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If momentum = mass x velocity, whats the formula for nomentum?

Tony Tea

Myth x falsity.


Free M. Patard!!!

Tony Tea



Ability x confidence


M. Patard is in a Phantom Zone of his own creation. Hopefully he's wearing some spiffy v-neck spandex.

M. Patard

m0nty, I am not Cameron.

He is a mate of mine, from a long time back on this blog. I met him here. It shits me that you think I am trolling as Cam, but let me lay to rest now that he isn't me and I am not him.

TT could attest to that if he had the IQ to check his own blog stats for IPs.

I let you have the last word, now let me fuck off in peace.

Tony Tea

I never knew there was a question you are Cameron.

For the record, you're not.

M. Patard

Thanks, TT.

m0nty has cast several aspersions, and I thank you for your indulgence on this score.

You might also indulge me as to what exactly it was that I said that offended you so immensely the other day? I do have a blog, of bitterness if you want, by the way.

I appreciate that you are not responsible for my words and shouldn't suffer for them. I've always acknowledged that you should feel free to delete me. But I don't want to second guess everything that comes out of my mouth, whether drunk or sober.

I have never used your blog as my launching pad, at your expense, and not mine. Everything I've said I've said before on numerous occasions, on blogs or in real life.

I read through those comments I made and cannot find anything that I said that I disagree with, nor would want to re-write. I was drunk, and still don't retract them. A lot of the time I write gibberish whilst sober.

In short: you took offense, that's enough. Life is short. I don't give a shit beyond the fact that you do. I'm anonymous and you feel you aren't. In other words, I am not apologising, but saying, thanks for your time, I have enjoyed it, you're a funny guy who I admire (still, somehow) and I'm sorry that my opinions offend you so much that you must declare me abhorrent.

Fuck all your journo mates :-)

PS. Did you know that Robert Plant doesn't like Led Zeppelin I, and wanted to re-do the whole thing?

M. Patard

you're a funny guy who I admire (still, somehow)

I didn't mean that in a suckholing way. Now that we're all getting into the finer points of things, I meant I have admired you as a fellow blogger, with none of the bs that goes on in msm.

I don't read blogs to have the same shit shat back at me I can read at the smh or daily terror. I read blogs for the sort of veracity and writing vernacular I see here, sometimes, in posts and by you commenters.

And, m0nty, love to break it to ya: I still comment at Catallaxy. Different name, that's all. Quite a popular one too. Guess which one it is.


So I guess Papercuts new nickname is P76


Where did I say Cameron was Pat? I missed that bit.

Pat, if you tried that racist crap you spouted in the last test thread over at Catallaxy they would run you out even quicker than last time. They may have many faults but they don't tolerate outright racism on their blog. No one should have to... least of all TT at a cricket blog.

Just because you don't disagree with anything you said doesn't mean others have to agree with you. If you're too lily-livered to cop criticism for spewing forth views that are anathema to the vast majority of the populace, you can cry into your beer somewhere else.

This is a cricket blog. Talk cricket please. Leave that other stuff to your own blog.

Tony Tea

Well, "coons" and "cunts" are not usually considered bon mot in polite society.

Nor would an ability to leave them out require you to second guess yourself. That kind of justification is veering into the realms of sophistry.

Tony Tea

PS: I don't get offended by things that are not directed to me.

Tony Tea

PPS: Cameron says you are Sinclair Davidson.

Tony Tea

PC76: Paper Cut 76.

M. Patard

Yes, coons and cunts are definitely for the wee hours, and special company. I suppose I did transgress there. Is redneck and cracker ok? According to msm, federal parliament and Anthony Mundine they are, so I'm confused on the matter.

When is a racial slur not a racial slur? Stupid question. When it's directed at a White person, of course.

Remember when Spanky and Buchanan celebrated the impending demise of "Anglos" in the game in Oz? They wrote their racial exterminationist tracts in the smh. I don't recall too many people getting upset about that. I don't recall His Prissiness, m0nty, getting up on his high horse of humbug and denouncing them.

But, who am I to second guess the double standards?

Yo, bargarse: last time I looked this blog is owned by TT, not you. Catch the 414 from Flinders Street Railway Station all the way to Sanctimony Central. There's two LGBT ciscgenders and a poodle waiting for you to join them for a chat, cappuccino and street theatre protest. Make sure you bring your big papier mâché head with you.


The view is good up here on the high horse of humbug.

I did say the magic word.


