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Tony.T

The heading is what Sideshow Commentator said when Mahmood dropped Hussey a sitter.

Tony.T

What the hell are Straya doing?

Gilly out to a shit shot.

Ponting out to a shit shot.

Flatty out to a shit shot.

Hodgey out to a shit decision.

Clarke out to shit running.

Shameless out to a lazy shot.

What a pack of duds.

Gareth

Wouldn't know Tone. Delayed telecast over here. Fuck you very much, Channel 9.

Australia 1/79 off 14/1 and going beautifully right now!

Tony.T

Yer kidding! Can't upset Nine's evening schedule, I suppose. Jeez, they shit me.

Tony.T

Hey, I reckon Heals must have said something stupid off air. Dunno what, but I picked up some tension before and he hasn't been back in ages.

Tony.T

He did. They just showed him on the newsbreak making that violin action when Roy was talking about breast cancer.

Tony.T

What a rubbish performance by Straya's batsmen. Apart from The Pie's fielding England didn't do anything exceptional - they even dropped sitters and botched runouts - but the Aussie batsmen just keep getting themselves out.

nick

1. Watto had better produce with the ball.
2. Bet they wish they had Tait.
3. CB Series - way too long.
4. Brain explosions from the Aussie batsmen.
5. Bigger brain explosion from Heals.
6. England win, Vaughan's not coming back...

nick

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2007/02/09/1170524289605.html

Greig's been aiming for his mouth with his foot for years - but Heals has knocked him into a cocked hat...

Tony.T

1. He'd surprise me if he did.
2. I wish they had Tait.
3. Way, way too long.
4. Gooey, grey slime everywhere.
5. Humble pie consumed on the News.
6. England win, Vaughan's not coming back...

Gareth

Nine's been doing it for years here in WA with the annual tri-circus. The only games we get live are on Sundays, otherwise it's all delayed to fit either side of the news. Fucking ridiculous.

Tony.T

Fucking right.

One MCG matters: Umpy Harper gave us one back for Hodge; Loy's ElBee wasn't a good decision.

Mr Z

I can't get used to the fact that 250 odd is not considered a good enough score these days.

Tony.T

Thems was the slow old days, Z.

Interesting that Roy was saying Straya don't aim for a target until about the 38th over, when they better know what's what with the condidtions.

Tony.T

Joyce out to the sort of shot you'd expect Joyce to get out to. Lame, mis-hit paddle flick to mid-on.

Tony.T

By the way, Mahmood's "drumstick" is the ball of his thumb.

But you knew that, didn't you.

Tony.T

Strauss plumbly plumb to Nathan B. I don't THINK he nicked it...

Tony.T

Rob Smyth at OBO:

Joyce really did mistime that shot horribly; he was aiming a lot squarer and the slowness of the pitch did for him. "Ian Chappell on Channel 9 says Ed Joyce reminds him a lot of Zaheer Abbas," says Dean Laffan. "I want some of what Ian's on."

Tony.T

More Guardian on Joyce:

"That's nothing, Dean Laffan, over five," says Tom Westgate. "TMS described Joyce as like a mixture of David Gower and Graham Thorpe, set for 8,000 test runs at 45, on the basis of one pull and one forward defence. He was promptly out next ball. Idiots."

Tony.T

Heals is back. "Come on fellas, I'm not a goose. Some of my best friends have had breast cancer."

Well, he didn't really say that, but he wanted to. I could tell.

Tony.T

Shit. A. Brick. Pigeon just dropped Bell an absolute sitter.

Bell to make a ton. England to win.

nick

McGrath's drumstick must be on his chin.

nick

Go Watto!

http://www.cybertronical.com/allsites/starwars/main/aliens/watto/watto.jpg

Tony.T

Another interesting one from Sideshow. "The run rate is up to six, so Straya have effectively scored 300." That's one way of looking at it, anyway.

Tony.T

McGrath probably feels like Cyber Watto looks.

Oh no. The Dick and Slatts agree with me about Roy. "What a fascinating insight, etc." I hope he says something bizarre now.

Tony.T

We need a term for a catch easier than a 'sitter'.

A 'recliner' just doesn't capture the moment.

nick

A 'monty'.

Tony.T

Bell and The Pies just touched gloves after the Pies blocked one for a dot ball. This madness has gotten out of hand.

Tony.T

More like a 'Tuffer'.

Tony.T

Ok, prediction time. Aussie bowling looks tame and is being easily milked. England are home.

I'm going to check the WWII doco situation on The History Channel.

Hogg just said "fuck sake" to Umpy Harper.

pat

I've been listening to the ABC on the run from Kambra and heard the best commentray KoK has ever allowed from his mouth.

On Watson's lame performance he said that Wato has

1) spent too long with his girlfriend in the stands and not studying the cricket to not know Mahmood had a slow one.

2) Then went further to say Wato should think more about the game and stop thinking about his biceps.

3) Kok then finished with an angered and irate "fair dinkum!".

