AGB Cricket

THE PROOF OF THE PUDDING IS IN THE BATTING

Justin Langer needs to be informed that until the Australian batting stops collapsing like a shithouse of cards, he will keep copping criticism. Until then he needs to HTGU (harden the Gnome up).

Dean Jones reveals that he stuck it up him:

WHAT I HATED

AFTER I presented the Test cap to Ed Cowan and the boys got into their warm-ups, the Australian batting coach Justin Langer confronted me regarding my criticism towards him. My belief is that Justin has not improved anyone in the team during his time as batting coach.

JL showed he was angry towards me and a confrontation was about to erupt. I thought it was selfish of him to put himself in front of the team when they were preparing for a Test.

JL gave me the ''Ted Whitten handshake'' and wanted an apology. It was a Mexican stand-off and I wasn't going to move until he released my hand. He might have a black belt in ''origami'' and he had a wonderful playing career, but his employment will depend on how the team performs with the bat and not by his career record. He needs to get over it. Welcome to coaching, JL!

I cannot believe the lack of discipline and application shown by some of our batsmen.

DOWN UNDER

You've heard Tony Grieg bellow "These Aussies, they never drop those!" again and again and again, repeat, etc, et al, ad nauseam over the journey, but Tony's exhortations do not match reality. (Well, derrr.) Especially against India in Australia. For some reason Australia don buttered fingers when India show up in the sunburnt country. The following is a list of the catches dropped by Australians against India in the last three series. The first name is the dropper, the second the droppee. The first number is the score on which the droppee was dropped and the second the droppee's eventual score. As you can see, some of the dropper's drops were rather expensive:

2003/04

First Test

Martyn / Sehwag / 16 (45)

MacGill / Ganguly / 103 (144)

Second Test

Ponting / Laxman / 65 (148)

Ponting / Laxman / 138 (148)

Gilchrist / Dravid / 9 (72)

Ponting / Dravid / 20 (72)

Third Test

Katich / Sehwag / 66 (195)

Langer / Sehwag / 73 (195)

Lee / Ganguly / 9 (37)

Gilchrist / Agarkar / 0 (0)

Gilchrist / Tendulkar / 12 (44)

Fourth Test

Katich / Chopra / 8 (45)

MacGill / Tendulkar / 149 (220)

MacGill / Laxman / 172 (178)

2007/08

First Test

Jaques / Dravid / 0 (5)

Jaques / Dravid / 5 (5)

Second Test

Gilchrist / Laxman / 49 (109)

Gilchrist / Dravid / 18 (53)

Gilchrist / Laxman / 77 (109)

Gilchrist / Harbhajan / 29 (63)

Symonds / Dravid / 18 (38)

Clarke / Ganguly / 43 (51)

Third Test

Clarke / Dravid / 7 (93)

Hussey / Sehwag / 43 (43)

Clarke / Laxman / 60 (79)

Fourth Test

Gilchrist / Laxman / 37 (51)

Hayden / Dhoni / 3 (16)

Jaques / Kumble / 7 (87)

Clarke / Sharma / 4 (14)

Ponting / Sharma / 10 (14)

Hussey / Sharma / 14 (14)

Clarke / Sehwag / 2 (151)

2011/12

First Test

Hussey / Sehwag / 11 (67)

Warner / Sehwag / 55 (67)

Haddin / Sehwag / 58 (67)

Second Test

Ponting / Sehwag / 23 (30)

Haddin / Gambhir / 66 (83)

Haddin / Tendulkar / 80 (80) Hussey caught it on the rebound.

Siddle / Khan 10 / (35)

Ponting / Khan 16 / (35)

FIRST TEST: MCG

Ever since I was a kid I have dreamed of blogging a Boxing Day Test at the MCG.

Overcast, cool, will it swing? Clarke won the toss and Australia will bat. Fingers crossed it was not a good toss to lose.

NDRS

The Nine Decision Review System.

The 2010 Border Gavaskar series was an oddity for Aussie cricket watchers as it did not involve a DRS. It was funny watching the First Test edge towards a thrilling conclusion, as first Instant Karma was given out LBW when the ball would have clearly missed the stumps, then a couple overs later Ojha was given not out to an LBW that would have smashed middle stump, only for Billy Bowden to imagine Ojha had got an edge (and reportedly dashed around afterwards desperately trying to convince everyone that Ojha had hit the ball). Funny how these things even out. 

