After Grog Blog

EIGHT-TWO! EIGHT-BLOODY-TWO!

UNDERBELLY: KNIFE & FORK

A member of the Carlton Crew comes clean:

Wayne Harmes admits to stealing cutlery from The Lodge

ONE of Carlton's premiership greats has admitted to stealing cutlery from The Lodge after a celebratory dinner 30 years ago.

"I think he (Mr Fraser) knew when I shook hands with him leaving that my top pocket was shaking like a cutlery cupboard."

Meanwhile, another member of the Carlton Crew is barred from the Lodge:

$10,000 not enough to get Mick Gatto a dinner date with the First Bloke

PRIME Minister Julia Gillard has banned Mick Gatto from lunch at The Lodge after he paid $10,000 for the privilege at a charity auction.

Mr Gatto said he had been looking forward to giving Ms Gillard some advice.

Advice is not the only thing Gatto was planning to give Gillard. Word on the street is that he was also planning to return the stolen cutlery.

BOOMER TISH

Footy Classified, Garry Lyon:

"North have built this side really well. They have been able to build this list on the back of some genuine bargains."

The graphic (there's always the graphic):

• Michael Firrito - Rookie Draft
• Scott McMahon - Rookie Draft
• Leigh Adams - Rookie Draft
• Matt Campbell - Rookie Draft
• Nathan Grima - Rookie Draft
• Cruize Garlett - Rookie Draft
• Cam Pedersen - Rookie Draft
• Aaron Mullett - Rookie Draft
• Aaron Edwards - Pick 82 - 2006
• Lindsay Thomas - Pick 53 - 2006
• Brent Harvey - Pick 47 - 1995
• Andrew Swallow - Pick 43 - 2005

Excuse my skepticism. The inclusion of Brent Harvey smacks of padding. "Look! Boomer was drafted at 47 - that will bolster our point." North built its 1990s list with Harvey. North already had Harvey when Dean Laidley re-built the list in the Noughties. Now, under Brad Scott, "this side" and "this list" merely inherited Harvey.

PLUS ÇA CHANGE, PLUS ÇA CHANGE, PLUS C'EST LA MÊME CHOSE

Someone is going to have to crack open a can of #FootyMaths to assist in the AFL's on-going struggle with unintended consequences.

Since the introduction of the current substitute rule, footy fans have been party to the following justification:

"The substitute rule works brilliantly. Late in games players are tiring dramatically, allowing the games to open right up."

Of late, conspiratorially as a distraction from GWS shenanigans and other inspired AFL hi-jinx, it has been mooted that the game is too long:

"At 30+ minutes, quarters are too long. Late in games players are tiring dramatically, putting their well-being and careers at risk."

In a nutshell: We can make the game better by making the players more tired; by making the players less tired, we can make the game better.

The AFL, through its rules committee, introduces a new rule or rule modification - "tweak", to employ the prevailing user-friendly vernacular. Mind you, Kevin Bartlett remains dogged (tiger-like, even) in his defence: "there are next to NO new rules." This change, in turn, precipitates another change, and another, etc, et al, and so on. Which is great for KB, who gets to oversee another tweak. See how it works?

Next step: two substitutes.

DUDD JUDD v SPUD BUDD?

I could not bring myself to hate Judd because he went to Carlton instead of Melbourne; he's just too bloody good. And anyway, recent events appear to illustrate why he might have chosen Royal Parade. That, and his cushy deal at Visy. I also wanted to mention that both Judd and Buddy barracked for Melbourne before they played AFL. And also that I had, coincidentally, had a multi on Collingwood for the flag, Judd for the Brownlow and Buddy for the Coleman.

THAT'S, or rather THIS! is what I am talking about!

YOUR AB

Austrian's wouldn't give a XXXX for "automated programming systems":

ABC pulls plug on VFL game

It was lights, cameras and suddenly no action for ABC viewers of Saturday's AFL match of the round between Port Melbourne and Williamstown.

With only a couple of minutes to go, at 4pm, Williamstown was five points down and storming home when the ABC pulled the plug on the live coverage.

It turned out there were only two minutes still to go in an extraordinarily long game, when the ABC announced that, unfortunately, it was ending its coverage and that the game could be seen later on the station's iView.

The station went to its next program - Treks in the Wild World: Trekking in Austria.

(From the Herald Sun's Sports Confidential.)

DUMB AND DIMMER

Real Estate Agent: "May I take your name please?"

Tony Tea: "Tony Taylor."

REA: "Hey! That rhymes!"

TT: "No, it doesn't." [To Boynton] "What's that... ?"

Boynton: "Alliteration."

REA: "I've never heard of that."

CITIUS, ALTIUS, FOURTIUS

(Hats off: @profsarahj)

LOW WRENT

Collingwood, the club that Jack built, is proud to announce the appointment of a new powerbroker.