"racial exterminationist tracts"? That's a very long bow to draw - but hyperbole is your style.

The host has decided that your signal to noise ratio is poor and asked you to leave the party. Have the good grace to walk out rather than be thrown out.

M. Patard

With regard the word "cunt" I would like to draw your attention to the fact that wymins and progressives of all types, that the ilk of m0nt must admire, have been battering down the doors of hetero-normative patriachal ownership of the word, for some time:

The incredible explosive word

Muscio believes the word, a mere four letters but so powerful (as she says, "There is something about it ... it's just so base; it's like, it means business, you know?") is a metaphor for the status of women. While they are oppressed, the word will be oppressed, too.

But as much as Muscio wants to reclaim, reshape and empower women to use "c...", much in the way the gay community has adopted "queer" and African-Americans have taken back "nigger", even she says that she sometimes uses the word for ill.

Kick-ass chicks: the rise of cinema's mean girls

Kick-Ass is based on a comic book by famed Scottish writer Mark Millar. He set out to shock, and achieved his aim. Not just bloody, this was probably the first film in which an 11-year-old girl used the C-word. Going up against a room full of drug dealers, her opening line is: "OK you c---s, let’s see what you can do now".

As you can see, I am at the vanguard of gender-liberation and radical-autonomy. Rather than castigate and browbeat me you should be praising me, celebrating and eulogising* me. An apology is not necessary. All I require is adulation.

*To eulogise someone is not only used for a formal funeral speech, it is also used as meaning "To praise highly in speech or writing." Though, perhaps the former meaning is appropriate in this instance.

M. Patard

Bruce says: The host has decided that your signal to noise ratio is poor and asked you to leave the party. Have the good grace to walk out rather than be thrown out.

Thanks for your erroneous insight, dearest Bruce. You might like to check your privilege before spouting off falsehoods. Re-read TT, and tell me where he has asked you [me] to leave the party". You will note, and I quote, "(Pat is not banned)".

One of the things I like about the American Bill of Rights is "Freedom of Association" as guaranteed by the 1st Amendment. Here, check it out.

You are free to not associate with me and I, likewise, not to associate with you. I am not making you read my comments, you choose to do so of your own volition. Own your choices, Bruce.

I am more than happy to "fuck off" and will do so. I am clearing matters up, before I do so. Yep, pretty much cleared them up. Now I'll fuck off.

M. Patard

Damn, forgot to turn off italics.

Let it be my parting inadvertent gift.

Big Ramifications

We knew when we began it wouldn't last forever but we always thought somehow it would get better. Just look around and see the mess we're in. It all falls down like a house of cards. Yeah, it all falls down like a house of cards in the wind. It all falls down like a house of cards.


I wanted to put my comment in the correct thread, because I have manners and stuff, but it was CLOSED. http://aftergrogblog.blogs.com/cricket/2013/12/kiwi-undersuspicion-stinks.html

Big Ramifications

Crikey! I just read the comments up top. I've bin on 'olidays and missed Pat's performance. I don't think I'll bother checking what was written.

Speaking of "coons" and "carnts". My boy Michael has been a talking point lately, and here he is knee-deep in coons and carnts. What are the odds?

// I wheely bin in jail, but don't tell anybody

food terroirist

when can we start talking about the cricket?

Tony Tea

I bow to no man in my esteem for m0nty, with the exception that I actually like good waffle. Just not fond of bad waffle. And it's not as if the internet is running out of room.

Tony Tea

That's not italics. That's Pat's letters lying down giving up the ghost.


Come back Sinclair!

M. Patard

when can we start talking about the cricket?

Anytime you like, FT.

Here, I'll get you started: the 3rd Test at Cape Town starts in two days. Saturday 01/03/2014 at approximately 18:30 Australian Eastern Standard Time. This would be 15:30 for you. The time now is 15:20, Thursday 27/02/2014, leaving us 51 hours and ten minutes to get this thread to the second page.

Are you interested in me reciting the works of Neville Cardus and posting it to Youtube to fill in the hours? I'll wear a beaver hat, "a hundred and two feet wide, With ribbons and bibbons on every side, And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace, So that nobody ever could see the face Of the Quangle Wangle Quee".

Perhaps a poetic rendition of Spanky's finest insults of White Australians, instead?

Or, let's see, how thick do you reckon Davey Boy's bat is? Is it kosher? Is it fair? How can we compare past generations of batsmen to this generation when the equipment is decidedly advantageous to the modern day wonder boys?

