After Grog Blog

OVAL OFFICE

CRYSTAL BOLLOCKS

A prediction: election predictions will be wrong. "There will be a hung parliament." No hung parliament. "The Coalition will sneak home." Labor shit it in. "Labor will sneak home." The Coalition shit it it.

But I want more; I want shameless revisionism. Someone will predict a win one way, then, when the result goes the other way, will skite: "Told you so."

Who will that pundit be?

MOVING... RIGHT ALONG

FAIR SHAKE OF THE shit STORM

BED AND CIRCUSES

Pretty good timing to have Tiger Woods due to lob in town at the same time an election is due. But surely this year's figures will take a hit without Tigger booking 132 rooms for his girlfriends:

Tiger Woods' return to Melbourne for Australian Masters expected to pull in more than $34m for Victoria, Premier says

TIGER Woods' signing to the Australian Masters is expected to surpass the $34 million his 2009 visit brought to the economy, Premier John Brumby says.

The Herald Sun exclusively revealed this morning that the world No 1 has agreed to defend his Australian Masters title at Victoria Golf Club in November - and Victorian taxpayers will again chip in half the $3 million bill.

BARRY CROCKERY

SUMMARY EXECUTION

A summary is put to death:

"In summary, the Government's core economic principle of conservative countercyclical policy interventions is standing the test of the gyrations of the economic cycle."

SHAKE STORM

RIGHT WING STEALTH BEAST

I'm still here.

Lurking.

Warning.

That, in my judgement, we need to be wary of anyone who proclaims: "Not everyone fully understands my slightly quirky sense of humour."

Next he'll be explaining his jokes; jokes like this one:

"Therefore, there is, in my argument, on the face of it, a natural complementarity between these two philosophical approaches and a complementarity that could be developed further in the direction of some form of conceptual synthesis."

Spoiler! The punchline contains some exploding Muslim pussy.

GESTURE POLLYTICS

I DID BUT SEE ME PASSING BY

A conversation:

A: "I heard Sir Robert Menzies had a mistress."

B: "Really? I thought he was only in love with himself."

Just wondering - how many Prime Ministers have had a bit, or bits, on the side? A considered response would be appreciated. Failing that, wanton slander will do.

AS TIME GOES BY-ELECTION

It seems like an eon ago, but can it really only be five-and-a-bit months since last October's federal election?

Latham predicts Bennelong by-election

Federal Labor leader Mark Latham has predicted there will be a by-election in John Howard's Sydney seat of Bennelong no matter who wins Saturday's federal election.

Mr Latham thinks Mr Howard will quit politics if the Coalition loses the election, or if it wins, Peter Costello will take over as prime minister.

Mr Latham has told a special edition of ABC program Insiders that is something that voters should take into account when deciding who they want to be prime minister.

"Win, lose or draw, Mr Howard's going to have a by-election in Bennelong," he said.

"There'll be no by-election in Werriwa. I'm 43 years of age and raring to go.

"I'm here for the long-haul service of the Australian people, whereas Mr Howard of course is cutting and running into retirement."

Thanks, Teejay.