AGB Cricket

I WAS TAKEN IN CONTEXT, AND APOLOGISE IF I DID NOT OFFEND EVERYONE

Shock me @crashcraddock1talking shit about ipl jealous prick. Get a real job. All you do is bag people. #getalife

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@ando7373 @crashcraddock1 all he does is talk shit about people. Get a life mate. All u do is bag people what about your faults in life.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@ando7373 @crashcraddock1 does he really want us to start about that because we can.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@thestooge2 @crashcraddock1 All he did was talk shit about the greats now he sucks up there ass. Talk more crap why don't you.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@angus_marshall9 @uppercut11 it's called sick of being woken up by crap tweets and articles like @crashcraddock1 crap. Get a life mate

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

Wow @crashcraddock1 some smart journo who thinks he can bringDown people. Well done CHAMP!!

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn coming from you champion all you do is talk shit as well. What about encouraging Aus players rather then bagging them.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn wow champ all you do is bag people for a living and you say cricket is a real job!!! Bit rich CHAMP!!

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

Cash cow!!!! The owners deserve a lot more then what we have been playing this year. We need to be better.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@branners31 Y delete all the journos do is bring all is down.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn keep writing paper talk trash for a living champ only thing you will ever do.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn no wonder peopleDon't buy your shit.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn are you still talking you old fart, no wonder know one buys your paper.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn have a look at yourself.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn have a look at you, your a fool writing back thinking your talking to a wannabe cricketer haha.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn absolute goose. Haha. Journos exactly, proves our point. Believe anything. Bahahaha anythingFor money these people.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

@malcolmconn puttingUp with your shit talk why would anyone want to do that.

— David Warner (@davidwarner31) May 17, 2013

GET OFF MY CASE!

Well, I guess the IPL had to make the news eventually. And there are muted reports of a stash of cash found in the hotel room of an Aussie player, who vigourously denies the allegations:

Spot-fixing arrests rock IPL

Three Indian cricketers, including Test quick Sreesanth, have been arrested and charged with spot-fixing in this year's Indian Premier League cricket competition.

The Rajasthan Royals players, Sreesanth, 30, who has played 27 Tests and 53 one-dayers for India, Ajit Chandila and Ankeet Chavan, were arrested in a late-night swoop at the Trident Hotel in Mumbai, after the Royals' loss to the Mumbai Indians.

The Aussies who play for the Royals are Shane Watson, Shaun Tait, Brad Hodge, Brad Hogg and James Faulkner. It's unlikely to be current Test squad members, right?

SERIOUSLY?!? TEN?!?

It's all happening there:

Channel Ten makes bold play for TV rights

Channel Nine may be closer to losing the television rights to international cricket in Australia than at any time in the past 33 years, after their rival Ten made a bold combined bid for both international and BBL matches as a way to revitalise the recently moribund network.

LIVING IN THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

When watching any sporting contest in which I'm partisan, I don't have the faintest idea if I'm enjoying myself. My dominant emotion is: I really hope my team wins, so it will turn out later I'm enjoying myself now.

~~ David Mitchell's Soapbox

TONY TEN

 

OLD DARTS

Haddin is no surprise; Rodgers is, even though his selection is a sound one. The rest of the squad is about as good, or as bad, as you would expect.

• Michael Clarke (C)
• Brad Haddin (VC)
• Jackson Bird
• Ed Cowan
• James Faulkner
• Ryan Harris
• Phil Hughes
• Usman Khawaja
• Nathan Lyon
• James Pattinson
• Chris Rogers
• Peter Siddle
• Mitchell Starc
• Matthew Wade
• David Warner
• Shane Watson

SON OF SAM

Not only is Cameron Gannon not the Son of Sam Gannon, but Sam is not even Sam Gannon's name:

Gannon bowling action to be tested

Cricket Australia (CA) has today advised that XXXX GOLD Queensland Bulls bowler Cameron Gannon will undergo biomechanical analysis of his bowling action.

Under CA’s Doubtful Bowling Action Procedure, a bowler must undergo testing after being mentioned for a suspected illegal bowling action by umpires three times in a domestic season. Gannon was mentioned four times this season, including twice in the Bupa Sheffield Shield final.