What's the weather like in Cape Town? Good enough for the 5 days? Who is getting dropped for PC76? Why are South African women so hot?

There, I just chewed up 6 minutes. Only 51 hours and 4 minutes to go.

Big Ramifications

I was talking about the cricket. Lou Vincent has pled guilty re: his role in match fixing scandal.

Pled. Don't pretend you don't like it.


Q: Why are South African women so hot?

I'll field that one.

A: Because they're close to the Equator.


I had waffles at the Harlem IHOP. A singular cultural experience which I enjoyed for the atmos more than the food. They're really just pancakes poured into a different mold. Or at least that's how the IHOP makes them. Possibly should have gone to a genuine waffle house.

The weather looks fine apart from the chance of rain on day two. So the Cape Town Test is five days long, doo dah, doo dah.


Failing to close one's tags should be a bannable offence.


Also, that equator joke makes no sense when most of SA is under the Tropic of Capricorn.

Unless the joke is that everything Sinclair says is wrong, in which case I declare it the wittiest jape of the (cricket) season.

food terroirist

Pat: you have a huge vocabulary, but for fucks sake, stop dribbling your socio-political venom & can't we just talk about the cricket?

food terroirist

how did the 76 get attached to PaperCut of Steel?
Did I miss something?


Pat: you have a huge vocabulary, but for fucks sake, stop dribbling your socio-political venom & can't we just talk about the cricket?

If I may speak for Pat, for a second, he did talk about the cricket whereas you have made 3 successive comments now with no reference to the cricket, other than your desire to talk about the cricket.

m0nt...it's your waffle and inability to get my jokes that got you banned in the first place. Don't let it happen here. I do have connections, you know.


What if Pat made a post and nobody commented?
I'm a relative newcomer here, and love the joint, tho the nicknames sometimes throw me.
At any rate, apparently Peter Lalor in the Australian called Papercut " A P76 in flannels". Tony then nicely adapated to PC76 after my earlier post.
We got flogged in the U19 semi, so a win in the test is a must do now.


Monty, aren't you and Sincy both open borders nut jobs?

Big Ramifications

"I love the joint, tho the nicknames sometimes throw me."

Same here! I'm a regular [with a few big gaps] and fark me.... for example, it took me a month to figure out who Spearmint was. There's still a couple I have no idea about.

Tony really needs a sidebar KEY for the nicknames.

M. Patard

The constant speculation, criticism and inuendo by other commenters, and sections of the media, over the past four or five days have finally taken their toll.

It is..in the interests of this blog...gargle,mmm, sniffle,..it's, it is in the interests of the blog, Australian cricket...//wobbly lip//

//Pat leaves the media conference, head down and broken//

Tony Tea

The sidebar key for the dicknames will have to go below the "YES! We know Australians chuck, but just because we do doesn't mean you don't" disclaimer.


Are you claiming to actually be Sinclair, Sinclair?


Alas you're not important enough to be a lamppost ornament Monty, most probably past the poor things loading bearing capacity too.


Sinclair is probably too much of a load to bear too. For anyone or anything for that matter. He should be sent to live with the turd worlders he so admires, and wants to replace the Australian worker with, to advise them on advanced libertardism.


I don't really know what you're talking about, Cameron.

I don't have much of an opinion on immigration. Certainly not one which deserves elucidation on a cricket blog.



Antoine Tea

I'm shrugging.


looks like I missed some fun


Somebody could post a team-list with the nicknames for each test, though that might just highlight how many are missing.

On waffles: as with most batters, the first thing to do is experiment; the second is to add pearl sugar. Big chunks of crystal that melt and caramelise to leave pockets of air coated in syrup.

And use a shed-load of butter on the pan; same with crepes. Think you have enough: you don't.

Unless you have a heart condition. Which you'll develop if you keep talking shit on AGB when there isn't any cricket on. Go for a walk you lot.

(Disclaimer: I spent last night watching Afghanistan play Pakistan. Brilliance tinged with comedy.)

Earnest Bovine

Long time reader, first time commenter. Hi, I'm Earnest Bovine and I've taken it upon myself to get this blog back to all things cricket. As such, this is the first in a series of presentations that I have named "Why can't we just talk cricket?!"

