportsmanship."

Ross Taylor bats away criticism of Australia's sportsmanship

Reflecting on his innings, Taylor said he was disappointed to miss 300 but said he had no problems with the Australia's sportsmanship.

"When I get out, I just walk off as quick as I can. I don't want to stay out there any longer than I have to," Taylor said.

"I got out on the far side of the boundary. They were all congratulating them (Lyon and Wells). I am walking off as fast as I can to hopefully get a catch (when play resumed) - that wasn't to happen until after lunch.

"I am sure it was just a co-incidence more than anything."

Voges said the match had been played in an "outstanding spirit so far".

"I think, to a man, we all clapped Ross for every milestone that he made. And I shook his hand at the end of play today. I think the game has been played in wonderful spirit so far," he said.

"We all clapped. It was an amazing innings."

Every Summer the Fairfax press and ABC press in particular go seeking nits to pick in the Australian team. The sport is not about the game but some social justice issue that is rammed down our throats and someone gets ritually nailed to that cross for an imagined transgression against the gods of the inner city.

I hope Dirk Nannes gets run over by a cement truck. Actually, I hope Dirk Nannes is leading a pack of Fairfax and ABC press cyclists down the M7 and I'm driving the cement truck that runs over them.

Check the comments to the first article. SMH should get their cricket threads sponsored by a cuckold porn website; it's a match made in marketing heaven.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Excellent work on the roadsign picture, m0nt.

Re. the pitch, how much has the failure of the Kookaburra cricket ball contributed to the huge scores?

Red faces at WACA over state of balls

There have been at least seven ball changes through the combined first innings at the WACA – an unprecedented number – after players complained the balls were out of shape.

The second new ball was changed after 3 balls by NZ in our first innings. That's astounding.

The Test balls had originally been hand stitched but, according to former Australian allrounder Tom Moody, have never been the same since they became machine stitched, with the cork imported from Portugal.

On the subject of pitches and balls, I would like to see tailor-made pitches and the balls to suit featured in an extended Shield season.

Blacktown could be prepared to resemble an Indian dust-bowl with all teams required to play one match on it. Likewise, a pitch somewhere should be prepared to resemble a swinging English pitch with the Dukes ball mandatory, and again all teams required to play one match on it.

Obviously there are financial constraints in achieving this schedule but if people are fair dinkum about our inability to produce away then this seems to me the best way to go about preparing cricketers for the conditions abroad.

In a horses for courses style of thinking individual figures achieved on these pitches should be weighted heavily in terms of selection for upcoming tours.

Perhaps if the tour is India or United Arab Emirates then Blacktown prepared to match those pitches. If the tour is England then likewise Blacktown prepared to suit.

Anyway, that's my practical suggestion that doesn't require moralising about sportsmanship and the blackened nature of the Oz sporting soul. Maybe one game per year could be played in a Greens held Melbourne or Sydney seat with Pauline Hanson in a stockade to attract all the ABC types to actually go to a game instead of fouling up the commentary threads of cricket articles.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Dirk Nannes

Never played a Test.

1 ODI, 1 run, high score of 1 for an average of 1.

Says it all, really.

m0nty

How do you prepare a swinging pitch, Pat? Do you get the requisite moisture to waft up from it? Or have one of those doohickeys that create mist installed on the upwind side of the ground? Plus a big-arse tarp over the whole joint to recreate overcastness?

The Blacktown ground should be prepared to be dug up and made into medium-density housing for Syrian refugees. Clearly, it is not fit for cricket.

Ignatius J. Reilly

How do you prepare a swinging pitch, Pat?

I don't know. I am a technician not a greenskeeper. I make these suggestions hoping that someone with the requisite skills and knowledge could go about implementing what's required.

I have no idea what you have against the Blacktown oval but it's there, it's supposed to be the home ground of GWS Giants but they threw a hissy fit and went to Homebush instead. Lord knows this country has enough Victorian cucks infesting the airwaves without you adding to the mix.

My suggestion is genuine and a good one. It's practical, meets an obvious need, is a pragmatic response to the incessant whinging of certain cricket circle-jerks about road pitches and our inability to consistently do well when touring, especially the subcontinent, most of which I agree with completely.

We could do something about it or we can piss in to the wind. The choice is yours.

Carrot

"Incessant whinging...... most of which I agree with completely". Hilarious! Mis-direction is a sadly under-used comedic art. Well played, Pat!

Ignatius J. Reilly

Ha, I meant that I agree with the problems highlighted but contra incessant whinging about them I propose a solution (sadly met with ridicule by the usual suspects :-) )

Ignatius J. Reilly

The Blacktown ground should be prepared to be dug up and made into medium-density housing for Syrian refugees.

