HI, TECH

For a moment I thought the bit below read "allowing each team to lodge up to three challenges per innings". Fat lot of good that would have done in Sydney. Naturally, I read it again. Three "unsuccessful" challenges works for me. (Who will be the first team to call for more?)

Australia wary of ICC proposal 

ALREADY under unprecedented pressure, Test umpires may have their decisions challenged by players under an International Cricket Council proposal for expanded use of technology, which has drawn scepticism from Australian coach Tim Nielsen. 

Cricket Australia is reserving its judgement until director Mark Taylor, a member of the ICC's cricket committee, presents the detailed recommendations upon his return from Dubai. 

But Nielsen warned that such a system, allowing each team to lodge up to three unsuccessful challenges per innings, could slow down the game and create more intense conjecture about decisions.

Similarly, I'm not philosophically opposed to a predictless Hawkeye.

It is expected umpires would have at their disposal "Hawk-Eye" to judge whether a batsman has been struck in line with the stumps in leg-before-wicket decisions, stump microphones to determine whether there is an edge in caught behind appeals, and "Super Slow-Mo" for close bat-pad decisions. 

They could not, however, use Hawk-Eye to predict the trajectory of the ball in lbw calls. Nor could they use "Snicko" or the infra-red "Hot Spot" technology used in television broadcasts.

As we are all aware around these parts, the problem with Hawk, apart from it being a sly excuse for Nine to plug ACA, CSI and other upcoming programs, is its inability to accurately predict trajectory after the ball has bounced; especially when the spinners are on. But using it, for instance, to see if the ball has pitched outside leg is definitely a valid application. Not that you couldn't do that with super slow-mo or freeze-frame. I generally try to avoid getting between Nine and a good gadget.

I wonder why the umpires will be allowed to use stump microphones and won't be allowed to use Hot Spot. I'm not wild about Snicko.

Anyhoo, what's Tim Nielsen been smoking?

Nielsen warned that such a system... could create more intense conjecture about decisions.

A crack research team comprised of Isaac Newton, Louis Pasteur, James Cook, Hercule Poirot, Phileas Fogg and every single winner of The Price Is Right would struggle to unearth any more "intense conjecture about decisions" than existed last summer.

INTEMPERATE SOMERSET WORRIER

In light of Rollerboy's recent slap-headedness, the excellent Patrick Carlyon harks back to the summer of Spank:

Reason out in trial of character

INDIAN spinner Harbhajan Singh the other day slapped an opposition bowler and national teammate after playing out a Twenty20 match in the Indian Premier League. He was rubbed out for 11 matches.

Of itself, the incident is of little consequence and hardly surprising. Singh has always been cranky and petulant. If he was to be called a tosser, the label need not pertain to his bowling action.

SLAA PI

Intemperate slap warrior: "I was misunderstood."

Harbhajan Singh slap shocker

AN altercation between Test teammates Harbhajan Singh and Sreesanth has rocked the Indian Premier League.

Off-spinner Singh, playing for Mumbai Indians, slapped Indian teammate Sreesanth, playing for the Punjab Kings, across the face in a bitter aftermath to yesterday's match in Mohali.

Sreesanth was left sobbing after the altercation.

Can't work out which is more bizarre. Rollerboy slapping Shreediot, or Shreediot having a blub.

WASTE OF SPACE

CARNA KITTS

The IPL Twenny Twenny starts tomorrow. I'm not going to blog every match, I'm not even going to watch every match - is it on telly? - but there ought to be plenty to comment on; if not on the field, then certainly off it. So, for the next few weeks make this here your one-stop ink-blot for everything Quicket.

WHAT A SILLY CLUNT

Gold from Gaz, hereby preserved for posterior:

The Perils of Calling it how you see it

Davis steps out, hits this high up in to the air, he will be caught. Oh no they've fucked it up the Tigers! Anderson went out to try to get it backward of square.