In the words of Gaurav Kalra: "Just a week ago we were talking and it looked like not a foot wrong that Australia could put" which is extremely well put, and well taken by Ian Chappell at first slip. The first thing that Mr. Chappell notes is:

"The concern for Australia would be the fact that a lot of their victories are depending on the way that Mitchell Johnson bowls and, I think that would be a concern, and the other, the major concern, which is an ongoing concern, has been their batting. You know, even though they beat England 5 nil the batting was always the concern."

Yes, we are all concerned. A concentration of concernment concealed, barely, in clothing of clandestine uncertainty.

Now, there is no doubt that Australia's fortunes have turned with the phoenix like resurrection of Johnson, but, there is one aspect of our bowling that remains overlooked. That is the matter of the spinner, Lippy the Lyon. Other great former commentators at this blog, now gone to desperate pastures, have pointed out that statistically Lyon does not rate as the best spin bowler in Australia, at this very moment. That mantle goes to slow left-arm orthodox Stephen O'Keefe. One person who certainly has relied on the resurgent Johnson is Lippy, in order to keep flying under the radar, and thus keep his place in the team.

Take the last Test at Port Elizabeth. Here was a pitch that was taking prodigious spin out of the rough in the 4th innings, as exampled by the figures of part time spinners Elgar and Duminy. The tide turner was Warner falling to Duminy from whence the predictable collapse began. Elgar troubled all in his 7.4 overs adding to the batting confusion as to how to deal with the reverse swing from the other end.

Sure, Lippy took 5 fa in the first innings but this is really on the back of his designated role, that being a containment bowler, not a wicket taking bowler. His job is to tie up an end whilst the quicks do their stuff. The batsmen take their opportunities off Lippy seeing that they're pinned by the quicks. Slogging out they're caught out. If the quicks aren't doing their stuff, then Lippy's stuffed.

Note the tour average from Lippy, and compare to his regular 1st Class stats.


90 overs, 8 wickets at avge 31.12, economy 2.76, strike rate 67.5

1st Class:

Avge 36.83, economy 3.14, strike rate 70.

He's performed a little better than average, but not so much as to be remarkable.

Duminy: 35 overs, 3 wickets, avge 37.6, econ 3.22, sr 70
Elgar: 8.1 overs, 1 wicket, avge 25, econ 3.06, sr 49

Combined, Elguminy spell ignominy for Lippy.

Now, compare to O'Keefe's 1st Class stats:

37 matches, 112 wickets, avge 25.49, econ 2.53, sr 60.2

As noted prior, O'Keefe's 1st class stats compare favourably with Warne and Magilla. O'Keefe, quite simply, is a much better bowler than Lyon, with comparable economy, but is a wicket taking bowler. Note, the troublesome Elgar is slow left-arm orthodox, as is O'Keefe.

Would the foot wrong that Australia did put have been reverse foot with the inclusion of the forgotten foot-soldier, O'keefe, had the selectors not been so intent to wrong foot all with their selections? I affirm with a resounding "YES!"

Invers got it right when he went on the front foot with the weird selections of SMarsh and Dooland in the first Test, but got it horribly wrong in the second. Since they take the credit for the first, let them take credit for the second. And, furthermore, let us now examine with our Sauron eye the ongoing non-selection of O'Keefe, and the continuing, unremarkable, form of Lippy.

Before I conclude this "all things cricket" comment, let us also take into account the very important subject of the third Test pitch.

Newlands has traditionally suited the spinners - thanks largely to the south-easter offering extra drift - but there's been less turn in recent years and it appears to be getting slower. South Africa, very notably, have not lost a Test here since 2006 - and reverse swing, again, is bound to prove instrumental to the result.

Imran Tahir and Nathan Lyon were hardly used in the November 2011 Test, but the spinners should have a bit more of a role to play this time around, particularly Robin Peterson's penchant for extra bounce.

It is on those grounds that I am predicting the favourite to get up, not because of reverse swing but because our selectors play a bizarre game of not selecting the best players for the squad: Smarsh, Dooland, and the always under the radar Lyon instead of the vastly superior Stephen O'Keefe.

This presentation has been brought to you by the "Anti-Racism Koalition (ARK) of All Things Cricket". Thank you.

Tony Tea

Remember when Andrew Symonds was punished for lateness in the West Indies in 2008? He started jumping on the bus early and chipping everyone else about their time-keeping. Classic schoolboy over correction-reaction guff.

Earnest is a cricket Nazi.

Earnest Bovine

My zeal for all things cricket may be comparable to that of the 12th SS Panzer Division Hitlerjugend in the dying days of the Reich, but, that is where the comparison ends, I thank you good sir!

