New Zealand v India is boring. C'mon, it is. Really.
For a start the Kiwis have dished up pitches that would challenge the most intrepid Himalayan mountain goat. With the cracks in these pitches Tony Greig would lose his whole car, not just the key.
This 22 yard two-level real estate has meant the side batting first struggles to a target of 200. Then the side batting second nurdles along at around 4 to 5 an over to eventually stumble over the line.
I've always been a fan of the occasional weather affected low scoring game. They're invariably close and make a pleasant change from your standard Richie Benaud approved batsmen's paradise, but every game?!?
I can do without the end for end medium pacers as well. Brett Lee mightn't be the most accurate of bowlers, but at least he ups the tempo with some lively chin-music.
Speaking of music. What's with the rancid caterwauling that fills in the down time between overs and also accompanies the batsman to the wicket? U2, Alien Ant Farm, Prince, Robbie Williams, Pearl Jam? Quick, pass the ricin.
Then we have to put up with the dubious comedy stylings of commentators Ian Smith, Jeremy Coney and Gavin Larsen. And biased?!? Jesus Bloody Johnson! They make the hug-heavy Fairfaxis of Evil seem like a right wing retired assassins club.
Fortunately, in the time-honoured tradition of Porky Pig in his role as smirking sidekick, Comedy Relief, help has been at hand.
Indian commentator Navjot Sudhu is a very entertaining wearer of a turban. He works the same kind of shtick as Kerry O'Keefe, but he's a vegetarian. He was superb last year in Sarth Efrica and he's in fine form again this summer in Enzed.
So if you somehow happen upon the next Kiwi/India festival of the bat, (It's on Foxtel and lives somewhere between Extreme Shopping and Monster Truck Tyre Changing) keep this in mind:
"The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana."