« March 2006 | Main | May 2006 »
DON'T PANICIZE!
Speaking of word-wankers. Anzac Day, some egghead was on that appalling Sunrise show: "Teenage girls tend to awfulize and catastrophize situations." Warm up those truncheons, bashers.
"We had a word-wanker in the Sudan, sir, until the Dervishes got hold of him. He wasn't a word-wanker after that."
Posted by Tony on Friday, April 28, 2006 at 08:25 | Comments (15)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
CONFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT
Tomorrow I start Professional Development. PD is something we do every year, and unless you're a complete cretin you'll work out its aim is to improve our teaching skills. You know, so we're better able to, like, communicate facts and ... umm ... ideas and things. An stuff.
But here's the rub: I've done PD for each of the previous five years I bin teachin' and apart from the odd technical aspect, I've never had even the faintest clue what the PD teachers were on about. It's this stinky bog of weighty words, public service jargon and enormous acronyms. Oddly enough, though, it's been a doddle to pass - tick this, copy that and Balthazaar's your uncle. But things looks set to change. Judging by the first paragraph of this season's intro, Aught-Six is gonna be heavy going. No-one's getting out of this paragraph alive:
Waxing rhapsodic about the benefits of critically reflective teaching is of limited use unless we have a specific focus on how it actually happens. In the previous chapter I explained that critical reflection focuses on the hunting of assumptions of power and hegemony. The best way to unearth these assumptions is to look at what we do from as many unfamiliar angles as possible. In this chapter I want to explore how we can see our practice in new ways by standing outside ourselves and viewing what we do through four distinct lenses. Each of these lenses illuminates a different part of our teaching. Taken together they throw into sharp relief the contours of our assumptive clusters.
Stephen D. Brookfield, Becoming a Critically Reflective Teacher
Posted by Tony on Thursday, April 27, 2006 at 15:25 | Comments (19)
Category: School (37)
TONE COLD SOBER
I'm back, but stuck for enthusiasm to write. Break the rhythm and it's a fucker getting going again. Give yourself time to dwell on this blogging lark and you can't help but conclude it's almost a complete load of pants. Almost - it fills in the time. So much so it's been three years today since I gave up the sauce.
Posted by Tony on Wednesday, April 26, 2006 at 15:40 | Comments (27)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
PENRITH
"I am just going out west and may be some time."
Posted by Tony on Saturday, April 22, 2006 at 11:15 | Comments (17)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
SCARBOROUGH FERRY
A punt.
Posted by Tony on Friday, April 21, 2006 at 01:35 | Comments (5)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
H2 OH!
Sydney water is ghastly stuff - I'll have to use bottled water for my coffee tomorrow morning. Bottled. Water. Only a savage would live here.
PS: Different strokes, and all that.
Posted by Tony on Thursday, April 20, 2006 at 12:35 | Comments (9)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
POTTY MOUTH
Driving up to Sydney today. Yeah, I know - life's not all beer and skittles, but sometimes you just gotta take one for the team. Nevertheless, by the time I get to Jugiong -- put a tune to that, someone -- I will have thrashed out most of the big issues. Still, one that always seems to elude me is this: When talking about toilets should you say "the rim of the bowl" or "the lip of the bowl"? Have a think about it, will you. Toss it round at work, even. But don't spend too much time on it; the question's pressing, just not that pressing.
Update! The big issues - sorted:
1. Yass: It's aboriginal for water. Or something.
2. The Road to Gundagai: It's by Jack O'Hagen.
3. Breadalbane: Bred-al-b'n.
4. Towner: One who tows and owns a caravan or trailer.
5. Barley sugar: It's from Bali. Apparently.
6. Dizzy Gillespie: Good for Dizzy. Bad for cricket? (Sorted pending)
Posted by Tony on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 at 08:55 | Comments (26)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
WOULD YOU LIKE LIES WITH THAT?
Did you know McDonalds has a blog? No, neither did I - and just about anyone who says "I blogged that last year" can get rooted. I read about this Maccas blog in the Financial Review's glossy, Boss. I did! It's called the Corporate Responsibility Blog (no, no, don't scoff - that would be too easy, wouldn't it) but despite the best of intentions, they have struck a little strife. The person who writes the thing, some clown called Ronald, has been criticized for having the blog read like a company blurb, rather than a forum for debating McDonald's place in the world's commercial, environmental and nutritional firmament. Yep, that surprised me, too.
(Some suit called Bob, actually.)
Anyhoo, draw your own conclusions as to the worth of a McDonalds blog, and instead focus on the rest of the Boss article. Brad Hatch, who may or may not be a blogger, lists ten tips for corporate bloggers that could just as easily apply to any blogger. Yes, yes, it's yet another "how should you blog" piece, but I've read worse. "If you're going to blog," writes Brad. "Do it in style."
