After Grog Blog

HIT IT

OK, time to put an end to this nonsense regarding Cloke Minor and Tyson Edwards' "accidental" head ache.

According to Cloke Major....

"I've watched it 200 or 300 times now...you see his eyes are on the ball the whole time"

Apart from the revelation that his dad's insane, this statement points to a a great footy myth. The one that maintains you can't be intent on hurting someone if you.....

"....happen to be watching the footy."

Aggggh! So fuckin' what!

If a "Look Away Handpass" is a clever bit of play why isn't a "Look Away Belt To The Back Of The Noggin" an equally probable piece of gamesmanship? How unco do we think our players are? These are elite athletes. To suggest that they can't make their arms go one way while their eyes are somewhere else defies belief.

An ex coach of mine, who happened to be a Sandover Medalist, instructed us at length how to swing your arm to belt the head of a marking player so as not to get reported. The key was you didn't look directly at the marker as you swung your arm violently through the general area of the contest. If you had your timing right you smashed the ball and if you missed the ball (or you were a fraction late) you gave your opponent a nice little touch-up. IF, and it was always a big if, you were reported you could always state that the ball was your object and you would get off.

I spent the next ten years bashing full forwards in the side and back of the head and never once got reported. I also always had my eyes fixed firmly on the footy and never once looked at the players head.

Judging by the comment in the Age yesterday...

"The club and Cloke again argued that in following team instructions...."

Mick Malthouse has his players following the same instructions. And you wouldn't expect anything else from a professional coach.

Let's face it, Jason Cloke lined up Tyson Edwards thinking he'd rough him up but fucked up his attempt. No ammount of Eddie McGuire's pathetic, over-emotional hyperbole....

"....football's equivalent of death-row for the last five days...."

or

"....Jason Cloke is everything we hold dear to our hearts in football...."

or

"....the football equivalent of the lash"

on and on, snore, snort, blurg, plllft, whaa....

....should change that. In the end, Cloke got his RIGHT WHACK.

So let's drop this myth about "Eyes on the Footy". It's a great big steaming pile of jack from a footy community who laugh themselves silly every time the fans, press and especially the tribunal buy it.

SAD JUDGE

A judge is sorry he had to Make a Judgement ...

A judge has expressed sadness at having to jail two Indonesian fishermen for smuggling the so-called Tampa asylum seekers to Australia in order to deter other poor fisherman who might be tempted.

Don't like it Your Honour? Get another "So Called" job then!

STICKIN' IT TO THE MANNE

News Flash! Serial offender Robert Manne has once again been observed dangling his flaccid column in public.

Today he's upset with his dissenters.

"Normally I do not reply to critics."

No-one's got that much time.

"I know I have more than my fair share of public opinion space."

Yeah, we'd noticed. At least he has the decency to acknowledge his crimes.

First off he's into Pamela Bone ...

"There is no reason to assume, as Bone does that Islamic women who wear the burka must have been compelled to wear them by men."

C'mon Bob. Don't play the slippery eel. You yourself already mentioned symbolism twice. Bone mentions the burka as "symbolic" of Islamic oppression of women. The fact that some women may wear them voluntarily hardly dismisses the idea that they are barred from participating in many other things women here take for granted.

"How do post-modern secular Westerners, like Bone, know that the lives of the small number of ultra-orthodox Islamic women in the west are so empty and so pitiful that there is really no alternative but to teach such benighted creatures how they ought to live? From where does this cultural self-confidence derive?"

From freedom Bob. Wake up and smell it sometime. It's all around us.

Next he's at John Stone about "racially discriminatory immigration policy".

"As part of an immigration policy, governments can choose either to select migrants on the base of objective criteria (Skills, wealth, language) or, in addition the basis of religion or race. Where they choose the latter course they are involved in what, in contemporary political language is commonly called a "racially discriminatory" policy."

Uh uh Bob. In contemporary Mannesian language more like. The rest of us call it "balanced" policy.

