After Grog Blog

OFF-BEAT-UP

While the world's media outlets are busy whipping up the their latest issues do jour, the UK Telegraph is the one great font of perspective:

Top 10 off-beat sports blogs

There are bound to be blogs out there worthy of a mention in this top 10. So if you know of any, do leave a comment. But for now, here goes:

1. After Grog Blog

Fine Australian blog which has amusing section on cricket. A must to dip into when the Ashes is on. Tags itself as "Fruit for the sightscreen."

MISSED... ERRR, FOOTBALL

Guess who the Sunday Age left out of their table of players who have played 300 games at one club?

That's right: Doug Hawkins (329).

And Rohan Smith (300).

Oh, and Mr Football (321).

Must be a Footscray thing.

You could also, almost, just about, nearly, make a case for Alastair Lynch (306), who played 120 games for Fitzroy, 32 for the Brisbane Bears and 154 for the Brisbane Lions.

CROCK THE VOTES

The Herald Sun dudded Stef Martin after lest year's Grand Final sprint. Now the Age has stitched him up:

A player with a lot to learn and a history of achievement

Martin ended his first season by winning the under-19s best and fairest after polling 23 of a possible 24 votes. He had been given best on ground in eight of the nine games he played.

Nein.

There are a possible 27 votes in nine games. And if Martin had been given best on ground in eight matches he would have got 24 votes.

As usual I'm across of the big issues.

Just where would the footy media be without me to correct their base, disgraceful and flagrant howlers?

HEY, WATCH ME PULL A RABBIT OUTTA MY HAT

Again?!?

Last year the AGB outed Michael Klein (Kleiner Mann's complex?) who, at the International Rules championships, photo-shopped a diminutive Irishman onto the head of an invisible leprechaun.

This year we have Craig Borrow in our sites.

Borrow, not content with merely... ahem, borrowing Klein's R&B book o' tricks and invisible leprechaun, photo-shopped the head of a St Kilda fan onto the body of a bear, covered the bear in body paint, then dressed it in a skirt.

REPORTS REPORT WALLACE SACKED/QUITS: REPORTS

Reportedly:

Tigers part ways with Wallace: reports

Richmond has reportedly split with embattled coach Terry Wallace, ending his tumultuous five-year association with the Tigers.

Wallace and Tigers part company?

Terry Wallace and Richmond have parted company, according to 3AW's Neil Mitchell. Without naming his 'source', Mitchell confirmed an earlier report Wallace - who did not show up at the club on Tuesday - will not coach the Tigers again.

Wallace sacked from Richmond: report

Speculation is growing in Melbourne that Richmond coach Terry Wallace has been relieved of his duties following his side's loss to Port Adelaide this weekend.

Wallace sacked from Richmond: report

Richmond and coach Terry Wallace are parting ways, according to radio station SEN.

Report: Wallace quits Tigers

Terry Wallace's tortured five-year tenure as coach of Richmond is reportedly over with an official announcement expected later on Tuesday.

Wallace and Tigers part ways: report

Coach Terry Wallace has reportedly parted ways with Richmond after the Tigers made a dreadful start to the 2009 AFL season.

TIGER CHIEF SHOT DEAD

Update! They play for keeps at Tigerland:

Tamil Tiger leader Velupillai Prabhakaran shot dead

THE leader of Sri Lanka's Tamil Tigers was shot dead yesterday while trying to flee government troops, a senior defence official said.

REPORTS REPORT REPORTS OF HIS SACKING WERE PREMATURE: REPORTS

Update! "We here at Richmond are right behind Terry. He has the full support of the board. And we will be sacking him at the end of the year!"

Tigers' backflip on Wallace

Richmond is in turmoil yet again after coach Terry Wallace was reportedly sacked and then reinstated as coach of the embattled club on Tuesday.

Crisis at Punt Rd

Mark Robinson, Tony Sheahan | May 19, 2009 09:37am

TERRY Wallace will remain as coach of Richmond following a crisis meeting at the club this morning.

Robbo will be pleased to know I kept his original:

It is believed the players were upset about Wallace's post-match critique of the team after Sunday's loss to Port Adelaide.

Players yesterday, led by captain Chris Newman, spoke to Wallace about the closed-doors post-match address and it's understood Wallace has walked from the job, believing the players had lost faith in him.

Out: Robbo. In: Staff Writer.

Tigers deny sack claim

Staff writer | May 19, 2009 12:21pm

RICHMOND has denied coach Terry Wallace was sacked this morning until a crisis meeting with senior players.

It's not easy keeping up with the Herald Sun. Staff Writer managed to change his story in under a minute:

Terry still a Tiger

Staff writer | May 19, 2009 12:21pm

TERRY Wallace's job as coach of Richmond has been saved by a crisis meeting with senior players this morning.

So, let's get this straight. Wallace was sacked after a meeting with senior players, then saved by a meeting with senior players.

Out: Staff Writer. In: Jay Clark.

Terry still a Tiger

Jay Clark with AAP | May 19, 2009 12:21pm

UPDATE 12:50pm: TERRY Wallace's job as coach of Richmond has been saved by a crisis meeting with senior players this morning.

SAINT YOUR WAGON

Mike Sheahan is late getting on board StKilda:

"You were like an Indian in a western: you just jumped on that bandwagon very late."

~~ James Hird, On The Couch

Since you are wondering: "jump on the bandwagon" first appeared when Dan Rice campaigned for Zachary Taylor in the 1848 US presidential race.

BLUNT KICK

Peter Featherby boots Friday Night Football:

"It's on delay and doesn't start until 8.30, then you have the bullshit for 20 minutes, and then you get four million ads and it finishes at midnight. So I don't watch Friday night footy any more."

I doubt Channel Seven would be impressed that a former player should be so dismissive of their coverage. (Although, a 57 year old insurance broker from Dunsborough is unlikely to be their core target demographic.) If I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone say they watch the footy until half-time, then check the final score on the radio, I'd be richer than Croesus.

BELINDA NEIL?

Was Neil Mitchell doing a Belinda Neal?

"Do you know who I am?"

Judge for yourselves: audio here.

There's the wry, almost harumpfy laugh after "what station?", and 3AW played the audio relentlessly over the weekend.

Howard still tops for salesman Sylvia

COLIN Sylvia might not have heard of top-rating radio station 3AW nor recognise the 2007 change of Federal Governments but he can sure sell a membership.

Dean Bailey was disappointed Sylvia's good work had been overshadowed by an apparent gaffe about who was the current Prime Minister made during a call to one lapsed member, 3AW radio presenter Neil Mitchell.

Mitchell relayed his conversation with Sylvia on air last week.

Sylvia had contacted Mitchell during the Melbourne membership drive because he had not renewed.

The Demon asked the high profile Melbourne-based radio personality what he did for a living, as he had not heard of him or 3AW.

Mitchell told Sylvia he worked on radio and that he could tune in the following morning, as he was interviewing the Prime Minister. Sylvia replied: 'So how is John Howard?'

WHO'S THE BOSSIALSHIP?

"He's Ricky Nixon's... his manager, and a lot of his coaches are under Ricky's managerialship... have got that in July."

~~ Danny Frawley, Before The Bounce

Danny was explaining the intricate details of Terry Wallace's contact.

TOO QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT

Meanwhile, at The Somme, Grandpa AGB can't contain his excitement at the prospect of yet another Essendon Collingwood match.

OOZE YOUR DADDY?

"You could see the genuine love dripping out of their bodies."

~~ Caroline Wilson, Footy Classified

Can't remember who Caro was talking about, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't the North Melbourne chickens.

YOU REAP WHAT YOU PLOUGH

Trevor Grant comes as close as a journalist can to calling Terry Wallace a slimy, back-stabbing liar:

Game's up as wily fox backs into a corner

From the moment he was told he was too slow to play in the centre at Hawthorn in the 1980s, he got crafty and took charge of his destiny.

Richmond and Melbourne seem to be engaged in a one-on-one coach killing battle. In 1997, Melbourne beat Richmond, who then sacked Walls to unleash the Giesh. In 2007, Richmond beat Melbourne, who then all-but sacked Daniher, who then sacked himself. Now, in 2009, Melbourne beat Richmond, who have sacked Wallace... I mean, embarked on a contingency Plan B.

All the sweeter in light of last week's media which was full of talk about Wallace being OK for now... but if they lose to Melbourne.

THE ONCE AND FUTURE SACKING #

Leapster puts Wallace to the sword, and fillets a few other fish:

LIKE EXCALIBUR IN THE STONE, DIGIT REMAINS FIRMLY LODGED

So, from what has been said in the media, Richmond is fully committed to Terry Wallace staying on as coach, but according to RFC president Gary March, has a ‘contingency plan’ in place for Season 2009 in case he goes.