~~ Clint Wheeldon, ABC Perth

SPOKH TOO SOON

Whitey Flanagan in today's Age:

One of the Crowd

My good news story of the week? An interview with Harbhajan Singh as he was leaving. The Indian media's response to the one-day finals has not been encouraging — headlines such as "A Victory over Australian Pride and Prejudice" — but the Sikh who calls himself "a fighting cricketer" said he wanted to play again in Australia.

"It wasn't that everyone hated me," he said. "Whenever I went out, people would come and meet me." So that's how our summer of tumult ends. With Harbhajan Singh as the voice of reason.

Today's Herald Sun:

Harbhajan blasts Hayden, Gilchrist as rift widens

CONTROVERSIAL spinner Harbhajan Singh has further deepened the animosity between India and Australia, calling Matthew Hayden "a big liar" and Adam Gilchrist "no saint"...

Harbhajan said he was upset when Hayden and wicketkeeper-batsman Gilchrist both supported Symonds in the racial row.

"Don't talk about Hayden's credibility, he is a big liar," Harbhajan told the Delhi-based tabloid Mail Today.

"He (Gilchrist) is also not a saint. He, of course, pretends to be a saint - someone who doesn't say an offensive word on the field.

"But this is completely wrong. There are times when he doesn't let an opportunity go (to) waste," Harbhajan said, adding Gilchrist said nasty things on the field.

Next: A flat denial or extreme dudgeon at being so wickedly taken out of context, followed by a BCCI announcement that there's no case to answer.

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WHAT BLANKET?

Just ban booze:

Not a fan of shameful crowd behaviour

SHAMEFUL cricket crowds and pathetic security have delivered a embarrassing blot on Australia, which is kidding itself if it thinks it does not have a serious problem on its hands.

Crowds here are now the ugliest in the world, and that is no small statement considering some of the behaviour from fans at Indian grounds.

TOO VEXY

Greg Baum's article today is too hard on Straya, but as a summary of the summer - An Indian Summary - it's worth a look.

Out with the old, in with the new

THE last unedifying kerfuffle of a vexatious summer obscured the enduring message to emerge from it. You might even argue, looking at yesterday's front page, that it fell between the cracks.

SYMONDS HITS THE FAN

THE CANTONATOR

Monkey acts and spitting were not enough. After being taunted by yobbos, Rollerboy should have kicked a member of the crowd.

Discuss.

THE BATTIFICATION OF ST MATTHEW

Homer links to Rebecca Wilson in the Sydney Telegraph:

Cricket Australia bow to bullies

WHEN we think of Australian sporting characters, opener Matthew Hayden is not exactly the man who immediately comes to mind.

Great batsman. Prolific run scorer. Good team man. But character? Hardly.

This week, Hayden knocked on the door and asked for entry into the hallowed hall where our great sporting characters reside.

Can I just mention that Homer runs the excellent Indian cricket blog: My Two Cents. Naturally, he's on the flip side of pretty much everything written here. But it's not just rabid Hindi - How's that for ya, Boo? - ranting. It's a tight blog written from the enemy... sorry, opposition perspective. Just beware the enormous links.

Anyhoo, Rebecca Wilson.

Most of her article is fine: instead of getting all high and mighty with Hayden, CricAussie should have pulled him aside for a quiet word in his shell-like; CA should stop sucking up; and the Indians are sooks and squealers. "Humourless as a box of hammers" is a nice mixed metaphor, too. But I agree with Homer that the bit about the castes was dopey, although I'm not sure why I think that. Maybe because it doesn't matter whether Rollerboy is rich, poor, a member of India's "burgeoning middle class" or even a real and actual intemperate Sikh warrior. It looks more like she chucked that in to give the article intellectual backbone. It doesn't. Nor was I aware a bully's favourite line is "Nobody likes you". Although, you really have to concede it contains an element of truth in regard to Hayden; he's not popular with the opposition.

Strangest, though, is her beatification of St Matthew the Character.

Reverend Flatty is a fantastic cricketer, but he ain't no saint. If he was he would have made a sacrifice. That's what Saint's do: stick to their guns then get executed. Flatty obviously didn't have to go that far, but he could have owned his statement that Rollerboy is "an obnoxious weed" because Rollerboy IS an obnoxious weed, and everyone knows it. But no. Flatty allowed CA to force him into an apology.