Next it's Andrew Bolt ...

" ... the ideologue who believes that with a smattering of knowledge some of the most complex issues of world history can be resolved."

Now we're getting to it. Robert smart. Andrew dumb.

" ... in general, the history of the Jews under Christianity was more perilous than under Islam."

In case you hadn't noticed Bob. That ain't the case at the moment.

"One of the things that has disturbed me about the growth of Western triumphalist Islamophobia on the right and its feminist counterpart on the left, is the ease with which both camps are beginning to talk about the superiority of Western culture to the culture of Islam."

Back to freedom Bob? At least, for better or for worse, we're allowed to have our own feminists as pets.

" ... One of the genuine grounds for pride in Western societies has been their almost unique capacity to create a shared space in which - within a single law, language and polity - many forms of religious and cultural expression can flourish and live alongside each other, in peace and with respect."

Yep. It sure is nice here in the free world Bob.

" ... In Australia we generally call this capacity multiculturalism. In the growth of post-September 11 Islamophobia, it is precisely such multiculturalism which is coming under increasing threat."

"Multiculturalism" on the way out? What a pity.

UNCREDIBLE

More Teacher stuff at Brain Graze.

I dunno where Bernard gets his info but ...

Antoinette DiLorenzo, who teaches English as a second language to a class of Pakistani migrants ... flub ... blah ... stuff ... DiLorenzo, the key to the believability of this story, was also questioned. She was described by school officials as having a superb and unblemished record in the New York school system. A police source described her as "100 percent credible."

A credible teacher? Incredible!

SHTUM

Since the 1999 election the Victorian ALP has been in one helluva holding pattern. In a classic bout of crossover policy aimed at stealing back Melbourne's eastern suburbs real Premier John Brumby, pretend Premier Steve Bracks and the Minister for Spot Fires, John Thwaites have been doing as much as is humanly possible to do absolutely nothing. The idea, of course, is that they consolidate their voter base at the next election so that they govern in their own right and therefore don't have to worry about converting the Snowy River from a wading pool into babbling brook.

Since any credibility gained in the electorate can dissolve like raw sugar in a soy decaf latte. It doesn't need too many social engineers masquerading as ministers to offer up "ideas" before the voting punters will start to think that they're back to the whacky days of Joan and the gang.

The three amigos have had their work cut out too. The hounds are straining at the leashes.
Mary Delahunty, Mary Delahunty......did I read that twice? was spectacularly unsuccessful as an education minister and now she's the planning minister. The fact that it can take two years for renovation approval, with no guarantee of success at the end is as good a brake on the housing boom as any interest rate hike is. Not to mention mighty frustrating for me...oops, anyone, trying to improve their property.

Rob Hulls has been muzzled. Just before an election it's not the done thing to be hanging out on street corners whispering "Psst, buddy. Wanna score some legal smack?" Nor is it a sound electoral gambit for him to curb crawl StKilda streets mumbling "Hey toots, how much?"

Christine Chromer Campbell wants a look in too. She won't be happy until all children under the age of 12 can identify a brand of paint by the bouquet. "Hmmm, a heady number, full finish, that'd be Berger. Needs another year in the can.

Now we have the Minister for Cheap Stunts Batch Diddums hinting that the new Eastern Freeway extension and Scoresby By-pass may have Tolls. Not till after the election anyway. After a robust chinwag with the Amigos he assured us that was no chance. This, after all, would be the height of hypocrisy after the ruckus they caused over City Link.

Does anyone get the feeling that if they win the next election then it'll be a silly scheme free-for-all?

ON THE COUCHES

This morning at On The Couches junior ALP funster Chris Zahra tried his hand at "Comedy". Pity his target audience isn't old enough to vote.
What a dweeb!

Footnote: It remains to be seen if Barrie would have pulled up Piers Ackerman if he'd referred to "Little Johnnie" Howard rather than Kevin "Pixie" Rudd.

