Yes, there's only one film where you'll hear a mobster pitch that line as a song title to a Tin Pan Alley publicist dealing with a client who's only musical talent is impersonating a steam whistle. And that flick is, has to be, and is got to be The Girl Can't Help It.
(1956. Technicolor! Script: Frank Tashlin, Garson Kanin & Herbert Baker. Direction: Frank Tashlin Cinematography: Leon Shamroy. Score: Too many good musicians to mention. Just watch the bloody thing.)
Imagine a Warner Bros cartoon version of Some Like It Hot in glorious gaudy Technicolor with a much much better soundtrack.
Frank Tashlin directed quite a few Warner Bros cartoons before he started working with live actors in "Girl". But it was still all one big cartoon to him, opening and closing with Duck Amuck funny business playing games with the fact you're watching a movie.
And in the hour and half in between, you're treated to a brilliantly-coloured screwball comedy about mobsters and showbiz that just barrels along constantly flinging out single, double and triple entendres, setting up scenes of classical farce and showcasing some of the best rock and roll and r'n'b talent ever.
It's got Jayne Mansfield showing she was an even funnier and more um, upfront comedienne than Monroe, B-movie stalwart Edmond O'Brien as a bullheaded mobster, Tom Ewell as the often flustered but always fast-talking press agent trying to stay afloat, Barry Gordon as a wisecracking paperboy who's perhaps growing up a little too fast and Henry Jones stealing every scene he's in as O'Brien's lugubrious sidekick. And the sets and clothes are also perfectly cast - from the niteclubs and batchelor pads to the fedoras and slinky tuxes and nightgowns.
Did I mention it's also got some good music too? Like beautifully shot and recorded live performances by Fats Domino, Little Richard, Gene Vincent, the Platters, Eddie Cochran, the Treniers and more, all capture at the height of their powers.
And the whole package was co-written and directed by one of the main people behind Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Foghorn Leghorn, Pepé Le Pew and Porky the Pig and who's now jiving along to Little Richard and Gene Vincent while asking Jayne Mansfield to sashay a bit more as she walks along a hot New York street clutching bottles of milk to her bosom.
Frank then went to make Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter and a bunch of Martin and Lewis flicks including Artists & Models. But I reckon “Girl” is still his masterwork, a gorgeous cartoon of our dream of America at it's funniest, craziest, sexiest, most stylish, zany, rock 'n' rolling peak. I can also testify from personal experience it's a great date movie, leaving whoever has accompanied you laughing so much they can't help it. It certain beats the pants off and then delivers a massive Looney Tunes wedgie to Be Cool.
GrogFlog verdict: "If that's a girl, then I don't know what my sister is!" 6.89655 out of 10.
Coming soon: GrogFlog contemplates its freshly extracted digit. Actually I'm sorta in a Dean Martin, James Coburn, Robert Mitchum groove at the moment. So if you're looking for a critical re-evaluation of the role of the Matt Helm movies in dealing with the shifting personas of male sexuality in the sixties, you're fresh out of luck. It's Dean's suits I'd rather blog about.