1. Post often: Two or three times a week is good, but more is better. [More is better, but only if it is more cats.]
2. Take a stand: Get on your soapbox and don't be afraid to make a bold claim or announcement. Blogs should be opinionated. [I NEVER make bold claims.]
3. Get personal: Personal experiences make powerful posts. [I just bought milk.]
4. Show your face: Share your cubicle and your face with the world - post pictures. [Click the piccy, folks, for a hot snap of little old me.]
5. Cut to the chase: Make your point and keep the writing simple. Blog addicts have short attention spans. [Yes, there is something in the way in which this point is written and constructed that makes me think that it is possible to draw the obvious conclusion that writing should be rather simple and user-friendly xarble and not too convoluted so that "blog addicts" as Brad Hatch of the Fin review, their blog expert, are able to discern their point in a gloomph relatively consise manner without having to spend too much ... ummm ... ]
6. Avoid vicious lies and gossip: Employees should adopt clear policies about acceptable content. Harmful or embarrassing posts can lead to lawsuits. Never disclose and confidential or proprietary information about the company. [Ha!]
7. Respect you co-workers and company: Be careful not to post anything that insults colleagues or will damage the company reputation. [Ha! Haa!]
8. Have a thick skin: Don't edit out critical feedback to your posts. [You dogs better not call ME names!]
9. Link: Include links to your favourite sites, biggest critics and fans, and acknowledge sources.
10. Ditch the spin: Don't be afraid to deal with the tough issues that your company is facing. Blogs shouldn't be online advertisements. [Teaching is a fun, rewarding career. Children, especially teenage boys, are wonderful.]
Posted by Tony on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 15:25 | Comments (15)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
BELL & WHISTLE
What's the most striking thing about the telecast from Bangladesh? Apart from that lag between a run being scored and the graphics updating, that is. Well, it's this: they are showing pictures of cricket coupled with people talking about it - and that's all. A novel concept, sure, but a welcome one none the less. There's been no Hawkeye, no Speedo, no Snicko and no Wagonwheel. (If there has, I ain't seen it.)
This modest coverage has been a refreshing change of pace. Not that the pictures are any better, mind, but by keeping it simple they've given us a much-needed break from Channel Nine's relentless selling of tat, gadget overkill and tendency to shout at the slightest provocation.
Sure, Thommo says some puzzling things - naturally, I can't think of an example off the top o' me nadger - but he doesn't TRY to impress the viewer. He's natural. And the subcontinental crew are all eminently easy on the ear - Ravi Shastri, Harsha Bogle, Sunny Gavaskar, Wasim Akram (It is him, isn't it?) and the local boy, whatever his name is. Harsh, in particular does a nice line of banter with Thommo.
Yeah, I hear you - "They don't have the technology in Bangladesh". But so what. The low-key coverage is still a welcome holiday from those grating Yarpie accents and the Channel Nine Cricket Emporium.
Posted by Tony on Saturday, April 15, 2006 at 15:25 | Comments (10)
Category: Cricket (502)
CROSS PURPOSES
This Talk of Jeffrey Frederick is timely, coming as it does, right on Easter:
Let Me Down
Well, if I were well-to-do
I'd have that man not bother you
Go away
Don't you bother me nowWell, yo-de-lee, yo-de-leye
Meet me Jesus, when I die
but 'til that time, take the hell, don'tcha bother meNow you got your old boy Jesus hangin' up there on the cross in Gal-Oh-Lee!
He was lookin' down at all them damn Romans and he was thinkin' of the Heaven up Ay-boveHe was lookin' up at the sky and he was wonderin' how come his dear old father had forsaken him so bad, makin' him feel his hands was hurtin' and his legs, they was bad now
So meanwhile while Jesus had all them doubts up in his mind the sky rolled back and By God in Heaven! it was the good Lord above
And the Lord looked down on Jesus an he said
"Jesus, Jesus!"
He said
"Jesus, Jesus!
How come you can never remember nothin' that I tell you?"Jesus said
"By the way, Father
Can you please explain what the Hell you're talkin' about right now?
Can't you see my legs is hurtin' and my hands is bad?
Whatcha mean by all this?"So the Lord says to Jesus
He says
"Jesus, all you gotta do is tell 'em
Tell 'em eveything's OK with me
Tell 'em all their sins will be in good shape if the crucify YOU"And Jesus, he says
"That's one helluva show, man
but I'll do it anyway cos you're my good daddy
and you helped me turn that water into wine"So he say
"Father, forgive 'em
for they know not what they do"
He say
"All you're sins are forgiven, now let me down!
Let me down!
Oh, Lordy!"He say
"All your sins are forgiven, let me down"
He say
"All your sins are forgiven, let me down"
He say
"All your sins are forgiven
Yes, all your sins are forgiven
All your sins are forgiven"
He say
"Take these nails outta my hands
I swear you will get to the promised land"
He say
"All your sins are forgiven
Let me down!"