Not that it was much of an apology. Not that it was much of an offence; more one of time and place - discretion, if you like - than what was actually said. But it was your typical sporting apology: "I called him a cvnt, his mum a whore, his dad a faggot, his country a shithole... I didn't mean to hurt his feelings."

On second thoughts, maybe the sacrifice was to look like a goose on telly reading from a prepared statement.

Wouldn't it have been magnificent if, just once, a professional sportsman stood his digs and said "Hang on, this bloke is a fair dinkum dead shit. Barley Charley on your apology."

RIKKI TIKKI... TICKI... TICKING... TICKING...

What's Spanky on?

"Not the least tiresome aspect of this bitterness has been the way nationalistic backslappers in both countries have sided with their own players."

Piffle.

ROAD TO SERFDUMB

And another thing. Can people - and by people I mean pinheads who prefer the sound of their own rhetoric - please stop droning on about the IPL player auction. "When I heard about the hideous indignities at the IPL slave market, I choked on my larks tongues." Just shut up. Since when did slaves have a choice? Since when were slaves given big money for their work? It's no slave market. There was no indignity. There was just a bunch of highly skilled, willing participants ready to accept a lot of wonga for their services in an open and transparent bidding system. Pity it doesn't spread to the AFL.

Mark has more:

Shake Your Moneymaker

There have been a series of predictably snarky comments, both on the crystal box and in the chip wrappers, about the amount of money cricketers will earn from the IPL.

SOBADOB LITTLE WEED

All sooking, all dobbing. Who doesn't love this summer of sledge?

Matthew Hayden launches 'weed' spray of Harbhajan Singh

MATTHEW Hayden yesterday labelled Harbhajan Singh an "obnoxious little weed" as India was told to stop whingeing.

Hayden unleashed a stinging verbal attack on Harbhajan on the same day former Test firebrand Rodney Hogg demanded India stop moaning about trivial on-field clashes.

Hayden and Harbhajan locked horns at the SCG on Sunday, with Hayden yesterday claiming he had called the controversial Indian a "bad boy" rather than a "mad boy".

What's up with bad vs mad? Who cares? Why clarify? Rollerboy is both.

PLEASE DON'T LET ME BE MISUNDERSTOOD

Biffed that picture from CricInfo; where, incidentally, there is no picture of Instant giving Sideshow a send-off.

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WINDOW DRESSING

The idea for an annual Twenty20 fiesta in India has been defended by all and sundries as a necessary "window" for fitting the short caper into the international schedule. Spin. If the T20 in India is a raging success, you'd have to be a very thick thicko indeed not to be able to see that other countries will want their cut and eat it, too.

Can you imagine the phoodboll countries looking at the English Premier League and concluding that because the EPL is too good they may as well fold? Of course not. The EPL is probably the biggest phoodboll competition on the orb - at least from our anglicized perspective - but there are plenty of other strong La Leegas, Seeriah Ays, Boondessleegas, and Copper Del Mericas; even our own Ay Leeg is looking to increase its profile. Certainly none have shut up shop because the EPL is currently rocking.

Crash has a fair point in today's News papers: India are laughing because the T20 festivals will strengthen their own player development. But it's not an entirely valid point. Has the EPL made England the best soccer nation? No. Who doesn't love it when the red tops embark on their yearly slam-a-thon of hopeless England (Swedes 2 Turnips 1), the cheating opposition (Achtung!) or the blind ump... referees (Swiss Banker!). What the EPL does, apart from churn big money, is increase the depth of soccer ability world wide.

In the same way I'm not against the EPL being big business, I'm not against T20. I don't take much notice of the format, but nor do I take much notice of ice hockey, tennis, horse racing, golf, any motor racing format or large mouth bass fishing. I pretty much contain my interests to AFL, Test cricket, NFL and major league baseball, but all the rest merrily exist without any input from me.

And they are all professional. Just like T20 is now professional.