There will almost certainly be umpiring mistakes in the 2011/12 BG series starting today, but it remains to be seen whether they even out. They did not even out in Wild Dogs 2008, when India certainly received the rougher end of the pineapple courtesy of their bete noir Morgan Freeman. Had the DRS been employed in that Test the result may well have turned out different. And yet, ironically, it is India who is the most strident opponent to the use of the DRS.

But it is not India's opposition to the DRS that interests me as much as what we sitting at home will see and hear.

Channel Nine warmed up their summer against NZ spruiking a new super Hot Spot. Why Nine, and spruiker-in-chief Tawny, feel the urge to so vigourously sell their technology is beyond me, unless it is to set up a summer of fun against India where every wrong and potentially wrong decision will be given a forensic dissection to prove the guilt or innocence of the umpire, and fill air-time.

Who will be the first commentator to say "that would not have been given out if we were using the DRS" or say "India will regret not using the DRS"?

Will it be Ian Chappell? A couple of weeks ago on 3AW he said he had been banging on about the inacuracy of Hawk Eye for years. He had? It has often puzzled me that Chappelli is good copy in print and interview, but rarely says anything incisive on Nine. I do not recall him smashing Hawk in print or interview, and I have never heard him smash it on Nine. Wonder what Les Favell would have made of the DRS.

Whatever the outcome of the series, and whichever way the howler-count falls, I am certainly looking forward to the first howler to watch Nine gives it the full treatment. Whether I am utterly sick of Nine's full treatment at the end of the summer is another thing.

WOW! CORNER WARNER

We need to talk about David Warner.

He is currently slaying them in the aisles with Test and T20 hundreds. His technique appears sound in the longer format with tight stance, balls kept on the ground, lightning fast arms, steely eyed determination and an all-round reputation-confounding ability to adjust to Test cricket. He certainly appears set to embark on a long and fruitful Test career.

A word in your shell-likes.

In every long innings Warner has played recently he has been getting away with mis-hits. Warner's current form is reminiscent of Michael Hussey's when Mr Cricket first came into the Test team and was averaging a Bradmanesque 80+. Every Hussey snick or aerial mis-hit seemed to evade the fieldsmen. A couple of times he snicked the ball and no one appealed, regularly he snicked the ball straight through gaps in slips and he was often dropped, sometimes off sitters. Compare that with the last couple of years when Hussey has managed to get out via just about every conceivable method of dismissal.

The vicissitudes of fortune await Warner. He looks to be the right stuff, but sometime in the future he will experience a Hussey-like run of outs. He will be given out when he is not out (UDRS not withstanding), catches will go to hand, there will be an ugly run out and he will play the ball onto the stumps via a seemingly flukey series of deflections.

Luckily for Warner he is young and has plenty of time to cash in at the moment, ride a loss of form, luck, confidence, get dropped, will have time on his side since any run of low scores will not be accompanied by pressure for him to retire, and reappear a better Test player. 

BACCHUS TO BASICS

I'm already liking Rod Marsh. Peter Lalor:

Coach Rodney Marsh comes out swinging

ROD Marsh believes there is one simple reason for the state of Australian cricket and it is the failure to instil correct technique in batsmen, bowlers and fielders- especially batsmen.

Marsh doesn't name names or point fingers, but says this country is not producing cricketers who know how to play the game properly.

"When someone does run in and swing the ball, it becomes almost unfair because the batsmen don't know how to deal with it. You have to learn to play the swinging ball because it is part of the art of batsmanship and to play the swinging ball, you need a good technique. Then there are no excuses; what has to happen is you have to be taught the correct technique for batting, bowling and fielding then you are ready for anything. In my opinion, technique is a problem and why it is a problem is anyone's guess."

Marsh says that bowling has also been a problem.

When, until the arrival of new bowling coach Craig McDermott, fast bowlers insisted on "smashing" the ball into a back of a length, a process which immediately took out the possibility of the ball swinging, hitting the stumps or gaining an LBW, it is equally obvious.

"If people bowl it halfway down the pitch, it is not going to swing. That was what it was like in 1877 and that is what it is like now. It will not swing if it is pitched halfway down the pitch."