All the points were made angrily and not as an attempt at humour. At last some hard KoK to make up for all the flacid KoK shoved in our earholes.

Tony.T

He's a good commentator when he sticks to the cricket. He's right, too. The only reason Watto can be in the side is if the selectors are treating these finals as a praccy match.

Tony.T

Nor can the cricket be anywhere as attractive as SS Doomtrooper on Foxtel.

"To keep the world safe for democracy, Captain Molloy leads a team of incarcerated villain to destroy half-man, half-monster super-soldiers created in a secret Nazi lab."

I wish we had some half-man, half-monster super-cricketers playing for us now.

Scott Wickstein

I'm glad to see George is back in the side though.

If England force the series to a third game, the question is, do I go and watch? I don't like going to see Australia as Adelaide Oval is full of yobbos and other sorts of people who I don't care to have too close to me.

Bottom line is, I'm not a people person.

Tony.T

Cricket is better on telly. Stay home.

Scott Wickstein

By the way, Ponting still isn't a great captain. He's inspirational, he's a good motivator, and against Flintoff, he's okay.

But he lacks the real subtlety of a Vaughan, or a Tubby or a Benaud. You can still win things when your players are so far ahead, but on current form, we're NOT that far ahead. So the lack of a really clued up captain is telling.

Tony.T

Hey, wait a moment! First the Dick is talking about Lee being a possible matchwinner. Now you say there is a one day final in Adelaide. That's just wrong.

Cricket life post Warne gets stranger by the day.

Tony.T

The Pies and Bell are doing it at a canter and we don't even look like putting the breaks on, let alone get a wicket.

We look one-dimensional in the field under Ponting and on current showing there is no way we can win the World Cup.

Scott Wickstein

Former Defence Minister Ian McLaughan is President of the SACA these days, so all I can say is that the Old Money Adelaide Establishment still can pull a few strings in Cricket Australia's corriders. I've heard whispers we'll have our Australia Day Test next year even.

Scott Wickstein

England can self destruct now that Bing has the breakthrough. But that wicket is symptomatic of Australian cricket under Ponting- too much individual brilliance and not enough forward planning and thinking.

Tony, you been watching the ODI's in SA? Hell of a lot of batting firepower in other places.

pat

The game at the WACA says it all: S Clark hatrick with the Sangropers 4/2 at one stage. Jaques 71 and Haddin 57 from 60.

Drop Lee for S Clark
Drop Hogg for M Clarke (dropped down the order as spin all rounder)
And bring in Jaques for M Clarke.

I know Lee has 3/22 off 8 but I'm sick of the sight of him.

Scott Wickstein

Lee's been the bowler of the series for Australia. Don't let personal animosities get in the way, Pat. And Clark is more a Test bowler then an ODI bowler.

Russ

Quite right on Ponting's captaincy, both of you. His biggest failing seems to be that he hasn't noticed that no total is defensible anymore unless the opposition is at least 6 down, if not all out. Ponting (and every other captain as well) persists in letting the batsmen coast along at 6 an over, hoping they'll disintegrate without any pressure.

Tony.T

Another balls up with that non run out. I reckon Channel Nine have insisted Straya string this thing out to three games.

I can't see our bowling reining in South Africa's long batting order on the small Windian grounds.

We can't have both McGrath and S Clark. Although surely Stuey can field better than McGrath's fielded tonight. 37 years old? More like 57.

Scott Wickstein

It's nice to have a close finish though.

Tony.T

Another drop. This time Johnson. When you include Hogg falling over twice for caught-and-bowleds, our fielding tonight is as shouse as I can remember for a biggish game.

pat

"Don't let personal animosities get in the way, Pat" - I cannot even imagine, my God I shudder to consider thinking of it even, a time when I *don't* let personal animosities get in the way of any of my judgements. Sadly, who I hate defines me.

pat

Geez I hate England.

Tony.T

"I am who I hate." A reasonable motto, if you ask me. Better than "Higher Faster Stronger", anyway. That's so 1896.

Scott Wickstein

Well, I hate England too.

Not as much as I hate South Africa, or Port Adelaide FC, or Collingwood FC, or left-wing dingbats, but I still hate them.

Doesn't mean I can't recognise good cricket when I see them.

Russ

There is no way this will be close Scott. England have this well in hand. They are just waiting for the right chance to put it to bed.

Tony.T

Ditto Russ. England home in a canter as we drop another two catches and balls up another run out.

pat

Kinda exciting on this blog tonight. Wish Vaughny's Balls was here. I hate him.

Confession time: I said to the old man after Oz's innings that Collingwood would go for 0.

Tony.T

We won't have to look far for goats to scape.

I was talking to myself earlier on, but things have picked up nicely.

Scott Wickstein

Ian Healy is back on the mic and sounds as energetic as ever.

His sledging battle with Desmond Haynes in 1990 was enough to toughen him up for anything, anyway.

Okay, we're fucked. Who's the first goat?

pat

The Mrs has Debra Conway's bitch against Mark Seymour Man Overboard on in the background and it struck me: why on earth were his pubic hairs on the pillow? Middle of the bed, or dunny seat ok, but the pillow? What the hell was he doing?