Someone needs to tell that to the papers; Saturday's headlines were particular gloat-fests. The Herald Sun: Another Poor Return. Aussies win but million dollar batsmen fail again.The Strayan: Money cannot buy runs. Bad Day at the office for cricket's new millionaires.

Perspective, please. The combined total of the T20 Aussie bids was $7.39 million. Tiger Woods can make that in a handful of tournaments. Roger Federer likewise. Same for good AND bad boxers, loads of phoodboll players, and pretty much everyone in the American baseball except for the kid who picks up the bats. You don't see the papers getting stuck into the likes of Woods, Federer, Tom Brady because the make big money.

Mind you, what you do see is the press getting stuck into players who fail to live up to their price tag, which I suppose is what Saturday's papers were doing. It will be interesting to see if the IPL signees live up to their auction value. Imagine if Dhoni Kebab strolls out and makes a string of ducks, drops sitters, or is caught cheating like he might have been yesterday with his cheaty gloves.

That's the "beauty" of professional sport: your reputation is on the line. That's why I love major league baseball. Watching a clutch pitcher or hitter perform when the heat is on goes to the very essence of competitive sport. The same goes for Michael Jordan. He was not a superstar because he could sink buckets with his eyes closed, he was a superstar because he could sink buckets with his eyes closed with half a second left in a big match and everyone in the opposition trying to stop him.

That will be one of the attractions of the T20. Will players deliver? The cricket, from a purist's perspective, will mostly be crap, but big money has cranked up the pressure. Who will crack first?

Which all leads me onto another thing: the bagging of Roy, Ponting and Flatty for their string of failures. How come none of the experts zero in on the conditions? Those three batsmen, and loads others around the cricket world have, for numerous years, been able to rock up to a match and swing through the line on straight and true decks. Straya's whole Fifty50 - Frankie Leach used that term on Offsiders yesterday; bet he reads the AGB - philosophy is to swing big. But this season they haven't been able to do so; most every deck has been two paced and difficult to score on. Of course batsmen used to loverly roads have struggled. Then what happened yesterday? The SCG served up a run feast on a true pitch. A pity. Which have been the better matches? The low scoring scraps or Sunday's run glut? I've already seen yesterday's match described as a thriller. Balls! High scoring matches that suit their commercial imperative might be good for CricAussie and Channel Nine, but not for me. It can only be a matter of time until Richie Benaud works a T20 match and says "You simply must bat out the full 20 overs."

Will I follow the IPL? Yes, but not strongly. I was conceived in Calcutta, so I will follow Kolkata. But that's about it.

Having said ALL that, the threat to Test cricket, by far the best sport in the world, is very real. Mark asks a valid question:

How long before a centrally contracted English player decides that the lure of half a million a year for three years from the IPL is a better deal that about 20% of that over a shorter period from the ECB?

On a related note, Jonathan Agnew in today's Observer says that KP is looking 'distracted'.  I wonder why that is?!

Here's hoping Test cricket doesn't implode because players decided on cash before country.

More from Olly Reed at Aussie Cricket:

When Steve Waugh was trying to inspire his Aussie side to win in India, he christened the challenge the 'final frontier'. Now that saying is irrelevant. India has become the epicentre of the cricket world. For all the flack the BCCI cops you have to give them credit for the IPL. It's a great idea. It's the sought of thing we should be doing in Australia.

Read on.

WAITING FOR GOODOUGH

Act I.

The time: Half past 2007.

The place: India.

The scene: Sponsor's function.

An Indian heavy hitter sidles up to Sideshow Roy.

HH:  "Excuse me, Mr Roy?"

Roy: "G'day, Heavy Hitter."

HH: "Are you having a good time?"

Roy: "Great. This party is a blast. But did you have to book Bing to sing?"

HH: "Sorry, he is big in India. Tell me: are you, by chance, related to Arundhati Roy?"

Roy: "Not even by marriage. Who is he, anyway?"

HH: "It does not matter. I will come to the point: you like to make big monkey... I mean, many gorillas?"

Roy: "Too right, mate. Just show me where, when and especially how much."

HH: "Twenty20. Here. Next year. April."

Roy: "Shit. Can't do it. We're playing the Pakis."

