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m0nty

If we win the toss again, the whole English team might go home.

If we lose the toss, the Poms will probably win.

Professor Rosseforp

Am tipping severe disruption due to rain. Haven't even looked at the forecast, I'm just going by gut instinct.
Would suit the mood in the English dressing room, though, and would be a splendid example of the pathetic fallacy for English teachers.

Vindicate

Current forecast is possible showers on days 1,3, & 4. Could be worse I guess.

Big Ramifications

Mr Swann, where did it all go wrong?

The Mongrel

The MCG came close to deciding the Ashes in 1982/83.

Australia regained the Ashes with a draw in Sydney, but had we won in Melbourne - and the winning margin was only three runs - the Ashes would have been decided there.

Big Ramifications
"The MCG came close to deciding the Ashes in 1982/83.

Australia regained the Ashes with a draw in Sydney, but had we won in Melbourne - and the winning margin was only three runs - the Ashes would have been decided there."

A curse on your family for 7 generations, Courtney Walsh. And why don't you go bake a cake or something, Craig McDermott.

Thommo, for 6 frustrating years you were a ghostly joke of your former self, ever since you bumped into Alan Turner trying to take that ridiculous c&b. Finally, Chris Tavaré: THERE IS A SPECIAL SPOT IN HELL RESERVED FOR YOU!!!

lou

Have a bad feeling about this match. Glad we've won urn already. Still has a feeling of emperor's new clothes about it.

Buddy Holly and the Crickets

Somebody caption Greg Chappell for us, please.

He looks like he's up to no good. Look at 'im. Lurking in the shadows.

THEME: It has to be one of the worst things Kim Hughes has ever heard in his whole life.

Rex Munday

Hughes is an eternal embarrassment

Tony Tea

Quite so, Mong. It would have been the decider (in this post's context) had Australia won.

I went to the Sydney Test that year and got my photo in the paper sitting behind a model. I also bought an Aussie cap, but it rained and the green dye ran all over my face.

Tony Tea

Clarke wins the toss and will BOWL. Yes, BOWL. Edgmelbourne. Last two #Ashes the team batting first at the MCG has been smooshed. A

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 25, 2013

Edgbaston 05 killed Ponting, but with the #Ashes already cooked this decision will matter less.

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 25, 2013
m0nty

Well, we won the toss and bowled, so it's like they won the toss.

NGASAEB.

lou

Why would he bowl if you please?

m0nty

Stakeholders wants five days of MCG crowds.

Tony Tea

Stakeholders has been in Clarke's ear for sure.

The worst thing about winning the toss and batting, even if the conditions are favourable, is if you lose you kill the option of bowling next time the conditions are favourable and you should bowl. Winning the toss, bowling, and losing upsets your future judgements.

m0nty

Dropped catch already, the rot has started.

lou

Just seems a stupid thing to do.

nottrampis

I have given my reasons why the Ashes has changed hands.

The expurgated version. The teams are playing exactly opposite of how they played last time in Oz.

Oh yeah I have told everyone about your site for the Melbourne test as well.

Good behaviour boys!

m0nty

Strong spell by Harris, 6-5-4-0 with the only scoring shot off a bottom edge through slips. No luck though.

Tony Tea

Win toss, bowl, drop catch, next: a d'oh ball.

Tony Tea

Cook OUT playing at the sort of ball he would have sneered at and left three years ago.

Tony Tea

Some people in the crowd are incredibly quick raising their arm or jumping out of their seat when a wicket falls.

Brett Pee

Captaincy seems to have completely eroded his confidence and technique. Where is Siddles bunny?

Tony Tea

Wonder what the thinking is behind Siddle going around the wicket to Carberry.

Brett Pee

Flat wicket. Carberry needs to cash in. But i can't see it.

Brett Pee

We should be batting anyhow. Never mind the clouds. Bat and score 500+

Tony Tea

Not exactly a burnt review, but it always looked "not out" to me.

Brett Pee

Collapse imminent. 220 all out? I'll take that.

Brett Pee

Carberry has a fatal flaw and he's been exposed again. Which KP will we see today?

Tony Tea

Funny how Carberry keeps getting out to bowlers coming around. He has been a bit unlucky and doesn't look to have a deficient technique.

Tony Tea

Kevin McGinty and myself (we opened) were once described as having "maturity beyond our years" in the Pilbara newspaper.

Tony Tea

They are talking about Siddle to Pietersen as if it is Lillee to Chandrasekhar.

Tony Tea


Swann should be disqualified from the Classic Catches. #WWOS9 #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013


Swann should be DQed from the CCs, not just because he spat the dummy, but because his catch was a WACA borderline sitter. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013

Tony Tea

Root and Pietersen farming the strike from each other. #Reciprocity #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

3-0 killed Geroink Jones in 2006/07 and now it has killed Matt Prior in 2013/14. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

Ian Bell. Bring on the DRS from both ends. #Tactics #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
m0nty

England's poor scoring rate has been a feature of this series. If this was Australia batting they'd be 3/150 by now, not 3/106. Scoreboard pressure back on the Poms, partly their own fault.

