The whole country is on the piss. The news is full of people getting shit-faced, fighting, drink driving, getting cancer, going to wine bars, listening to the Veronicas and other ghastly behaviour. What does Rudd do? Raise the price of tart fuel. Typical Labor. Fiddling about at the edges. There's only one workable solution: ban booze outright!
Five years off the piss. Five years and two days, actually. Been off the piss so long, I forgot I was off the piss.
Congratulations.
Crack open the darjeeling
Posted by: boynton | 28 April 2008 at 21:15
Congrats Tony. Well done.
Posted by: Rob | 29 April 2008 at 01:36
Jesus. The year Melbourne's having, and you're teetotaling? Sweet liquor eases the pain, y'know. Take it from me.
Seriously, good effort.
Posted by: carneagles | 29 April 2008 at 08:56
You mean you effected personal change for the better without government intervention? Bar the doors Tony, Rudd's thought police will be coming for you soon...
Posted by: nick | 29 April 2008 at 09:40
You can't get out of it that easily. There will be a tax on personal change and Darjeeling once they're done with the boozers and the smokers.
But seriously, my sincere condolences to you Tone.
Posted by: pat | 29 April 2008 at 10:01
You keep it up Tony and I'll keep drinking for two. A win-hic-win situation.
Posted by: Nabakov | 29 April 2008 at 13:02
Five years? A damn fine showing, Tony.
Posted by: The Pathetic Earthling | 29 April 2008 at 14:29
Well at least you can still TAKE the piss.
And A piss one presumes.
So all in all there is still "piss" in your life
*phew*
Posted by: The Green Man | 29 April 2008 at 17:36
"A big cold thirst needs a big hot tea."
Well dones, good efforts, thought polices, condolences, win-hic-wins, fine showings, PISS takings... thanks everybody.
*few*
Posted by: Tony T | 29 April 2008 at 17:59
alcohol attacks every organ of the human body.
heroin only harms about 3 of 'em.
after 2 drinks, nobody speaks softly or sounds clever.
a drunk man can't get it up.
a drunk chick mostly throws up.
and alcohol mainly prevents The Medication from working well.
nuff said.
Posted by: Luv Youse Tone | 29 April 2008 at 20:01
"alcohol attacks every organ of the human body."
I like to think of it more as a sensual union. Some people's bodies may be a temple - mine's a nightclub.
"heroin only harms about 3 of 'em."
Been there, done that. A lovely drug - like pot - for procrastinating and dreaming. Except anyone with a bit of wit and spit about them works out eventually it's the doing not the dreaming that really makes you come alive.
"a drunk man can't get it up."
That's why oral sex was invented. "Do you have a straw? One of those bendy ones?"
"a drunk chick mostly throws up."
True. But it can be quite a bonding moment as well if yer willing to ride with it.
"after 2 drinks, nobody speaks softly or sounds clever."
BULLSHIT DARLING! AFTER HALF A BOTTLE OF 12 YEAR OLD ABERLOUR I'M MEASURABLY SMARTER THAN A WOODPECKER IN AN ASBESTOS WAISTCOAT TAPPING ON BRITTLE PIPES IN A MITTAL STEEL FOUNDRY.
Posted by: Nabakov | 29 April 2008 at 21:18
Congratulation Tones 5 years off the slops, although unaustralian, is an admirable feat. One that I'm sure has done you no harm and maybe even some good.
However 5 years off the turps for one who daily didacts with tomorrows leaders and breeders in the post secondary pre tertiary badlands that is TAFE deserves an Australian Story all by itself. Hell most teacher I know couldn't complete one week off the sauce.
There is however one thought that scares me - the thought that perhaps if things were different that the blather, bluster and bullshit on boys sport that you write here may have been even less coherent and rational had you been off the wagon. Perish the thought - please Tony - if for no other reason stay with the Rechabites.
Posted by: Francis Xavier Holden | 29 April 2008 at 22:39
boynton sez:
Crack open the darjeeling
advice from a jeering darling?
Posted by: Francis Xavier Holden | 29 April 2008 at 22:43
"advice from a jeering darling?"