REMORSE CODE

Reading between the lines, Nine's cricket commentators used to babble on remorselessly:

Standing the test of time

One recent change of the Nicholas era was moving from having two commentators on air at a time to three. ''It changed the dynamic,'' Nicholas says. ''It made you slightly more conversational. You think more clearly about what you say, rather than babble on remorselessly.''

MAXIMUM GONE

Boroondara council is a pack of killjoys:

Twenty20 cricket banned from Melbourne parks

BIG-hitting cricket has been no-balled from suburban grounds by the fun police.

Cricketers have been banned from playing the popular, fast-paced Twenty20 in more than 40 parks across the inner city, so as to minimise the risk of injury and property damage.

Boroondara Council says the new rules - which apply even to some league cricket clubs - arose from a risk review of its sports grounds.

It is believed a car window shattered by a soaring ball prompted the ban.

But we already knew that. Seven years ago:

NO SIX PLEASE, WE'RE SKITTISH

I guess I feel some sympathy for local councils who are obviously running scared from lawyers, but I don't see their continued interference into our life-styles getting any less intrusive.

They build big fences at baseball fields and golf courses, why not cricket grounds?

Six and outrage at cricket ruling

PUBLIC safety fears have stumped one of cricket's greatest feats: the six.

Amateur cricketers at two eastern suburban grounds will be penalised for hitting a six under a Boroondara Council rule.

The risk of cricket balls hitting bystanders and the likelihood of lawsuits have prompted the change, which is being adopted by more than 100 Eastern Cricket Association teams.

The dead ball rule is to stop cricketers hitting sixes over certain boundaries at Canterbury Sports Ground and Dorothy Laver Reserve East, Glen Iris.

Cricketers will not receive any runs and the ball will not be re-bowled.

Would love to know how "Twenty20 has been credited with helping generate much-needed revenue" for local and club cricket. Sounds like Mike and the McKennas have been advising the clubbers.

TEST SQUAD

Michael Clarke, Brad Haddin, Dan Christian, Ed Cowan, Ben Hilfenhaus, Mike Hussey, Nathan Lyon, Shaun Marsh, James Pattinson, Ricky Ponting, Peter Siddle, Mitchell Starc, Dave Warner

MIKE AND THE McKENNAS: ALL I NEED IS A MIRACLE

Ok, so I just wanted to write the headline, which has little correlation with Mike's post (at the Roar) - unless you read between the lines and arrive at scurrilously misrepresented conclusions, which is something I would never do, or even infer, not even by the actual publication of this post:

How we saw Round 1 of the Big Bash League

“Happy with Round 1 but with plenty of work ahead: This is the feeling at Cricket Australia following the first round of the KFC Big Bash League.“

THOUSANDS BELIEVE YOU, I WOULDN'T

Rod Nicholson in today's Herald Sun:

Twenty20 vision was sorely lacking

Officials perhaps should have taken into account, besides the fact that Melburnians love Friday night sport, that tens of thousands of cricketers were walking off cricket pitches as the match was about to start.

Doubtless they spent hours in the dressingrooms having a drink and watching the Big Bash on television as they settled in for the Christmas break.

Had the match been played on Friday night, many of these players would have attended.

Precisely the same point was made on SEN on Sunday night. One suspects Mike McKenna's minions have been frantically ringing around the media making excuses for Saturday night's underwhelming crowd figure, hoping sections of the media would swallow their CA spin.

How do we know those "tens of thousands of cricketers" would have trooped off to the MCG had the match been played on Friday night, even if we blithely accept there are tens of thousands of cricketers playing in Melbourne.

Put the match on a Friday night and hundreds of thousands of workers would have spent hours in the pubs having a drink and watching the Big Bash on television.

And what if the Sydney Chunder and Brisbane Humid had played on Saturday night? At a guess (an exquisitely researched and peer-reviewed guess), there are significantly more cricketers in Sydney than Melbourne. That would mean more than "tens of thousands of cricketers" would have been deprived of attending the SCG, which in turn means that instead of 12,000-odd punters attending, the SCG would have clocked the first ever negative attendance.

Stop it.

THE BAUMY ARMY

Or Baumy Ormy if you're Tawny.