THE WASTED MONEY

The Worst Pieces of Cricket Memorabilia Ever

Firstly a disclaimer, good readers: I own an alarming amount of cricket books, memorabilia and tat associated with the game and thus it is a bit rich for me to be passing judgement on the people who buy the items that follow.

Hard to believe Rusty actually shelled out good money for Brett Lee's Stump Scam, just as it is equally hard to believe he included a classic Qantas bag in such dubious company.

DRAW CONCLUSIONS

Australia 1 New Zealand 1. New Zealand 0 England 0. New Zealand finish top on the "away Tests" rule. Australia second. England third. The Ashes are coming home. (After Tim Paine and Ryan Harris bat out the last session to save the Fifth Test.)

SICK LIST

On the upside: against India we twice scored over 300.

Country	Total	City	Date
India	212	Perth	16-Jan-08
West Indies	167	Kingston	22-May-08
West Indies	251	Bridgetown	12-Jun-08
India	268	Mohali	17-Oct-08
India	195	Mohali	17-Oct-08
India	209	Nagpur	6-Nov-08
New Zealand	214	Brisbane	20-Nov-08
New Zealand	268	Brisbane	20-Nov-08
South Africa	247	Melbourne	26-Dec-08
South Africa	207	Johannesburg	26-Feb-09
South Africa	209	Cape Town	19-Mar-09
England	215	Lord's	16-Jul-09
England	263	Birmingham	30-Jul-09
England	160	The Oval	20-Aug-09
West Indies	150	Perth	16-Dec-09
Pakistan	127	Sydney	3-Jan-10
New Zealand	231	Hamilton	27-Mar-10
Pakistan	253	Lord's	13-Jul-10
Pakistan	88	Leeds	21-Jul-10
India	192	Mohali	1-Oct-10
India	223	Bangalore	9-Oct-10
England	245	Adelaide	3-Dec-10
England	268	Perth	16-Dec-10
England	98	Melbourne	26-Dec-10
England	258	Melbourne	28-Dec-10
England	280	Sydney	3-Jan-11
England	281	Sydney	6-Jan-11
Sri Lanka	273	Galle	31-Aug-11
Sri Lanka	210	Galle	2-Aug-11
South Africa	284	Cape Town	9-Nov-11
South Africa	47	Cape Town	10-Nov-11
South Africa	296	Johannesburg	18-Nov-11
New Zealand	137	Hobart	9-Dec-11
New Zealand	233	Hobart	9-Dec-11
India	240	Melbourne	26-Dec-11
West Indies	259	Roseau	23-Apr-12
South Africa	163	Perth	30-Nov-12
Sri Lanka	278	Hobart	14-Dec-12
India	241	Chennai	22-Feb-13
India	237 (9)	Hyderabad	2-Mar-13
India	131	Hyderabad	4-Mar-13
India	223	Mohali	17-Mar-13
India	262	Delhi	22-Mar-13
India	164	Delhi	25-Mar-13

IN DEPTH SHIT

Gideon Haigh:

George Bailey's plight reveals where all our Test tons have gone

Six-one: that's the ratio of Indian to Australian centuries at Chennai, Hyderabad and Chandigarh. Since Michael Clarke battled his way to three figures on the first day of the series, MS Dhoni, Virat Kohli, Shikhar Dhawan, Cheteshwar Pujara and Murali Vijay have done likewise, the last named twice.

Will Thompson:

Australian cricket's shallow talent pool

The lack of depth is alarming to say the least, but not just because there is little to call upon, but little to push those to levels we're more accustomed to.

Once again revisiting the Summer of Kidding Ourselves, which was three years ago, the AGB:

ASHES SIDE SET TO BE DAD’S ARMY AGAIN

It’s true that most everyone is calling for Hussey, North, Katich & Ponting to have a good hard look at themselves, but apart from Our Phil Hughes, who in the Shield is a ready replacement? No one seems to be “knocking the door down”, as they say.

I dearly love to say "I told ya so."

FOURTH TEST: FEROZ SHAH KOTLA

LLL? ????? ????? Three down. Eleven to go. Unlucky 2013.

THOSE WHO CAN DO, TEACH; THOSE WHO CAN'T, SLEDGE

As a dedicated educationalist, committed pedagogue - gogue! - and inspiring role model, I know I have made an impression on a student when he sledges me four years after he graduated:

G’day Tony

On behalf of all Tasmanians I would like to thank the Victorian Cricket team for letting the Tassie Tigers win.

