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That's fantastic.
I wish one of my teachers had done something like that back when I was a student.
Although staring out the window dreaming of anything but school, I probably would have missed it...

Now that you mention it, I don't ever remember my teachers farting in class, either. Surely I'm not the only one who's done it; no matter how accidentally.

I reckon I'm the first person who's blogged about it. Trailblazer, me.

..help to raise the tone around here...

tone.? tones? farts? tones of farts?


Carry On teacher.

Ohhhh, Sid Errr Neeee.

Forgot to mention some of the technique we were taught at "Dad's Jokes School"

"Ahh better out than in"

"I'm pleased. Anyone that can smell that bad and still be alive must be healthy"

"A fox smells his own smell first"

"Don't pull my finger again please"

"Frogs!
did I hear frogs?"

Take acidophilus tablets to control and balance good bacteria in the gut; and possibly read 'Wind Breaks' a book by Rosemary Stanton and gastroenterologist Prof. Terry someone, illustrated by Ron Tandberg.

good luck tomorrow.

Never had a teacher who farted, but I remember one who grunted. Especially when she was at the blackboard. Fortunately her surname was in the form of a verb (well, a gerund anyway), so it was a simple enough matter to change it to Miss Grunting.

Ohhh, we were so witty.

I had a physics teacher who, in total exasperation at unruly students, yelled:

"How come every time I open my mouth some bloody idiot speaks!?"

I was a highschool teacher for only one year before deciding to give it away and join the government grad trainee program.

The day I finally decided to chuck it in was when Darryl (yes, it was 1993) in my year nine English lesson (straight after lunch) let a fart fly that nearly melted the walls. The classroom was in uproar and Darryl was clearly enjoying his - ahem - 'day in the sun' until I said, sighing dramatically, "Oh Darryl, you've lost a few of your valuable brain cells that you really can't afford to lose."

Then the class's attention was focussed on me - they had a good laugh at the remark, Darryl pulled his head in and I 'won' in terms of using wit, bringing their attention back etc.

All well and good I thought, until the principal spoke to me in the staff later on - "You ridiculed a student in front of the others, which isn't acceptable."

Awww sod off - what the hell else was I supposed to do?? Time to try a new career if I couldn't use my words (in ENGLISH class after all) to keep the kids reasonably well behaved?

Oh and another thing - (and this'll be the subject for my next blog BTW) - farts slip out like sharp TOOOTS during karate class - all that samurai lunging and quick kicking. At least, it does for me....

When my mum started folk art classes she marked the class dates on her calendar with a thick red pen and circled "FART".

When I saw the calendar I praised her on her ability to control every aspect of her life to the most minute degree.

She blushed when recognising what she had written.

Thus we can blend two comments into one to arrive at the Fartial Arts.

I'm sure it doesn't get much more artistic than this.

How is it possible to mention Kevin Bloody Wilson and laughter in the same paragraph?

I also don't recall any of my teachers farting, but do recall one giving a speech urging students, for health reasons, not to hold in their farts. Many suspected he was a closet pedophile. Another elderly teacher of mine, who was semi-blind, semi-deaf and increasingly senile (and, co-incidentally, in charge of rifle shooting) once failed to notice that a druggie student sitting directly in front of him had set fire to a desk while playing with matches. When the smell finally reached the teacher, he gave a long stern speech pointing out that his long experience enabled him to discern the difference between "bodily emissions" and "unnatural smells", but he didn't do anyhting. I suspect many teachers who did fart kept quiet and let the blame fall on the student with the intestinal problem who, apparently by official quota, must be present in every class.

On reflection, that's true, Wilson is about as funny as a fart in a bottle. But in this case it fits.

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