HH: "Do not worry about those bomb-happy Musslims."

Roy: "CricAussie will want me to tour."

HH: "There is way around them, too."

Roy: "How so?"

HH: "Pakistan is basket case, yes?"

Roy: "It is?"

HH: "Touring there dangerous, yes?"

Roy: "It is?"

HH: "Bomb. Happy. Just talk about how Pakistan is basket case."

Roy: "I'm with you now. Why didn't you say so? 'Pakistan. Basket case.' That kind of thing?"

HH: "That kind of thing."

Roy: "The ICC?"

HH: "The ICC?!? Ho ho ho... that is a good one."

Roy: "What?"

HH: "Never mind. Keep expressing doubts about Pakistan and leave the rest to us."

Roy: "Gotcha."

HH: "Edmund Roy?"

Roy: "..."

HH: "Did not think so."

MONKEY DO, MONKEY DO

Who said Test cricketers weren't role models?

Not your average Joe

Joe Amad doesn't possess a baggy green cap or even play for Victoria, but he proved last weekend that he is, dare we say, no ordinary Joe. You see, playing for his team Yarraleen against Templestowe, the Box Hill Reporter B2-grade competition's top team, the 39-year-old taxi driver came to the wicket with his side struggling at 5-29 but what then followed will be talked about at his club for years. After being dropped at five and 30, Amad told his batting partner: "I think this might be my day." He wasn't wrong. Not only did he proceed to plunder the bowling to the tune of 319 runs, eclipsing his own club record of 199, scored a couple of years ago, but when he was finally dismissed (caught in the deep by one of three fieldsmen within a 30-metre arc from deep mid-off to deep mid-on), he had struck 45 fours and five sixes and taken his team to 463, the third-highest total in the history of the club.

DAY-NIGHT STALKER

I have something in common with John Harms. No. Not Geelong. No. Not Queensland. No. Not short sentences. No. This:

The first time I ever stayed up for the entire night was watching the World Cup final from Lords in 1975.

Me, too. Watched it at my grandparents house in Mount Eliza, on a weekend away from boarding school. I still count that final as among the best one-day matches I've seen. Dunno about the decadent, but there was action alright: Lloyd and the Tavern window, Richards and the run outs, the calypso music, Thommo & Lillee batting at the end, Bill Lawry declaring with Marsh on 93. Ok, Marsh was 92. And it was a Test match. In Melbourne. Four years earlier. Anyway. Half way through the telecast I flipped to The Night Stalker, which despite being completely daggy, is still in my top ten all-time favourite TV shows. The way Kolchak went alone into derelict buildings, sewers, basements, attics and hidden underground cities is still in my top ten all-time how to create tension techniques. His blue suit and sand shoes is still in my top ten all-time fashion statements. And the show's theme is still in my top two all-time TV themes.

With this theme:

The theme to Dexter reminds me of John Barry.

EVERYONE LOVES TT

Greg Baum used... sarcasm:

Whatever else it is, TT is not cricket

Everyone loves TT, but remember basketball, the last sport that tarted itself up.

EVERYONE loves Twenty20 (TT for short — evidently an abbreviated game needs an even more abbreviated name). Fans love it for the atmos, the novelty, the fireworks, the din. Television loves it for the ratings. Administrators love it because television loves it. Players love it for the money — fistfuls of it.

When I saw the heading to Patrick Smith's article in yesterday's Strayan I thought he meant the speed and intensity of TT would eat up the fogey cricketers who were trying to eke out a few extra seasons worth of cashola:

Revolution will devour old fogeys

WHEN cricket was turned on its head by the World Series revolution there was some sympathy for administrators.

They might have been naive or arrogant not to be prepared for the devastation that Kerry Packer's breakaway league would deliver, but it was their trusted senior players who plotted in secret against them. They were betrayed from within.

Well... not everyone loves TT:

Greed, hypocrisy and forgotten fans

TWO months ago this column said loudly that the Australian cricket community needed to coalesce into a house of review and ensure that Cricket Australia is acting in the best interests of its constituents.