Rhino Harris

I have got amazing balls.

From a very young age.. my first junior coach said he liked my balls. Erm. I think you need to watch this one more time.

Tony Tea

In comes @PeirsMorgan to Root: "Going alright here." Got him! #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

Monty, I'm just loving us bowling tight lines. Proper Test match bowling.

Tony Tea

89,666 at MCG and people are still coming in...

— Peter Young (@PeterYoung1952) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

England is manfully digging in for the draw. Only 4 and a 1/2 days to go. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
m0nty

Billy McDermott for governor-general. Better than Mark bloody Cosgrove.

m0nty

Drier out there than a dead dingo's donger.

Tony Tea

A lot at stake here for Pietersen with Kallis's place in the South African team now up for grabs. #Ashes

— Richard Hinds (@rdhinds) December 26, 2013
Professor Rosseforp

The Kim Hughes picture looks pretty spooky. I don't think the thought rays from Chappell would have got through if he had been wearing a properly-constructed alfoil hat.

Tony Tea

What's wrong with Cosgrove?

m0nty

Paper Cut has a boo boo and is trudging off mid-over. It must be Boxing Day.

m0nty

Mark or Peter?

Tony Tea

Matty Wade to finish Watson's over. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

Oh. I just saw "Mark".

m0nty

If there is a stat for most unfinished overs in Test cricket due to injury, Paper Cut must be vying to lead it.

Tony Tea

Cricket fact! 121 times in Test cricket TWO bowlers have bowled ONE maiden. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
food terroirist

adios Paper Cut! See you in 6 weeks in South Africa.

brendan

Cosgrove always struck me as political. Which I guess you might have to be, or at least aware of to be major general and chief of army/defense force.

But military types with political aspirations don't sit well with me.

Assuming Monty means peter Cosgrove.

I have his autobiography at home. Perhaps I shouldn't comment on him without reading that book.

Tony Tea

At some point military officers go from needing bravery, tactical and command nous, to needing political awareness.

food terroirist

watching the coulter-nile catch/non-catch was tragic.

Tony Tea

Why did Coulter-Nile even bother to jump. The ball went down his throat. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

"Panther went pear shaped" is a coded message to poachers in Kenya. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013

Centurion Macro: "what is the password for tonight, Caesar?" Caligula: "Panther went pear-shaped." #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

"If I achieve half what [Swann] has, I'll be ecstatic," says Monty, who has 166 wickets to Swann's 255, & a poor grasp of fractions. #Ashes

— Geoff Lemon Sport (@GeoffLemonSport) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

Coulter-Nile can comfort himself that if he had taken that catch in the Big Bash, it would have been a 12. #RopesIn #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Brett Pee

Looks like the Poms have a plan. To make one innings last three days. It's called attritional cricket by some. Bloody boring and negative to me. But the bowlers are giving them absolutely nothing.

Tony Tea

Nathan Coulter-Nile is no Jordan Silk. He's not even a Theo Doropoulos. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Big Ramifications
"> Billy McDermott for governor-general. Better than Mark bloody Cosgrove.

~

What's wrong with Cosgrove?"

Seven years earlier, but Cosgrove's rise to fame reminds me too much of Shorten's rise to fame. Both of 'em did pretty much d.squat in terms of GREATNESS.

Shorten gave twice-daily media updates about two fellas buried underground, something that takes about as much skill as that of a TV weather girl in her first year.

Cosgrove lead a well-equipped First World army "invasion" of a tropical island inhabited by a polite, easy going bunch of people who were about as dangerous as a pack of Balinese hair braiders.

The Indon army were an ornery bunch, to be sure, but they went all green-Bruce Banner before our boys got there.. they were smart enough to only take it out on the unarmed locals as they were packing up shop.

Cossie's a few rungs ahead though.. definitely not a perfect analogy. Our boys were very well behaved under his leadership, there would have been a fark-ton of logistics, and he put a lot of real runs on the board 30 years earlier fighting a proper dangerous war in 'Nam.

But it was the media's bizarre – and plainly obvious – rush to fast track these guys to HERO STATUS that was strikingly similar and had me really scratching my head.

Cosgrove comes out slightly in front again.. the mass media are always looking for a champion, and they were both right-place-right-time. But in Shorten's case I smell a lot more back room Labor NUMBERS MEN lobbying the media and calling in favours with their journalist buddies to parrot their claims that THEIR BOY had arrived on the big stage.