Mrs reckons they might have had a 69 but that would mean his legs would be up the wall - very uncomfortable IMHO.

Anyway, back to the cricket.

Scott Wickstein

What the fuck?

Tony.T

Goatage:

McGrath for dropping Bell. Ponting because he's captain. Harper for dudding Hodge. The Aussie batting for being shithouse. The Pies for having a match where everything went right. Kismet for causing every Pommy mis-hit to dribble tantalisingly close to Aussie fieldsmen. (Not that they'd have caught them.) Pat for pulling a mozz.

Scott Wickstein

pat's read this blog for a long time and should know better.

Scott Wickstein

Collingwood got a 100. Ugh. I don't mind cheering good batting, but cheering someone called Collingwood? It's hard to do.

Tony.T

He must have set a record for runs scored walking across the crease and bunting the ball to square/mid wicket.

Tony.T

Ad for a new show on Nine - 20 to 1: Australia's Parties and Past-times. A doco of our best celebrations.

Fuck. A. Duck. It's time to mercy-kill my televisions.

Scott Wickstein

Watto bowled a good over there. Hmm. Too late now though.

Scott Wickstein

Do you watch anything on FTA except sport? I don't.

That Gatorade add, and Selly's Dave The Cricket are enough to send me into paroxyms of rage now.

Tony.T

Dumb run out. Didn't Dalrymple take the hint from the previous over? Only an idiot bunts it straight to Clarke and runs.

Scott Wickstein

Well, they are English.

Alistair

Can I just say Tony, some excellent mozzing from you today.

Tony.T

Was I mozzing? I don't remember that. I've been too busy bagging our own players.

pat

Watson? Watson? Where did this c*nt come from? F&cking Victoria!

Scott Wickstein

You put the mozz on Bell, TT.

Tony.T

This is not a mozz: Bell to make a ton. England to win. That's just being right.

You lot need to polish up your mozz theory to tell the difference.

pat

Why is Watson bowling and not Bracken?

Tony.T

NFI!

Tony.T

Heals better start playing his violin for our Aussie duds.

Scott Wickstein

Bah humbug.

We won the Ashes 5-0 and that's the main thing.

Bracken to bowl out.

Tony.T

Yep. This is just a practice match.

pat

Oh right well that's just fucked.

pat

That game is making me feel half-man half-monster. A pox on Watson and his fabulous abs and lats.

Amanda

Cripes.

I'll be at the SCG Sunday and did joke the other day I wanted the Poms to win the make the game more interesting. Not, you know, thinking it would actually happen.

Scott Wickstein

No, I'm spewing. Not good enough by our guys.

Tony.T

We must be really shithouse to get beaten by a side as shithouse as Collingwood England.

Tony.T

Now that is a mozz, Amanda. You've just joined the list of goatscapees.

Tony.T

Today reminded me of the Adelaide Test against India in 2003. Our batting was cavallier-to-stupid and we never looked like putting our heads down. Just the slightest bit of application from one or two batsmen and we would have posted 270+ and won.

pat

I. am. hate.

Scott Wickstein

Please don't mention that hideous nightmare again Tony.

Smash a mug, pat. You'll feel a LOT better if you break something, preferably inexpensive.

Tony.T

Wicky's right, Pat, smashing things is, well, smashing. I used to do it all the time, but I ran out of throwable objects. Fun has its price.

pat

Pup is the new Marto.

Watson is the most over rated thing since Lee.

Hodges shouldn't be there.

Hogg is a fuckwhit.

And I am so angry.

pat

That was cricket Haiku. Much better than smashing anything.

Tony.T

Well, you smashed a few words. Feel better?

Tony.T

Bell to McGrath "You just dropped the Commonwealth Bank Tri Nation One Day Series Cup First Final Of Three."

pat

Flintoff laughed with glee

The snail slithered along the razor's edge

Collingwood lifted his bat

I opened another Bourbon and Coke

and spat

Adam 1.0

God help Australia when they run into the decent teams at the World Cup. I forsee a complete debacle.

Which means they will now win the whole thing. Wait for it..

Tony.T

Hope you're not reciting those out loud. Your neighbours will be getting edgy.

Scott Wickstein

I hope if Australia don't win it that someone totally unlikely like West Indies win it.

Tony.T

A recurring nightmare has me seeing New Zealand and South Africa in the final.

pat

My neighbours? I hate them too. Bloody Saab drivers. Who would buy one let alone three - fuckwhits.

Tony.T

Saab: a car that looks like it's going backwards when it's going forwards.

Tony.T

Or vice versa.

pat

Nah. they're all right. Seriously, Watson - gone. Hogg - gone. Pup - gone.

The selectors need to get serious about this shit.

Tony.T

I know what the selectors are looking for in Watto, but I can't see it. I like Hogg, but he bowled ok tonight and still went for 50+. Pup has been cursed by Lara Bungle.

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