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And could we avoid spoilers thanks. I've gone to much time, trouble and expense to remain in a bubble about the outcome so I can be duly surprised, shocked and disgusted in real time this evening. Despite that I've already absorbed the info that Health Ledger has won Best Special Effect. But I'm still trying to remain a dewy virgin here.

Any spoiler comments here will be severely ...will be instantly...well...um...read with my eyes closed.

Evidence that the Oscars is really better suited for daytime tv: Miley Cyrus and Lisa Rinna

Warming up the idiot box.

Jeez. Oscar fashion is getting very retro.

Oh, right it's still Underbelly.

This fucken fillum with these fucken gun-totin' Kiwis deserves a fucken statue.

Then I switch it over to the DVD to kill time. In two minutes O'Rielly has sliced his hand open and McCullum has bitten himself to death in Oz.

At least you're liveblogging the abridged, heavily edited version. If you'd done it earlier today you'd have hung yourself halfway through.

Richard Wilkins!!?! How can one person be so cordially disliked and yet remain on TV so long.

Mickey wins for best mo so far.

Was that Mickey Rooney lurking on the carpet Or a roll-on deodorant?

Only one minute in and already someone has come out with the word journey.

Groan.

Significant other (watching red carpet grabs): How does it feel to be a complete dickhead?

Me: Ur just jelus.

...no, you're right, complete dickhead...

Opps, some souvenir hunters just stole Hugh's props.

Good ad libbing by Ann. cough cough

Hugh's singing a bit flat

I thought there might be a drinking game in this, but I don't have any alcohol in the house. Damn!

After that Hugh Jackman number I feel like I've just dropped some very bad acid though.

Meryl streep now looks like a Meryl Streep impersonator..

"Open it!"

Why is the audience arranged like the studio audience at Oprah?

Oh to be a international jewel thief working the ladies loo at the Oscars. So serious necklace bling out there,

This fucken fillum with these fucken gun-totin' Kiwis deserves a fucken statue.

Owy reckons the fucken kiwi's girlfriends' tits should get a logie. Does that count?


Also, I believe Tilda Swanton just had to say she honoured Marisa Tomei, showing her what a real actress is.

"the effortless expertise of a working girl"??!!?

How did everyone know where to show up?

Take that Tom!

(sorry, just closing the tag, really)

If Tony or Nabs could close that fucken tag at 19, we'll all be a lot happier.

S'alright, Zoe, I got it.

Ironically, that's exactly what Penelope Cruz just said in Spanish.

Quite a well tailored Oscars this year. Perhaps they felt Versace was not quite appropriate during the GFC

"the effortless expertise of a working girl"??!!?

That's what Hugh Grant said about Divine Brown.

There goes Jack Black's animated career strategy. Should have delivered the line with much less belligerence,

Daughter: Whoopi Goldberg???? the last thing she was in was the Lion King. The first Lion King.
At least Goldie Hawn has done things.
...Not good things.

Oscar buzz word bingo

Journey
Struggle
Aspiration
Noble
Love

The Duchess shouldn't win for art direction. Why? No horseshit in the streets.

Anyone needs a bogroll, they're under Sarah Jessica Parker

And they're not going to do their Button art direction speech backwards are they?

The odd couple: Daniel Craig and SJP.

SJP, Penelope Cruz... Why is the bridal look so big this year? And I mean big.
Is it some kind of recession thing? Recycle your old 80s meringue wedding dress to save money? or is it the brown acid?

Keira Knightley is not a classy lady.

Vaalia: good for indigestion. Excellent ad placement.

Something goes out of an awards ceremony with theatre seating. Groups of tables with lots of free booze. That's when you can hope for something a little spontaneous, right Glen milne?

James Franco was funnier in Pineapple Express.

Was that canned laughter?!?

Oh Good the German guy kept his speech shorter than his film. I hope this sets a precedent.

Hugh and Meryl sitting in a tree.

A major breakthrough in liveblogging! I've moved my computer so I can watch the TV at the same time.

Damn I'm good.

Simply reeks of arse.

Yes, I can see your top hat missy, it's just a shame your forgot your fricken dress.

That's Cyd Charisse's dress that Hugh's wearing. Sorry Beyonce.

Is it just me who reckons Hugh is a sh1t singer, and who reckons "is it just me" is a sh1t expression?

