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Harmy to Haydos: shit gets wickets.


Sorry, "good, thoughtful bowling" according to Chappelli. Yeah, right.


As for Ian Healy on Langer's dismissal that was awesome footage, it fuckin' well was not. One camera was suggestive at best, the other two completely inconclusive. (Can you be completely inconclusive?)


Now Chappelli says it was a "tough catch". What a tool. If The Pies had turfed it, Chappelli would have been all over him, bagging him out for dropping a gimme.


When Bill says "hits it clean as a whistle" he says whistle like he's whistling. Ironic, no?


Bill = fool.

"Terrible field position ... he's run out, is he? Gone!"


Yeah I noticed that by Silly Billy
By the way you seem to be talking to YOURSELF a bit!
Too much Vitamen B?


Vitamin Me.


Just left work to catch the cricket. Haydo's throws it away and Punter follows suit. That's it - I'm going back.


Few things aggravate me quite as much as stupid run-outs.

Especially when Bull farks up the commentary.


You really shouldn't listen to the tv commentary Tony. It will just make you angry.

On Harmison, he does occasionally throw in a quicker shorter ball that seems to have been Hayden's undoing. One just went past Clarke as well.

You're right about the catching though. Warne is good, but he is no Mark Taylor or Mark Waugh. Hayden seems to drop a lot of sitters in gully too.

Oh great... now Clarke has got out to that quicker one.


England are bowling ok, but that's Clarke gone to a stupid shot, Haydos gone to a stupid shot and Ponting gone to a stupid run-out; two of them right before breaks. I hate it when that happens.

I like to watch the TV, Russ, it keeps me zesty.


The debacle with Hussey's 'almost caught' delivery from Monty. Farcical. Bull and Heals were going at like a pair of fat kids arguing over a smartie, with respect to appealing etiquette, Hussey's eye position, Read's footwork blah blah blah. The doyen went for the 'What, exactly, did make the noise'. There was no replay, no hotspot, nothing. After the adbreak, not a word was said. Silencio.

Did The Doyen put his well-groomed foot down, and tell them to pull their heads in?


Clarke and Ponting were stupid. Hayden had every right to go for the cut to that ball. It just got onto him faster than he expected. It's a sucker ball. I don't think Harmison knows, or much cares where it goes, he just wants the extra yard of pace. If he manages to keep the rest on line it will work for him though.

Scott Wickstein

FTB was a bit unlucky today. That was a four ball if ever there was one. Punter and Clark better sharpen up though.

So its all up to Huss again! I don't think Sideshow Roy can strike twice.


Dunno about 'Dos. Yes, it was a sucker ball. But just as yes, a batsmen that falls to a sucker ball is by definition, a sucker. Still a shit shot, for me.

CB, that bizzo with Bull and Heals over Hussey's non out bordered on embarrassing. Wouldn't be at all surprised if Doyen pulled them into line. Especially Bull, who didn't seem to want to cede the point.


They showed the hotspot and it clearly showed the ball didnt touch the bat. The bat had a hotspot where it hit the pitch.

They showed the snicko and the spike was as flat as a pancake.

Bill: I still think he was very lucky
Healy: *slits his wrists*


That's the impression I got, too, Yob. Bill just din't want to give it up. Heals really gets under his skin.


That was a shitty end to what was shaping up to be another day of pomiliation. Punter and Haydos should've gone to town and yet here we are at 4 fa 180 something. Pup better get more consistent or he's gunna be just another Marto.

Nothing more to add - I've got the shits.


I hope you read those entrails correctly. If we are to win this Test we need a big first innings lead so as to deny England a chance to set us a chase late in the game. The way this pitch is playing, that could prove hard going.


Despite regurgitating all the same old Yabba quotes - the pigeon one, the piano one, the flies one - it's good to see Greg Baum stick it to the bullshit ground "entertainment". Is there any chance that in the very near to impossibly distant future sports organsisers won't try to force-feed us rubbish? I was at the SCG Test in Jan 2004 and courtesy of the immutable Law of Racket Creep, I assume 2007 is much worse.