The need is greater than ever. In December the call to arms was, among other things, triggered by talk of Test match cricket being played under lights. Now it has more to do with preserving the integrity, uniqueness and relevance of Test match cricket per se.

CIRCLE THE WAGONS!

Sorry, wrong injuns:

India closing in on umpires

FORMER leading umpire Robin Bailhache believes umpires have been placed under intolerable pressure following India's successful push to sack Steve Bucknor after a poor second Test in Sydney last month.

While Bailhache did not directly blame the need to please India for two poor decisions struggling South African umpire Rudi Koertzen made against Australia in last Sunday's one-day loss, he said umpires were now "under notice" if things went against India.

I ME MINEFIELD

Correct:

batsmen need culling

Most people don’t like one dayers when the bowlers dictate.

But most people are idiots.

My perfect one day game would be one team making 184, and the other making 183 and Inzy getting run out.

That 800 run match in Sorth Efrica? Stick it up your veldt. One of the best things about this season's summer of Benaud is the variable tracks on offer. Melbourne and Perth were both better Tests because the pitches were difficult. Melbourne, low and slow for the Test, is now hard and bouncy for the one dayers; Perth, a speed merchant's paradise for the Quicket, is overnight transformed into a slowish seam dream for the Test.

At the risk of saying "We've been saying it here for years", "We've been sayi... dodgy tracks rock. It's hard to believe that Kevin Bartlett and Crash Craddock only just discovered the wonders of shit pitches, but that's the way they were carrying on today. Same for Tubby last night. Naturally it goes against the commercial imperative to risk a shortened telecast with difficult batting conditions, but there's no doubt matches are better when batting is not better. The best way to guarantee a good match in a one dayer is to juice up the pitch. Remember the 2003 World Cup? The two best matches were Straya v. England and Straya v. New Zealand, both at Port Elizabeth and both on awkward decks. And of course there was Sorth Efrica's farcical Duckyloo calculations for extra entertainment. These matches should be the template for the future of Fifty50 cricket.

LAME DUCK

A phusics lisson from Richard Boock:

What goes up must come down

You've got to give it to Sir Isaac Newton. He really knew what he was on about with that third law thing you know, the one about every action attracting an equal and opposite reaction. In other words, life has consequences; what goes around comes around, and by definition I guess you reap what you sow.

By the way. Sorry I haven't been able to reply to the comments, but I've got a full timetable this week. As Dick Boock would say: "Flat out like a Beirut lizard layer."

CATCH SCRATCH FEVER

That heading doesn't make any sense. Anyway... you reckon the AGB is setting the agenda?

First we drive Gilly into retirement:

Sydney Day Two

Wee Wee wouldn't have got to 100 if Gilly had his sh1t together. After performances like yesterday, he's running the risk of being compared with The Grates: Party Patel, Geraint Jones and the down-and-going (as opposed to up-and-coming) Matt Prior. Lucky Wee Wee didn't make 200 or you'd be comparing Gilly to Courtney Browne who once dropped a sitter off Steve Waugh, or the bloke who dropped Brian Lara when Lara made 500.

Gilly is at an awkward stage of his career. Apparently he wants to go to England in 2009, but is that feasible? Well, if he scores big in the near future, and doesn't drop any more sitters (don't bank on it) he'll hold his place. But at 36 going on 38 by 2009 he isn't getting any younger, or more importantly, better.

The selectors need to ask themselves whether Gilly will be better in 2009 than, say, Brad Haddin? That's unlikely, both for batting and keeping. Gilly's career path is on the way down, while Braddin's is on the way up. Have those career trajectories crossed yet? I suggest they have. They certainly will have by 2009.

There is nothing worse - apart from lots of other bad things in the world: drought, flood, bushfire, Silverchair - than sports people hanging on too long. Does Gilly want to hang on too long? Will the selectors allow him to hang on too long? He has a few credits in the bank, although he cashed a few in yesterday, but not that many that the selectors can afford to have him clogging up the chain of succession. At some point soon they will have to make the big call: "Mate, we need to have a chat."

Unless Gilly the famous walker, walks.