Where's Ronnie Burchmore?

Nah, me too Tone.


Jesus Christ, it's the brown acid kicking in ...

Good thing ladybloggers don't get bitchy hey?

I don't want the musical to be back. I want it to stay hiding under a rock where it belongs.

And it would be Baz behind that last number wouldn't it?

Ohh, so that was Beyonce. I thought it was John Michael Howson in drag.

OH, DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE LADIES NOT BITCHING!!!

Baz Luhrmann, always keeping it subtle.

Kinda interesting that in the middle of a recession the Oscars are harking back to depression-era musicals.

I hope Christopher Walken's going to dance. Or reveal the meaning of life

Speaking of musicals: it's a disgrace George Kennedy missed an Oscar for Lost Horizon.

Oscar buzz word bingo

Journey again
taking risks

Also Joel Gray seems to have outgrown his hair


Yes, Robert Downey Jr is a good person to be discussing risks with.

Confession: I never liked The Deer Hunter.

Lotta crooked ties this year. Though in Walken's case, the tie is fine anf he's probably just standing crooked.

DID HE JUST SAY "WHAT ACT OF APPALLING MISCHEF HE MIGHT CREATE NEXT"?

ABOUT HEATH LEDGER???

That is class.

Go the Aussies! Setting a mean pace in posthumous Oscars.

We rock!

Some good acting in the audience during the Ledger family speeches.

Indeed.

Ben Kingsley on top of his game with the cheek-tweak and almost-tears.

Well, that was a pretty crap quote, Truffaut.

Vaalia: good for indigestion. Excellent ad placement.

And now Inner Health Plus. Is there a theme here?

Well, I'm off to bed with my Horlicks and bedsocks now Heath's got his statue. Tootles!

And the Oscar for best explosion goes to Christian Bale

Excuse me, Academy.

Ironman is shed loads better than Dark Night... but no choccies. What's up wi'dat, Will Smith?

So why didn't the Benny Button fx team send their toddlers up to collect the award.

I'd like to thank the academy and our genial hosts, but am giving up.

Work hard, do good work, and never give up.

Because then you'd be a loser, and a quitter.

Better than Dark Knight, too.

'a bollywood rhythm"??

Obviously 'bollywood' is now finally quite the bon mot in Hollywood

If you get an erection in Mumbai is it getting Bollywood?

Jerry Lewis!!!!

Well I suppose someone has to accept an award for being Jerry Lewis.

He looks like he may have muscular dystrophy.

Jerry's had everything.

Bombay Rock.

Where's Brett Lee?

Now the ladies have retired for the night, let's talk about the suits. Mickey and Hugh still look the sharpest so far.

Pass the port.

I didn't know Pat Hingle died. He was a five star bit player.

Christ on a stick!!

Now there's an ad for herpes. "If you've had itching, see your doctor."

Whoever EPed the obit section should be featured in it next year. There was no rhyme or reason to it how it was presented and you couldn't read half the names.

Oscar buzz word bingo

emotional connection

Who did Danny Boyle's hair? A slumdog barber?

Oscar buzz word bingo

Slumdog

Shirley McLaine: "Anne Hathaway, in your next life you will come back as a rabbit and win the Gold Lettuce."

Oscar buzz work bingo

pushing boundaries
extraordinary

My co-writer tonight (a wonderful humanitarian) advises they should be renamed the Adjective Awards.

Or It's Academy. "Anagrams for 10, Mr Jackman."

Nicole's lips moved!

Good thing the ladies aren't around to comment on Sophie's 'astonishing' epidermis.

Or to mention that if you look very closely, you can see Nicole's face moving.

Ah yes. the face you pull while being praised. An acting challenge in itself.

Tony Hopkin's really playing up his welshness tonight.

Out of shot he was singing and juggling lumps of coal and rugby balls.

Well, that's me out. Got an early start tomorrow.

Spoiler: Around The World in 80 Days wins Best Picture again.

Oscar buzz word bingo

courageous.

exceed our reach

Good speech by the Pennster though. Although he could have asked Mickey onstage to take his oscar away.

And this concludes the liveblogging portion of the proceedings.

Owy reckons the fucken kiwi's girlfriends' tits should get a logie. Does that count?

These tits? https://www.underbellyboobies.wordpress.com

*Reminds self to check gmail account more often*

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