Too bad last night was a school night. I love a rumpus:
THE International Cricket Council is expected to examine a heated exchange between Michael Clarke and the umpires during a frantic late finish of the last Test at The Oval.
Umpire Aleem Dar pushed Clarke away as Australia's captain was furiously protesting against the light as England threatened to steal the Test following a sporting Clarke declaration.
|South Africa||209||Cape Town||19-Mar-09|
|South Africa||284||Cape Town||9-Nov-11|
|South Africa||47||Cape Town||10-Nov-11|
England celebrates yet another successful pitch fix:
In a distasteful display about five hours after the last Test was called off for bad light with England in sight of victory, the players gathered near the pitch celebrating and yahooing.
A number of players including Stuart Broad, Kevin Pietersen and Jimmy Anderson took it in turns urinating on the pitch to the cheers of their team mates.
No one likes Kevin Pietersen; no one likes Michael Clarke:
Clarke: ‘No one in your team likes you.’
Pietersen: ‘You’re captain, and no one likes you.’
In case you were unaware, Shane Warne hates Steve Waugh; especially Waugh's insistence the players wear the Daggy Green:
"We had this ridiculous thing Steve Waugh brought in. It was just silly. He said that everyone in the first hour has to wear the green baggy cap. I said to him ‘I don’t have to wear my green baggy cap to say I enjoyed playing cricket for Australia, I want to wear my white floppy, I feel more comfortable in it.’ He said ‘no, we’re all doing it.’ I said ‘righto’ So we used to do it and I used to sit there and sulk at first slip for the first hour wearing this silly baggy green cap. I think it’s fantastic and everyone has pride in wearing the green baggy but you don’t need to wear it."
Okay, so Stuart Broad is a dick. But Boof Lehmann has let Broad get under his skin and Boof has over-reacted to Broad's comments. Looks like FM radio has once again lured a sporty into OTT comments:
"Certainly our players haven't forgotten, they're calling him everything under the sun as they go past. I hope the Australian public are the same because that was just blatant cheating. I don't advocate walking but when you hit it to first slip it's pretty hard."
"From my point of view I just hope the Australian public give it to him right from the word go for the whole summer and I hope he cries and he goes home. I just hope everyone gets stuck into him because the way he's carried on and the way he's commented in public about it is ridiculous."
Not that I wouldn't love to see Broad blub. Not that I believe Bell missed Broad's nick. Not that I believe Agar missed Broad's nick. Not that Broad has polished his reputation with his failure to walk, which was too blatant for good manners. Not that it seems to bother Broad. (Or does it? There always seems to be a bit of "protest too much" with Broad.) Not that the umpire's not a muppet. Not that I mind a public slanging match. I love a rumpus. Anything to fire up this undead rubber.
The Old Batsman takes a clinical long handle to Neil D'Costa's management-speak / pop-science assessments of the Australian batsmen:
Neil D'Costa, known for the years he has spent coaching Michael Clarke as well as for his work with Phil Hughes and Mitchell Starc, gave a barbed little interview to the Sydney Morning Herald last week, pointing out various 'fundamental flaws' in the 'non-negotiable basics' of Australia's top order.
No doubt the complexity of the pretentious lingo is in proportion to the sizes of the numbers on the invoices sent to Australian cricketers (or their management groups).
Do I "crave an optimal degree of uncertainty" or "an anchor of familiarity" or "narrative uncertainty" or even "a contest"? I honestly don't know:
Why is it good news for England fans that Australia played so much better at Old Trafford and Chester-le-Street?
There were plenty of times during Australia's era of dominance when I shot down anyone fool enough to crave a contest. I revelled in Australia clouting the opposition, and was always vividly aware that what goes around comes around. When I watch Melbourne play footy I crave big win so that I can relax and enjoy the match as Melbourne cruise home. (And yes, I'm perfectly aware the crave has been on the other foot, thank you very much.) When I watch the Aussies play cricket, I hope we make a squillion, then roll the opposition for rock all; on the flip side, the current Aussie cricket team has rendered cricket as interesting as I can remember, if teeth-gnashingly so.
I crave a contest - up to a point.
How about we just give Warnie the benefit of the doubt and suggest he is merely speaking from experience?
''Let me tell you this, if you lose respect for the game and the opposition, cricket has a funny way of biting you on the backside.''
If England batsmen are found to have put silicone tape on their bats to fool Hot Spot, they should forfeit the first three Tests. If both teams are found to have put silicone tape on their bats, the results of the first three Tests should be annulled. If Australian batsmen are found to have put silicone tape on their bats, they should forfeit the first three Tests:
The Ashes series has descended into controversy with claims players have applied a silicon-based adhesive tape to the edges of their bats in a bid to cheat Hot Spot.
Note to all those clever clogs who say (as if they are the only people on God's green sward to came up with the idea) that if you coat your bat with silicone you will not be saved when the umpire misses an inside edge and gives you out LBW: coat the outside edge and leave the inside edge free of slippery stuff. Sorted!
Pippa Middleton is being sledged for writing this explanation of cricket for the Americans in Vanity Fair:
A batsman goes out and is then in until he gets out. This goes on until the last batsman is out, apart from one who is still in and therefore not out.'
Excuse my presumption, but surely she has her tongue firmly wedged up her cheek. And just as surely the critics are jumping on her because she has form in the dumb statement department.
And anyway, the "batsman goes out" routine is about as old as the "who's on first" routine, so if critics want to stick the boots in, stick them into Pippa for pinching an old joke.