Then there was this:

DOWN SYNDROME

Did you know our drops against India in the Tests cost us 569 runs?

Now Peter Lalor - who is starring lately - takes up the cause:

Fielding dominance slips away

THE standard of fielding is said to be one of the barometers of a player or a team in decline. Michael Hussey

If it is true, Australia's dominance is slipping away at an alarming rate.

THE REVISIONABLES

Spanky is right that The Invincibles were helped by Pomgolian cricket being blitzed by WWII. The same happened when the Big Ship whitewashed England 5-0 in 1920/21 after WWI.

For your consideration:

Time for the Governor-General to walk LAST Tuesday night in Canberra, His Excellency, the Governor-General, Michael Jeffrey got to his feet, clinked a sherry glass with a steak knife and proceeded to wag his finger at the Australian Cricket Team.	Waugh was better than Bradman: fact WE'VE all spent happy summer hours grumbling about the stuffy old men's club that tries to control cricket. Take banning the wave. Or mid-strength beer. But I have a bigger problem to fix.

When someone says to you "I remember when" do you automatically look it up? And how often is someone's memory someone's else's memory?

RANK FEST

Can never work out the cricket rankings. Aren't we World Champions until 2011? And aren't Sorth Efrica always "closing in on No.1"? Someone crunch the numbers please.

Proteas close on No.1 spot

AUSTRALIA has been put on notice that its status as one-day world champion is under threat this summer.

Despite claiming the past three World Cups and losing just two of its past 21 one-day internationals, Australia is on the brink of being dethroned.

It would be like Tiger Woods losing his No. 1 ranking despite dominating world golf over the past five years.

But, a rampaging South African side, who have won their series against the West Indies 5-0, have moved to within four rankings points of Australia.

Australia needs to make the final of the tri-series against India and Sri Lanka to maintain top spot -- and even that may not be enough.

To guarantee its hold on the top ranking, Ricky Ponting's men will have to win the one-day final series.

Spelling Mistake: There's no rampage needed to beat Tori Spelling.

AD GLIB

Add your glib Western responses:

Calm should not be mistaken for peace

IT is time to have another crack at the glib Western response to the Harbhajan affair. The debate has become altogether too cosy. Several points need to be made. Yes, a lot of skin creams are sold in India. Yes, every ad in Indian magazines seems to feature light-skinned youths. Yes, India has its castes and colours. It is imperfect. But it has also had in recent years a Sikh president, a Muslim prime minister and a white, female, Catholic divorcee leading its main political party. Other nations should be as lucky.

SCAMORABILIA

A long overdue article on the sh1t flogged by the Nine commentators:

The frame game

CHANNEL Nine has been flogging the stuff for years. In the Sydney Test, it was Andrew Symonds’ turn. A "beautifully presented, personally signed" photo of Symonds, on bent knee after a belted drive, and underneath an actual swatch of willow from a bat used by Symonds in a 2007 Test match, complete with his year’s statistics, all finished in "a quality timber frame".

Titled A Smashing Year, this limited-edition "amazing collectable" of 250 pieces is officially licensed by Cricket Australia, authenticated and certified by Pricewaterhouse Coopers, and two weeks ago, you could have it for just $728. Yesterday, its price was down to $693.

Only problem is, according to sports memorabilia expert Rick Milne, they’re worth next to nothing. Because by next year no one wants to buy them.

"At the Perth Test two weeks ago, Richie Benaud stooped so low as to be flogging some Adam Gilchrist tribute," Milne said last week. "I don’t think it’s a good look for somebody like Richie Benaud to be flogging that stuff, and there he was, saying, ‘Great memories of the brilliance of Adam Gilchrist, just call this number’. But the things on the secondary market are almost worthless."

CATCH 20/20

Been thinking. Everyone – you know, everyone – has been saying that Twenty20 will be best served by being restricted to only one or two matches per summer. Trouble is, if we only have one or two matches, what’s the point?

See where I’m coming from?

If a match is not a part of a larger competition it becomes a novelty or a gimmick or a gigantic “retail opportunity,” as Martin Brundle once referred to an ad break in the Melbourne Grand Prix.