What, you mean you don't want them in Seymour? I bet you're the sort of guy who's very generous with other people's money; full of grandiose ideas about what everyone else should do but please, not in my backyard.

My suggested solution, non-political-partisan, to refugee relocation is that we have a national plebiscite and all those who want a refugee get them allocated to their postcode. Those postcodes who don't want them, don't get them. It's a win-win: refugees get to be located away from racist strongholds and the bleeding hearts get to put their wallets and towns where their mouths are.

Are you up for it, m0nt?

First cab off the rank is the seat of Wentworth. As per your suggestion, the Royal Sydney Golf Club at Rose Bay could be "dug up and made into medium-density housing for Syrian refugees". I bet President Turnbull would be up for that, as would his electorate.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Principles and practice of pitch preparation

That article is a start on how pitches are prepared.

As for the climatic conditions required to produce swing bowling I'm not the expert, but it's my understanding it's a combination of pitch type (moisture content of the soil) and weather conditions. Tasmania may produce a climate similar to England, I don't know. The point is, just as we have sporting academies and cricket academies etc we should be able to produce pitches that replicate foreign conditions.

Cricket Australia has stated they want to do such for Indian pitches. Australia want their own Indian soil

I also am in favour of our various grounds producing the traditional types of pitches we have been used to. This WACA pitch does not seem to be typical. Was this a deliberate selection to ensure the game lasted 5 days and thus increase revenue? Those questions should be asked and answered.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Btw, my appreciation of your road sign pic was genuine, m0nt. It made me laugh.

philsgone

Farewell Studsy, we will never forget the 2013/14 Ashes, and those 2 South African tours. Mow all we need are some decent curators to stop the rest of te attack retiring.

m0nty

After hosting many AJ (Army Jerk) households due to nearby Puckapunyal, the state government decreed in its wisdom many moons ago that Seymour was to have about a quarter of its housing set up for ex-cons. So I guess Syrian refugees would feel right at home, complete with audible ack-acking from the local firing range, plus the odd sheep exploding from tank ordnance.

After recent events, it appears Blacktown is not suitable for cricket. Perhaps a shrine can be erected to newly-retired Studsy. I'm thinking The Big Handlebar.

Ignatius J. Reilly

I vote m0nty as national curator to resuscitate fast bowling in Oz!

m0nty

It will be called the Hold The Seam Upright You Dumbarses Academy.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Ok, declaration calculation time. Avge innings RR for this Test is 4. 90 overs in a day = 360 getable.

Need minimum 75 overs to bowl them out (do we lose overs for change of innings?.

Therefore we need to bat at RR >4 for 15 overs.

If we can bat @ 7 RR then that's a target of 300.

NZ required RR would be 4 off 75.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Should state the bleeding obvious, we don't need to win Kiwis do. Not sure why NZ has a defensive, as opposed to attacking, field.

I get the impression that touring teams know the Oz media slags Oz if we don't set getable declaration targets so hopefully Smith puts the kebosh on that idea and bats them out of the game.

philsgone

Bat all day, another doublee century for smivvy, kiwi bowlers ground into the dust. Now thats a good result for us. Bugger the declaration.

Ignatius J. Reilly

That wicket of Smith puts a different perspective on setting a declaration. Bat till lunch and reassess.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Hopefully we can bat till lunch.

m0nty

Is there still cricket on? I thought it would have been called off by now.

Tony Tea

Recently I wrote that it will soon be against the rules to not applaud opponents or to not shake their hand. That rule is not far off.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Whoah! Out by half a centimeter. 7.5 overs in tthe session with a lead of 229.

They're gunna want to bat on after lunch.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Yep. Sadly I reckon you're right, Tones. Just like the Union rule that you must face the haka and you must stand at least ten metres from it and not approach it.

This is what the Left has done to our culture.

Ignatius J. Reilly

Geeze that ball looks badly beaten and out of shape. Can the batsmen ask for the ball to be changed?

philsgone

If Studsy gets 50, he'll take 5 wickets when they bat. Runs= wickets, its the Studsy way

Tony Tea

I'm not sure whether the batsmen can appeal to change the ball. The fielding side often appeals to the umpires to change the ball, but I've never seen a batting side do it. I guess it's more likely the bowling side would want to change the ball, since they are the ones who have most to gain by keeping it in a certain state. But I suspect it's a batsman's right to appeal against the ball's condition.

Tony Tea

PS: This summer is a dreadful ad for Kookaburra.

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