I represent the ark of the new covenant. No form of discrimination nor stereotyping shall go unnoticed, nor unpunished. This is my remit, to which I commit, from this day to the ending of the world!

And I also thank you, and your genteel co-commentators for the fanatical diligence in which they have frog-marched that contemptible piece of racist lick spittle whose name we should not even contemplate, let alone mention.

Now, if only we could likewise eradicate this blog of that bigot who goes by the name "m0nty", no doubt an allusion to that jumped-up fascist Field Marshal Bernard Law Montgomery, 1st Viscount Montgomery of Alamein.

The tired, world-weary New South Welshman has endured enough in his long drawn out saga of diaspora to prop up other states in their leagues. And it is I who come like an avenging sword to cut down the wicked fruit of the tree of anti-NSW hate and bile that is all things Montgomery.

Earnest Bovine

Oh, and to talk about the cricket.


Pat, you're not fooling anyone. But if you're going to talk cricket in this new guise, then have at ye and damn the horses.

SOK has feasted on bowler-friendly stickies in the Shield. Timmay has been forged in the fire of victory at the highest level. Timmay is not the problem.

As for the "oh Australia only goes well when Studsy fires" argument, I present this:
- Studsy didn't really fire in the last two or three Ashes tests, yet we won anyway when the other three stepped up;
- you could say exactly the same about the Varks re Steyn or the Poms re Anderson;
- no team in world cricket puts in a full four-quarter effort every game, and if anyone has been doing that recently it's Australia.

Vicious was a few banana-strewn Weeties short of normal in the last Test, and Spearmint has been looking deep inside himself in his internal house of mirrors to find his guts. No, MJ is not going to fire every game, but the other two quicks are not going to bowl that pants every game either.

Winning the toss is so crucial.

Earnest Bovine

m0nty, now that he's actually talking cricket for a change, makes a few correct points, though not addressed to I.

Mr. O'Keefe (not SOK - further examples of his racial bigotry, perhaps?) has benefited no more from "bowler-friendly stickies in the Shield" than any other bowler, Lyon included. Yet, Mr. O'Keefe averages almost 6 better than his nearest rival, Fawad Ahmed. So, all things being equal, which they are, Mr. O'Keefe is vastly superior to all other spinners from Australia, for some time now.

Timmay has been forged in the fire of victory at the highest level.

Lyon's Test stats are remarkable only for their consistency with his Shield stats. Lyon is not *the* problem, our selectors and their perverse selection criteria are *the* problem.

Your middle stanza we mostly agree with. With regard the Vic Vego, he performed well in the last Test, maintaining his usual high standards of work-rate and consistency. We expect nothing more from him and thank him for his persistence.

Winning the toss is so crucial.

Winning the toss, though indeed a boon should we do so, would only be "crucial" were you to give us the reasons why, which you haven't done. Perhaps you could so now, though, please, keep it cricket.


The ability to win away from home is proportional to how many tosses you win away from home. Also depends on how good you are, but thats harder to it into an equation.

Earnest Bovine

The ability to win away from home is proportional to how many tosses you win away from home.

Friend, on what basis do you make this assertion?


Some vague recollection of 2013 Ashes in England

Earnest Bovine

Friend, it seems that superstition has the better of you. We will wait for "m0nty" to provide a depth of analysis thus far not presented on the subject.


The Australian dilemma: Win the toss or face a loss

Australia hasn't won in the last four tests in which it lost the toss and had to bowl. Australia is unbeaten in the last five tests where it won the toss and batted. (Admittedly, before that we won all four tosses in India, batted and lost. But forget it Jake, that's Chinatown.)

Carlton Strong

gr8 taklin bought cricket. any one got stats with sheald and test saperated???

gota q bought has anyone ever got more n tests then they done in sheald? bowlersn batters?

how often dose it hapen?

i tried espncric sight but testn first grade is together n i tried t sought it but cudnt. mebe russ haz the figures

cuz wot did they expekt marsh n doolan or lion to do. get better?


Um... I thought O'Keefe was a no-go area because of the no -dickheads rule? Which should probably be the We Choose Our Dickheads Carefully rule.

Tony Tea

Bruce's signal-to-noise ratio and the no dickheads (unless they can play) policy are closely related.

Steve O'Keefe's football

Just because state players can't pick SOK's arm ball, doesn't means that international players won't be able to. And that's all he's got.