I'm not against the Big Bash per se. I'm no fan, but I like to keep a weather eye on any cricket, if you can call it that. Nor is it completely out of the question something interesting might happen. Not completely. What I object to is the sell: the effort CricAussie puts into frantically trying to convince the paying public the new Big Bash (as opposed to the old Big Bash) is the best thing since sliced cover-drives. Naturally I am choosing to ignore T20's insidious effect on Test cricket (the early retirement of key players, the loosening of technique, and the almost-racist undertones by which the Melbourne clubs were established, inter alia) because sport has a habit of correcting itself and it just might transpire that in a few, a lot, or a shed load of years, Test cricket will have improved based on the expanding "skill set" introduced by T20.

In the meantime I'm jumping on Greg Baum's bandwagon of harumph. This paragraph in today's Age hits the spot:

Hurley daze: Warne's Big Pash in a league all of its own

The competition had been launched in earnest the previous night in Sydney before a paltry 12,000.

This, cricket authorities said, was beside the point: the television ratings were through the roof. Funnily enough, paltry crowds at Test cricket were considered to be symptomatic of the decline of that game. Television ratings were irrelevant. It is why T20 was invented. Talk about having their cake and eating it, too. But this is the Big Bash League, sponsored by KFC, featuring the Melbourne Stars, sponsored by Jenny Craig. It is shameless.

TRUTH, STRUTH & GROUSE STATISTICS

When the First Test was played in March 1877, all twenty-two players were playing their debut Tests in the same Test, which is the only time this has happened, off the top of my head.

The upcoming Indian tour will showcase the three highest runs scorers in Test history: Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, and Ricky Ponting. A mere bagatelle. The First Test, by comparison, showcased the top 22 runs scorers in the history of Test cricket.

Just don't hold me to those figures. Champion Data was not collating cricket stats 134 years ago; Sabermetrics measured the length of sabres (in imperial); and Jack Cameron was only 2 years old.

THIS ONE TIME AT BRAND CAMP

When I wrote, almost two years ago, about The Writing Group I was taking the piss:

The performance of the Australian playing group will continue to be debated. The collapsible batting group, the sometimes toothless, sometimes erratic bowling group, the these-Aussies-never-drop-those fielding group, but what about the other group, the writing group? I'm not talking your Baums, Roebucks, Haighs, Cowards, Conns, Craddocks, the cricket poobahs who have been around from WG to WAG and who are paid to give opinions; I'm talking about the reporters who the editors have yet to let off the leash and who, well, report. They seem to be the ones through whom the CricAussie spin machine direct their mis-information.

Just back from the office Christmas lunch group, so how about I pretend group-leader Pat Howard and the CricAussie spin group are taking the piss, too:

Batsmen in group camp before Boxing Day

Cricket Australia today advised details of an Australian Batting Group Camp that will take place in the days leading up to the Australian squad assembling in Melbourne in advance of the Vodafone Boxing Day Test match against India.

CA’s General Manager Team Performance, Pat Howard, confirmed that five members of the Australian team that contested the second Vodafone Test against New Zealand earlier this week, Dan Christian (12th man for Hobart) and Shaun Marsh (fitness permitting) will meet in Melbourne from 20-22 December to fine-tune preparations ahead of Boxing Day.

KNOX ROX!

There were many worthy contenders for the AGB Load-a-Drone readers' poll Man of the Series in the recently completed Trans-Tasman Trophy: Phil Hughes, Martin Guptill, Kane Williamson and Usman Khawaja all received serious consideration in the eyes of the readers. But we here at the AGB felt the readers did not take the voting process entirely seriously or, most probably, are a pack to morons, so we consulted an expert in Man of the Match selection, Western Australian football legend Ross Glendenning. Ross?

"Thank you, Tony. The AGB settled on James Pattinson for Man of the Series, but walking up to the dais I decided that the winner of the AGB Load-a-Drone readers' poll for Man of the Series should instead go to a person who is playing an absolute blinder this season - Malcolm Knox":

Yes, Major, we have been worse, but only just

AT RISK of sounding like The Major rebuffing any suggestion that Fawlty Towers is the worst hotel on earth - ''No! There's a place in Eastbourne!'' - the Australian cricket team has been worse in recent years than it was yesterday.