Then if there are too many matches, Twenty20 runs the risk of losing credibility in the same way Fifty50 has lost credibility with all its meaningless matches.

So how’s it going to fit in?

Well, if we take last night’s match as an example we would conclude from a purely cricket perspective that it’s not going to fit in very well at all. A crap match was all over 15 minutes after it started. But from a financial perspective we would conclude it’s going to fit in very nicely indeed, thank you very much, you’re welcome, don’t mention it. We could even extrapolate from the second perspective that the other Strayan states will start fretting that all international Twenty20 matches will end up at the MCG given it is the home of Strayan cricket, the people’s ground, the paddock that grew, and most significantly, holds more than twice as many cash cows and stakeholde… paying customers as any cricket venue in this wide brown land of sunburn.

Twenty20 is also still in a state of “so what”. Say what? Well, Straya won and Captain Nemo was “speechless” at how well Straya played, while India lost and Dhoni Kebab shrugged it off as only a “practice game”. Surely if it’s just a practice game, losing doesn’t matter and if losing doesn’t matter, the match is meaningless.

That said, I’ve been saying for years that Straya treat the Benson & Hedges, Fosters, Carlton, VB, CB Series as a round of practice matches for the Fifty50 World Cup. Actually, they probably were not doing that as far back as the B&H days, but they have certainly been doing it since they lost the 1996 World Cup. Anyhoo, it is conceivable there is something in what Kebab says: India could well have treated last night as a praccy. Fifty50’s lost lustre is often attributed to the many matches being used to trial players and tactics for the World Cup. Who’s to say Twenty20 won’t go the same way. It certainly will if Kebab & Co treat the matches as trial games.

Not that Kebab downplayed the nature of India’s victory in the ICC World Twenty20. Nor did they suggest they hadn’t earned the cars and homes they were given when they got back to India. Yet THAT was a practice run for the first Twenty20 World Cup.

Regular AGB readers would not be confused, but just in case you wandered in here by mistake from the wilds of newspapers or talk radio - last September’s ICC World Twenty20 was not the Twenty20 World Cup. So stop saying India are the Twenty20 World Cup champions.

One thing in particular I want to mention from last night is the fielding. Before I turned over to The Murder Room on ABC at 8:30, the commentators couldn’t stop raving about the Aussie fielding. (When they weren’t drooling over the size of the crowd.) Fair enough, the Strayan fielding was superb. But until it translates into catching in the Tests I’ll reserve my judgment as to whether Twenty20 is a good influence on Test cricket. I’d much rather we took our catches in the Tests than save a few runs in the field with dynamic dives.

Speaking of catching, Mark has a good piece on the influence of the keeper:

Gil Christ Superstar!

A lot of commentators have made the very valid point about Adam Gilchrist, in that he revolutionised the way test sides now view their wicketkeeping position.

Last word on last night: Nemo’s captaincy. Can’t say if it was good or bad based on one viewing, but he certainly looked the part jumping here and there, looking serious, fielding like a demon, batting well and being named man of the match. At one point I had a chuckle when he whistled and flicked his fingers to move a fielder in the deep. Bet there’s someone out there whose delicate sensibilities are ready to be offended. There’s probably also a working dog somewhere who “got in behind”.

SPANKEE

Here.

What am I doing? Not sure. I want to keep all the Test Match posts and comments in one place. Boynton mentioned something about "the nature of blogging" and "readers might miss your updates" and how I needed to better identify new Test Match posts. And Peter M. emailed about RSS.

FOURTH TEST: BARREL OF MONKEYS

1. Preview
2. Fruit Cake
3. The Sport of Rings
4. The Midwinter Draft
5. Day One
6. Down Syndrome
7. Day Two
8. The Writing's On The Ball
9. Casualties of Lore
10. Day Three
11. Goad Warrior
12. Day Four
13. Roll Player
14. Day Five
15. Spin Shitty
16. Bucken Dickhead
17. Tired and Demotional
18. Protest Match Special
19. Blubble Standards
20. Spankee

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