Noise and rabble flood a void where Yabba dabbled

"YABBA" was renowned for his witty barracking at the SCG. Noticing Douglas Jardine swishing away in the outfield during the Bodyline summer, he cautioned: "Leave our flies alone, Jardine. They're the only friends you've got." Annoyed another time by a batsman who played and missed repeatedly, he called: "Send him down a piano and see if he can play that."

Yabba was a humble rabbitoh, but his fame was such that the grassy bank at the south end of the SCG was named for him. But Yabba's Hill long ago was concreted over. Its spirit was interred, too. Yesterday, its passing was more mourned than ever. The Fanatics, sitting beneath the Yabba's Hill sign, began the day with this: "All Poms are wankers." Thereafter, their humour deteriorated.

Dressed in uniform yellow, the Fanatics looked like a gaggle of Wiggles. They mistake noise for wit, identity for character, attention for fame. They think that to take off half your clothes and bellow obscurely makes you funny. So, of course, does television.

A few bays around sat the Barmy Army. Mostly, they have added vibrancy and colour to the summer. Latterly, they have become repetitively tiresome. Their refusal to stop their chanting during presentations after the fourth Test in Melbourne was plain rude.

They had two extra days afterwards to sharpen up their act and perhaps broaden it. It was to no avail. "God Save the Queen," they sang. "Advance Australia Fair," retorted the Fanatics, raspy and off-key. "You only know one song," returned the Barmy Army. It was not strictly true. The Fanatics came back with "Bound for Botany Bay", but had to stop after one chorus; none of them knew the other words.

Corporate barracking is relatively new to cricket. It is distinctively puerile. Yabba addressed his remarks to events on the field. To a slow-scoring batsman, it was: "I wish you were a statue and I was a pigeon." When he suddenly had a spurt of scoring, it was: "Whoa there, he's bolted."

Corporate barracking avowedly is incidental to the game. This style is borrowed from soccer, but at least soccer fans are original, mostly amusing and sometimes subtle. Celtic fans salute Nakamura, their Japanese import, thus: "He eats chow mein, he votes Sinn Fein." The malapropism is deliberate.

When Andrew Flintoff hit Stuart Clark for six, the best the Barmy Army could do was "super Fred". When Brett Lee bowled, it was "no ball", then "keep your arm straight". When the words are too banal even by Barmy Army standards, they clap to try to give them gravitas.

Yabba would scarcely recognise his ground on match days, and not at all its atmosphere. Once the arena was pristine. Yesterday, it featured not only sponsors logos, but these tacky addenda: "Thx Glenn, Thx Justin, Thx Shane". It was not clear whether this was a Test match or a text match.

Once, the time between overs and at drinks breaks was for contemplation of what had been and speculation on what might be. Now, every pause, however momentary, is filled with deafeningly amplified bumph.

Sometimes, it is importuning from sponsors. It is to state the blindingly obvious about a milestone in the match, for spectators who can read it on the scoreboard and are already applauding anyway. It is noise for the sake of noise.

None of this is exclusive to the SCG, but the effect is exaggerated by acoustics. The ground announcer here is the most aggravating in the country, edging out strong competition. It is like spending a day with a blowfly — every time you think he has stopped, he begins again, in a higher and more irritating pitch. You long for a swat.

No one is demanding a return to the dismal days when a drunken fan assaulted England's John Snow over the fence here, prompting a walk-off, or another drunken crowd at the MCG made monkey noises at Gladstone Small and threw fruit at him. But is it too much to ask that not every daylight minute be filled with mindless, witless, boorish noise?

Silence was Yabba's medium. The SCG was still late one day when an unknown called O'Reilly walked out to bat for NSW in a Sheffield Shield game. Yabba's respect was hard-earned. "The 0 might be in front of your name now," boomed his voice, "but have a look where it is on the way back."


Agreed Tony. We're going to need a 100+ lead.

It's not all that impossible with the batting to come. A few failures, however, and we're in deep poo.


BTW. Don't know if this has been discussed here before, but the mail here in London is that the original on-tour selection committee for the Poms was Fletcher, Flintoff, Collingwood and Jones.

Jones, apparently, kept vetoeing Panesar because he can't keep to him.

Ridiculous? Maybe. Maybe not.


That selection committee is right, and there's even a hint of "maybe" about why Jones would veto Monty, as you say.

But it's hard to believe it would be as simple, and simply bizarre, as that.