Earnest Bovine

My, oh, my, an interesting, bordering on defamatory explanation of explosive proportions is proffered. Let it be on the record that I, Earnest Bovine, have no association with this conjecture. For conjecture with no substance of evidence offered, is what it is.

Perhaps the insiders of this blog have some inside information that not even the valiant sleuths of the Australian journalistic community (well known for their integrity) have been able to uncover.

If so, then let's have it. Till then, let us all accept that what is known, and I ask you all to confirm in writing that:

a) Stephen O'Keefe is far and away the superior spinner in Australian cricket, and
b) that the selectors have proven time and again to select on a basis not congruent with choosing the best

Let me say, that I'm a little surprised, actually, distressed that the paragons of virtue at this blog could make such baseless assertions.

Is there a scale of what constitutes a "dickhead" that you are privy to? Without naming names, what I consider "dickheaded" behaviour may not be what you consider to be "dickheaded" behaviour. We at ARK always select with a firm foundation in meritocracy and where there is errant personal-social issues that create disharmony we have a public code of conduct by which all may form appropriate adjudications and assesments.

Has the Australian cricket selection group turned into a star chamber? This nation becomes more kafkaesque by the day. My, oh, my.

Earnest Bovine

Note: the above is about cricket.

SOK's tennis racquet

Oy, SOK's football, you're just envious because he never plays with you, I am clear of that sin as I am used to regularly belt his GAS, his cat.


Curious to see what the selector's do with this match. Talk about backing yourself into a hole. They have to pick an all-rounder, I'd say or Harris might actually snap during the match.

Franz Zeppelin

Just because state players can't pick SOK's arm ball, doesn't means that international players won't be able to. And that's all he's got.

Maybe Lyon, and the rest of the Shield spinners, could fucken well develop a similar arm ball as well, hey? Then their stats might start coming close to O'Keefe's.

Even fucken Xavier Doherty got selected ahead of O'Keefe and all he ever did was be named after a saint who got killed in India.

Earnest Bovine

And, yes, "For conjecture with no substance of evidence offered" is a tautology. We did it for emphasis. That's how clever we are at ARK.

Professor Rosseforp

I didn't know Cameron was thought to be M. Patard or versa vice.
For the record, I am not M. Patard, nor was meant to be.


We're all Patacus!

M. Patard

Bruce's signal-to-noise ratio and the no dickheads (unless they can play) policy are closely related.

Posted by: Tony Tea | Friday, February 28, 2014 at 05:45 PM

Bruce is clichéd.

If there is one thing that I, fascist that I am, would love to see under my eternal boot heel is clichéd, unoriginal regurgiations expelled. Shat out. Eradicated.

Nothing I say is clichéd.

(Thank you for your ongoing support, Prof Prof. I have left you a tribute in the url.)

M. Patard

I have gone through the thread again and again, going through it now, and the only thing I can conclude is that you, TT, are a closet Midnoight Oil fan and I destroyed all your ideals.

The comments were innocuous. You owe me an apology for your melodrama, or, at the very least, to ban me.

Bruce is an idiot who doesn't understand the Australian way of doing things. But only say the word and I shall be healed.

No need to delete or IP ban. Just say the word, and I, and you, shall be healed.

(Fuck knows I am so sick of the excrement that is m0nty)

M. Patard

Just say it, Tony: You. ban. me.

I'll be gone in a flash.

M. Patard

If you don;t say those words I will haunt your blog proving Bruce wrong on all counts.

It's an easy luxury for me. My hobby is trolling blogs. I enjoy it. I never troll the blogs of my allies and I have never trolled you. Just ban me and I will never turn up here again under any alias with any other IP.


I barely deserve such opprobrium.

Earnest Bovine

Good heavens, the vile filth is back, the thing is incorrigible!

We have seen this many times behaviour before in our years at ARK and have learned, through bitter experience, that there's only one thing for a pestilent menace such as this and that is a good and thorough banning.

Do us all a favour, dear blog host, and put the poor creature out of its misery.

Then, we can all get back to talking cricket. On which point, I'm bitterly disappointed by the threadbare postings now that we are talking cricket. Must I, alone, pull the grindstone?

Tony Tea

Blah, blah, blah. Troll, lol, lol. Yawny, yawny, fvck, fvck.

Tony Tea

Pattinson warming up. Saddle watching on. Late change?

Tony Tea

Where's Hangover Black when Shaun Marsh needs help?

