NO IMMACULATE DECEPTION
Did anyone see I Am Not An Animal last night? If you did you might have noticed the clever touch where the cat accused the rat of regurgitating other people's opinions. Don't you hate it when people do that? I know I do.
It happens all the time at dinner parties when you find yourself cornered by some hipster wearing his tee-shirt over his shirt. "Well, Tony, you know, House Of Wax's first-time director Jaume Collet-Serra* lingers over the victims at lengths discomfortingly gratuitous even by slasher standards. But he also demonstrates a droll touch, particularly in the opening scene of a morbid family at breakfast, and in the best set piece, where the killer stalks his prey in a movie theater as What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Don't you think so?"
No. No I don't, you duplicitous swine. And if you don't tell me what YOU think instead of what some critic thinks, I will squash this sorbet in your face.
A few weeks ago, Mark Fine on radio SEN was doing a list. They love their lists there and the one Finey was doing was The Ten Worst Sports Movies. He mentioned a few of the usual suspects (I mentioned The Natural which I used to love but now think an embarrassment) and then came to Knute Rockne: All American. There followed a passionate and extended riff on how Ronald Reagan was a hopeless goose as the eponymous Knute Rockne. Lots of sneering and giggles culminated with a derisive; "Urk. It was teeerrrrible!" Words to that effect, anyway.
Well, Reagan never played Rockne. He played George "Win one for the Gipper!" Gipp. Fine had obviously never seen the film, or if he had, it was many moons ago and he barely remembered it. Naturally, I displayed my usual equanimity; throwing household objects at the radio while screaming "You haven't f~~king well seen it, you bulls~~t artist!"
A couple of Fridays back he did another list; The Top Ten Sporting Moments. One was Ned Zelic's goal in Barcelona and another was Shane Warne's Gatting ball. But one, possibly included to indicate what a savvy internationalist he is, was The Immaculate Reception where-upon Fine launched into the story of 1972's famous Steelers/Raiders playoff incident featuring Frenchy Fuqua, Jack Tatum and Terry Bradshaw. Now, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt here, but you'd think ANY mention of TIR must surely include Franco Harris who was the guy who actually caught the rebound and ran in for the touch-down. But Fine has form, so I suspect he gleaned his gear from someone else's list in the interweb of infirm-ation.
* Pronounced, of course, with a f~~k-I'm-so-clever French accent.
Yoy didn't mention which kind of sorbet you had. I have had some nice sorbets at dinners!
Posted by: jorgen | 05 May 2005 at 19:27
Lemon, actually. I'm rather partial to sorbets, Jorgen; especially with some cheese and fruit on the side.
Quite the gourmand, me.
Posted by: Tony.T | 05 May 2005 at 19:30
Sorbet is gay ice-cream.
Posted by: DJ | 05 May 2005 at 22:48
I read once Nero invented Sorbet. Call him gay and he'd feed you to a cheetah.
Posted by: Tony.T | 05 May 2005 at 22:57
the opening scene of a morbid family at breakfast
Reminiscent of the scene of the morbid family at the dinner table in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, you mean?
[/hipster]
It's hard to escape the feeling the new House of Wax is going to be an unmitigated disaster, particularly with this "slasher" designation.
Posted by: James Russell | 05 May 2005 at 23:27
Somehow, James, I don't see you as a hipster. More of a gothster.
I find it hard to get into fillums these days, most of them are errant nonsense. If you come across recent films with echoes of the seventies (not just remakes or rip-offs) please point me in the right direction.
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 May 2005 at 15:32
>Sorbet is gay ice-cream.
Not if orange sorbet.
Posted by: jorgen | 06 May 2005 at 15:32
What about pink sorbet?
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 May 2005 at 15:33
Is there such a thing as straight ice cream? OK, maybe bacon and egg flavour. I'm not so sure about sardine on toast sorbet though.
Posted by: hungbunny | 06 May 2005 at 15:34
What would you expect from a restaurant called The Fat Duck in Bray?
By the way, last time I was in London every restaurant had an Australian chef.
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 May 2005 at 15:38
British cooking at its best?
Posted by: jorgen | 06 May 2005 at 15:38
It sounds so stupid it's probably fantastic.
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 May 2005 at 15:40
Are people wearing their T-shirts on the outside again?
Posted by: Dirk Thruster | 06 May 2005 at 15:41
You know that ad where the Bundy Bear falls on the tent? That guy at the front doing the talking; that's the kind of dog I'm on about.
Someone kill him, please. And the Bundy Fuckin' Bear, too, for that matter.
Posted by: Tony.T | 06 May 2005 at 15:43
'House Of Wax' looks like a pile of rubbish. There's nothing wrong with slasher films, but if you are looking for a good slasher film, try 'Switchblade Romance.' Properly disturbing, and awash with fake blood. The best slasher since 'Tenebrae.'
Posted by: Steve | 08 May 2005 at 10:43
HOF: out! Switchblade Romance: check. Thanks, Steve.
Posted by: Tony.T | 10 May 2005 at 11:53