Funny old game. We play and miss about 40 times during the innnings, your boys lose four wickets to the shittiest bowling England have served up for some time.

Billy Bozo warns Monty??? Incredible.


I want it on the record that I hate Roebuck's use of the word "Hereabouts" not to mention "Hitherto".


Bill Lawry strikes again...

"Anderson will be bringing the ball from the left handers off to leg..."

Just as he bowls a ripping outie across Shameless to get him out. (Good catch by Chris "I ain't Geraint" Read")

Pedro the Ignorant

I am going for the Guinness Book of Records. I have not listened to a single word of Channel Nein's "commentary team" since the first ball of the First Test.
Despite Nein's juvenile ploy of inserting a two second delay into their "live" coverage.

My blood pressure and general level of tranquility has been much calmer now that I no longer listen to that pack of fools on the TV.

Mind you, I could do without Jim Maxwell SHOUTING WHEN NOTHING HAPPENS, and Henry Lawson could drop the "patronising the peasants" manner.


I'm with you Pedro. I only listen to the radio commentary when I'm stuck in the car and if I have control of the TV then the sound is off with no radio commentary either. It is amazing how much you can enjoy the game again. I believe Fox has the ability to have no commentary but still the sounds from the ground which I would love.

Scott Wickstein

Only when there is Fox sports Active. I could do without listening to the muppets that broadcast in South Africa during the current Test.

Billy Bowden is NOT having a great time of it, is he?


Jim Maxwell and Glenn Mitchell have been ON MY SHIT LIST!!!! for years.

Gilchrist was CLEARLY NOT OUT!!!! What's the bet Billy Bowden decided to give him out because he didn't walk. Just to spite Gilly's moral highgroundness.


Funny how the poms appeal everything and its legitimate. Oz appeals too much and it's ugly Australians and fines for dissent. Funny.


Since Gilly is a known walker, is it dissent when he doesn't walk and the umpire gives him out? A cricket conundrum.

Billy Bowden is a blight on the game. He's Mr contrary out to show the world how unique, how eccentric, how, how individual he is. A real character. Oh a crooked finger signifying a wicket, ha ha ha. A funny hop jop signals a six, ho ho ho. Oh, look at the way he signals a 4 tee hee hee. Just fucked up another decision obvious to everyone else, aw but Billy's a character.

I'd like to break the little fuckers finger and make it legitimate.

Russell Allen

I'm surprised you haven't commented on Warney last chance for a test century


Billy's a goose and from what I hear the players think so, too.

When Monty appeals and/or gets a wicket he poonces around like a drunk aunty at a christening. And Hoggy thinks LEE spends too much time celebrating.

Sorry, Monty's a character, of course.

Scott Wickstein

I can't add anything except to nod in agreement with all the above. Lots of wisdom hereabouts.


Which hitherto was unknown [hereabouts - TT]


I'll add this: Currently I can't see any other result than an England win. No mozzing. We need enough to prevent England setting us a "challenging" target, but we look like coming up short of a healthy lead.

Tubby reckons a lead of 50 to 60 is sufficient. I didn't know he'd gone mad.


I stand by my prediction of 100+ lead on the 1st innings (you've forced my mozz). Roebuck has noted the force of the "fates": "Hayden departed with the air of a man against whom the fates had most unkindly conspired."

Scott Wickstein

Well, we've got the 100 lead.

I wonder how long it's going to take the English to twig that sledging Warnie isn't exactly distracting him from his batting.

I've got a lot of respect for aspects of England's team, but no one could call them the brightest pack of lightbulbs ever to sail from Merry Olde England.


Tubby is probably factoring in how often England have failed to make 165 in this series; on pitches better than this one sounds; and how rare losses chasing less than 100 actually are.

That's the 100+ lead. Good call Pat. Melbourne was embarrassing for England, this could yet be worse.


Thank you once again. My powers are amazing, even to me. Now for the 3rd part of the prediction: "rout the poms in the 2nd innings."

100+ is a "healthy lead" in my book. Admittedly 100 short if we hadn't thrown our wickets away and hadn't Billy butted in, but healthy never-the-less.

Scott Wickstein

Oh fuck, Sarfraz got out.