This will allow the Tassie Tigers to host the Sheffield Shield final against an undermanned Queensland (Bulls).

I know how much you love your cricket, I will send you a Tassie Tigers membership form next year.

Tassie team should play test cricket instead of the woeful Australian Team they could not do worse.( George Bailey for Captain!)

THIRD TEST: PUNJAB CRICKET ASSOCIATION STADIUM

After an honourable loss in the Second Test, a galvanising distraction over player sackings, and with a full and fit squad to pick from, Australia should comfortably win the Third Test in Mohali. Look out, India. (And look out, England. Australia is timing its run to perfection.)

A DOG ATE MY EXPLETIVES!

Fortunately. Otherwise they would get a good run:

Quartet including Shane Watson axed for third Test after failing to complete homework

FOUR players have been sensationally axed from selection for the Australian team to face India in the third Test in Mohali. Vice-captain Shane Watson, batsman Usman Khawaja and fast bowlers James Pattinson and Mitchell Johnson will not be chosen for the match after failing to complete a task set for the side.

The team was asked by coach Mickey Arthur last Tuesday night to do a presentation on how the side could improve after losing the first two matches, and give it to him by Saturday.

FIVE LETTER WORD

"Right":

Michael Clarke the Redeemer could founder at four

Clarke's astonishing recent record in spite of his top four's malfunctionings seems like a case of the right batsman in the right place at the right time.

There is every chance Clarke's success at five will not be replicated at four; a sentiment no doubt echoed here at AGB Towers. Gideon touches wood:

Clarke has attained such a pitch of batting proficiency that there seems little reason he cannot make a fist of No 4. His poor record there seems almost another batsman ago. But here's a disturbing thought: what if he should fail? Then Australia might be 3-97, and the next man in would not be Michael Clarke.

Apropos Clarke's pros & cons, here is an email exchange from last week:

RK:

One thing I will say is that TT and I will have to eat our words re M Clarke. I will not refer to him as a flat track specialist any longer, without him over the past year or so where would our ranking be?

TT:

Let's wait to see how Clarke goes in the Ashes before letting him off the hook.

He has cleaned up against sh1t attacks over the last couple of seasons, and he has always been good against spin, hence his success in India.

He is our best batsman at the moment, and by a long way, but he is a "nicker" against good fast bowling and will struggle in England if the ball moves. Watch him flick at corridor balls, feet nowhere, if Anderson & his chummies dart the ball around.

Yes, he is propping up our ranking, but that is not saying much when you consider were are really a 3-4-5 rank side and are a mile off 1-2, statistical anomalies notwithstanding.

GC:

Come on!! Clarke should be embraced by cricket lovers, especially Australians, and not subjected to "you wait and see" comments. He has a batting average ( over very many tests ) that is outstanding and is doing well as a skipper. We should unite and get behind our leader!

We need more West Aussies in the team, that's the problem!

TT:

Are you working for Cricket Australia, Geoff? We could use your spin in India.

A glib reply, but Clarke is a "nicker" and, for that matter, a lemming, even if recent form would suggest the diametric opposite. And yet Geoff's an old friend whose opinion I value - not to mention a fellow cricket premiership teammate - his comment made me wonder whether I go in too hard.

Not that it is a sports fan's responsibility to unquestioningly boost the team s/he barracks for. I agonise over the Australian Test side more than any other team (even the Demons) and often hope Tests end quick to cut short anguish. The sense of relief when Australia closes out a Test is palpable, and when they win a tight one the high lasts for days.

It is pretty obvious, though, that I lean more to NY Yankee-style fans, who slam their own players at the merest hint of failure, than, say, mindless cheerleaders like the Fanatics. Recently Ed Cowan, interviewed on SEN, compared the Indian fans and media to the Australian fans and media: the former "support" while the latter "snipe".

Is criticising the Aussies merely a coping mechanism? Could be. My own touch wood? Or a pisstake? After all, I am addicted to sharp remarks with my tongue tightly inserted right up my cheek. Still, I flatter - delude? - myself I am just keeping it real in the face of a barrage of publicity, spin, bullshit and wild opinions.