Now that reality has bitten, Australia can get on with the job

FOR four years, the Australian cricket team has struggled on like a dialysis patient waiting for a donor. After the retirements of the greats, this team got by on a blend of fading legends, transition-era journeymen, and a parade of triallists.

FROM BAT TO WORSE

Can't remember when we started compiling the Sub-300 Club, maybe two years ago with the list half as long. Who knew - although we may have suspected - that those two years would comprise one of the worst batting records in Australian cricket history, since the previous two years.

Opposition	Total	Venue		Date
India		212	Perth		16-Jan-08
West Indies	167	Kingston	22-May-08
West Indies	251	Bridgetown	12-Jun-08
India		268	Mohali		17-Oct-08
India		195	Mohali		17-Oct-08
India		209	Nagpur		06-Nov-08
New Zealand	214	Brisbane	20-Nov-08
New Zealand	268	Brisbane	20-Nov-08
South Africa	247	Melbourne	26-Dec-08
South Africa	207	Johannesburg	26-Feb-09
South Africa	209	Cape Town	19-Mar-09
England		215	Lord's		16-Jul-09
England		263	Birmingham	30-Jul-09
England		160	The Oval	20-Aug-09
West Indies	150	Perth		16-Dec-09
Pakistan	225/8d	Melbourne	26-Dec-09
Pakistan	127	Sydney		03-Jan-10
New Zealand	231	Hamilton	27-Mar-10
Pakistan	253	Lord's		13-Jul-10
Pakistan	88	Leeds		21-Jul-10
India		192	Mohali		01-Oct-10
India		223	Bangalore	09-Oct-10
England		245	Adelaide	03-Dec-10
England		268	Perth		16-Dec-10
England		98	Melbourne	26-Dec-10
England		258	Melbourne	28-Dec-10
England		280	Sydney		03-Jan-11
England		281	Sydney		06-Jan-11
Sri Lanka	273	Galle		31-Aug-11
Sri Lanka	210	Galle		02-Aug-11
South Africa	284	Cape Town	09-Nov-11
South Africa	47	Cape Town	10-Nov-11
South Africa	296	Johannesburg	18-Nov-11
New Zealand	137	Hobart		10-Dec-11
New Zealand	216	Hobart		12-Dec-11
India		240	Melbourne	28-dec-11

OUR PHIL HUGHES: "MIRROR, MIRROR..."

LOOK BACK IN LANGER

Can't remember when we started compiling the Sub-300 Club, maybe two years ago with the list half as long. Who knew - although we may have suspected - that those two years would comprise one of the worst batting records in Australian cricket history, since the previous two years.

Opposition	Total	Venue		Date
India		212	Perth		16-Jan-08
West Indies	167	Kingston	22-May-08
West Indies	251	Bridgetown	12-Jun-08
India		268	Mohali		17-Oct-08
India		195	Mohali		17-Oct-08
India		209	Nagpur		06-Nov-08
New Zealand	214	Brisbane	20-Nov-08
New Zealand	268	Brisbane	20-Nov-08
South Africa	247	Melbourne	26-Dec-08
South Africa	207	Johannesburg	26-Feb-09
South Africa	209	Cape Town	19-Mar-09
England		215	Lord's		16-Jul-09
England		263	Birmingham	30-Jul-09
England		160	The Oval	20-Aug-09
West Indies	150	Perth		16-Dec-09
Pakistan	225/8d	Melbourne	26-Dec-09
Pakistan	127	Sydney		03-Jan-10
New Zealand	231	Hamilton	27-Mar-10
Pakistan	253	Lord's		13-Jul-10
Pakistan	88	Leeds		21-Jul-10
India		192	Mohali		01-Oct-10
India		223	Bangalore	09-Oct-10
England		245	Adelaide	03-Dec-10
England		268	Perth		16-Dec-10
England		98	Melbourne	26-Dec-10
England		258	Melbourne	28-Dec-10
England		280	Sydney		03-Jan-11
England		281	Sydney		06-Jan-11
Sri Lanka	273	Galle		31-Aug-11
Sri Lanka	210	Galle		02-Aug-11
South Africa	284	Cape Town	09-Nov-11
South Africa	47	Cape Town	10-Nov-11
South Africa	296	Johannesburg	18-Nov-11
New Zealand	137	Hobart		10-Dec-11

EXTRACT THE DIGITAL

Sydney and Melbourne viewers are about to stay with us for the News:

TV cricket breakthrough changes the Test pattern

AFTER years of torment for cricket fans, and ritual bombardment of Nine's switchboard by disgruntled viewers, it will be possible to watch the final overs of Test matches live, even when they are bowled during the six o'clock news.