THREE LITTLE BOPS

Like wow. Yeah. Crayzee Baybee.

Peter Gabriel's back in the news and jamming with Thelonius Monkey.

Last year, he worked with great apes ... etc ... blah ... other stuff ... as an aid in their attempt at music improvisation.

Not really my thing maaan. When I listen to cool rockin' beasties, I groove along to this Hep Little Trio.

PIE EYED

Yee Gods! More Evil.....

"And now for the big one next Saturday against Brisbane. Go Pies!"

This blogging lark sure does have a down side. Say it ain't so Slatts!

TOM RUSH

I was looking forward to an evening in front of the telly. Brizroy smearing PAP looked promising. The Prelim is consistently the best game of the year.

Kiss that goodbye! Someone buggered up my night!

Footy's painful enough without the John Wren Memorial Jailbirds back in the Grand Final. Now all I can think of is a week of Eddie-itis.

Oh well. I have a solution. Put this record on the turn-table.

PIE GUY

Ahhhhhh, wither the dawn. All becomes clear.

Balance ... always balance.

Yin & Yang.

Newton's Third Law.

Good & Evil.

THWACK

This time it's rascally Razib over at The Double Helix. C'mon Raz! It's not funny anymore. I'm a teacher and I'm sick of hearing those tired old jibes.

Teaching's a tough gig. Bloody hell man! We're slavishly overworked, criminally underpaid and snobbishly underappreciated.

After all, toiling for three and a half days a week, forty weeks a year at a salary nothing like that of a High Court Judge is grossly unfair.

It's imperative that D Grade school students who didn't have the marks to get into Law are encouraged to further their education.

There's a terrific career path too. Teacher's College, Nightmare High, the trade union movement and finally a sinecure position in the Australian Labour Party. How good's that sound?!?

AND, if that fails you can always grab a gig as a second rate Victorian comedian. I bet you're on the phone right now. You'll enjoy it here. The students don't have guns.

So there! In future please don't laugh at Jay Leno's cheap Embarra-stunts. He just picks the odd bad apple out of a barrel to try and get a laugh out of glazed eye checkout chicks in Cleveland and Detroit.
OK then? Let's leave the topic alone shall we.

PS: I actually know that Gianni Versace designed the Gettysburg Dress, kids wear witch costumes and collect chocolate razor blades on Thanksgiving and that Michael Jordan is the capital of America.

BATH TIME

Well, golly Gee! We're sure are lucky to have retired Aussie Super-Judge Marcus Einstein to protect us. Last weekend he was hard at work rallying the faithful over at Sunday Sunrise....

"While Justice Marcus Einfeld retired from the Federal Court last year, he still occupies much of his time pursuing justice."

Hi Ho Chris! Whatever happened to Truth and The American Way? Oh yeah. That's right. Super-Einie's retired. Getting old. Slow down. Doctor's orders. Pass the Bonox.

Chris Bath: "Mr Ruddock says the committee's been misinformed about the suicide rate inside detention centres. He says it's not 10 times the national average. Who's correct?"

Justice Einfeld: "Well, I'm not an expert on the statistics. Blah ... blah ... xarble ... blumpfen ... gloob ... and anyway, if they're right, I don't bloody well care."

Heard on the News today that he's brandishing the ole Concentration Camp analogy. Of course the PM treated it with the appropriate disdain. Wonder if Eisenstein mentioned the cable telly, kosher cheesy-whatsits and the joy of a cuppa with Bob Ellis.

LINKING

I made things work.

Hey you! Yeah. You there. Yes you! The one looking at this. Look over there. No further. To the right. That's it.

See those people. They're good.

When you've finis ... heeeeey hang on a tick, you haven't finished reading this. Come baaack.

Shit! I must be doing something wrong.

OUCH!

Fellow Ozblogger Tim Blair has the front to insinuate that Victorian teachers are lit-crit-crap-pukey flakes who allow themselves to workshop with Morag Fraser.