Tony Tea

The record MCG crowd think they have shown up to a Billy Graham sermon. #Zzzz #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

Spearmint Ryno is a gun.

m0nty

Pretty good nut to extract in the 73rd over. Spearmint the spearhead, now that Studsy can't find his Superstud cape.

Tony Tea

That's the difference for Johnson this time around - even though he is not taking wickets, he is not going for squillions. No poles, but 15 overs for 45.

Tony Tea

Does Bailey ever NOT juggle? #ButterFingers #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

In the same vein as being timed out, Pietersen should be booed out. #ashes

— Greg Baum (@GregBaum) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

Dropping KP not ONCE (sort of), but TWICE is asking for trouble. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Brett Pee

Stokes gone. It doesn't matter if the Poms score slowly or quickly the net result is the same. A poultry total.

Tony Tea

Not even injury can keep Watson out of the game. #ManOfSteel #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Tony Tea

A poultry total is made of chickens.

Nick

Or turkeys.

Tony Tea

Bairstow wasn't exactly getting behind the agate.

Brett Pee

I plucked that one from the sky.

Mitch in for the kill. I predicted around 220.

m0nty

Superstudsy rides again.

Tony Tea

91,092 people were in today's record crowd. In ten years 765,091 people will have been in today's record crowd. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 26, 2013
Brett Pee

And you were there..

M. Patard

It's monstrous, it's gruesome, that someone so handsome, should care.

Dropped twice, we know so much about his face.

M. Patard

A day, he came in, so angry, so fighting.

Could God have wrought his frame,

dropped not thrice, but twice,

It's he, from Mandela's South Africa,

Escaped black vice.


It's he, it's Kevin

so cold outside out of his window.

(But no Ozzie dare boycott a Saffa tour, on account of all the victims being White.)

Get. Into. Bed!

No lemonade.

M. Patard

Tomorrow he'll get a ton, or, my oh my,

The idiots in the papers will write,

That he's come unstuck,

At Kings Cross there'll be a fight.

But he, just wants to let you know,

that the English are nothing on him,

as they cheer, or, type up tomes,

those English really don't know,

what it means to be a people anymore.

Carrot

I must admit that I'm not quite sure what Johnson's done to do so well this series, much though it's been great to see. Clearly he's been consistently quick, accurate and hostile, but most of his dismissals seem to have come from gun-barrel straight deliveries, in contrast to any of Rhino, Sid and Papercut. Surely you'd think that bowling straight at a tick over 90 mph would be handy but not devestating? England's batsmen really don't seem to have any answers to him, though. He made all of Root, Stokes, Bairstow and Bresnan look pretty silly today, and I really can't see why. Bairstow's dismissal was terrible for a guy that has played Test cricket as a specialist bat, for instance. It's not as though Studsy's been THAT much quicker than the others, either. Can anyone explain?

Tony Tea

Johnson is different to the other three. He has not given away many cheap runs. And because he has been reasonably tight, he's done the old school quick's tactic of forcing batsmen onto the back foot, then tempting them with something to drive.

He has always been a wicket-taker, even when bowling dross. Take out the dross and he approaches Dennis Lillee's original recommendation of a once in a lifetime bowler.

Carrot

Kevin Pietersen, what in the hell was that? A truly embarassing piece of cricket. He just scored 71, but surely that's the sort of dismissal that could lead to a guy being dropped? He's only gone and proved all his critics wrong in the space of about five minutes this morning. How could you show your face in the dressing room??

Carrot

Sorry, I'll rephrase that - surely the sort of dismissal that SHOULD lead to a guy being dropped.

Brett Pee

That is the KP. It's what he does. I can't see England's bowlers causing too many problems today. At least a decent run rate will be on the cards.

Tony Tea

Damn. I missed KP's dismissal. I love a good laugh.

David

KP is as KP does.

Tony Tea

@AfterGrogBlog quite possibly the worst shot from a recognised batsman I have ever seen. Hilarious ...

— Matt Hansen (@MattHansen4293) December 27, 2013
M. Patard

Just got up from a lovely sleep-in to find the Poms all out for 255. I must do this more often.

Tony Tea

KP's shot barely believable hoik will be talked about for generations to come.

Tony Tea

Wilde: "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." At least Kevin Pietersen has that going for him. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 27, 2013
Tony Tea

Batting second Australia need to go big to set the match up. Anything less than 400 is asking for trouble. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 27, 2013
Tony Tea

Warner tries to pull a ball he should drive. Puzzling. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 27, 2013
Tony Tea

You can't really say that was "Warner's ugliest innings" because all his innings are ugly. But sometimes he get runs. #Ashes

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) December 27, 2013
gillysgone

to quote the Wizard of Oz - ding dong bad Mitch is dead
to quote Elton John - good Mitch,good Mitch, good Mitch is back

Tony Tea

Mitch has to stay good.

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