Which implies I think I know what I am talking about, even if I am an outsider. I can hear Ian Botham sneering "you have no idea - you never played Test cricket."

Anyway, since he became skipper Clarke has cashed in big time on his lucky breaks, which sets him apart from his mates in the Australian team, who seem unable to convert chances into big scores. Fingers crossed he can continue to do so, because at some stage his luck will run out and unless he has assistance we will go from filth to utter filth.

PROS & CONS

Mitchell Claydon has a point: the Sheffield Shield is currently shy of gun cricketers; especially batsmen. The lack of gnarly old pros hurts, too; pretty sure Spanky Roebuck made that point several years ago. And you will struggle to find a cricket fan who thinks Australia will win the Ashes. On the other hand, Claydon is a regular for Durham, but only plays grade cricket in Sydney. I guess he's too old:

Youth focus, lack of experience, poor advice, weak Shield 'all point to Ashes debacle'

IT was once regarded as the best cricket stage in the world, but the Sheffield Shield has slipped so badly that the English county competition has overtaken it and is leaving it in its wake.

Journeyman Mitchell Claydon, an Australian professional cricketer who now calls England home, says the demise of the Shield is one of the reasons for the dire state of the game in this country.

THIS YAPPY BREED

Australia will not regain the Ashes this year, but it's good to see the Cocks getting pommy... I mean, the Poms getting cocky:

'Can we play the Ashes now?': England laughs at Australia's Test horror

What do you call a great Australian cricketer? Retired.

With that gibe, former England skipper Michael Vaughan opened the battering.

The Ashes series in England starts in July and the Poms are already laughing at us.

SECOND TEST: RAJIV GANDHI INTERNATIONAL STADIUM

Out of the five officials on duty in the Second Test in Hyderabad - Kumar Dharmasena, Marais Erasmus, Chris Broad, Ravi Underarm and Subrat Das - Dharmasena's CricInfo profile page has the most "likes".

PATCH DOCTOR

K. Parthasarathy, the Chennai curator, should be sacked if it is true that has prepared selected patches of pitches to suit the home team:

Pitch doctor tells how he foiled Michael Clarke's men

The curator revealed he had doctored the pitch in 1998 to spoil Warne's attempts to bowl around the wicket to Tendulkar.

"I kept the square patches outside the leg stump, on either side of the wicket, really hard. It was difficult to get turn from that part as there would be no rough there. After that game, Warne came to me and asked why he wasn't getting the turn and others were. I told him it was because of his dodgy shoulder that was to be operated on later in the series."

That, or every curator everywhere starts serving up sand pits.

ON TRACK

The BIG Question: will 2013 be Australia's worst ever year in Test cricket? @cricketaus #TakingTheNegatives

— Tony Tea (@AfterGrogBlog) January 2, 2013

BOARD GAME

While Dean Jones is perfectly sanguine about the BCCI's prominence in world cricket, the Herald Sun appears less impressed with the Indian board's extortionate demands for Border-Gavaskar coverage.

SHILL BE RIGHT

Dean Jones certainly knows which side his bread is coming from. Deano's money quote:

India the new world provider for cricket

When the Indian board isn't part of your income, people tend to have a point of view that it is ruining the fabric of the game. Then there are the players, officials and media outlets that are commercially involved with the BCCI. These people only have good words for the board.

FIRST TEST: MA CHIDAMBARAM STADIUM

Can Australia's pace attack skittle India's comparatively inexperienced batting line up enough times to win a four Test series? Doubtful. Can Australia's dodgy top seven handle Rollerboy, OJ and Rashy enough times on spin friendly tracks to set targets for the bowlers? Doubtfuller.

Fingers crossed we win the toss in Chepauk and bat first.

FOOL'S GOLD STANDARD

Stakeholders Sutherland has a strange interpretation of gold standards:

Anderson to head CA's integrity review

Cricket Australia (CA) has appointed former AFL administrator Adrian Anderson to review its integrity management.

CA chief executive James Sutherland says the review had been approved prior to the recent Australian Crime Commission (ACC) report on sports corruption and doping.

"Adrian set up the AFL integrity unit and that unit is recognised as a gold standard in Australian sport."