FAULTY THREESEARCH

See. See what I mean. This (abridged) exchange, between Brian Taylor and Liam Pickering on Fox AFL Teams, is what I'm talking about:

BT: "Zip and three at Richmond. Only three sides before have made it to the finals from that position."

LP: "Even those three you mentioned: Geelong in 2004; Adelaide in 2001 finished 8th; Sydney in 1999 finished 8th. So, even if they make it they are going to be at the bottom end."

Were I at work today, and not on a well-earned holiday, you could put all your magic beans on a co-league saying something like "Did you see the stats on AFL Teams last night? The Tigers are gone."

Not so fast.

First: selective omission. Pickers conveniently left out that Geelong just missed the grand final when they lost a preliminary final squeaker to Brisbane in 2004 and therefore, by finishing fourth, did not finish in the bottom end of the eight.

Second: missing a year. Melbourne lost the first three games of 2006 and finished sixth.

Third: only? Rather than "Only" three sides making it to the eight after losing the first three games of a season, four sides have made it to the eight... since 1999. There's no "only" to it. In ten seasons a side who lost the first three has made it to the finals 40% of the time. Near on once every two years. If the Tigers make the eight this year it will be five from out of eleven and 45%. It's almost, not quite, bordering on the edge of a necessity to lose the first three games. Fremantle and Melbourne are certain to make this year's eight.

AAMI SHAAMI

Is there a side with a more dismal record than Melbourne at AAMI? I used to go to Melbourne games in Adelaide, now I don't even bother watching them on telly. The aggravation is such that the occasional score on the radio is about all I can endure.

Speaking of radio:

"There were five or six handballs in that link of chain."

~~ Shane Wakelin, SEN

Still, on the outside chance Melbourne somehow manage to conquer the unalloyed heights of a respectable loss, I always record the game to watch later. In the case of Melbourne vs Port, just the second half because the machine ate the first half of the tape.

(Note to self: get IQ.)

You've almost certainly had a Monday's experts disagreement over an aspect of a match. You: "Jeez, Joe Bloggs was dreadful." Contrary Other: "Really? TV Pundit said Bloggs had a blinder." See what I'm driving at? Punters often cite the commentators as the last word. No idea why. A small percentage of what they say is worthwhile, much of it is the bleedin' obvious, a lot of the rest is complete pants. The last quarter and a bit of the Dees/Power game was a case in point.

"You need to kick the ball to the dangerous space, not the dangerous spot."

Danny Frawley makes a comparison between footy now and footy in the old days. Pretty sure he was trying to say you can no longer bomb it to a contest in the goal square, but surely dangerous is dangerous.

DR: "That's bread and butter for a man of Cameron Bruce's experience."

LP: "A good finisher in Cameron Bruce."

Dwayne Russell and Liam Pickering describe Cameron Bruce's goal-kicking expertise. They must have forgotten Bruce had previously missed a sitter, and also been unaware that not one Melbourne fan would put money on a Bruce shot for goal... sorry, shot on goal.

"And you just see Davey here. Kicked the ball. That's the new rule."

Danny Frawley dissects the replay of an incident in which Melbourne were awarded a free kick down field after Aaron Davey had been decked after getting rid of the ball. Why is this a "new rule" to Danny? Down field frees have been around since at least when he played.

Incidentally, on a 1998 trip to Adelaide to watch Melbourne and Port, we went to Adelaide Oval to watch Norwood and Westies. At half time in the bar watching Adelaide and Geelong on the TV there was a local oaf bouncing around the bar chanting "FAD, Mods" over and over. FAD is checkside speak for "free after disposal".

"He hasn't moved, Dunn."

Danny Frawley pronounces Dunn done after he was dropped by Dom Cassisi. Danny's definition of "has not moved" conflicts starkly with reality's "is lying face-down on the ground but is waving his legs around." (And not in a knocked-out flinchy way, either.)

DR: "Colby, what did he do wrong?"

LC: "What did he do right? I've done plenty of that over the journey, so no questions 'ere."

Dwayne asks boundary rider Leigh Colbert for input after Alipate Carlile fumbled the footy. Colby started off fine: sharp come-back. But if he's going to give it the "no comment" treatment because he fumbled when he was playing he may as well give the caper away. That's assuming his "no questions 'ere" equates to the more likely "no comment 'ere".

"It's a perfect short pass."

