This is why.
Jeff Lynne, chief cook and viola tamer with the Ethiopian Lapdog Orchestra, is one of those people who complicates things. He scrambles his eggs with an undersea drilling platform.
Peter Frampton: I'm In You
Peter Frampton is such a nice guy. He never strikes infants with baseball bats. He always sends his mum a card on Mother's Day even though she's dead. He'd probably stoop over to rescue a worm drying out in the sun. That's not so bad. Ted Nugent would eat it. It's hard to find something bad to say about such a nice person, but I'll try.
Bernie Taupin: He Who Rides The Tiger
A lot of thinking goes into picking the best album of the year, but how about the worst? It's easy to go down the line, throw your favourite LPs into a pile and the forcibly align them with reference to some imaginary standard. But how do you measure STINKERS?
Talking Heads: Remain In The Light
The main thing that people and Talking Heads fans alike want to know about the new, improved line-up is: What does it sound like? Well, either that or, can it get those stubborn plutonium stains out of Junior's bib?
The Who: Who Are You
This new pan of Who Helper isn't nearly as useless as their last couple of records, but it's still nothing to fall down the stairs over.
The Rolling Stones: A Bigger Bang
A Bigger Bang is a truly disgusting dish, something that even a dog would rather roll in than eat.
Wings: Back To The Egg
Paul McCartney is well on his way to becoming Rod Stewart. Not his image - it's a little hard to imagine Paulie running around in see-thru Danskins, wagging his weenie at the front row and whispering "D'ya think I'm sexless?" But it's not too difficult at least to imagine an infinite string of formulized Wings albums stretching into that dreaded future time where people have forgotten to say, "Who cares?"
About now you are probably wondering whether it's the done thing to pinch Rick's gear. You might even think what Bill Sherman at Blog Critics thinks: "It's tempting to pad this review with even more of his great lines -- this is a guy who packed a Budgie review with nuthin' but parakeet jokes -- but why spoil the yuks?" But let's not beat around the thick foliage, I'm no book reviewer. I just decided, in my definite wisdom, to give you a Reek sneak peek at what Thudpies has up its sleeve, figuring you would rush down to the nearest internet to buy it. What's more, there's LOTS more. If you're a music fan of a certain age, you will find hundreds of reviews of bands ranging from Jo Jo Gunne and The Raspberries to the artists that used to be known as N.Y.Dolls and B.O.Cult to Split Enz - "Nobody knows what Split Enz is: some weird group from some two-bit country, frequently confused with Skyhooks" - to TV, food, sport, video games and stuff. As Molly Melodrama used to say: "Do yourself an immeasurable service."