Posted by Tony on Friday, April 14, 2006 at 17:10 | Comments (18)
Category: Music (32)
ON DRUGS
Want to know which three footballers failed the drug tests? Well, piss off, you won't read it here. I'm not that stupid.
Instead, how about something else? No names, no smackdrill, just a little taste. You won't get addicted. Yes? Ok then - a recently retired player says three current players are on the roids.
Still stupid; just not that stupid.
Posted by Tony on Thursday, April 13, 2006 at 15:55 | Comments (11)
Category: Aussie Rules (280)
YORKSHIRE PLODDING
A recipe then. You'll need:
2 grumpy policemen
1 cup of illegal immigration
1 clove of Lord Lucan
1 surreptitious pregnancy
1 teaspoon of heroin
1 private zoo
1 trespasser
1 tiger
A flounce of gay
Puree the ingredients in a large trough, assault to taste, have the tiger eat the trespasser, and serve in a grotty wooden bucket garnished with a dead junky. Cutlery optional.
Last week's Dalziel and Pascoe is ready.
You might say D&P has jumped the shark, but jumped the shark has jumped the shark, so you won't catch me using jumped the shark to describe Dalziel & Pascoe. Even though it has.
I used to love D&P. Prior to leaving for America in 1999, I set the video to record every episode I was going to miss and when I got back enjoyed 12 hours of top viewing. The other video was set to record The Royle Family. One of the best shows of the last 15 years, but unlike D&P, one which knew to quit on top.
D&P should have pulled the pin years ago. What used to be a simple, character driven delight, has become an embarrassment. A farrago of ludicrous plots, farcical characters and lack of focus. It's virtually impossible to follow each new episode, and thus impossible to "get into" the show.
What's more, the actors themselves seem to know it. Going through the motions, they are, both televisually and scatologically. Pascoe seems barely able to disguise his contempt for what the show's become. And Dalziel looks as if he'd rather be somewhere, anywhere, else other than stuck in D&P. Judging by his ill-fitting suit and curious hair style, that anywhere is the 1960s.
Posted by Tony on Wednesday, April 12, 2006 at 15:50 | Comments (19)
Category: Television (81)
SPECIAL TREATMENT
Why is Lleyton spelled with a Double L? Hmmm. Or Worsfold with a Double U? Very good questions, TT. It's because they need one letter for each standard.
Tiger the 'spaz': not for print
IT WAS the case of the magic disappearing gaffe. The slip of the tongue that was first reported, then not reported, then finally square-bracketed out of existence.
At a media conference after his fourth round at the US Masters, few were surprised to hear Tiger Woods berating himself for his putting performance in the final round.
What was surprising, however, was the word Woods — one of world sport's most persistently polite and inoffensive stars — used to describe himself.
"I putted atrocious," he said. "As good as I hit it, that's as bad as I putted and it's frustrating, because I felt so in control of my ball from tee to green, and once I got on the green I was a spaz."
But even more remarkable than that was the way in which a number of major US media outlets then dropped the word "spaz" from their reporting of the final day. The interview was carried on US television network CBS, and on Channel Nine's broadcast in Australia.
But print outlets Bloomberg, The New York Times, The Washington Post and The Boston Globe all ran reports from which "spaz" had been excised. The Los Angeles Times sidestepped the issue by forcing Tiger to say, "It was frustrating because I felt so in control of my golf ball from tee to green, then when I got on the green, I was a (wreck)."
Just two US sports news services ran his words in unedited form.
In Australia, AAP's first report included the word "spaz", but it was removed from later reports.
AFP, meanwhile, adopted the elliptical solution: "I felt so much control on my ball from tee to green, but when I got on the green … I absolutely putted so bad."
Last night a spokeswoman for the Australian Spastic Centre said, "There's no doubt that it is disappointing to hear a role model of Tiger Woods' profile choose these words. I'm sure it was just an unguarded moment, and that he didn't mean any offence by it, but at the same time one would imagine he regrets saying it."
At least he won't have to read it back in print.
Ok, so I crowbarred in that Worsfold business. But it fits, doesn't it? AAND, it could have been Double V. The coincidences add up.
Posted by Tony on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 at 12:50 | Comments (23)
Category: Sport (86)
BITCH HUNT
It's ridiculous Australia are playing a test in Bangladesh less than a week after they played one in Sorth Efrica. Even without the trampolines to sand-pits it's pretty much a no-win situation. Very no-win, as it's turned out. So. Just what does any self-respecting sports fan do in this situation? Have a bitch, of course, then go witch hunting for scape goats.
Bitch: What's with the pitch? Was it this bad yesterday?
Hunt: What the fuck was Damien Martyn thinking?