Well Warnie was never going to get his 100 coz of hardcore mozzing going on in the Nein box.


Carn McGrath - do it for Warne.

Scott Wickstein

From cricinfo:

Warne and Collingwood sledging each other non stop ... Warne has just told Collingwood he got an MBE for making 7 at The Oval in 2005!

Top sledge, Warnie.


Sledging Warne is like sledging Lara. You just don't go there. Under any circs.

The Nine dickheads have been talking up his ton since he was about 20.


Well bowled, Nine. C**ts!

Scott Wickstein

102 run lead. I wantd more.

But we were 5 for 190, so I'll take what I can get.


I don't see the Poms getting beaten by an innings, so I'll be sweating on every run they get over 102. Monty bowling us out on day 4/5 would be just too much to handle. Can you imagine the hyperbole in the commentary boxes. I'd have to move to Paraguay.


Great knock by Warne, changed the game from being evenly poised to being clearly Australia's advantage in less than 25 overs.

But one stat makes we wonder: England's top 6 and 9 of Australia's top 10 made double figures. Is the wicket seaming, spinning and occasionally popping as the commentators claim, or is batting not too bad?


Agreed, Russ. Lots of batsmen are getting going, and then getting themselves out. And when tailenders get among the runs you tend to think the track can't be too bad.


Too many Aussie wickets thrown away and I think it is based on a lack of respect for the Poms bowling and fielding. Not that there has been a lot to respect.

I am especially dark on Punter. His last 3 innings have ended so stupidly and he has blown the $20 I had on him getting to 35 tons before the series was over. Wastrel!!


Correct. Straya should be in an unassailable pozzy by now, but with England at 1/24 we are looking at trouble.

Mr Z

Seems to be a bit more verbal stoushing going on. Why do they leave it until the 5th test to bring the handbags out?


Notables so far:-

Did anyone see the look on Pietersens face when he missed hitting the stumps for a run out. His face said "What do I have to do to actually win something and what's the chances of gettin' a game with the Aussies"

Gillies out was a S H O C K E R. That'll be in The Captains Match Report no doubt.

Strauss's NOT OUT LBW about 5 minutes ago was nearly as bad.

Recent (yesterday?) sledging from Warney to Collingwood:

Warney," He can't hook the thing, he's useless"

Collngwood," Why not SMS me with it mate, like you do with all those other useless hookers you know".

Maybe anectdotal but still good.



The press are already all over Billy's Blunder:

Billy bungle robs Gilly of quick-fire ton

AN atrocious umpiring blunder by New Zealand official Brent 'Billy' Bowden has robbed the crowd of some spectacular entertainment as honours remained even on the third morning of the fifth Test at the Sydney Cricket Ground.

An enthralling 58-run partnership off just 44 balls between Adam Gilchrist and Shane Warne had brought the large crowd to its feet as Australia stormed past England's first innings total of 291 in the first session.

But just as Gilchrist appeared set to reprise his memorable century from the third Test in Perth, Bowden adjudged him caught behind to a delivery from James Anderson that clearly missed the bat.

Gilchrist, renowned in world cricket for his willingness to walk whenever he has edged a catch, stood stunned before trudging off with 62 against his name while the crowd jeered Bowden when replays on the SCG's giant video screen confirmed his blunder.

Could Billy have seen a deflection? No. Could he have known if the sound was bat or ground? No. Ergo, there is no way he can have been even slightly certain Gilly hit it. Stupid, stupid decision.

Mr Z

His eyesights as crooked as his index finger.

Mr Z

Maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of the dumping of the ridiculous 'neutral' umpire policy.

If the match referee is impartial, why do the umpires have to be foreigners?


Because, Mr Z, the locals can't see the third umpire or the match ref...

ps inzamam on 62 off 70ish at Karachi - same shot as Gilly (right handed of course) - would Billy's finger have snuck up?


It was still a shocker if you apply only the rule of "benefit of the doubt". There HAD to be a doubt in that one, had to be.

So why give it OUT!

THAT was what made it such a shocker.


Mr Z

nick, I didn't realise the great unwashed were that simple.


Just look at the fuss made when a neutral match referee makes a decision that is unpopular (Chris Broad and the Chucker). Neutral umpires are pure 'populism'.

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