I SUPPOSE A DONKEY GRASS ROOT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION

Warnifesto: Episode 3

Where is Australian Cricket At? Part 3 - Grass Roots Cricket

Firstly, thank you for the wonderful feedback on Part Two; I’m glad that the majority of you agreed with me and that my article created discussion and debate about team selection as well as rotation/resting of players.

ACRONYMRODS

ICC, PCT, DRS, AHE, "an honest error":

ICC admit error in Kallis dismissal

The ICC has admitted its Playing Control Team (PCT) made "an honest error" while applying the DRS to the Jacques Kallis review on the second day of the Newlands Test and that the batsman was erroneously given out.

The ICC needs a table which lists its umpires' DRS controversies.

NONCE UPON A TIME

Part I

Part II

ASTERISKY BUSINESS

My first post on chucking from January 2003:

Rules is Rules

I went for my driving license in January 1980.

Never realised then how much I would write about chucking in the ensuing ten years: 145 posts and counting (plus countless comments).

One of the recurring themes during that decade, or decayed, is players calling out chuckers, only for the players to backtrack, protest they were taken out of context, then belatedly apologise anyway, before blithely announcing: "we're all good now."

Rarely have I posted about a cricketer or commentator who has stuck to his guns and, despite the usual rumpus about racism, optical illusions and "everyone does it!", continued to call out chuckers.

Not once during those ten years have I posted about a bowler who admitted to a fair cop:

Chucked out

FOR a young man whose career was ruined by doubts about his bowling action, Aaron Bird takes a surprisingly hard line on chucking.

“Rules are rules,” he says, “and everyone needs to live by them.”

Bird is also bullish about the potential of in-game testing:

He thinks the technology on the horizon for in-game testing of bowling actions is a great thing, but until then, “umpires need to stick to their guns. If they believe someone has a suspect action they need to go through the right process”.

He goes further to suggest international bowlers should be checked before they are allowed to play in the Bubble:

“Cricket Australia should be looking to nip this in the bud before it gets to the game stage, so if someone is coming over for the BBL and there's been a few questions marks about his action, maybe they need to get him tested before the competition starts,”

Pat Howard recently suggested Australia use overseas tours to rotate players:

Cricket Australia admits to rotation mistakes

Australia may seek to rest players more often on overseas tours rather than depriving home crowds of the national side's most high profile cricketers during the summer. Momentum is growing for the concept of using foreign assignments to give Australia's most heavily employed cricketers a break rather than home limited-overs games during January.

The corollary of Pat's proposal is that other countries may use Australian tours to rest their own players.

Not that Australia using overseas tours to trial players is entirely foreign. Adam Gilchrist's first ODI was in Faridabad in 1996 when he was being phased in and Ian Healy was being phased out. No doubt there were punters and pundits back then who screamed that they had paid to see Ian Healy, not some jug-eared debutante.

Seamlessly stitching together chucking and rotating: introduce in-match testing at Australian cricket grounds and you will guarantee international players are rested for Australian tours and the Bubble.

Is there even the remotest chance Murali, Botha, Ajmal and Hurlem Samuels would want to "bowl" in Australia if they knew an alarm was going to blare every time their arm flexed more than 15°?

This week's Blackest Day in the History of Sport and Everything in which the famed Australian notion of fair play was "shoulder-charged into oblivion" and we "killed a national icon with our own hands" - talk about your performance enhancing right there - highlighted two blights in the sporting firmament: drugs and match fixing. The ACC left out chucking, which I consider to be every bit as malignant.

TOO HARD BASKET CASE

Darrell Hair on Asterisk of Galle:

"A couple of current umpires have said to me 'There is definitely something wrong with his action, but I'm not going to call him'. They are the ones who have to live with that. If you're an umpire you're meant to uphold the law so both teams get a fair shake. There's been some umpires who think, 'I'm on a good wicket here, I'm making good money, I won't rock the boat'. It's not my style, it's obviously theirs."

[This sentence is not online] "I think there has been a too hard basket for a lot of umpires and they've decided to let it slide."

Chloe Saltau in today's Age on how cricket's officials have been paralysed into inaction:

Bowler probe throws up tricky issue

MATCH officials are so reluctant to report flawed bowling actions that in-game testing represents cricket's last hope to confront the politically charged throwing issue.