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"But I defy anyone to get off, or even wood, while watching this very very very peculiar piece of Nu Wave polyester art anti-porn."

Are you prepared to back that with a wager Tony? I must warn you though, I have an impressive record with this sort of thing.

Yeah go on Tony, take his money. Even if he wins, I don't lose.

Just realised that you were the poster Nabakov. Very nice work.

Permanent Midnight was excellent. I still can't believe that the bloke who created the character from Melmac is a Script Doctor for CSI which was created by Danny Cannon who went to the same school as me. Degrees of separation - few. But where does Kevin Bacon fit into all this?

I'm not even going to ask you to elaborate, Pat.

Kevin Bacon is a ha ... naaa, sorry.

Saw it years ago and remember it for the unique plotline, pity more porn films aren't so adventurous. Mitchell Froom did the soundtrack? I did not know that.

Permanent Midnight looks worth checking out.

That guy in the photo looks like melbourne blogger Tillops...

Tillops? How's he look in make-up? Saucy?

He is a HE, I take it?

Don't know, you'll have to have a look for his wee-wee.

Next blogdrinks, just walk up, and, um, remember crocodile dundee??

Just walk up and remember Crocodile Dundee? I'd rather just walk up and say "Hello, my name is Tony."

Possibly the best porn film ever made. Mind you, I don't actually watch that many porn films. But at any rate it's the most interesting one I've ever seen.

"the best porn film ever made" is an interesting concept to contemplate. How exactly should pornos be rated? I ask primarily out of curiousity.

Porn films can be rated using Sex Quotient.

No of women x No of Men x No of Scenes =

Scores below 90 = Poor
90 - 120 = Decent
120+ = Blindin'

Or...Sex/Story ratio

Length of movie / No of words in movie =

Scores above 1 = V. Good
Scores below 1 = Bad

Blindin' by science.

Six words for ya:

The Case of the Smiling Stiffs.

The Case of the Smiling Stiffs?

Christ! I'd all but forgotten about that nonsense.

Maybe this is why.

I've always liked 'Apocalyspe Climax', mainly because they clearly went for the pun then got tired thinking of a good title and just settled for the first thing they thought of.

Quite clearly, Russ. They must have been so tired they were fast asleep.

If it was Euro-porn they could have called it Apocalyse 'Inc.

Watched a weird 70's porno film years ago called Rosebud. The video cover said "The Citizen Kane of Adult Movies". That's gotta get you in. From fading memory, plotline wise it was excellent.

I think the movie was called Roseland not Rosebud.

"Oh Good, There's Lesbian Sex In This"

Rosebud?

Sounds just the thing.

Ahhhh Melbourne's premier Porn mind at work.
Nice essay Tony.

Hold your whoreses there, Monsieur Burtalot. Look at the bottom of the post, I didn't write it.

You've a case of Mistaken Obscenity.

I think the most rigorous and objective method of ranking the quality of movies was invented by Lorne, maintainer of the now-defunct Cinema Pit List. Basically he ranked movies by the presence of armpit hair. A 4/4 movie was one where the presence of armpit hair formed a major part of the plot. A 3/4 movie was one with numerous, clear shots of armpit hair. a 1/4 movie only had incidental displays of armpit hair.

A lot of German porn (think Veronika Moser) demonstrates that Hitler's genes are still going strong in the German gene pool. But for sheer porno weirness you can't go past Japanese porn. For instance here you can see one japanese girl shoving a bowl of baby eels up another's anus, gathering them up on discharge, and slowly chewing one up between her buck teeth. As with most Japanese porn, the vagina remains covered or blurred throughout, because, well, seeing a vag would be offensive and disturbing, wouldn't it? Incidentally, the last point helped me realise that Tubgirl, Goatse's purported girlfriend, is probably Japanese.

It never ceases to amaze me what some people find arousing.

Personally I would draw the line well in front of baby eels (Elvers, to the crossword fans). And that goatse business is not at all my cup of tea. Not even as a novelty.

This sounds like something I need to see, though I'm still biting my lip as to whether I should see 'Pink Flamingoes' or not -- highly recommended for the freak factor/plotline.

Yeah BB, Cafe Flesh is worth a look although I wouldn't make a big effort or spend more than a tenner hunting it down. Picked my distressed VHS copy up from Polyester in Brunswick St, Fitzroy for about ten bucks, but it can be ordered as a DVD off the internets.

Yes, see 'Pink Flamingoes' if only to see John Waters in full flight before he sucked it up to get Hollywood money for "Hairspray", "Cry Baby", etc.

As doggypoo eating scenes go, the one in PF is not that offensive. But more to the point, Waters' always wrings surprising charm and audience affection out of his gallery of grotesques - a saluatory reminder that there but for the grace of god, etc, etc. "Polyester" is his other good one from that era.

Met the guy once briefly and all I can say is he was born to play himself. And very, very funny and without a trace of the bitchiness we were sorta anticipating.

Meanwhile back to the cricket (John Waters would love Shane Warne - a big blonde supertalented boofhead.)

I reckon the most amazing thing in PF is the guy with the enormous sphincter.

http://thumbsnap.com/v/crurT3tm.jpg

Maybe, just maybe, you're wondering how come you're so privileged as to receive this communiqué. Well, answer is simple, thanks to www.google.com and through the search words "blog" and "'Lenny Bruce'", I found the u.r.l to your website.

After perusing your website, I conjectured you'd be interested in my post titled, "sweetest nookie". In this post, you'll find some notions about how Lenny, were he around today, might comment about the recent kerfuffle in the Middle East.

Anyway, you'll find the hyperlink to the post just below

toodles

http://hewhoisknownassefton.blogspot.com/2006/08/sweetest-nookie.html

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