"Turds! Double turds!"
When golfers take air-swings they feel like idiots; they look like idiots, too. Naturally though, because it's funny, everyone else just laughs.
Can you imagine then, the sheer blinding extent of whoopee, if, instead of missing a golf ball, Spalding was an executioner missing a condemned man's neck. In 1642 an executioner took 29 swings to eventually hack off a murderer's head. That's right. Twenty. Nine. Swings. He must have been using the wrong end. Or a rubber tomahawk.
It was due to situations like that, and ostensibly not because they have no sense of humour, that the French introduced The Guillotine.
That's introduced. It's a popular misconception that the guillotine was invented by a Frenchman named Joseph-Ignace Guillotine; Jiggy to his mates. It was, in fact, named after one Joseph-Ignace Guillotin (sort-of rhymes with tan) and he merely presented an existing idea to the French Assembly. The Irish had used a crude unheading machine as early as the 1300s. Not only that, the French guillotine unveiled in 1792 was actually designed and built by a German harpsichord maker, Tobias Schmidt. Nor did Dr Guillotin die on The National Razor; he died in 1814 of a rather less theatrical carbuncle on his shoulder.
And that's all I have to say on Terri Schiavo.