Well, I?m here to tell you how wrong he is.

As a Victorian teacher I can attest to the following:

1) At least one, yes one, Victorian teacher doesn?t start screeching at the common-room Telly when John Howard?s on The World At Noon.

2) One Victorian teacher doesn?t think Peter Reith drowns babies after slitting their wrists with a phone card to attract the sharks.

3) One Victorian teacher doesn?t think Virginia Trioli?s call for a soy Latte & goat-cakes with Pyjamas Bin Laden would solve world peace.

4) One Victorian teacher thinks Bob Brown would make more sense if he actually WAS a tree.
5) One Victorian teacher thinks Lantana was boring.

6) Most importantly, one Victorian teacher doesn?t bother reading Morag Fraser.

So there Tim Bloody Journalist Blair! The research of one Victorian teacher paints the picture.

Knock me down with a Sunday Age colour supplement and call me John Pilger, but this Victorian teacher thinks that to be an extremely sound statistical cross section which proves conclusively that the Victorian education establishment is a hot-bed of right-wing fanaticism.

One Victorian teacher hopes his colleagues don't read this.

MOICY ME

Now I'm upset.

I'd better listen to This Record. I will then feel better.

LOCKE OF THE DAY

Will it never end?

Back in ole '96 John Howard gave Paul Keating a very healthy serving of right whack. However, we've since been treated to a litany of bitter clenched-teeth mutterings from the then favoured few. One of whose number this Wind Bag considers himself a salient example.

Robert Locke has some theories on Wind Bag and his ilk. Robert Locke is clever. Wind Bag is not.

LETTER BUG

This just in. Stephen Romei's stuck for a good idea. Today's fandango in the National Biggie has him milking the Letters Pages......

The letters pages of our newspapers suggest Australians are less enthusiastic about September 11 redux than the doona (this is thicker than any blanket) media coverage would have us believe.

Yeah. Sure thing Steve. A bunch of snorers firing off letters to the editor constitute a quantum shift in national opinion.

"Hate to be different." Writes Bananabender Ray Orr to The Oz. "But I can't think of any way the 9/11 has altered my life."

Well, for a start Raymond me old cane toad, you wrote that.

Or this bit of gear from Peter Kartsounis here with me in Mel-Born to The Age ...

"It is typical of self-centred, wealthy societies to insist 3000 or so deaths among their own have forever changed the world, while for millions nothing has really changed. Every day, huge numbers of fellow human beings around the globe die from preventable disease or starvation."

So "3000 or so deaths" isn't a huge number Pete?

And I'm a thinkin' it might just be possible that those self-same "Self-centred, wealthy societies" are the ones coming up with the cures to those diseases. They'd also be a fuck sight more likely to be able to implement them with a little help from the countries that need it most.
Calling Zimbabwe.

And don't get me started on those pinheads who whinge about 9/11 v. 11/9.

Pure filler Steve!

At least if anything, for better or for worse, you started me along the road to blog.

LOOKING

Anyhoo, until I figure out how to drive I'll stick with this white Barina Blog. Expect an upgrade at some stage. Perhaps a Magna.

For instance, I'd like to pop in a few links, but I dunno how.

Oh well, for starters I'll just plonk 'em in here.

1) The first Blog I read. The oppressor Tim Blair. Marvellous Blog that!

2) The man with the 20 pound whacking stick and a very colourful Blog to boot, Chris Textor. He's right. Hugh McKay is a tool.

3) Billablogger extraordinaire Stanley Gudgeon. Can all bunyips write this well?

Good boys. Tick. VG.

WORKING

Well, that seemed to work. Top hole!

Looks like I've entered the Blogosphere. Hope there are no rips in my suit.

Hmmm, guess that�s it. Think I'll just take a look around.

BLOGGING

Blogging. One Two. One Two. One Two. Blog