Nine has successfully applied to the federal government to be allowed to show Test matches on their digital affiliate GEM during news programs. From today, if play goes beyond 6pm, the ominous announcement that ''Sydney and Melbourne viewers are about to leave us for the news'' will be replaced by an invitation to change channels.

The TV industry [and savvy viewers] claimed that, initially, there was a reluctance by networks to split audiences by continuing live sport on digital channels, as they feared it would adversely affect ratings for the fiercely competitive news programs. However, Crawley said Nine had been eager to give viewers the choice.

''If it was up to us [the sports department], we would have sport on all day and all night,'' he said. ''Sport is a big part of what Nine does. But our news brand is also very important and we have to acknowledge that, too.''

But, but, but, what am I going to complain about now? Guess I'll find something.

SECOND TEST: BELLERIVE

We'll hold you to this and this:

Those photos were not taken today, so there is every chance the pitch will be less green when play starts.

Of more concern is Michael Clarke's unmatched talent for losing the toss. The Hobart forecast is for "afternoon showers/possible storm" which means the conditions could be swing friendly and if Australia bats this morning there is every chance they will not be batting tonight.

(And fingers crossed no hipster deadshit starts referring to the Aussies as the White Sox.)

THE BLACK FLIPS

Black Caps skipper Ross Taylor is no Simon Katich with his combination of back flip, taken-out-of-context, grovel and damage control:

Taylor backpedals on Hughes comments

New Zealand captain Ross Taylor says comments he made about wanting Australian opener Phil Hughes to play in the second Test were "tongue-in-cheek".

Taylor had declared he would "love" Hughes to be picked for Hobart after he was dismissed cheaply twice in the same fashion during the first Test in Brisbane.

"I made a tongue-in-cheek comment that was made probably made a bit more of than it probably should have been," he said.

"He's still a world-class opener, he's still got three hundreds for Australia ... he's scored runs against us in the past and he scored more runs than I did in the last game so I'm sure he'll be fine. It wasn't that long ago where he scored an 88 against South Africa, which was an outstanding innings and put Australia on the front foot."

CENTRE OF NONSENSE

Good article by Ashley Mallett about Lyon, Nathan, which contains the kicker:

A word of warning: take care with whom you talk offspin, because I've seen the nonsense going on at the Centre of Excellence, where spinners are wired to music. There are precious few people in Australia who really know much about offspin bowling. Keep spinning hard and follow your instincts. You will find that subtle changes of pace, allied to your hard-spun deliveries will help break the rhythm of the batsman and bring you more wickets more often. Keep going as you are: your method of bowling offbreaks is a joy to watch.

KPI: KEY PERFORMANCE INJURY

Good news! Pat Cummins is now firmly ensconsed in the Australian cricket family and well on the way to a long term (if staccato) career as an Australian fast bowler after being diagnosed with the obligatory stress fracture:

Cummins to miss start of India series

Teen pace bowling star Pat Cummins will miss the start of Australia's home Test series against India after being diagnosed with a bone stress injury in his heel.

Cummins suffered the injury in his exciting debut in last month's second Test against South Africa which was first thought to be just bruising.

But scans have now revealed the bone stress problem.

Apparently the Argus report investigated Australia's injury plague. No doubt the flow-on effect from the remedies suggested by that investigation incorporate a substantial and unquantifiable lag time. (And a punch on the nose for everyone concerned with player fitness.)

BOARD, WALK - UMPIRE

Will A Crawford Production lead to the CA board sacking itself? I'll believe it if I see it:

Secret report means Cricket Australia board must walk

IN THE same week that rugby league prepares to hand over power to an independent commission, the Cricket Australia board will be left with little alternative but to sack itself.

David Crawford, who re-designed the AFL hierarchy in 1992, will present a secret report to the CA board tomorrow recommending sweeping changes.

It is understood that the report recommends the 14-man board of elected state delegates be replaced by a nine-man independent commission.