Tony Tea

Time Saddle found some tricks. Straight means rock all when they suss you out; especially if you lose a little zip.


OK I will break the silence... there is a cricket game going on and the Aussies have started rather well... and I believe reverse swing is borderline cheating,,, you are not allowed to raise the seam but is ok to scuff one side and shine the other

Professor Rosseforp

ABC commentators have questioned whether Doolan might lose the momentum required for the Australians.
Getting rid of Warner would shift the whole momentum -- not just some of it or part of it.

Professor Rosseforp

Chrisl -- the question of cheating is an interesting one -- my limited understanding of swing bowling is that normal swing requires shining one side and scuffing the other. If that is the case, normal swing preparation must be cheating as much as reverse swing.

Hangover Black

HB can't be arsed going through the First Test posts, but recall someone saying SOS should be dropped for the 2nd Test and brought back for the 3rd because he oh plays well on a recall to the side. A very sage call that was.
A good start here with Warner - jeez he must be shitting the Saffas to tears. Not upset to see Sids get rested, his only decent balls of the series have been more to do with the pitch playing tricks than anything else. With Watson in the ability of Sids to keep an end quiet will not be missed as much.


They seem to know after how many overs the ball will reverse swing.. what is going on?iT NEVER USED TO DO THAT ON THE MATS WHEN i WAS BATTING! (not shouting)


That was me who said to drop Marsh for the second test then bring him back.

Never mind, with any luck we won't have to put up with his spasmodic brilliance anymore. That will be Justin Langer's problem again.

Good start by the Aussies. Warner was invented to annoy people.

Tony Tea

Prof, I have also wondered about orthodox swing versus reverse swing. I guess it boils down to whether orthodox entails altering the state of the ball.

Tony Tea

BJ's Cricket Super Quiz is a bit of a shambles.

Professor Rosseforp

As a naive young chap in the under 10s I can remember reading the rule book in our local competition, which stated clearly that nothing could be done to alter or prolong the condition of the ball. Being of a legalistic nature at the time, I asked the umpire why bowlers were allowed to polish the ball. He obviously didn't know so politely ignored the question. It was of little consequence to me as I hardly ever saw the ball when batting -- and when I did, I couldn't hit it anyway. There was also a bizarre rule that batsmen couldn't ask the umpire how many balls were left in the over, and I never got a satisfactory answer to that one either.

Hangover Black

Nice one, Lou. That's not the first time you've made a lot of sense.

Tony Tea

BJ's Super Quiz does not exactly confirm the "experts" know a lot about cricket. In fact, it confirms the opposite. Talk about undermining credibility.


Whar's the ****en rush?


Rather painful just sitting here watching Hard Core get mortared by Morkel. Probably more painful actually receiving the blows to the head and sternum, of course.

They haven't bowled a single ball to Clark that was pitched up. All short stuff.

Tony Tea

Well, we won't need the list for this innings. Smashing day's work. Haven't seen much play. Is it a draw pitch? Has Steyn's hammy claimed the momentum?


What an excellent score to see when I get home.

It was obviously Steyn's hammy that was ball-tampering in the last match and it has given itself up from guilt.

I hope Clarkey gets 150 tomorrow.


If this blog published my comments then I could tell you.

Earnest Bovine

Hard Core becomes more so by the match gutsing out a brutal working over by Morkel.

That being said, Holding made the usual insightful assessment that Morkel failed to follow up his well directed short pitched barrage with some full, wide of off balls to entice a drive once he had the batsman on the back foot.

Warne also made some interesting comments:

If you batted poorly today you've nearly lost the Test match on those conditions because it's going to get a lot worse, it will go up and down and spin. If Australia can score a good first innings they'll be in a really good position."

Warne expressed some surprise at South Africa's reluctance to play a spinner in this match, reckoning that Australia might have played two themselves if another had been selected in the Test squad to accompany Nathan Lyon.

Though it remains to be seen, it is our opinion that the selectors, for reasons known only to themselves, declined to have O'Keefe singled out earlier for inclusion in the squad, injury notwithstanding.

We will see how Elguminy stack up with Lyon in the South African 1st innings. The part timers acquitted themselves well enough, bowling a combined 24 overs for 1 wicket, with an economy on par with Steyn. If either had an arm ball it would have been beneficial, though they are part timers.

Good Test cricket from both sides, the Oz run rate motoring along to ensure the possibility of a result.

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