Feel free to register your objectionables.
Posted by Tony on Monday, April 10, 2006 at 20:05 | Comments (35)
Category: Cricket (502)
DOG DAY AFTERNOON
I lied, I went to the football again. You didn't expect any different, did you? I wrote I was an imbecile, and you know I never lie. Football is harder to give up than smoking. There ought to be health warnings on the tickets - "Football can harm your dignity".
The bad news is Melbourne lost, and looking at the draw, will continue to do so. We'll come bottom. If Daniher didn't have another year on his contract, he'd be gone by mid year. He still could be the way things are going. The good news is there'll be no fade out this season.
Incidentally, this young girl was checking me out in the pie queue, then later I overheard her telling her friend I was hot. Or that the pie was. One of the two.
Posted by Tony on Saturday, April 8, 2006 at 23:25 | Comments (20)
Category: Aussie Rules (280)
SIGN LANGUAGE
The new workplace laws don't go far enough. As far as I'm aware (I could be wrong, not having read the whole, or indeed any of, the document) there is no clause banning stupid signs.
Has there ever been a funny sign? If there has, I haven't seen it. Even when I started out in the workforce as a gormless teenager I recognised them for what they were - stupid.
Yet the people who put the signs up think they are wildly hilarious, and that they themselves are being wonderfully clever. They are nothing of the sort, the fools. The signs are the work equivalent of "Kick me!". Sadly, that's off the cards these days, so they probably say something more like "Ridicule me behind my back!".
The bastard things seem to stay up forever, too, getting all tatty, yellowed and covered in fly shit. But the dicks responsible for this fiasco never seem to realise their pithy piece of wonder-wordplay is about as funny as cold gravy. That kind of ignorance really does demand instant dismissal.
Posted by Tony on Friday, April 7, 2006 at 16:10 | Comments (21)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
Q & A
Busy with work today. Yeah, right - FTW. By the weekend I have to compile a list of 192 multiple-choice trivia questions based on police shows from the 1950s onwards. You know the thing:
Detective John Munch, played by Richard Belzer, has appeared in which of the following shows?
- Barney Miller
- Skirts
- Arrested Development
- Gilligan's Island: Special Victim's Unit
You spotted the trick question right away, didn't you. Munch was in NONE of those shows.
That was a lie. Munch was in Arrested Development.
Feel free to make your own sensible contributions, I could use the help. If sensible is beyond you, perfectly loopy suggestions will do.
Posted by Tony on Thursday, April 6, 2006 at 11:10 | Comments (35)
Category: Television (81)
MOZZAD
Didn't see much of the cricket last night. Working hard, don'tcha know - as hard as Chinese algebra. Instead I listened to it on the wahhless, flicking between 774 and SEN, then arriving home just as Brett Lee smote that shocker from Dicky Knee for the winning runs. Yay us. We rock.
But - BUT! Had we lost we could have blamed the Jews:
"This is going to be a horrible loss for South Africa. A massive embarrassment."
~~ Ian Cohen on SEN with Straya needing 7 to win.
Sheer madness, I know. My furious bawling at the radio caused the guy in the next car to give me a wary look. Obviously Cohen is either a fraud who knows nothing about cricket, or a plant working for South Africa.
PS: The papers are full of redemption for Lee and Kaspro. But does this win make up for the Ashes? Does it fuck! That's like suggesting a football match in round one constitutes a Grand Final replay. Edgbaston vs. Joburg is no contest.
Posted by Tony on Wednesday, April 5, 2006 at 11:25 | Comments (18)
Category: Cricket (502)
PULLING YOUR LUG
There is a glaring mistake in 1 Across from the Sunday Age crossword:
Did you spot it? Of course you did. Only a lowbrow oeuf would leave the acute off the é in André Previn. Filistine!
The clue also contains a joke which the more impulsive among you may have misconstrued as the tpyo. Those of you with a finer ear for music would not have jumped to such a conclusion and instead realised the Gammys are spelled correctly. Lauryn Hill, anyone? Lenny Kravitz? Best Polka Album? In fact, name me just one year where there weren't ten better songs than the Gammy winner for Best Song. The compiler was merely having a sly dig at the expense of a wank-fest that can be best summed up in two foul words - Adult Contemporary.
Then again, maybe he wasn't - 9 Down:
Posted by Tony on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 at 13:25 | Comments (36)
Category: Crosswords (15)
SNAGUETTE
Another new category - Epicure.
You'll no doubt agree it's vitally important we cover sport, television and movies with 32 here at the AGB. Vitally! But I think you'll just as comfortably agree that the mature blogger must be right across the big issues as well; like last week when we broke new ground in world affairs.
Your sophisticated input is welcome.
Posted by Tony on Monday, April 3, 2006 at 10:25 | Comments (21)
Category: Marvellaneous (67)