I really don't think jeering is Boynton's cup of tea. However, I'm sure she can ''accidently" squirt some lemon into an eye - but only under extreme provocation.
Posted by: Nabakov | 29 April 2008 at 23:04
Incidentally FX Holden, do yourself a favour and download the David Holmes soundtrack to Ocean's 13. Never mind the movie, David's music is excellently composed, very wittily and knowingly arranged and beautifully played funky R'n'B for the noughties. And beyond that, this skinny little Irish prick, is I think, going to end up as one the best soundtrack composers of the early 21st century.
Posted by: Nabakov | 29 April 2008 at 23:13
this skinny little Irish prick
You talkin to me?
Is that an insult or a compliment?
Posted by: Francis Xavier Holden | 30 April 2008 at 02:28
bah - for a while you had me looking for the John Holmes sound track.
A different kettle of fish so to speak.
Posted by: Francis Xavier Holden | 30 April 2008 at 02:30
Would I write complete AND absolute gibberish if I was still on the sauce? Probably.
David Holmes is terrific. I even included on of his songs in my Top Ten of the last 20 years before 2005:
Posted by: Tony T | 30 April 2008 at 11:16
Holmes' soundtrack to Oceans 11 was the reason I watched the fillum in the first place. The fact that it was a pretty good fillum was a bonus. His soundtrack to Oceans 12 was about the only good thing in the fillum.
Mal de Merde.
Posted by: Tony T | 30 April 2008 at 11:24
New Mistake!? I remember now why I like you Tone.
Posted by: Bruce | 30 April 2008 at 11:28
I thought it was my winning personality. My (new) mistake.
Posted by: Tony T | 30 April 2008 at 11:49
If it keeps you away from the Veronicas, this can only be a very good thing. Indeed, think of all the embarassing karaoke moments that will never be captured on film.
Congrats Tony.
Posted by: saint | 30 April 2008 at 12:08
Thanks, S. It takes a lot to get me anywhere near the Veronicas, but any extra efforts to keep them outside ears' length are studiously acknowledged.
Posted by: Tony T | 30 April 2008 at 12:30
Does anyone know if and/or when the pre-mix tax comes into force?
I really can't seeing the tax having the effect that the Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice wants.
Posted by: joshn | 30 April 2008 at 13:26
You don't need the piss if you've got Jesus.
Posted by: Harry Hutton | 30 April 2008 at 14:44
Harry as much as I appreciate the sentiment, these modern day christians who denounce the piss, forget that their lord turned water into wine when a week long partay ran out of the good drop, what a guy, I've tried inviting happy clappers to my partays, but they're useless!
Posted by: joshn | 01 May 2008 at 10:00
Remember, if nothing else, your liver loves you today.
It'll be 11 for me on the anniversary of D-Day. Fitting, somehow.
Posted by: kc | 01 May 2008 at 11:48
Remember, if nothing else, your liver loves you today.
It'll be 11 for me on the anniversary of D-Day. Fitting, somehow.
Posted by: kc | 01 May 2008 at 11:48
Remember, if nothing else, your liver loves you today.
It'll be 11 for me on the anniversary of D-Day. Fitting, somehow.
Posted by: kc | 01 May 2008 at 11:49
Remember, if nothing else, your liver loves you today.
It'll be 11 for me on the anniversary of D-Day. Fitting, somehow.
Posted by: kc | 01 May 2008 at 11:49
yes Tony - it is your whining personality.
Posted by: Francis Xavier Holden | 01 May 2008 at 13:01
Who needs Jesus when they have KC? And FX.
Posted by: Tony T | 01 May 2008 at 21:16
"Who needs Jesus when they have KC? And FX.'
Or a nice warm chair to inhale.
Posted by: Nabakov | 01 May 2008 at 23:49
*You don't need the piss if you've got Jesus.*
I really can't see myself taking the Jesus out of people who are acting like idiots...
Or taking a Jesus and going "aaahhhhhh" after numerous cold ones for that matter.
Posted by: The Green Man | 02 May 2008 at 20:16
"You could get it baptizing a baby
A big cold thirst needs a big cold Jesus."
Posted by: Tony T | 03 May 2008 at 22:19