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M. Patard

Also, on the Cricinfo summary of the presentation Smurf said: It seemed to be one of those games; bowlers picking up niggles, food poisoning.

Ffs, food poisoning?! And niggles?! Mate, ya got smashed, simple as that.

M. Patard

Deano tweets:

Dean Jones ‏@ProfDeano 12h

“@rohan_connolly: Wonder if Graeme Smith still thinks the Australians' confidence is bullshit? #SAvAUS”

What is that all about? Did Smurf say some fighting words before the Test about Oz momentum?

Tony Tea
"When you've played against Australia enough, you learn to sift through a lot of the bull - dot, dot, dot," Smith said.

"One of our great abilities has been to be humble and focus on ourselves and get ourselves ready.

"Internal strength is important, and we don't really feel the need to get caught up in that sort of stuff.

"We know that this series is going to be decided by the cricket that's played over the 15 days."

Tony Tea

It would be refreshing had Smurf said "we got our pants pulled down" but instead he talked a lot of rot which reeked of protesteth-too-much.

M. Patard

"One of our great abilities has been to be humble..."

Well, the opportunity came to exhibit some yet he blamed niggles and food poisoning, of all things.

M. Patard

Paraphrasing Smurf: One of my great abilities has been to focus on myself.


It's all an aspect of the mental disintegration that the Varks are experiencing. Smurf is only held together by blue food colouring at this point. He got out flinching in the first dig, and got sucked in by an intelligent field placement in the second dig that was obviously planned through charting his scoring strokes. He failed on bottle and then on smarts. No wonder he's trying to look for an escape clause.


Shorter Smurf: Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble, when you're perf... *FIZZZZ* *THWACK* *CATCHIT* *YEEEEAAAHHH*

M. Patard

All that high pitched yeehawing when Smurf got out reminded me of the Bonnie Blue Flag.

And rather than submit to shame, to die we would prefer.

Hurrah!, hurrah! For Southern Rights hurrah!

Smurf's become the Bonnie Blue Fag. Yeeeeeehawwww.

Tony Tea

That's weird. I was playing The Bonnie Blue Flag on Youtube a couple days ago.

M. Patard

Great song.

Not sure if I have mentioned this, here before, but this is a great album: Civil War Guitar - Campfire Memories

Was chatting on a forum and flicking to this. Bonnie Blue Flag came up, courtesy of me, and it seemed to fit the Smurf theme.

Don't think any less of me than you already do, please, but someone sent this to me in reply.

The tune reminds me of another tune, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Most of the Rebel and folk tunes were basically other traditional tunes refreshed with new lyrics.

M. Patard

For the missing 5th day: All Quiet Along the Potomac Tonight

An operatic production.

The poem was based on newspaper reports of "all is quiet tonight" based on official telegrams sent to the Secretary of War by Major-General George B. McClellan following the First Battle of Bull Run. Beers noticed that the report was followed by a small item telling of a picket being killed. She wrote the poem that same morning she read it in September, 1861

In 1863 the poem was set to music by John Hill Hewitt, himself a poet, newspaperman, and musician, who was serving in the Confederate army.

Tony Tea

Try Johnny Horton, The Battle of New Orleans.

M. Patard

Thanks, Tones. Got it playing now, as the BBQ (BeefEater) is cooking up tonight's snags and chicken.

That whole argument about Led Zep and rock being a rip off of Black music really ignores a whole lot of precedents. Ida Red is a beauty. Way before Woodie Guthrie.

M. Patard

This made Elvis. And all from the Civil War.


I haven't heard that Johnny Horton song for years. One of my drunk uncles used to play it a lot. That and Big John.

food terroirist

Smith's been making all sorts of excuses to cover up a piss poor batting, bowling & fielding performance by the mace wielders.

He doesn't reckon Awesome Mitch's 49 wickets in his last 6 tests amount for much cos "it was mostly tailenders in the ashes series"


A lot of English fans keep saying that too. Because he kept cleaning up the tail they've ignored his taking of top order and middle order wickets.

Tony Tea

Mitch got Smurf in both innings. Does that make Smurf a tailender?

Tony Tea

I'd bet a lot of the great bowler's also cleaned up tails.

Tony Tea

From a comment in Rusty ' s Guardian article:

Openers 11
No.3 4
No.4 3
No.5 3
No.6 5
No.7 6
No.8 5
No.9 5
No.10 1
No.11 6

Tony Tea

Clearly Mitch needs to work on his no.10 tactics. Salient weakness.


Rusty is doing the OBO and well too. He's got the ambience right.


If Smurf was paying any sort of attention he'd appreciate that Good Mitch is just as capable of taking wickets on good batting tracks as well - witness the 'Gabba and particularly Adelaide, where he really had no business in taking seven wickets in what felt like about five minutes. Whatever the bowling equivalent of an FBT is, it's not something you can accuse Johnson of being.

God help us all if he gets injured, though. Spearmint and Vicious were made to toil a bit, even thought we knocked them over twice for 200.


Will they bounce back? You would expect so. Can we improve? We dont have to, just keep this intensity up and keep taking those cathces. The rabble that was the team touring India vs this team is so far apart that it is sad to have to compare. A Mitch in time, takes 49


We're still pretty flaky with the bat, although somehow our top-order looked much more like a top order in Centurion. It certainly looked a lot better without middle-order bits and pieces places masquerading as specialist batsmen - Watson and Bailey I'm looking your way! Either way, something that we seemed to have missed is that we've been out-batting teams as well as out-bowling them. Scoring centuries isn't necessarily the only indicator of successful batting, but there's got to be something in the fact that we've only conceded one in the last seven Tests - Ben Stokes' 120 at the WACA. In that time we've racked up fifteen though, which is more than two per Test.


15? Bloody hell. Looks like it's going to be a green 'un. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. One thing about Johnson still rings true, I'd say. He doesn't really do green tops.

Mind you having said that, his seam position is the best it's ever been. It will never be brilliant but he's certainly trying.

Big Ramifications

Check out Bad Mitch's BRADMANESQUE figures for completed Tests this Southern Hemisphere summer....

4 for 61 v England Brisbane Nov 2013
5 for 42 v England Brisbane Nov 2013
7 for 40 v England Adelaide Dec 2013
1 for 73 v England Adelaide Dec 2013
2 for 62 v England Perth Dec 2013
4 for 78 v England Perth Dec 2013
5 for 63 v England Melbourne Dec 2013
3 for 25 v England Melbourne Dec 2013
3 for 33 v England Sydney Jan 2014
3 for 40 v England Sydney Jan 2014
7 for 68 v South Africa Centurion Feb 2014
5 for 59 v South Africa Centurion Feb 2014

6 Tests 12 Innings 49 for 644 @ 13.14

"Move it like a Gypsy. Stop, whoah, back it up. Now let me see your hips swing!"

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