REFFERAL!

Peter Lalor:

No independent commission, cricket won't take AFL path

THE Carter Crawford report into the governance of Australian cricket will not recommend the game adopts an independent AFL-style commission structure as widely speculated.

PEACE IN OUR PRIME-TIME

Sideshow Roy Symonds, who retired from international cricket to find peace, aims to be '"completely at peace" on Indian Big Brother (especially if Harbhajan Singh is unveiled as the latest latest contestant):

Andrew Symonds to go on Indian Big Brother

CONTROVERSIAL Australian all-rounder Andrew Symonds was on Tuesday unveiled as the latest contestant in the Indian television version of the hit reality show "Big Brother" ("Bigg Boss").

"India has been good to me and I have been travelling to India for over 20 years ... I am hoping to have a lot of fun inside the house and learn more about the Indian culture that I find very fascinating."

"I am also looking at this as an opportunity to showcase the Australian culture which involves fun-filled activities like barbecues, throwing people into the pool and being completely at peace."

"I WAS TAKEN IN CONTEXT"

Simon Katich: "I'm sorry if I did not offend anyone":

Reprimanded Katich still blames Clarke

SIMON Katich maintains Michael Clarke played a part in his demise from the Australian Test side, claiming he has no regrets over his controversial comments.

''No, I haven't changed that stance in terms of regretting comments I made,'' he said. ''I made the comments at the point of time for what I perceived to be a case of me being not selected to play Test cricket.''

We need more Simon Katiches.

REVIEWSIONIST HISTORY

Chris de Kretser and/or Daryl Timms in Today's Herald Sun Confidential:

No-ball a ton of trouble

The controversial no-ball reprieve for Australian captain Michael Clarke that gave him a chance to make a century at the Gabba would have had Shane Warne recalling one of his biggest regrets.

Warne was dismissed on 99 by New Zealand's Daniel Vettori when trying to bring up his first Test century at the WACA in 2001.

He later found out that Vettori had bowled a no-ball, which was missed by the umpire.

Michael Slater revealed during Channel Nine's cricket show yesterday that Warne only found out about the no-ball at the Allan Border Medal presentation night several months later.

"We shouldn't have told him," Slater said to co-commentator and former captain Mark Taylor, who was aware of the no-ball that was never called.

Warne was furious about never making the cherished three-figure score. He would be just as envious that the review system, as evidenced during the Gabba Test with Clarke, could easily have given him that elusive first Test century.

Not so fast, Kimosabe/s.

The review system would certainly have given Warne that cherished and elusive three-figure first Test century - if he was still batting.

You see, the review system would already have sent Warne packing when he nicked Chris Martin and was caught behind by Adam Parore, only for the umpire to reprieve Warne. Stephen Fleming would have teed the umpire's howler and Warne's not out would have been overturned. Lucky for Australia, too, since the let-off allowed Australia to avoid the follow on (had NZ enforced it).

Nor did Michael Slater reveal yesterday Warne only found out about the no-ball at the Allan Border Medal. We already knew when Warne found out just by watching the AB Medal that night. And nor was it revealed at the AB Medal "several months later". It was revealed at the AB Medal in early 2005, several years later.

So, apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system and public health...

FIRST TEST: THE GABBA

Thursday's weather forecast for Brisbane:

A few showers developing, thundery rain this afternoon. Mostly light N to NE winds early, with a fresh to strong S to SE wind change developing.

Precis: Showers, thundery rain.

The weather was similarly pace-friendly in 2008/09 when New Zealand's battery of household names (Tim Southee, Chris Martin, Ian O'Brien and Grant Elliott) ran through Australia on day one of the First Test.

Australia won that Test, courtesy of runs from Michael Clarke (first innings) and Simon Katich (second innings). But Katich is no longer there, while Australia's collapsible batting line-up has gone from bat to worse.

Australia would not want to give New Zealand a sniff; especially since NZ have a better batting line-up than 2008 and Australia's attack is headed buy Peter Siddle and supported by new boys. If, say, Australia bats first and gets rolled cheaply it is perfectly conceivable NZ will be much more difficult to bowl out this time round than three years ago.

(I'm busy today, so is their any chance the cricket can be moved to a more civilized viewing time? 4:00pm to midnight would be perfect, thanks.)