Dwayne Russell, anticipating a Port move, waxes rhapsodic about a mongrel short kick that hit Dean Brogan in the shins and almost tripped him up. Should have waited until the ball was kicked.

"That's the new rule. Whether you agree with it or not is another thing. But the umpires are told 'that's the rule, you've got to pay it'."

Danny Frawley should steer clear of the rules. Cam Bruce had been awarded a 50 metre penalty when a Port Player ran over the mark. This rule has been around since Jim Stynes played full back for Ballyboden.

"It's a love-all draw at the moment in this last quarter. Both sides have kicked five goals."

Danny Frawley, again.

Then there was the customary confusion about how a push in the back is not a push in the back if you use your fore-arms. Yes. Danny. Once again he was tangled up in the rules.

The regular inconsistency over "ducked into it" raised its head. When Josh Carr was "just too clever" because he "dropped to his knees" to "milk himself a goal" there was clear approval from the team, but every other instance of ducking was met with disapproval.

Imagine if I'd seen the whole game. Surely it's not this bad every week?

WORTH THE WEIGHT

"Stick fat through thick and thin."

~~ Nathan Buckley, 3AW

Bucks' sage advice was to a Richmond caller who said she would not go to another Richmond match until Terry Wallace was gone.

... BUT I TRANSGRESS

"I have no doubt the AFL will punish those who digress."

~~ Mick McGuane, 927 Sport

Adrian Anderson just called. Henceforth, and from here on in going forward, there will be a mandatory six weeks suspension for players who take the indirect route to goal.

"The direct route to goal is sacrosanct."

AUTUMN ALMANAC

"I like my football on a Saturday." When the philosopher Davies wrote that back in 1967 he can scarcely have anticipated the technical advancements that have facilitated the sporting phenomenon (AFL press release: "as read by an estimated three billion people each week.") that is The Footy Almanac Online:

2009 Footy Almanac
The AFL season - one game at a time.

This website emerges out of the book The Footy Almanac, which is now in its third year. The Footy Almanac is a game by game account of the AFL season, with dozens of contributors, edited by Paul Daffey and John Harms.

We have had such a response from footy-lovers who want to write for The Footy Almanac that we just won’t be able to fit all the stories into the book. So we decided to create a place where they could be read - this website. And if you show a bit of form on the website you will thrust your name before the selectors and may even get a run in the book itself.

POLLOCKS!

"I reckon they've got the Ken Done style. Just chuck the paint all over it."

~~ Liam Pickering explains the Essendon game-plan on Fox League Teams.

Is Ken Done known for chucking the paint all over it?

BODE WARRIORS

Serious question: How much should a typo effect the rest of a newspaper article?

The confusing view from the bridge
Martin Flanagan

The game itself looked oddly familiar to me. North won because they had better players, natural footballers such as Lindsay Thomas and Matt Campbell who knew where the ball was going before it got there and used it with total awareness of what was around them.

For three quarters, the Dees kept coming back. They lack a marking forward. Brad Miller is gallant, but Jace Bode needs someone vigorous playing alongside him to create spaces for him.

Melbourne dumped Jace Bode last year, and no one seems quite sure who Flanagan is talking about - Bate? Bennell? Jetta? Petard? - least of all no one at Demonland where it got feisty and needed the sort of customarily soothing, level-headed input regularly displayed at the AGB:

Thundercloud

Are you Einstein's telling me that because one journalist got one player's name wrong the article is no good?

Nice one, Eins... Thundercloud.

There's no need for an apostrophe in your Einsteins. Everything else you right... write is now flawed.

For what it's worth: The Jace Bode error is the sort of typo journos often mistakenly include in their articles, but which should be picked up by a subbie. I stress "should" because the remaining subbies at the Age wouldn't know footy from a double-choc florentine. Doubtless Bode's name came up in despatches on Sunday and Flanagan got his wires crossed. The mistake, although a howler, is more a reflection on the paper than the pressed-for-deadline journalist.

That said, there's nothing wrong with people ribbing Flanagan/The Age over the mistake - I mean, that's what we do. But rather than drifting into outrageous indignation, we should count our blessings Flanagan has been given such a large brief to cover the Dees. And in turn given us a large chance to take the p1ss out of him.

And her: this is a worse mistake.

THE KING OF TAUTS

Tautologies that is... the essence of quintessence:

"He's the epitome of the personification of the way Geelong play."

~~ Nathan Buckley on Joel Selwood, Friday Night Football